Leviticus Is Just Good Science

Over and over again I hear that the Bible must be the inspired word of God because the rules in Leviticus are so scientific and sane, we should all be following them just for our health.

Bullshit.

For example, this is what passes as scientific in this crowd:

the Law states we are not to eat pork. God will not punsih us if we do. BUT do you know that science has backed up God? pigs are the only animal that doesn't sweat, releasing it's toxins. so when you eat pork you are eating toxins! same goes for the catfish that God warned us against eating. they are the trash eaters of the water. why would you want to eat trash?

Sweating is not how you "release toxins". Sweating is how you modulate body temperature and it's not even that efficient a means of doing so. You do have a way of dealing with harmful substances in your body, it's called your liver. Your liver does not make you sweat.

Also, if eating catfish is eating trash, then eating a cow is eating grass, eating grass is eating sunshine and you should be able to live off of nothing but sitting out in the sun for several hours a day.

Continuing on, I guess this person doesn't get any international news, because all the people that were sickened, seriously injured or killed in Germany due to food poisoning? That was e coli. E coli is not found in pigs. Most outbreaks that don't come from people come from cows. When was the last time you heard about a trichinosis outbreak? (That's an actual disease you can get from pigs.) Never, I would imagine. E coli outbreaks, on the other hand, are common.

Let's examine some other sciencey stuff found in Leviticus:

• Don't wear clothes made of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19) You know, because . . . yeah, I got nothing.
• If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be "cut off from their people" (Leviticus 20:18) Scientifically speaking . . . no idea.
• Don't let cattle graze with other kinds of Cattle (Leviticus 19:19) Because . . . well . . . I dunno.

Then there's this wtfuckery:

• "And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he is bald; yet is he clean." 13:40
• "And he that hath his hair fallen off from the part of his head toward his face, he is forehead bald: yet is he clean." 13:41

Well, gee, I'm glad we cleared that up.

Defining "Normal"

That is an actual herpes virus.

I am quite tempted to close comments for this one, but that's a move I hate in other bloggers and I try not to be a hypocrite. So try to be sane if you comment. You don't have to agree with me, but be polite and be prepared to back up your claims with that little thing called science.

I was reading a story about a woman who ended up in a 10 hour standoff with a SWAT team over vaccines, as far as I can tell, but it was the comments to the story that really stood out for me. Over and over again: vaccines aren't necessary. They vaccinate for stupid shit these days like chicken pox. Chicken pox is totally harmless in children and only dangerous in adults, so if you make sure your children get it, they'll be safe.

No. Just fucking no.

The chicken pox virus, herpes varicella, is not killed by the human immune system, it is only suppressed. It hides in the base base of nerves and if the suppression fails for some reason, which it does in 50% of adults over 50, it travels up the nerve to wherever the nerve ends, usually on the skin, causing shingles. (At this point, it's called herpes zoster.)

I have had shingles 4 times, well, 3 maybe 4. Nobody's certain if what was on my labia was a severe allergic reaction or shingles, but it definitely wasn't herpes simplex I or II. Either way, I've had it 3 times on my face. Shingles is, if you are very, very lucky, excruciatingly painful for about 6 weeks. That's if you're lucky. If you're not lucky, you can end up with permanent nerve damage, leading to virtually untreatable pain.

What part of permanent nerve damage, leading to virtually untreatable pain is normal and harmless? What part of that is something you would want for your child?

Even permanent nerve damage, leading to virtually untreatable pain is lucky, in a way. If the virus erupts on the optic or otic nerve, you can end up blind or deaf. My high school clarinet teacher killed herself after an episode of shingles left her permanently deaf. She was a wonderful woman and the world is a lesser place without her in it. She, in her quiet, calm way, made high school bearable for me. She shored up my self esteem and started me on a journey to finding myself beneath all the layers of hiding my childhood created. Oh, and she was a fantastic clarinetist.

My suffering, the suffering of millions of others and her death never have to happen again. Get a chicken pox vaccine, don't get chicken pox, don't get shingles. It's that simple.

I know, I know, mercury and autism and population control and stuff I can't even begin to follow, but ask yourself something: are blown out of proportion, unscientific fears a good reason for my child to suffer? Is Jenny McCarthy really a more trustworthy scientific source than doctors and medical researchers? Hey, it's your choice, but your kids will pay the price.

Insomiacs Unite!

I am an insomniac. I was an insomniac as a child. If I start sleeping 8 hours a night for more than two nights in a row, I call the doctor because something is wrong with me.

Like all insomniacs, I've tried everything. Well, not Ambien. I don't think sleepdriving the wrong way down the highway and then peeing on the median is better than insomnia. But all that other stuff- create a bedtime routine, don't drink caffeine after noon, exercise so many hours before bed, blahblahblah- I've tried it. Didn't do a damn thing.

So, like all insomniacs, I'll read any article I can find on treating insomnia. I have the tiniest little bit of hope that someone somewhere will find something that allows me to sleep. So when I saw Not Sleeping Well? Tactics to Try, I was all "yes! I am not sleeping well. Please, help me!"

Oh, feng shui. If I just put my mirror on the proper wall, all my troubles will be over! Yay! *headdesk*

According to the ancient Chinese system of feng shui, a dream sanctuary is one in which there is a harmonious flow of nourishing and sensual energy. It lures you in while evoking a peaceful-feeling tone of joyous well-being. In a dream sanctuary you feel nurtured, replenished and safe enough to let your guard down all the way, whether for a cat nap, a full-night's sleep or for passion beneath the sheets.

Um, okay. What sort of energy? Magnetism? Electricity? Scientific minds want to know. Oh, unmeasurable energy, you say? I have a lovely, invisible bridge right behind me I'd like to sell you. $5,000, it's a bargain!

• To promote balance, have bedside nightstands (tables) on each side of the bed.

Nightstands will make me sleep? Oh, okay, only if they're symmetrical. That's been my problem all along! I'm cured!

• For a sense of calm and order, keep bedroom doors closed at night as well as the doors to an adjoining bathroom, closets and drawers.

What, and give the boogeyman a place to hide?

• A warm, sensual environment is created by having dim lighting in the bedroom.

And sleeping is promoted by darkness, but whatever.

• Candles are a wonderful source of lighting; however, be sure to buy candles with no toxins.

Candles . . . while I'm sleeping? That seems a bit dangerous.

• If possible use a dimmer switch to adjust the glow accordingly.

A dimmer switch is the solution to my lifelong insomnia? C'mon now.

Use soothing colors to achieve a good feng shui balance in your bedroom. Many feng shui experts suggest that you use "skin colors" to achieve a feeling of peace and calm. (These colors range from pale white to rich chocolate brown ... whichever feels most soothing to you.)

Paint your rooms colours that you like? Well, clearly only ancient Chinese mystics could have come up with that advice. Also, "feng shui expert"? Hi, I'm in expert in imaginary things unprovable by science . . . no, I don't have a PhD in theology, why do you ask?

According to scientist, Boris Stuck, from University Hospital Mannheim in Germany, the quality of air in your bedroom is very important.

Shit. Breathing is important? Who knew?

• For a secure feeling as you sleep make sure your bed has a good mattress, with solid headboard and high quality sheets from natural fibers that feel soft, fuzzy, or silky to your skin.

So, sleeping on a bed of sandpaper might affect my sleep? Good thing the "experts" were there to set me straight.

• For maximum comfort, adjust the temperature in the room (with additional blankets if it tends to be chilly or a fan if it tends to be cool) to make sure the air is just right for you.

No fucking way. That never would have occurred to me! I can adjust the temperature, use blankets or a fan to make myself comfortable? Feng shui, you have saved me!

• To quench your thirst in the middle of the night, make sure to have a glass of water by your bedside.

Wow, I'm so glad . . . this is the author's description:

Doctor Dream, Kelly Sullivan Walden is a certified clinical hypnotherapist, inspirational speaker, and Dream Expert who empowers people to live the life of their dreams. Kelly is the no. 1 Amazon bestselling author of "I Had the Strangest Dream," "The Dreamer's Dictionary for the 21st Century" and "Discover Your Inner Goddess." Kelly appears frequently as a Dream Expert on Fox, ABC, CBS and NBC TV news as well as being a frequent guest on radio nationwide.

"Dream Expert"? Dream expert. D-r-e-a-m e-x-p-e-r-t. I know what those words mean, but they're not helping me in that combination. I really wish I weren't such an honest person. Because if I didn't have a problem with cheating people, I could be a dream expert, too.