Monday, March 14, 2011

Sexual Tension EXPOSED! Film at 11.

The pearl clutching conservatives (yes, that would be you, Culture Campaign, and no, I'm not linking to your bigoted ass) are losing their minds about something called a sexual tension quiz given to Advanced Placement Psychology students at Dwyer High. (Hint: These students are likely seniors, for on thing, for another, well, you'll see.)

Let's take this shocking sexy sexsexsex quiz and see how twisted those students are going to be. I have not looked at the answers yet, so we'll see just how perverted I am compared to the average high school senior. (Short answer: about as, long answer: in more specific ways)

1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What Am I?

dirty mind says "PENIS"! the answer has to be nose.

2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What Am I?

dirty mind says . . . um, vagina? the answer is peanut butter.

3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What Am I?

dirty mind says . . . a gimp? I'm not sure what that is exactly. PF says "a construction crane"

4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. What Am I?


5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What Am I?

a tent?

6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What Am I?

a dentist?

7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What Am I?

Wedding ring!

8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What Am I?

an elevator.

9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What Am I?

well, blowjobs don't involve actual blowing (surprising, i know), so, this one stumps me.

10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What Am I?


11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What Am I?

a glove.

12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What Am I?

bow and arrow, duh.

13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. What Am I?

I work with a bunch of them, here at the law firm

14. I make some guys shoot in the air. I usually have a little pecker. I'm better in your hand than in your bush. What Am I?

Stumped, i dunno.

So, let's see how dirty I am.

1. Nose 2. Peanut Butter 3. Crane 4. Titanic 5. Tent 6. Dentist 7. Wedding Ring 8. Elevator 9. Chewing Gum 10. Newspaper Boy 11. Glove 12. Arrow 13. An attorney 14. Bird

Okay, so I missed chewing gum and bird.

My point is this: none of these questions are actually dirty. What they actually hit on is the fact that because we can't simply say things like "penis", "vagina", "erection", etc., we are forced to use words that have other, nonsexual meanings, like "bush" and "pecker" and "get off". This causes perfectly innocent statements and questions to sound incredibly sexual when they are not.

And the pearl clutchers really aren't helping anything, but, by all means, get bent out of shape about high school students learning something.


  1. I lack words to describe how fuck stupid that little quiz is.

    Seriously. I am shaking my head.

  2. I've been fighting the urge to scream THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

    Seriously, you can use that 20 times a day, easy.

  3. I guess these people have never read The Curious Sofa.

    Or if they did, the point of it sailed riiiight over their collective head.

  4. I got "bird" because of the reference to the "bird in the hand is worth..." proverb. And I got about half of the rest before I read your answer.

    For most of them the "dirty mind" answer makes no sense: it's a semi-random collection of euphemisms.

    I'd also like to say: "sexual tension quiz"? Who the hell thought up that stupid name? Where your mind goes upon reading those questions has bugger all to do with sexual tension and everything to do with how familiar you are with common double-entendres. Complete misnomer.

  5. hey, it made me laugh. i NEEDED to laugh :)

    but - i'd really like to go and rage at the people complaining about that quz - if they think the QUIZ is bad, maybe they should listen to teens at school some time. it's... once a kid gets ahold of a double [or triple] entandre, they don't stop. so i've hear such charming things as "want me to fill your box?" [donation drive] "need a blow?" [had a cold and couldn't find my kleenex] and "lets talk about the first thing that pops up" [skeevy hit-on line. sigh]

    seriously. it HAPPENS, and you know, it's NOT BAD. that's what people DO - they make fun of things that make them uncomfortable, and USians are almost ALL completely unnerved by sex, because we are THAT fucking repressed and ignorant about it. sigh

  6. HA. This has been made into a stupid terrible board game. Trufax. All of the questions are from that same dumb board game.

    It's not even original. Why is this news? Since when does keeping people ignorant about things protect them? I mean, by this logic we should just stop labeling meat "cook thoroughly" or telling young people how to identify spoiled/moldy foods. They'll figure it out after they are old enough to buy their own groceries and a few trips to the hospital right? A few cases of salmonella is a small price to pay for MORALS. Gah. Augh.


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