A Very Powerful Cartoon- Powerfully Stupid, That Is

Just spit in the nice soldier's face, why doncha, Kevin? Then pee on their graves when you're done with that!

The above is part of an email I was forwarded.

First of all, there are very acceptable reasons not to stand for the Pledge in American schools. Little Kevin there is clearly depicted as a douchebag tween, not standing because he's comfortable with his feet up and fuck America, anyway. Is there any teacher anywhere who would allow a student to sit with his feet up like that? No. I've only come across one exception to reciting the Pledge: religion. Certain religious groups, such as the Jehovah's Witnesses, do not allow standing for the National Anthem or reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. That's the level your refusal has to rise to: deeply held religious beliefs. "I don't feel like it" is not an acceptable reason.

Secondly, yes, okay, that soldier joined the Armed Forces to protect American freedoms.* Including the freedom to not stand and recite the Pledge of Allegiance. So why is it insulting to use the freedom said soldier so valiantly defended? That's the Mobius strip of logic. Really, this cartoon should have a second panel in which the soldier calls the teacher to task for (a) not understanding constitutionally guaranteed freedoms, and (b) using his disability as a shaming device on Kevin.

Anyway, here's the rest of the email, in all it's bold 36 pt sans serif font** glory:

Only 31 words -- Think about it!

I . . . what? I checked the email again. That's what comes directly after the cartoon. I have no idea.

Isn't life strange? I never met one Veteran who enlisted to fight for Socialism!

How many veterans (not capitalized) have you met, anyway? Also, "veteran" refers to any former soldier anywhere, so there are many veterans in countries other than the US who did enlist to fight for socialism. (Yes, there are countries other than ours.)

86% will send this on.

86% of what? I . . . did the intertubes eat half of this email? Were there originally sentences, now tragically missing, that enable one to understand this?

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

Oh, those 31 words. (I pasted it into Word for a word count.)

If Muslims can pray on Madison Avenue, why are Christians banned from praying in public and from erecting religious displays on their holy days?

They're not. Christians pray in public all the damn time, and I swear my neighborhood can be seen from space for two months of the year. What are you talking about?

What happened to our National Day of Prayer? Muslims are allowed to block off Madison Ave., in N.Y.C., and pray in the middle of the street! And, it's a monthly ritual!

I literally have no idea what this person is talking about . . . oh, once a year (so easy to confuse once with twelve times) during the Muslim Day Parade activities. Mind you, I get to New York City every so often and every time I have been there, I have seen a parade. One time, I saw Sean Connery in full Scottish regalia! He was 20' away from me- wearing a kilt! And a shirt covered in lace! And a velvet coat! I swear, he looked right at me.

My point is, parades and such are normal occurrences in NYC, why shouldn't Muslims get one, too? This is America, if you can fill out a permit, you can have a parade. You know, liberty and justice for all? It's part of the 31 words.

Tell me, again, whose country is this? Ours or the Muslims?

That's not an either/or question, and I will again refer you to those 31 words you claim to love so much. Liberty and justice for all. FOR ALL. All includes you and Muslims, atheists and Christians, pagans and Jews, heterosexuals, homosexuals, everyone in between- ALL! What is so hard about ALL?!

I was asked to send this on if I agree, or delete if I don't.

It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God.

Yes, of course, Muslims would be counted in the 86% who believe in god. Also. Too.

Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God! We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Um . . . well, if 86% believe in God, 14% do not. ALL, motherfuckers! Never mind that those are additions from the Cold War era when we were all freaked out about the Russians and their nukes. (Remember that? Good times.)

Also, why the fuck is this aimed at Muslims? This should be aimed at atheists. Muslims believe in god. In fact, Muslims believe in the Abrahamic god of Christianity and Judaism.

I believe it's time we stand up for what we believe!

If you agree, pass this on; if not, delete.

Thank you

Or, you know, option no. 3, post it on your blog and mock me ruthlessly. Hee!

*I'm not saying the USAF have been used to defend freedom lately, but I'll not impugn individual soldiers' honor.

**I despise sans serif fonts. The Empire will have three fonts, all of them replete with serifs. In fact, the official font of Empire notices and mailings will be designed with 30% more serifs than Times New Roman.

Really, You Don't Know. Now Shut Up.

For some reason, fundamentalists feel qualified to give advice in every situation- like if your meddling relative suddenly decided they had every degree on the planet because they read Chicken Soup for the Soul.

This is especially dangerous when such a person decides to give medical advice, and they all do eventually, at least when it comes to depression. Well, they all do, who have not actually experienced depression. People have a bad day and say, "I'm so depressed." Then they get actual, real depression and realize that, in comparison, a bad day is a vacation in Venice, all expenses paid, compared to depression.

I had one bout of depression at 16. That was plenty for me. That was 18 years ago, and I still remember, and fear, the absolute, soul-sucking, self-destroying utter bleakness of depression. It's like someone ripped out your soul, your joy, your capacity for happiness or creation or getting out of bed, and you're left stumbling around with this big, sucking wound that nobody else can see.

Now, imagine feeling that way, imagine feeling like breathing is such an effort, imagine feeling like that will never, ever end and the world will never have color or spring or puppies in it ever again, and someone tells you this:

Recently, I was asked this question: "What are some of God's cure for depression?" Here's my reply:

He allows or removes the following:

-Remove unnecessary luxuries
-Remove idols (Nahum 1:14)
-Allow trials and tribulations to enter for testing and purifying (James 1:2-6)
-Remove His favor/blessing (Deut. 28)
-Strip you of secrets; exposing them to the world (Romans 2:16, 1 Corinthians 14:25)
-Covers your mouth from complaining (Numbers 12)
-Disobedient children bringing you to your knees (Malachi 4:5-6)

As the Lord strips us of uselessness and vanity, we draw closer to a God who desires our obedience and devotion. As we draw nearer to God, depression and sadness fades. It is what our Lord longs for - a revival of hearts dedicated and committed to Him in whole-hearted worship.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

In other words, this gaping wound where your capacity for joy used to be? That's God's doing, because you're not being humble enough. If you were a little more obedient, a little more devoted, this wouldn't be happening. Oh, and he's probably going to make things worse for you. Because God is love.

Or how about this suggestion:

I'm curious how they define mental illness. People have always had emotions, but now if you have a few bad days or bad weeks, you can remember the TV ads you've seen with people who go from watching life from the sidelines to joining in - transformed by anti-depressants. You can go to the doctor, who will accept your self-diagnosis and put you on drugs. You become even less resourceful at pulling yourself out of a slump.

When I'm depressed, I resist the downward spiral by trying to do something physically productive - like cleaning out the refrigerator or closets. It does take some self-discipline to pull oneself out, but it can be done. And believers definitely have an advantage as they have prayer in their medicine chest.

Yes, if you were just a little neater, you wouldn't be depressed. Oh, and pray more.

This is not useful advice for the depressed. This is, in fact, dangerous advice for the depressed. This is, perhaps, useful advice for someone having a bad day. Tai chi has become my personal Xanax*. I find cleaning soothing, as well. Neither one of those things would have worked while I was depressed. You can't cure that kind of thing on your own (though it might lift on its own eventually, I wouldn't suggest trying to wait it out), and it's dangerous to suggest people ought to.

Bad days suck. Depression kills.

Every 100 minutes another teenager will commit suicide.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death among people between the ages of 14 and 25 in the United States.

The following statistics were taken from a recent survey of college and high school students by the CDC:

Twenty-seven percent of high school students said they had "thought seriously" about killing themselves during the past year. Eight percent said they had actually tried to kill themselves.

Ten percent of U.S. college students admitted serious thoughts about suicide. Seven percent had a suicide plan.

More than 30,000 Americans commit suicide each year, and 5,000 of these people are teenagers.

If you are depressed, get help. Call the Suicide Hotline, 1-800-784-2433, call 911, call a doctor. As hard as it is to believe, it can get better, and it will- if you get help. I got help, took the meds for a year, and now I'm just left with a memory. If you know someone who is depressed, or someone tells you they are depressed, encourage them to call a doctor. Do not tell them about the last time you had a bad day and how much better ice cream and half naked Russell Crowe made you feel.

*While I can see immediately what I need to do, trying to get my body to do it requires a great deal of concentration, leaving me unable to think about anything else. It's like a 20 minute vacation from my brain.