Red Dead Redemption Is Not the Game of the Year

(I have a wicked paper cut on my left forefinger that required a band aid, so my typing is off. Please ignore all typos.)

There, I said it. I know, I know. Red Dead Redemption is the Mona Lisa of video games, and if you don't get it, it's because you're a soulless philistine who doesn't understand art. In fact, I may have just said that I am impenetrably stupid and don't understand and love video games.

Seriously, that's the hype about Red Dead Redemption in the gaming world. I may as well hire my own firing squad by saying that I don't like the game. I do not like Red Dead Redemption. I tried so hard to like it, though. I paid good money for that game. (Well, I traded stuff in, mostly, but still, money was involved at some point.) I played RDR for a total of 15 hours. Some games only have 10 hours of play in them, but I spent 15 hours just figuring out that I did not like RDR.

Here's the thing. Gamers, at least gamers that play games like RDR, are adults. Most xbox gamers are adults*. And we've all absorbed the stigma that video games are for kids, that video games are the trailer trash (or bogan, for my NZ readers) of entertainment. Movies are the fine wine of entertainment, TV is the cheap beer, and video games are like huffing glue.

Nobody likes to think of themselves as the sort of person who huffs glue instead of engaging in truly worthy pursuits, especially not for 30 or more hours a week**, so gamers end up defending video games as art. I don't bother, because I don't really care what nongamers think of something they've never done, and because I know games are art. You don't see anyone defending Monet's works, do you?

However, most gamers aren't me, hence the hoopla around RDR. "It's art! It's beautiful! It's historical! There's no aliens or BFGs here, this is real Americana!" It's crap. It's boring, draggy, buggy crap. Yes, the scenery is lovely. Yes, the audio is inspiring. Yes, John's facial hair probably consumed some poor programmer's life for months and the results are totally worth it, but it's still crap.

Keep in mind, I love these types of games, where you can roam about at will, interacting with characters and creatures, discovering a beautiful new world. Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion contained dozens of books explaining the world, books on history, magic, mythology, etc. I read them all. They added nothing to the game itself, but I loved each and every one. Fallout 3 had approximately 200 locations to discover, many no more than lonely shacks or holes in the ground. I found each and every one of them. Dragon Age had dozens of characters with interesting stories to tell, completely unrelated to the game. I talked to every character I could entice to conversation, sometimes more than once.

What I'm trying to say is, I love the pointless and obscure in video games. Some person somewhere wrote those books, created those shacks and voiced those characters, and I celebrate their efforts.

I just couldn't celebrate Red Dead Redemption. There was no magic there, no life, no love. I have felt that way about other Rock Star games, as well. I feel, perhaps, that the creators of Oblivion and Fallout and Dragon Age loved their creations beyond reason, while Rock Star just puts out a product. There's no soul. It sells well, but no one at Rock Star thinks to put a melancholy note from a fictional person dying of radiation poisoning after the apocalypse in a shack at the top of a mountain perhaps half a dozen gamers will bother to find.

Or maybe I just don't get it. Maybe the emperor is wearing a fine new set of clothes and I'm just the idiot who can't see them.

*The kinect may change this, but for right now, the Wii is for casual and child gamers, and the xbox is for hardcore and adult gamers. (Playstation is for propping up the economy of Japan.) Someone will bring up Viva Pinata, but anyone who actually played that game knows that it takes more tactical skills than invading Russia.

**Not having kids is awesome!

A Brief Interlude

So, I've gotten 11 hours of sleep in the last three days, 3 of it last night, and I've reached the point where every time I blink, I feel like I've lost half an hour, and it's making me sick to my stomach. Anyway, while I try to regain my sense of reality, enjoy the reason I don't even try to play games on xbox live. ("Oh, fantastic, the driving stage. Well, I'll be spending the next 15 hours crashing into every possible obstacle, and a few the game designers themselves don't know about.")

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Real Life Achievements

Better than Levitation and Teleportation?

natal, xbox, inventions
I thought this was hilarious.

(For those of you don't game, Natal, pronounced nah-tahl, is the upcoming controller free game controller. Instead of holding a controller and pressing buttons to play a game, you will use your own body to play.)

From IGN:

Microsoft's upcoming Project Natal motion control system has been named to Time Magazine's list of the 50 Best Inventions of 2009, beating out such strong competitors as the AIDS vaccine and teleportation to come in at a respectable No. 5.

Natal also beat out tweeting by thinking, levitation, and the Eyeborg.

I'm a huge gamer, but I don't care how fun Natal is, I don't think it beats the AIDS vaccine, teleportation or levitation. Seriously, levitation.

Dragon Age Origins

Best. Video. Game. Ever.

So, I'm sitting here playing a lot of Dragon Age Origins, and yeah. There's so much to say here.

Graphics:

It's beautiful. Endlessly beautiful. Every place you go is beautiful. The ugly places are beautiful. My only complaint is that all children look exactly alike- waifish, 10-year-old British boys every one. It's a little odd.

Sound: The voice acting is superb. Every character is unique, every conversation is natural and no offhand comment is wasted. In fact, at one point, you'll have a party of about 9 people, though you can only take 3 with you out of Party Camp. Try to put together opposing personalities, because the background conversations that result as you wander around are hilarious.

The music is gorgeous, as well, and not overbearing.

Play: Could go on forever if you took all the side quests. I recommend saving often, because the fighting takes a while to get used to. I also recommend playing as a mage your first time through. I am not, my friend is, and he is having a far easier time than me. Technically, Dragon Age has a turn based combat system, but not really. You fight in real time, enemies react in real time. Because you are always in a group of 4, you fight swarms of enemies at a time, and it can be challenging to say the least. The AI is smart, and vicious, and I highly recommend reading the manual, which leads us to . . .

Tactics: the coolest feature of the game. You can set your group members to perform certain actions in battle based on simple [if . . . then] statements. If ally's health is less than 50%, heal ally. If enemy's health is less than 25%, perform Finishing Blow. (The AI does preset your allies for you, but you will want to tinker as you find the flaws in their fighting.) This will come in more handy than you realize. You don't have to play all the time as your created character, btw. You can be any member in your party. In fact, if your created character dies in battle, you will automatically switch to a surviving party member. I recommend familiarizing yourself with each ally's fighting moves for when this happens.

Hyperrealism: Ferelden suffers from racial tensions and misogyny, about on the level with, say, stereotypical Alabama. I'm playing as a female Dalish elf. When people meet me, they can't decide whether to question whether or not Grey Wardens even come in female, or ask why, as an elf, I'm not currently serving my slave owner.

Summary: Got $60? Buy this game. Now.

There Was Great Rejoicing

Got my xbox back.

Another Day in Paradise

My xbox broke. I turned it on and got the dreaded "red ring of death".

This is my fourth xbox since the original I bought when it launched. The only good thing I can say about this is Microsoft does replace them, every one, free of charge. I don't even pay shipping to send the broken one back.

However, 3 weeks without an xbox does not a happy PF make.

The Future is Now

molyneux, milo, natal, gaming, microsoft, xbox
If you're not a big gamer, you probably missed Microsoft's unveiling of Natal and Milo yesterday at E3.

You missed the future.

I have said for years that the first people to make working AI would be video game developers, and it appears that I am right.

Natal is completely controller-free gaming. Essentially, (and this is a very basic description) the new "controller" is a body mapping system that allows the xbox to translate body motions as small as 2 millimeters into game play. So, instead of using the buttons on a controller to make the character walk, you simply move your legs in a walking motion, and your character walks forward. Want to duck a bullet? Jerk your body in a ducking motion, and your character plays along. No more dying because you pressed A instead of X. Gaming will be intuitive and immersive, and as a gamer, I can't wait.

Milo is even more amazing. The brainchild of developer Peter Molyneux, Milo is interactive AI that can converse like a human, read facial expressions and interact with real life motions and objects, like a drawing. (Seriously, the thing reads facial expressions.)

The implications for gaming are obvious. The real life implications are even more amazing. Think about physical therapy. If you've ever done it, you know physical therapy is hard, painful and boring. It's also difficult, because you have to do the motions exactly right in order to get the benefits and avoid further injury.

Now imagine physical therapy with Natal and Milo. Instead of walking pointlessly on a treadmill, you're adventuring through a forest. And, if you move your legs incorrectly, your virtual friend can correct you instantly, even show you how to move correctly. Milo could also identify from your facial expressions your level of pain and adjust the therapy accordingly, or instruct you to stop and be evaluated by a professional before proceeding.

Imagine the new training for an undercover police officer. Milo can read facial expressions. So, in the safety of a virtual undercover world, a police officer can learn how to act appropriately without risk.

Imagine learning how to lay flooring or fix your vacuum cleaner, without the expensive real life learning curve that wastes materials.

The future is now, my friends, and it's courtesy of the gaming world.