Tuesday, April 19, 2011

You Are the Fourth Best Commenter I've Ever Had

Meet Swingcat.
How to attract women in a few short words
by Swingcat
. Yeah, you just know that's going to be good advice from a man who respects women as people. A man named Swingcat. Swing cat.

One of the most effective ways I've found for generating massive amounts of attraction in women, emotionally compelling them to want and reach and chase for more of you, is what I call "Tension Loops."

"Tension Loops" sounds like something you might see for sale at a kink convention. Unfortunately, it is not.

A Tension Loop is when you do something to create unresolved emotional tension inside a woman, increase it, release it by bringing closure to it, and then spark it all over again.

Soap opera writers use Tension Loops to keep women enraptured in their fictitious dramas for months - sometimes years!

Oh, my.

Mastering the Tension Loop gives you the kind of power over women that, at first, might scare you. But if you're thinking that this is what I wanted to share with you, you're wrong.

Wait, what?

What I'm about to reveal is Jedi mind shit. We're talking Yoda power! And you don't have to become Darth Vader to reap the benefits of Push-Pull.

Yoda power? Great, now I'm picturing Yoda roofieing women at bars and dragging them back to his . . . whatever he lived in.

Push-Pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you and, then, emotionally pull her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull.

Oh, see, I call that jerking someone around. I also call it something I won't put up with for 10 seconds because I don't play games with assholes.

Here's an example of this I've used probably over a thousand times. At some point while interacting with a woman I might take her hand and praise, "You have the most amazing smile I've seen tonight... It makes me feel so happy inside!"

She'll usually respond with, "Thank you!"

Then I'll count the fingers on my other hand and say, "You know what: actually there were four other girls with really amazing smiles tonight as well. Out of them, you have the
fourth best smile. I'm going to call you number four." And then I'll push away her hand.

More often than not, women demand, "Nooo! I want to be number one!"

I'll usually retort with, "Alright, I'll promote you to number three for being feisty."


Okay, is there anyone who reads this blog who would respond with Pleasepleaseplease make me number one instead of fuck you, you fucking jerk along with a drink to the face for using the word feisty? Anyone who raised your hand, please make an appointment with a therapist right now. This instant. We will wait. You have serious self esteem issues and should not proceed further in anything before you clear that up. Seriously, you are an active danger to yourself. Please do something about that.

You're done? All right then.

Do women find this derisive and mean? Not at all (Note: once in while you'll encounter a psychologically damaged woman who doesn't think this is cute. She is the exception and not the rule. My advice: run Forrest run).

Oh, I see. I only find that not cute because I'm psychologically damaged. Only if you define psychologically damaged as possessing the self esteem at least equal to that of a garden slug. Although the advice to run is sound, because if you've said that to me, you'll want to get out of the way before I return with a heavy object.

Most women find this funny, charming, andplayful. More importantly, it generates attraction: the emotion of wanting and reaching and chasing for more of you.

Funny? No. Although your reaction to what I do to you might be funny, I suppose. Charming? Not by any known definition of that word, although the author does seem to have a rather loose grasp of the English language. Playful? Only in the same way that you might find my foot meeting your groin at a high rate of speed playful.

Push-Pull is the crème de la crème of attraction tools.

Master Push-Pull and you'll leave women no choice but to feel attraction toward you... even if they're repulsed by your physical appearance.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahem. No, not done yet. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. If that is the pinnacle of attraction tools, we have nothing to worry about.

However, my friend, you're in luck because… I've put together acourse where you'll receive a college education on Push-Pull (Heck, even the information page about this course teaches useful skills for triggering attraction in women).

My course is the only place on the planet where you can learn Push-Pull, giving you the power with women only a tiny elite group of men posess..

You know, without the necessary commas, I think the elite group of men are tiny, as well. Actually, that probably goes without saying. Maybe he didn't misplace a comma.

This is one of those situations where my ethics get in the way of my not being poor. I could totally spew shit at least this stupid and make tons of money from desperate and very disturbing men, but I don't want to unleash more of that upon the world.

Damn ethics.


14 comments:

  1. Whoo, they really started believing the first premise "women only like assholes" pretty hard and just sent from there, huh?

    I suppose since this is the sort of thing that works only on uncertain 19 year olds, that would be why they advocate that women over the age of 25 have "expired" too. Wouldn't want to get egg on your face by accidentally proving that women aren't a monolith but are in fact people.

    I just.... LOLz.

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  2. He has an E-mail address there at the bottom where we can send in success stories. Would it make me a terrible person if I made up some really ridiculous Penthouse forum-esque success story and send it in just to see how stupid he is?

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  3. OMG! Cute? Not a chance. Charming? No way in hell. Funny? Only because I'm laughing at your utter stupidity.

    I guess I'm damaged psychologically as well, PF. Jeez, gimme a break.

    More often than not, women demand, "Nooo! I want to be number one!"

    This does not make a woman feisty, it makes her desperate.

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  4. I will add your name to the top of my blog if he publishes it!

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  5. More often than not, women demand, "Nooo! I want to be number one!"

    Okay, if you can do this in such a way that you're obviously flirting and if the woman in question gets that you don't believe your own bullshit, either, I can see this working. Of course, at that point the odds are pretty good you're both actors playing a part in a crappy summer rom-com, so, y'know, YMMV.

    But actually going up to someone and doing this straight-faced, right off the bat? At that point the only people who shouldn't see through it would have to be extremely desperate and more than a little drunk.[1] Quite frankly, if you have to use bad internet parlor tricks to get the attention of really desperate, drunk women, then you're pretty much a waste of life.

    Oh, hey, that explains why I can't help but feel utter disdain for the Internet Pick Up Artist community. They are a waste of life...

    [1]There was a point in my life when I would have said that these women don't exist. Then I moved to Dallas. I have met a couple of crazy desperate women here without even really trying. So I suspect that they can be found fairly easily, if you know where to look. I also suspect that you'll never catch me looking in those places.

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  6. "Here's an example of this I've used probably over a thousand times."

    Over a thousand times? Really??? I call BS. I noticed he didn't give a hit/miss ratio on that. It's kinda like throwing up a prayer if you ask me.

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  7. "I will add your name to the top of my blog if he publishes it!"

    Nooooo! I want to be number one!

    I can haz feisty too?

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  8. Commenting as I read through the OP:

    "How to attract women in a few short words"

    If those words aren't "respect them as people"/"treat them as individuals" or something similar, swingcat's not going to convince me...

    "One of the most effective ways I've found for generating massive amounts of attraction in women, emotionally compelling them to want and reach and chase for more of you..."

    Yeah, he's not going to convince me. "Emotionally compelling" people sounds manipulative and borderline abusive.

    "... is what I call "Tension Loops."
    ""Tension Loops" sounds like something you might see for sale at a kink convention. Unfortunately, it is not."

    I've seen them in those self-help/alternative medicine/woo stores. They're bands of a mundane material (usually rubber or plastic) that supposedly suck the tension and muscle fatigue out of you, letting the good energies flow. It's as inane as it sounds.

    "A Tension Loop is when you do something to create unresolved emotional tension inside a woman..."

    Wow. Half a sentence into the explanation and I already want to to kill something.

    "What I'm about to reveal is Jedi mind shit. We're talking Yoda power! And you don't have to become Darth Vader to reap the benefits of Push-Pull."

    Radical nerd speak! This shit is so totally parabolic! We are in the Delta Quadrant now, people! Someone better call Spock, cause SHIT JUST GOT LOGICAL!

    I just had a psychic premonition that "push-pull" is going to mean exactly what I think it's going to mean, isn't it? Asshole senses tingling.

    "Push-Pull is whenever you emotionally push a woman away from you and, then, emotionally pull her back in. Each Push creates an emotional space for each Pull."

    Asshole senses shaking violently.

    "Here's an example of this... [snip] ... I'm going to call you number four." And then I'll push away her hand."

    Asshole senses grabbing me by the throat and screaming hoarsely about how much of an asshole this asshole is. Also: SHE HAS A NAME.

    "I'll usually retort with, "Alright, I'll promote you to number three for being feisty.""

    Asshole senses have suddenly calmed down, and are sitting quietly in a dark, dusty room, staring at a pistol on the wooden desk, the beautific look of innocence on their face lit only by the bright light of dawn streaming through the window...

    "Do women find this derisive and mean? Not at all"
    This has to be satire. This is satire, right?

    "(Note: once in while you'll encounter a psychologically damaged woman who doesn't think this is cute. She is the exception and not the rule. My advice: run Forrest run)."
    Kill. I don't care if it's satire anymore.

    Mind you, I find the use of the word "encounter" amusing. Makes me think "pokemon". Which is probably an accurate representation of the way this person treats women.

    "bluh bluh bluh send me money bluh bluh bluh"
    Oh, so it's a con? Well, at least that indicates he doesn't actually believe his own... oh, the orbital cannon is in range? Yoghurt and timecube installed correctly? Good.

    Fire.

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  9. PF;

    i no longer drink - oxtcotin and/or fentanyl do NOT go with alcohol - but even *I* realize that's an utter WASTE of perfectly good alcohol.

    alcohol you'll NEED to be able to NOT KILL anyone who tries this. and why aren't we killing him? [i KNOW Quasar's reading this comment, going "NO! NO! KILL HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!! i'll even hand-forge you bullets made from menstral blood and old heirloom silver to MAKE SURE HE STAYS DEAD!!!"]

    sadly, killing him in public won't be seen as the public service it is, but rather will result in large amounts of time sitting in a jail, hoping against hope that you won't have to eat meatloaf for dinner AGAIN.


    kicking him should be fine, though - grabbing your hand *IS* assult in every state [i'm pretty sure]

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  10. "[i KNOW Quasar's reading this comment, going "NO! NO! KILL HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!! i'll even hand-forge you bullets made from menstral blood and old heirloom silver to MAKE SURE HE STAYS DEAD!!!"]"

    Okay, that was creepily accurate. How the heck did you do that?!

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  11. *cheerfully* I'm psychotic!

    erm. psychic? psychotic?


    one of those :D

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  12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now I know what I am doing wrong, I need some tension loops, I always though, respect and interesting conversation were good enough....Oh wait they were, I had a number of successful relationships with women who are still friends or at least friendly with me, oh and a wife I've been with for 14 years. I wonder how great my life would have been with a little push-pull action.

    As to the actual saying ridiculous and potentialy offensive stuff as flirting, I have been guilty of that, it can be funny and a great conversation starter as long as you don't come off as a complete asshole. I had it backfire once though and offended someone, I felt like a complete jerk, fortunately we had mutual friends who informed her I just had a wierd sense of humor and things worked out well enough in the end, but any shot at a relationship with her was pretty much history.

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  13. I just read this, and found it reminiscent of Neil Strauss' book 'The Game', which is about pick-up artists and what they do.

    The methodology seems to be a combination of basic psychology and playing the numbers game (act out in front of a lot of women sequentially, look confident, odds are good that one will be interested). So, basically, accepting a high failure rate and just repeating the attempt with many more people. Similarity with Way of the Master style proselytising, anyone?

    Strauss himself acknowledges that most of those involved are very immature, treat women as objects/trophies, and bind their self-esteem up in how many women they can persuade to sleep with them in a given time period.

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