Love, Sex and Valentine's Day

hymen, virginity, valentines, romance, love, marriage
Valentine's Day pisses me off. Everything about it pisses me off. Diamonds piss me off. Teddy bears for grown women piss me off. "Oh, no, I don't have a date for Valentine's Day, I will die alone, a pathetic, shriveled cat lady" really pisses me off.

*conversational whiplash alert*

I've done some posts on the idiots who think that the greatest thing a woman brings to a marriage is her virginity, and her most valuable contribution to the marriage is giving her husband sex whenever he wants it, no matter what she wants. Here and here.

So, let's talk about romance and love and what committed relationships really need.

I have nerve and joint damage, some of it severe. I have to be very careful about not "overdoing it", which usually translates to not walking for more than 1 hour in a day, not trying climb more than one flight of stairs in 5 minutes, not sitting in one position for more than 20 minutes at a time, taking breaks while blow drying my hair, not lifting more than 10 lbs . . . yeah, my life does feel like one giant restriction sometimes. For the most part, the price I pay for overdoing it is enough to inspire me not to.

What does this have to do with Valentine's Day and romance and love? Well, my hubby has really severe allergies. (I don't mean he sneezes or gets stuffed up- I mean it affects his sleeping cycle in a major way, which sets off a host of other problems.) One of the best things you can do for someone with allergies is remove all carpeting and put down some sort of hard flooring. (Carpets trap allergens in the carpet itself and underneath the carpet where you can't clean.)

So there I was this weekend helping my hubby completely redo his studio (aka the basement). Not something I should have been doing, but he's got balance problems and can't get on a ladder, so that was me doing all the upper portions of the painting- on a 400 sq ft room (that is a LOT of wall space, trust me.) Before that, I spent 5 hours in a car to and from ikea to buy a coffee table, rug and lamp. For $82.

Today, I am unable to raise my arms over my shoulders. I'm walking with a limp. For some reason I can't imagine, I can't really feel my tongue. And tonight, I will lay laminate flooring.

Not to brag or anything, but really, isn't that better than teddy bears or hymens?

It Is Officially Misogyny Monday

The Artificial Virginity Hymen just went on sale. Yeah, you heard me. It's an articifical hymen made out of albumin, medical use inflation element and water-soluble base medicinal preparation, so, uh, egg whites and . . . stuff.

Look, this is so disturbing, I don't know what to say. Trust me, women aren't doing this for themselves. I don't know a single woman whose first time wasn't painful and/or scary and/or icky and/or outright humiliating. Sex is not something most people just know how to do well. Badly, anyone can manage. This is why women are way more into sex at 36 than at 16. By 36, you know exactly what you want and need, and exactly how to get it. (Or you should. If you don't, we should talk.)

Suffice it to say, I would not want to repeat my first time.

A few more facts people may not be aware of:

1. The hymen is not in the vagina. It is attached to the vulva, the outer portion of the genitalia.
2. Most girls are born with the hymen mostly open. Some girls are born with it completely gone.
3. Most girls' hymens are gone by 13, due to bike-riding, other sports, tampon insertion, etc.
4. Most women do not bleed the first time from hymen breakage, they bleed from tearing in the vulva and vagina caused by lack of lubrication. Since most young women don't have lubrication problems (though allergy medications are a common cause), this is caused most frequently by fear and lack of foreplay.

What is it about virgins that turn men on? Hell, the men I've asked don't get it. As my dearest friend said, "What the hell do I want with a women who doesn't know how to fuck? I don't have that kind of time!"