LEGISLATIVE BRANCH………………………….$1,283,000,000. (23%)
Notes: The Government Printing Office is abolished.
Sweet, he's getting rid of his own job! Oh, no, he's not. He's getting rid of our national library. Who needed information, anyway?
JUDICIAL BRANCH………………………………..$2,434,000,000. (32%)
Fuck it, who needs judges anyway? Laws are so 2010.
AGRICULTURE……………………………………..$42,542,000,000. (30%)
The Agriculture Research Service, National Institute of Food and Agriculture, Resources Conservation Service, and Foreign Agricultural Service are abolished. The Forest Service gets a $1.2 billion haircut.
We really could make a lot of cuts in agriculture. For example, when my BIL worked at Johnson & Johnson headquarters, they allowed sheep to graze on the front lawn every so often so they could get tax cuts meant for actual sheep herders. We could definitely get rid of that sort of thing. That's not what Rand Paul is talking about, is he?
Agriculture Research Service, and the National Institute of Food and Agriculture- two of America's premier scientific organization, doing research on diabetes and diseases the destroy crops. Who needs that? You don't eat things, do you? Fuck it, you've never heard of it, it must not do anything useful to you.
COMMERCE……………………………………………$5,322,000,000. (54%)
National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) is cut by $857,000,000.
National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration- Did you check the weather today to see if you should carry an umbrella or a snow shovel? In the future, you can guess about that. It'll be fun.
EDUCATION…………………………………………..$78,000,000,000 (83%)
Only the Pell grant program survives.
Education? Who the fuck needs that?
ENERGY……………………………………………………$44,200,000,000 (100%)
The Defense Department takes over all of Energy’s remaining functions (nuclear waste, for example) and about $18 billion of its budget.
Yeah, you know what I'm not messing with? Nuclear waste. Let's not induce confusion in the process of dealing with nuclear waste.
HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES…………..$26,510,000,000. (26%)
Notes: FDA is cut by $230,000,000; Indian Health Service is cut by $650 million; CDC is cut by $1.17 billion; NIH by $5.8 billion.
What have the FDA, the CDC or the NIH done for you lately? Seriously, they're just a waste. I like eating a mixture of pig feet and mercury when I think I'm eating tofu. It adds a little excitement to my day. And plagues? Plagues are fucking awesome! I'm sure we'll all enjoy the PigFluAIDSEbola outbreak of 2013. When 90% of humanity dies, there's more for the rest of us!
HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT….$53,100,000,000. (100%)
Notes: Completely eliminated. Veterans’ housing programs are transferred to the VA
Cuz who needs housing? If those poor people don't like being homeless, they should go live in their bootstraps.
JUSTICE…………………………………………………….$9,057,000,000. (28%)
Note: Office of Justice Programs is abolished.
Rand Paul likes the judiciary so much, he cut it twice!
TRANSPORTATION……………………………………..$42,810,000,000. (49%)
Notes: Amtrak is completely de-funded.
I'm guessing that Amtrak is not 49% of the DOT budget, and considering the state of our roads and bridges, this really concerns me. Unlike Rand Paul, I do not think plunging from a suddenly collapsing bridge would be fun.
CORPS OF ENGINEERS.……………………………….$1,854,000,000. (27%)
Ah, the US Army Corps of Engineers. They're only responsible for investigating, developing and maintaining the nation's water and related environmental resources. You don't need water, do you?
Let's see what (else) Rand Paul wants to abolish entirely:
Affordable Housing Program. God, those poor people and their incessant whinging about housing! fuck them!
Consumer Product Safety Commission. Caveat emptor, bitches! CAVEAT EMPTOR!
National Endowment for the Arts. Art, who the fuck needs that while your children are dying in unsafe cribs and you're bleeding from every orifice from the PigFluAIDSEbola plague?
These people, they scare me.
