Sexual Tension EXPOSED! Film at 11.

The pearl clutching conservatives (yes, that would be you, Culture Campaign, and no, I'm not linking to your bigoted ass) are losing their minds about something called a sexual tension quiz given to Advanced Placement Psychology students at Dwyer High. (Hint: These students are likely seniors, for on thing, for another, well, you'll see.)

Let's take this shocking sexy sexsexsex quiz and see how twisted those students are going to be. I have not looked at the answers yet, so we'll see just how perverted I am compared to the average high school senior. (Short answer: about as, long answer: in more specific ways)

1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What Am I?

dirty mind says "PENIS"! the answer has to be nose.

2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What Am I?

dirty mind says . . . um, vagina? the answer is peanut butter.

3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What Am I?

dirty mind says . . . a gimp? I'm not sure what that is exactly. PF says "a construction crane"

4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. What Am I?

HAHAHAA! TITANIC!

5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What Am I?

a tent?

6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What Am I?

a dentist?

7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What Am I?

Wedding ring!

8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What Am I?

an elevator.

9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What Am I?

well, blowjobs don't involve actual blowing (surprising, i know), so, this one stumps me.

10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What Am I?

newspaper?

11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What Am I?

a glove.

12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What Am I?

bow and arrow, duh.

13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. What Am I?

I work with a bunch of them, here at the law firm

14. I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have a little pecker. I'm better in your hand than in your bush. What Am I?

Stumped, i dunno.

So, let's see how dirty I am.

1. Nose 2. Peanut Butter 3. Crane 4. Titanic 5. Tent 6. Dentist 7. Wedding Ring 8. Elevator 9. Chewing Gum 10. Newspaper Boy 11. Glove 12. Arrow 13. An attorney 14. Bird

Okay, so I missed chewing gum and bird.

My point is this: none of these questions are actually dirty. What they actually hit on is the fact that because we can't simply say things like "penis", "vagina", "erection", etc., we are forced to use words that have other, nonsexual meanings, like "bush" and "pecker" and "get off". This causes perfectly innocent statements and questions to sound incredibly sexual when they are not.

And the pearl clutchers really aren't helping anything, but, by all means, get bent out of shape about high school students learning something.