Thursday, March 10, 2011

When You Get PigFluAIDSEbola, Visit Rand Paul's House

Here's Rand Paul's plan to save 500 billion dollars. You'll love it, right up until you die of PigFluAIDSEbola. (Alternatively, I suppose it's possible Rand Paul is actively seeking to bring about the Zombie Apocalypse- fast zombie version- in which case, bravo!)

LEGISLATIVE BRANCH………………………….$1,283,000,000. (23%)
Notes: The Government Printing Office is abolished.

Sweet, he's getting rid of his own job! Oh, no, he's not. He's getting rid of our national library. Who needed information, anyway?

JUDICIAL BRANCH………………………………..$2,434,000,000. (32%)

Fuck it, who needs judges anyway? Laws are so 2010.

AGRICULTURE……………………………………..$42,542,000,000. (30%)
The Agriculture Research Service, National Institute of Food and Agriculture, Resources Conservation Service, and Foreign Agricultural Service are abolished. The Forest Service gets a $1.2 billion haircut.

We really could make a lot of cuts in agriculture. For example, when my BIL worked at Johnson & Johnson headquarters, they allowed sheep to graze on the front lawn every so often so they could get tax cuts meant for actual sheep herders. We could definitely get rid of that sort of thing. That's not what Rand Paul is talking about, is he?

Agriculture Research Service, and the National Institute of Food and Agriculture- two of America's premier scientific organization, doing research on diabetes and diseases the destroy crops. Who needs that? You don't eat things, do you? Fuck it, you've never heard of it, it must not do anything useful to you.

COMMERCE……………………………………………$5,322,000,000. (54%)
National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) is cut by $857,000,000.

National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration- Did you check the weather today to see if you should carry an umbrella or a snow shovel? In the future, you can guess about that. It'll be fun.

EDUCATION…………………………………………..$78,000,000,000 (83%)
Only the Pell grant program survives.

Education? Who the fuck needs that?

ENERGY……………………………………………………$44,200,000,000 (100%)
The Defense Department takes over all of Energy’s remaining functions (nuclear waste, for example) and about $18 billion of its budget.

Yeah, you know what I'm not messing with? Nuclear waste. Let's not induce confusion in the process of dealing with nuclear waste.

HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES…………..$26,510,000,000. (26%)
Notes: FDA is cut by $230,000,000; Indian Health Service is cut by $650 million; CDC is cut by $1.17 billion; NIH by $5.8 billion.

What have the FDA, the CDC or the NIH done for you lately? Seriously, they're just a waste. I like eating a mixture of pig feet and mercury when I think I'm eating tofu. It adds a little excitement to my day. And plagues? Plagues are fucking awesome! I'm sure we'll all enjoy the PigFluAIDSEbola outbreak of 2013. When 90% of humanity dies, there's more for the rest of us!

HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT….$53,100,000,000. (100%)
Notes: Completely eliminated. Veterans’ housing programs are transferred to the VA

Cuz who needs housing? If those poor people don't like being homeless, they should go live in their bootstraps.

JUSTICE…………………………………………………….$9,057,000,000. (28%)
Note: Office of Justice Programs is abolished.

Rand Paul likes the judiciary so much, he cut it twice!

TRANSPORTATION……………………………………..$42,810,000,000. (49%)
Notes: Amtrak is completely de-funded.

I'm guessing that Amtrak is not 49% of the DOT budget, and considering the state of our roads and bridges, this really concerns me. Unlike Rand Paul, I do not think plunging from a suddenly collapsing bridge would be fun.

CORPS OF ENGINEERS.……………………………….$1,854,000,000. (27%)

Ah, the US Army Corps of Engineers. They're only responsible for investigating, developing and maintaining the nation's water and related environmental resources. You don't need water, do you?

Let's see what (else) Rand Paul wants to abolish entirely:

Affordable Housing Program. God, those poor people and their incessant whinging about housing! fuck them!

Consumer Product Safety Commission. Caveat emptor, bitches! CAVEAT EMPTOR!

National Endowment for the Arts. Art, who the fuck needs that while your children are dying in unsafe cribs and you're bleeding from every orifice from the PigFluAIDSEbola plague?

These people, they scare me.


  1. Privilege. That is whole philosophy of Ayn Rand and her followers. It is just divine right of kings, replacing divine with money and kings with wealthy.

  2. Take a hint from him: he's asking for all of that and you know what's sick? He might get something because Obama's budget already had deplorable cuts (and that was his position from which to negotiate... so we're screwed).

  3. I should start giving out maps for where to meet me after the Zombie Apocalypse.

  4. But.... I don't want drug companies to start doing all of our health research.

  5. If you want notes on the ZA, you should really read Mira Grant's novel Feed. I suspect its sequal Deadline (out in June or so) should have some good notes we can take, too. (Blackout, the final in the trilogy, will probably have good info, too. I fully expect them to be textbooks once the ZA hits.)

  6. these people are already so incredibly wealthy, would they even NOTICE paying another 3% in taxes? i mean, seriously, when you own so many houses you don't actually know how many you own, and you're STILL not one of THE most rich people in the country, that HAS GOT to make you think!
    doesn't it?

    what about enlightened self interest? if the rich want to continue to have their wealth be WORTH what it is today, it needs to rest on a sound socio-economic base. which means a STRONG middle class, able, willing and EDUCATED enough to work for the rich; it means a "lower class" that may not have 3 TVs in their 4-bedroom houses, but have stable jobs with decent health care and are ABLE, physically and mentally, to do the work that the middle class won't do.

    [people keep bitching about "immigrants stealing OUR jobs" - yep, they're stealing all those ULTRA-desirable jobs as maids and groundskeepers and migrant ag labor and fast-food - no, wait, you can't do fast food service without at least a work visa, unlike the other jobs. but STILL - the REASON all these "illegal" immigrants can come and find work is that it's work WE WON'T DO.]

    what about just sheer non-stupidity? slashing budgets for things that IMPROVE the economy and/or PREVENT DAMAGE to the economy [and thus the pocketbooks of the wealthy] is just INSANE - so lets go ahead and cut education [cuz who needs skilled workers or researchers?!] and cut spending for weather services [so we can't prepare for blizzards, hurricans, flooding, and other things that impact the bottom line] ag research and development [so we can't research better methods, ways to prevent pests and plagues, etc] the FDA and other consumer protection agencies [who DOESN'T love the taste of salmonella? who DOESN'T want to get a side of estrogen in their SSRIs, or SSRIs in their viagra?]

    these are things that affect the wealthy AS MUCH as they affect everyone else; even if they send THEIR kids to private schools, they're STILL going to end up with workers who can't run the machinery, because they can't read the instructions.


  7. i just don't fucking get it.
    the PROBLEM with the economy, and state budgets, rest on VERY specific actions.
    A) for YEARS, Wall Street's been running this huge fucking scam, and it directly affected everyone who invested - including governments - both federal and state governments invest [not to mention i)having to cover bank losses, and ii)having to bail out business and banks that "are too big to fail". i don't know if they really ARE too big for us to LET them fail, but...]
    B) Ronnie Regan and his de-fucking-regulation LET THEM pull this shit.
    C) every time we've had a fucking Republican as POTUS, or had a Republican majority in Congress, they've lowered taxes on the RICH. and corporations. and SOMETIMES, to a smaller extent, on the non-rich. EVERY. TIME. the ONLY time those cuts weren't in place, since Regan, was the first part of Clinton's presidency - and then the Reps took back over and reinstated them. they're there NOW, because before they "expired", the Reps took Congress back over, and "extended" them again.
    D) we're in TWO FUCKING WARS. the 1st was ALMOST justifiable. almost. Afghanistan, even most of the rest of the world thought it was "ok". Iraq? we never have, and never WILL, be able to justify that shit. and in the meantime, we're spending more each year on these WARS than EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE PUT TOGETHER. compared to our military budget when we're NOT in a war, education and the FDA and agri stuff and foreign aid are PEANUTS. when we've got TWO wars? they're sunflowerseeds. no, something even SMALLER that i can't think of.

    sadly, we CAN'T just stop either of these wars. the second we do, right now, both countries will explode. we fucked it up [worse than it was] and we have an obligation to FIX it. which, by the way, i'm pretty sure we COULD do, and cheaper, if the fucking "war hawks" would grow the fuck up and be willing to "win" by other means!!!

    but no - now we're "broke", and the people who MADE us broke are being touted and congradulated and given bonuses that are worth more than my LIFE, and the people being punished - the people being told that THEY have to pay for all these mistakes and budget shortfalls and BULLSHIT, are the VERY FUCKING PEOPLE WHO WERE SCREWED OVER TO BEGIN WITH BY THESE ASSHOLES.


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