A Conversational Guide to the Ladies

I keep hearing a lot about pick up artists* (hereinafter "PUA") and negging. I wasn't exactly certain what negging was, so I looked it up.

It's appalling.

Remember that a neg-hit is a remark, sometimes humorous, used to point out a woman’s flaws.

a) A neg-hit IS used to penetrate a woman’s bitch shield.

b) A neg-hit IS used to bring a woman down off her self-imposed pedestal.

c) A neg-hit is SINCERE. Women can spot phony a mile away.

d) And most importantly, a neg-hit IS used to bring a woman’s self perception more into line with reality.

a) the "bitch shield".

Oh, I know what he's talking about. You know what being a woman is like? Imagine that when you talk to a man, you say "I need a cordless drill" and what he hears is "I'm a stupid woman. Even though I asked you for the drill, you should address all remarks concerning said drill to the man standing next to me, whom I may or may not know."

Imagine that when you talk to a man, you say "Do you know if the bus left yet?" and he hears "I would love to give you a blowjob."

Imagine that when you say nothing at all, a man hears "Please, comment on my body/ask me out/request sexual activity".

Every fucking day, people. Every fucking day.

Now imagine that is what happens to you every day, imagine that you are completely aware that at any moment, a man may abduct you, rape you, drug you, rape you, rape you, rape you and it will be you fault because (pick any two) you made eye contact, you smiled at him, you wore clothes, you have a vagina.

Imagine not having a "bitch shield" if that was your everyday life. I need that shield asshole.

b) self imposed pedestal.

Oh, noez! Ai has self esteemz! I should not. I should be pathetically happy for any scrap of attention any man gives me because he's man, damnit! How dare I not find him to be attractive/desireable/funny/awesome! How dare I not respond to his attentions! I need to be knocked off my pedestal right this instant!

c) sincere?

srsly? Let's be honest here, fellas: if you are insulting me, I don't give a shit whether you really think my breasts could be better or not, you're still insulting me. fuck off. you don't like my breasts? go find someone whose breasts you do like.

i really just can't get over that it's the sincerity of the insults that is supposed to be the issue. that's like being stabbed and then told, "don't worry, I used a Ginsu, that's the good stuff!"

d) a neg-hit IS used to bring a woman’s self perception more into line with reality

Because it's men who determine reality, you see. I am just a woman, I cannot accurately determine my own worth. I need men to tell me what the worth is, and enforce that estimation of worth if my estimation is different.

You think that's just the PUA culture? Ha! Welcome to reality, dude. How do I know you're a dude if you think that? Simple. If you're a woman, you know that your worth is always determined by men. You know that your worth is always in relation to what men can get from you. You know that default human beings are men, the default human experience is male and "he" is a perfectly adequate word to discuss human beings in general.

Because human beings are men.

V.S. Naipul is causing yet another stir by claiming that female writers just aren't as good as male writers. They aren't. Because they write from the female perspective, you see. And even though women are 50% of the population of the Earth, the female perspective is not a universal perspective.

When men write books from the male perspective about men doing man things, it's literature. Even though the male perspective only applies to 50% of the population, their stories are universal and represent the "human" experience, perhaps even the "triumph of the human soul." These books are marketed to everyone everywhere.

When women write books from the female perspective about women doing woman things, it's chick lit. These books will have silly, frilly covers including at least one pink item, cutesy clever titles (writers do NOT pick their books' titles) and will be marketed exclusively to women and the word "human" will not be used at all. You're lucky if they're using "women" instead of "girls".

So as disgusting as I find PUAs, they're not the disease. They're just the hard to ignore symptom of how our culture regards women.

Including me.



*Christopher Walken's finest moment: One can be an artist in anything. Creasy's art is death. But it could use a little more cowbell.

Roissy Is a Rude Mofo

A tweet from Holly Pervocracy (@pervocracy) sent me to Roissy's Dating Market Value test, and I have to say, Roissy is one rude mofo. Seriously fucking rude. So rude I'm reading the test with my head cocked to one side and my eyes narrowed as if perhaps I am simply not seeing it correctly.

The first questions have to do with stereotypes about jobs and cars and such (women only fuck rich guys because we use our vaginas to get stuff, not because we might like sex!), the rudeness really starts at question 22 (keep in mind, points are good, so -1 or 0 answers are bad):

22. The pickup has been going well. Later in the night she leans in and begins making out with you passionately. You feel like a king and your jeans suddenly feel much tighter. Do you:

(A) immediately grope her boob in return.
(B) continue making out with her for as long as she wishes.
(C) kiss for a little bit then push her gently away and look distracted for a second.

If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.

Ahem, I'd negative 1 for "boob groping", too, but only because my boobs are not for "groping". Do not grope. No groping, seriously. There are like 1,000 other things you could do to my boobs that I might enjoy, groping isn't one of them. Also, "in return" implies that she is responsible for your kingly, jean-tightening erection and the boob groping is some sort of reward. People never to have sex with: Roissy!

B) is the wrong answer, too. Keep making out for as long as you want to and she wants to. Making out is a group activity. This answer is caused by the notion that men feel desire and women don't, so men will want to make out until their lips fall off and women are just doing them a favor by making out at all.

C) is . . . weird. Um, "look distracted"? I can't even imagine what I would think was going on there. Is he questioning if he left the burner on? Is he having a stroke? Did he just remember he's married? Any way this pans out, so not hot. Do not ever give me the impression- while making out with me- that I am not tops on your mind. Not at all sexy.

23. You go to a bar. Twenty feet away are a pretty girl, a fat girl, and an average guy talking amongst themselves. The pretty girl briefly eye flirts with you. In reponse, you:

Fat girls, no one loves them. Except literally half the men I know. Seriously, in real life, I know as many men seriously turned off by my size as there are turned on by it. Fuck you, Roissy.

24. Who do you address first?

WHOM! WHOM DO YOU ADDRESS FIRST! "Who" is a subject! "Whom" is an object! The subject of that sentence is "you", therefore "whom" is the object.

25. After getting the whole group engaged in conversation and having a good time, your target blurts out “Hey nice pink shirt! Are you gay?” You:

(A) say “No, I’m not gay!”
(B) ignore her.
(C) say “OK, who brought their little sister to the bar!”

I actually agree with C) being an acceptable approach, but not for the reason Roissy does. Roissy just generally believes that being rude and dismissive to women will get you sex0red (not in my house), but the question in the example is rude, so have at it.

26. In the middle of the conversation you have to pee. You say:

(A) “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
(B) “Excuse me.”
(C) nothing. Just go.

C) is the correct answer in Roissy's book, but if you did that to me, I'd simply ignore you after you got back. You don't have to tell me you're peeing, but "Excuse me" is simple manners. If you don't think I'm worthy of 2 words worth of manners, fuck off.

27. You’ve managed to get her outside your front door. There is obvious sexual tension. You want to close this deal. You say:

(A) “So, um, ah, see you around.”
(B) “Why don’t you come inside?”
(C) “I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go inside and taste DC’s finest tap water. But you can only stay for a minute, I have to get up early.”

C) is the correct answer, and if you tried it on me, you'd get maced. At the least. That is rapist tal- ooooh, got it. Yeah, so the correct way to use this test is to give it to prospective dates and anyone who scores over a 0 is a potential rapist, change your phone number. Useful!

In the interests of full disclosure, I tested my husband and he gets a -2: -9 to 0: Lesser beta. You don’t immediately disgust girls; they just don’t notice you. With much painful effort you can redeem yourself. My husband was quite surprised to learn that "redeem" means "turn yourself into a rapist".

You Are the Fourth Best Commenter I've Ever Had

Meet Swingcat.

How to attract women in a few short wordsby Swingcat. Yeah, you just know that's going to be good advice from a man who respects women as people. A man named Swingcat. Swing cat.

One of the most effective ways I've found for generating massive amounts of attraction in women, emotionally compelling them to want and reach and chase for more of you, is what I call "Tension Loops."

"Tension Loops" sounds like something you might see for sale at a kink convention. Unfortunately, it is not.

A Tension Loop is when you do something to create unresolved emotional tension inside a woman, increase it, release it by bringing closure to it, and then spark it all over again.

Soap opera writers use Tension Loops to keep women enraptured in their fictitious dramas for months - sometimes years!

Oh, my.

Mastering the Tension Loop gives you the kind of power over women that, at first, might scare you. But if you're thinking that this is what I wanted to share with you, you're wrong.

Wait, what?

What I'm about to reveal is Jedi mind shit. We're talking Yoda power! And you don't have to become Darth Vader to reap the benefits of Push-Pull.

Yoda power? Great, now I'm picturing Yoda roofieing women at bars and dragging them back to his . . . whatever he lived in.

Push-Pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you and, then, emotionally pull her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull.

Oh, see, I call that jerking someone around. I also call it something I won't put up with for 10 seconds because I don't play games with assholes.

Here's an example of this I've used probably over a thousand times. At some point while interacting with a woman I might take her hand and praise, "You have the most amazing smile I've seen tonight... It makes me feel so happy inside!"

She'll usually respond with, "Thank you!"

Then I'll count the fingers on my other hand and say, "You know what: actually there were four other girls with really amazing smiles tonight as well. Out of them, you have the
fourth best smile. I'm going to call you number four." And then I'll push away her hand.

More often than not, women demand, "Nooo! I want to be number one!"

I'll usually retort with, "Alright, I'll promote you to number three for being feisty."

Okay, is there anyone who reads this blog who would respond with Pleasepleaseplease make me number one instead of fuck you, you fucking jerk along with a drink to the face for using the word feisty? Anyone who raised your hand, please make an appointment with a therapist right now. This instant. We will wait. You have serious self esteem issues and should not proceed further in anything before you clear that up. Seriously, you are an active danger to yourself. Please do something about that.

You're done? All right then.

Do women find this derisive and mean? Not at all (Note: once in while you'll encounter a psychologically damaged woman who doesn't think this is cute. She is the exception and not the rule. My advice: run Forrest run).

Oh, I see. I only find that not cute because I'm psychologically damaged. Only if you define psychologically damaged as possessing the self esteem at least equal to that of a garden slug. Although the advice to run is sound, because if you've said that to me, you'll want to get out of the way before I return with a heavy object.

Most women find this funny, charming, andplayful. More importantly, it generates attraction: the emotion of wanting and reaching and chasing for more of you.

Funny? No. Although your reaction to what I do to you might be funny, I suppose. Charming? Not by any known definition of that word, although the author does seem to have a rather loose grasp of the English language. Playful? Only in the same way that you might find my foot meeting your groin at a high rate of speed playful.

Push-Pull is the crème de la crème of attraction tools.

Master Push-Pull and you'll leave women no choice but to feel attraction toward you... even if they're repulsed by your physical appearance.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahem. No, not done yet. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. If that is the pinnacle of attraction tools, we have nothing to worry about.

However, my friend, you're in luck because… I've put together acourse where you'll receive a college education on Push-Pull (Heck, even the information page about this course teaches useful skills for triggering attraction in women).

My course is the only place on the planet where you can learn Push-Pull, giving you the power with women only a tiny elite group of men posess..

You know, without the necessary commas, I think the elite group of men are tiny, as well. Actually, that probably goes without saying. Maybe he didn't misplace a comma.

This is one of those situations where my ethics get in the way of my not being poor. I could totally spew shit at least this stupid and make tons of money from desperate and very disturbing men, but I don't want to unleash more of that upon the world.

Damn ethics.