You know what I've never thought, not even once in my life? I wish my labia were pinker. I have never, ever thought that.
Apparently someone has, because there is a product you can buy called My New Button to make your labia one of 4 delightful shades of pink. (It also works on nipples and penises. No, I have no fucking idea.)
These are the testimonials concerning this product:
After having my children I noticed things didn’t look quite the same down there esp. the color! No one told me that could happen. I am pretty young and was shocked when I found out from my doctor that this is a typical thing that can happen. I am so happy to have this product. It works great, and it is easy to use. It makes me feel better about myself. Thank you!
-Jennifer W. 34 years old
Seriously, Jennifer? You were surprised that shoving 8 lbs through your vagina might change the way it looks? Uh-huh.
Finally! I have been living with the embarrassment of color loss for years now. As an older- single (divorced) woman I feel a little more confident with the lights on!
-Linda M. 61 years old
"Living with the embarrassment"? Who is seeing your vagina, Linda? Your doctor, who's seen everything and the man lucky enough to have sex with you, who probably doesn't know a damn thing about labial color loss. Even if he does, his only thought upon seeing anyone's vagina should be "yay!"
I just don't buy that these testimonials are real. I think (just stick with me here) that somebody's trying to create a problem so they can sell me a solution. Honestly, after reading about this stuff, I went into the bathroom at work just so I could see what color my labia are. Then I called Teh Hubby, and after he got done sputtering "WHA?!", he demanded a link, which led to a 5 minute conversation of the name. I mean "button"? Wouldn't that be my clitoris? Technically, I guess that could refer to my G-spot, but you can't really see that . . . I dunno.
Anyway, I refuse to entertain the notion that my genitals are the incorrect color. Ever.
