Is it really all that hard to say what you mean? And if you just cannot bring yourself to say what you mean, to shut up?
I hate passive aggression. So I am completely annoyed to be hit with it twice in one day, one in real life, once in my google reader.
In real life:
(My cubicle is entirely decorated in pictures from video game magazines. It has been so for the entire time I have worked here. My bosses think it's funny and clients, if they ever even see my cubicle, either don't notice or don't care.)Office Manager: What are those?Me: The pictures?Office Manager: Why are they up there?Me: Because I like them.Office Manager: Do you think they are appropriate?Me: Do you want me to take them down?Office Manager: I'm just asking if you think they are appropriate.Me: Well, I did put them up there.Office Manager: This is a law office.Me: They've been up there the entire time I've worked here, and I've never had a complaint.Office Manager: Are those from video games?Me: If you want me to take them down, just let me know.Office Manager: Well, I'm just asking if you think they are appropriate.Me: Apparently, I do.Office Manager: *walks off in a huff*
I have no problem with my boss telling me to remove decorations from my cubicle. It's not my property, I have no right to say how it is decorated. What I have a problem with is this hinting around that the pictures should be removed. Honestly, I think my office manager knows the bosses don't care and won't support her in this, so she's reduced to either (a) passive aggressively getting me to do what she wants, or (b) keeping her mouth shut. Well, she may as well have picked (b), because I'm not taking shit down until I am directly told to.
It's even worse in personal relationships. Just say what you need to say. Or don't. Passive aggression is nonsense, and very damaging to relationships. You do not want to force someone to have to decode the secret meaning behind your every action and phrase. It's borderline abusive. Just say it already. Or swallow it, I don't care. (If you want to see me foam at the mouth, ask me how I feel about The Rules. Not in the comments, you can't see me.)
This is advice on how to break up with a person that is not objectionable in any real way, but just not whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. My advice? Just say it. Yes, that's hurtful. Yes, that person will be, justifiably, angry and hurt. Actions have consequences, deal with it. Or just stay with the "not quite whom you want to with" forever. It's up to you.
Do not do what this guy suggests.
Now, you can scare him off, tell him off, or send him off. A better way exists: Let him conclude you’re not Mrs. Right, so he can walk off with dignity. Whatever he concludes registers better than whatever you say or do. Get your act together and display it proudly as a woman he’s never known. Then watch him run from it.
Just tell him the truth. Seriously, respect him and yourself and tell him the truth. That is ridiculous.
Okay, I'll go back to killing entire forests now. (I'm printing out an enormous file right now. I'm on my second toner cartridge and my 8th ream of paper. Today.)
