A Whole New View of the Virgin Mary

I don't know about you . . .

Hundreds have seen the Virgin Mary in the sun.

Yes, I know, people see the Virgin Mary in everything from toast to trees, but this is different. For one thing, people can go blind looking for her. For another, this is the first time the Virgin Mary has shown us her vagina. Seriously, look at that picture. If that isn't a vagina, I don't know vaginas.

You go, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, show us the vagina from whence the Messiah the pushed. Awaken a new era of vagina positivity. Make bodily shame a thing of the past!

Here's a new Hail Mary for a new, letting it all hang out Mary:

Hail Mary, full of sex positivity.
Show us your vagina.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed are the labia which have touched the Messiah,
Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for our pap smears,

and work towards free health care for all.
Amen.

I Always Forget I'm Just a Vagina on Legs, Like All the Other Vaginas on Legs

This latest from Salon's "We're liberal, but not in that way ladies" department infuriated me. I was left sputtering with a rage so profound, I couldn't even figure out exactly what was setting me off.

Not a day goes by when we don't hear about the incredible accomplishments of today's kick-butt young women. They outnumber men in college and they are out-earning their male peers when they first enter the work world -- to such a degree that many consider it evidence of a "boy crisis." But the authors of a new book, "Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate and Think About Marrying," say all this success has come at a great cost to women's sexual bargaining power. When it comes to relationships, they say men are calling all the shots -- which means less commitment and more sex.

Because women want wedding rings and men want a place to stick their dicks, hurhur! And it's all your fault, girls, for insisting upon educations and job opportunity. If you'd just stay in the kitchen where you belong, you'd . . . actually, even this article admits that college-educated women are the most likely to get married and stay married, but why let facts get in the way of slut shaming?

I measure the price of sex in a couple of different ways. I didn't write this theory personally, but social psychologists claim that men's sex has no value per se. In the world of prostitution you never see women paying men for sex. Men pay women for sex, men will pay men for sex, but women don't pay men for sex. You get a sense that she has something of value that he wants.

Any discussion of this sort of thing without acknowledging the patriarchy we live, as well as gender roles and the perceived duality of female desire (the whole Madonna/whore thing), as well as the inherent fear of female desire in our society is just missing the point. Or misogyny.

Beyond that, it's absurd to state that men pay prostitutes for sex because they can't get sex any other way. Seriously, Charlie Sheen hired a hooker because Charlie Sheen can't get laid? Really? I'm just not buying that. Some men might pay for sex because they can't get it for free, but the real appeal of bought sex is that you get exactly what you want, when you want it, and then you leave.

Anyway, I can't possibly review everything that is wrong with this article, because there's just so much and I'm only one vagina with legs, so let's cut to the money shot:

That's a terrible environment to try to get men to commit. The women wind up competing with each other -- not necessarily to marry because they're not interested in marriage at that point -- but they compete with each other to attract men. How do you compete with other women to attract men? Well, sex is the way to get his attention. It's the opposite of a cartel effect where women would say, "All right, we need to band together and artificially restrict the price of sex and get it high, even if we don't want to, in order to extract things from men." It used to be women would shame each other for selling low.

. . .

I think it's a bad idea for women collectively to compete with each other for men and to just sort of say I'll do whatever it takes to be in a relationship with men. Women need to somehow reacquire control over the direction of relationships. They feel like they don't have control. They feel like he calls the shots. That is most unfortunate. Part of that, I think, involves -- and this is what some women don't want to hear -- the artificial restriction of sex until later in the relationship. You might not feel like doing that but it's for a greater future goal. Men who have sex early in a relationship feel little impulse to make strong commitments. Women desperately want that to not be true, but it is. Men and women make relationship commitments very differently. It doesn't sound modern and it doesn't sound natural, but I don't care what it sounds like, I'm telling you how things work. Giving it away early gives a great deal of power to him.

Because men don't care about women, just about the vaginas we're attached to. And if he can't get access to my vagina as quickly as he can get access to another vagina, he'll go find that other vagina. The fact that he might like me as a person, might find me interesting, nice, funny, smart and great to hang out with is irrelevant as long as that other vagina is easy to access.

Never forget, ladies, that we're interchangeable. Men have no interest in anything going on above our waists, other than the boobies!- so you're just like any other vagina out there. And if you allow access to your vagina easily, you're ruining it for every other vagina-carrier out there. Which is so rude! We need to form vagina cartels! (He actually says this, btw.)

So, Um, How Expected Is That, Anyway?

Moving away from atheism and politics and towards my vagina, I have a question: just how expected is a nearly bare genital area these days?

Concurrent with my kidney infection, I had a severe allergic reaction* to the wipes provided with urine sample kits (stay the fuck away from castile soap wipes, is my advice. really far away.), and by "severe" I mean "there was blistering and my external genitalia swelled to the point where the skin tore apart in places from said swelling." If you are ever offered a choice between a kidney infection and a severe allergic reaction on your genitals, take the kidney infection. It's less painful and it clears up quicker.

Anyway, during the followup visit to the followup visit, my gynecologist told me that I need to let my pubic hair grow out in order to protect my "external structures" because "that's what pubic hair is for."

So, in the unlikely event I ever have to date again (I sincerely hope not, mostly because I have always hated dating), and given that I can't very well do it in the 70s, how expected is barely there pubic hair? Do people really freak out as much as they did about Sasha Grey's "full bush"? I mean, do people really look at pubic hair and think "disgusting!" in real life?

"Yea she had a sicko BUSH"

"Entourage was wild. So was Sasha Grey's bush"

and "did anyone else think that was disgusting. ITS 2010!" **

More than that, how much policing of my body do I really need to take? Used to be, shaving one's bikini zone was quite enough. (And rigidly enforced in the locker room in high school, let me tell you.) Now I have to get all crazy about a body part nobody sees, and, in fact, a body part I can't see without a mirror. Should I carry around a doctor's note or just pretend I'm striking a blow for feminism?

Normally, I don't take advice from porn stars***, but I guess I'll just comfort myself with Sasha's response:

"A lot of bush comments after tonight's #Entourage episode. If you're curious...that's what a grown woman looks like. Besides, I shave where it counts. I'm happy to contribute to making it ok again:) All 'fashions' have their cycles!"

*Initially, I thought it was an allergic reaction. Then it was misdiagnosed as genital herpes. Then I pointed out that was impossible, then it became "you must have transferred mouth herpes to your genitals." Then, when the tests came back negative for both, we were back to allergic reaction.

**None of these people can spell. Coincidence?

***I feel the same way about people who wear jeggings, so don't think it's the sex work, per se.

Thoughts I Have Never Had- Labia Edition

(h/t to the blag hag.)

You know what I've never thought, not even once in my life? I wish my labia were pinker. I have never, ever thought that.

Apparently someone has, because there is a product you can buy called My New Button to make your labia one of 4 delightful shades of pink. (It also works on nipples and penises. No, I have no fucking idea.)

These are the testimonials concerning this product:

After having my children I noticed things didn’t look quite the same down there esp. the color! No one told me that could happen. I am pretty young and was shocked when I found out from my doctor that this is a typical thing that can happen. I am so happy to have this product. It works great, and it is easy to use. It makes me feel better about myself. Thank you!
-Jennifer W. 34 years old

Seriously, Jennifer? You were surprised that shoving 8 lbs through your vagina might change the way it looks? Uh-huh.

Finally! I have been living with the embarrassment of color loss for years now. As an older- single (divorced) woman I feel a little more confident with the lights on!
-Linda M. 61 years old

"Living with the embarrassment"? Who is seeing your vagina, Linda? Your doctor, who's seen everything and the man lucky enough to have sex with you, who probably doesn't know a damn thing about labial color loss. Even if he does, his only thought upon seeing anyone's vagina should be "yay!"

I just don't buy that these testimonials are real. I think (just stick with me here) that somebody's trying to create a problem so they can sell me a solution. Honestly, after reading about this stuff, I went into the bathroom at work just so I could see what color my labia are. Then I called Teh Hubby, and after he got done sputtering "WHA?!", he demanded a link, which led to a 5 minute conversation of the name. I mean "button"? Wouldn't that be my clitoris? Technically, I guess that could refer to my G-spot, but you can't really see that . . . I dunno.

Anyway, I refuse to entertain the notion that my genitals are the incorrect color. Ever.

I Have a Vagina- There Is Some Maintenance Involved

vagina, schick, bush, catholic, outrage

In case anyone missed it, I have a vagina. And labia. And a clitoris. And pubic hair. But not an appendix.

I prefer to keep my pubic hair trimmed down, though not entirely shaved. I like the way it looks, I like the way it feels, and since it's my body, I can do what I want with it. What anyone else chooses to do with their pubic hair (male of female) is entirely up to them. I can understand not wanting to discuss your own, or other people's, pubic hair, but we all have pubic hair. There's nothing dirty or vulgar about pubic hair, any more than there is something dirty or vulgar about toenails or eyelashes.

Unless you're Patrick Archbold and a group of Catholic commentors, in which case a harmless Schick ad (above) is the END OF THE WORLD. If you can't view the ad, women walk by topiaries, and as they walk by, the topiaries go from overgrown to neatly trimmed in a variety of shapes. It's not the slightest bit vulgar, and I can't believe a child would have a clue what that was about. I really can't imagine a less offensive way to promote a product designed to be used to trim pubic hair. (A product I now want, because I gotta tell you, sharp scissors have their risks.)

The UK ad is a little more suggestive, though I wouldn't consider it vulgar, and no resident of the UK would, either. (They're a little more . . . open across the Atlantic.)

Patrick, however, is left boggled.

The US version of the ad, while slightly less explicit is in the same vain. I saw this ad during prime time on a cable channel. It boggles the mind how any network would accept an ad like this during prime time, or any time for that matter. This one is called "Bushes."

Women are obviously the target audience for these vulgar and disgusting ads. I highly recommend that if you are currently a Schick customer that you immediately cease purchasing their products and that you let them know why. Ads like this have no place on television. If you see one of these ads, I also suggest that you contact the network responsible and complain.

Women, and their dirty, nasty vaginas, are the target audience! Their dirty, disgusting, filthy vaginas that should never be seen or thought of. Ever!

Oh, and in the same vein.

Patty-kins channels me in the first comment: Ewwwww. Just the suggestion of those icky women's naughty parts! Yucky! Now I'll never be able to pretend my wife is the highschool quarterback tonight.

NC Sue overuses the sarcastiquotes: Our "culture" isn't very cultural at all, but crude. Yes, the ads are offensive, and yes, I will steer clear of Schick. For one thing, if it's a quality product, it can be sold without resorting to ads like this. For another, I'm simply tired of vulgarity. And finally, as you say, ads like this have absolutely NO place on prime time. Nor does nasty language or thinly veiled sex on our sitcome.

Susan doesn't use that razor. That particular razor.: This just reaffirms my decision to not have TV service. And I'm glad I don't use that razor.

Scott W apparently knows the location of the mouth of Hell: Solution to television crassness:

1. Unplug TV.

2. Load TV into suitable vehicular conveyance. a fucking car, dude?

3. Drive to mouth of Hell.

4. Drop TV in it.

5. Never look back.

Maurisa may be suffering from swine flu (because there's nothing nauseating about topiary): Ewww! I actually may not have caught onto the American version of the ad until seeing the British one. Makes my stomach churn.

Arthur may have missed the point (especially considering where cute little babies come from): We're not allowed to get pro-life ads showing cute little babies on television but they can put ads on about trimming their nether regions into heart shapes? not to belabor the point, but how on earth could i trim my labia into a heart shape? you trim the hair, dude, not the region.

I understand that some people will be offended by anything, but I would like to point out that all women have vaginas, labias and pubic hair. There is nothing offensive, vulgar or disgusting about women's (or men's) bodies, nor in the upkeep of said bodies. Morons.

This Is Not A Poe- Part II

vagina, GOP, atheism, atheist, prochoice, prolife, abortion, republican, oklahoma,
Continuing our review of the Oklahoma GOP Party Platform of 2009, beginning with

Right-to-Life and Medical Ethics

Republicans do not support abortion.

They do NOT support abortion.

No abortions.

We believe in the sanctity and value of human life from conception through natural death. unless you need some sort of social(ist) service, like welfare or health care. then you can go fuck yourself. We oppose abortion (including the use of RU-486 or other abortion-inducing drugs), partial-birth abortion, infanticide who is proinfanticide?, euthanasia, mercy killings aka "euthanasia", embryonic stem-cell research, cloning who is procloning?, distribution of cloned parts ummmm . . . when did that start happening?, and the funding of such by the government. the US government does not fund any cloning research. We believe that human embryos created by Invitro-Fertilization (IVF) are fully human those 4 cells over there? exactly the same as you and me. and if not wanted by the genetic parents, should be preserved until adoption. We support a Constitutional Amendment protecting innocent human life. and banning abortion. we're really not into abortion.

We recognize that learning of an unexpected pregnancy is a life-changing moment. Therefore, we desire that a mother-to-be have sufficient time to explore all options regarding this new life. We recommend at least a 14-day waiting period for a womanconsidering an abortion and also strongly support and recommend that she be provided with:

This almost seems reasonable, doesn't it? except for one thing: abortion is generally not obtainable in the US after a certain period of time, generally 3-4 months into the pregnancy. What they're hoping for is that by forcing women to wait 2 weeks, they will go over the cutoff and not be able to obtain an abortion.

d. Evidence indicating that the unborn child can feel sensations of pain. even if the science doesn't bear that out. The GOP: We Don't Need Science- We've Got Belief!

e. Information regarding the psychological and medical risks associated with abortion, including the link between breast cancer and abortion. Even if the science doesn't prove that, either. The GOP: Lying for Jesus!

9. We believe in the teaching of abstinence as the only effective way of preventing pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. even if abstinence training is a miserable failure. The GOP: Put That Vagina Away!

11. We support legislation that prohibits using any unborn child for the purpose of harvesting and/or any service related to the donation or purchase or sale of organs and/or tissue. there are already laws about this. you can't buy or sell organs or tissues.

13. We oppose unethical scientific experimentation. so does everyone.

Healthcare

4. We oppose any mandate requiring school age girls to be vaccinated with Gardasil, a new vaccine against certain strains of human papilloma virus (HPV) that can cause cervical cancer. for the last time, put that vagina away!

5. We support privatization of the Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid programs. because everyone's 401k's are doing so well right now.

a. Personal responsibility and education about maintaining health. if you're sick, it's your fault.

b. Options that include Health Savings Accounts (HSA) and/or Medical SavingsAccounts (MSA) that can be voluntarily contributed to, by a citizen or an employer. These accounts should be made available to Medicare participants. because poor people have so much money they don't even need insurance. they can just pay out of pocket.

Elderly and Vulnerable

1. We support the origin and sanctity of life as an inalienable right from God alone really not that into atheists, and as being defined in the Constitution of the United States. This definition of life begins with conception where in the Constitution does the definition of life beginning at conception occur? at the time the Constitution was written, abortion was legal up until about the 5th month. and ends at natural death due to the failure of the body to survive its environment. are they confused as to why people die? congestive heart failure and cancer are not the "failure of the body to survive its environment". as far as i can tell, they're supporting execution by exposure. We support the protection of those who cannot defend themselves including the unborn, the disabled, and the elderly. wait, how old is McCain again?

2. To encourage family members to care for their loved ones, we support tax policies that help alleviate costs. TAX. CUTS. SOLVE. EVERY. PROBLEM.

next up: Religious Freedom!

Continuing the Cult of the Vagina

ASL, spanish, english, vagina, fertility, festival, easter
Thanks to uzza, we can all learn the ASL for "vagina". (That's not uzza, she just gave me the link. Thanks, uzza!)

I'm fairly certain the only way to properly celebrate a fertility festival is to learn how to talk about vaginas with everyone you meet, including the deaf. Please feel free to share how to discuss vaginas in any language other than English that you know.

Unfortunately, the only other language I speak is Spanish, and "vagina" in Spanish is "vagina", though it's not pronounced the same way.

Where Do I Even Begin

misogyny, feminism, feminist, religion, christian, god, stupid,vagina

Okay, that was a start, but I think we need more than provagina bus ads for this piece of self-hating misogyny.





Excerpts from: Women Our Purpose (subtitle, My Main Title Needed a Comma, But My Husband Wouldn't Let Me Have It) by momof9splace.





I'm sure we can all agree that God made everything on purpose. no, we don't all agree on that, but please continue He makes nothing by accident. Nothing is happy until it finds the purpose for which God has make made it. determinism, anyone? Seems like all we hear these days is "I want my rights". oh, dear Everyone is talking this way....but what about my purpose..my purpose..or my place..my place. That is what I want to address here. i'd like to address your assault on the english language.





You have only one right in life. I'm assuming it's not the right to use the talents and abilities that this asshat would say god gave us. And that is to find God's will and purpose for your life. she shoots, she scores! okay, look, if god wants me doing something other than what i am doing, he needs to send me a memo or something. hello, he's freakin' omnipotent, he can't shoot me an email? Then sit securely and work actively right in the center of God's purpose and place for you. oh, my. It is really the only way to find contentment. my dog is "content". the most content person I know. actually, the only content person I know. i don't think i really want to be "content". content does not mean the same thing as "happy" or "fulfilled", which is what i really want to be. (i manage happy on a regular basis, but fulfilled takes some work.) To be in the will of God is the highest honor given us. sigh God has a specific purpose for each of His creatures. So, God then has a purpose for women.



all women in fact. because all women, all 3-3.5 billion of us, are exactly the same. we all need the same things, enjoy the same things and fill the exact same purpose. hey, who needs individuality when you're nothing more than a fetal container?

*warning- extreme creationism to follow. please note, i am not condoning or agreeing with a literal reading of genesis.*

First let me say that God didn't create man for you. Yep! you heard me right. actually, i read you, but whatever. God created you to be a help meet for man. that's right. you have no value whatsoever outside of your relationship to a man. you're about as useful as, say, a chair. You see ladies, I believe God saved the best for last....woman....created after everything else..Because man was incomplete... what is up with these random ellipses? He had it all there in the garden. well, yeah, except for something to fuck. and if he did have something to fuck prior to eve, i don't want to know about it. Every perfect thing and direct fellowship with God. i guess fucking is not a perfect thing. But God saw that something was missing... funny that the omniscient being didn't anticipate that. He wanted Adam to have the best of everything, every desire met. and totally forgot the fucking. So, to top off a perfect world He created woman FOR THE MAN. this actually gets better real soon.

Man needed someone to see how much he could lift and to say "My you are strong". yeah, you read that right. god created woman to be a freakin' cheerleader. (deferring further comment until the end of this paragraph.) But there was no one, Maybe he took a lap around the garden and there was no one to say.."Wow, you are the fastest runner I know!" (well, except here) of course adam was the fastest runner eve know. there wasn't anyone else in the garden! God made woman to sit on the sidelines and cheer when a man succeeds. (and here) women aren't to join in and succeed themselves- they are to sit on the sidelines and watch other people succeed. you know at least 1 of those 9 children is a girl who will grow up never participating in anything, never succeeding, never even considering she could succeed. God made a woman to sit in the audience while her husband preaches and say. "That’s the best preacher in the world". That is why God made woman. He made her to be man's help meet. God made woman for man! The word "help meet" means "completer." Like finishing a circle...a completion. No, God didn't see a child needing care and say "I'm going to send somebody down to take care of that child". He didn't say "that baby needs a diaper change, I'll create someone to take care of that". Nor did He say "there's a dirty house, I'll send someone to clean". And as much as we would like to believe this He didn't say, "I'm going to send her down for man to love and protect". God didn't send you down to be helped; God sent you down to help gee, hope you don't ever need help with anything, ever. you know, like everyone does occasionally.



look, i know what a "helpmeet" is, and that concept is significantly less offensive than what she's pushing. a helpmeet tends house and cares for the children, thus freeing up her husband to earn a living. that at least acknowledges the value of a woman as a mother, cook and housekeeper. this, though, acknowledges no value at all.



further, this portrays men as sad little creatures with fragile egos that need constant boosting, both in the form of excessive praise, and in the form of never being challenged by anyone. this woman does not respect men. at all.



even further, this encourages what i call "American Idol Syndrome". constantly using the highest praise to describe another's accomplishment only encourages them in the delusional belief that they are the bestest that ever lived at everything, which no one is. Criticism, constructive criticism, is vital to improvement, and everybody could use a little improvement.



This next bit doesn't make any sense.



God looked down and saw that man was not a complete package. odd how omnipotent god did not make man complete all on his own, or anticipate man's incompleteness. He saw that he could not make it by himself and God said, "I'm going to make someone to complete him. Like a noun with no verb. Like a three sided square. analogy fail. like a noun with no verb? how about those "exit" signs marking the emergency exits? no verb necessary there. like a three sided square? that's not a square, asshat, that's a triangle. There was something missing in man so He made you to complete him. That is your purpose. So, that being the case, God made you to be the aggressor. aggressive like a three sided square? Yes, woman is to be the weaker vessel aggressively weak? what?!



Let's put it this way, woman comes to an incomplete man, completes him, and then reaps the benefits. what benefits? That's her job-to be the aggressor, to complete man so he can lead her, but he needs woman to start him! um . . . to start him? How do we do this? Take interest in his job...not just the paycheck..learn ask questions... could you just write a complete sentence? let him know how important you feel whatever he does is. oh, look. you're watching tv, it's so freakin' important, you're more vital to the continuation of the human race than water! did i do it right? Does he like sports? Whatever he enjoys act interested. because nobody can tell when you're pretending to be interested. Be supportive. If he catches a 6-inch fish, say "wow that is a whale. hehe well, yeah, you should definitely laugh afterwards to let him know exactly how serious you are. oh, and i'm guessing, no matter how stupid this man is, he knows a 6" fish is not a whale.



Of course there isn't a "women's libber we call that "feminism" these days alive are there dead ones, then? that sees any truth in what I'm trying to say here. oooh, wonder why. Do you know what these women's libbers are? feminists? They are a group of confused women trying to find happiness and failing because they are searching outside of God's Word and God's plan. how do you know they're failing? i can't believe you've ever spoken to a feminist. have you done a survey? anything other than a bald assertion? They say, "I have my rights too". No they don't-not yet! nope, sorry, in the US, we do. you can deny reality all you want, it's still there. A woman does not have any right in this world until she's done this. and then she gets the right to what? do it some more? Check it in the Bible; Always in the Bible she is to be the follower i think i'll check frodo's holy book first.



we'll skip the bible quotes and go to some advice for the younger women among us:



Now I suppose that there are some young ladies out there that are wondering how all this should concern them now. run! run for your lives! Well girls, there is a father in your home, a boss at work, a preacher who needs your prayers, your obedience, start now where God has you and then when your TIME comes, the natural thing will be to do that which God has ordained. obey any man in anything he says. at all times. i guess that's one way to take care of the whole rape problem Are you praying for the right man? the man with the fragile ego who needs you to completely efface yourself for his sake? the one who can be convinced that a 6" fish is a whale? that one? For someone who will love the Lord more than he loves you? please, honey, can i be second best?That is what makes it all work. sure, if you have absolutely no expectations of ever being happy, everything works out. Pray ask God to open and shut the doors of your heart when need be. please, lord, make me incapable of wanting love, happiness or respect, so that i may spend my life cheerleading an idiot with a fragile ego.

Vagina as Leg Shackle

patriarcy, feminism, feminist, vagina, modesty, dress, feminine
This bothered me the first time I read it, and it's bothered me ever since, so I thought I'd bother you, and share the joy. (No need to thank me.)

From Modest Articles and Testimonies:

If you feel you can’t do something in a dress, I would encourage you to question whether it is an activity that you can do and be feminine.

First of all, I can think of one activity that it is easier to do in a dress than in pants*. Secondly, a vagina is not a leg shackle. Hi, this is Personal Failure, and I'd like to introduce you to the last 100 years. Honestly.

What does "feminine" mean anyway?

According to the dictionary: pertaining to a woman or girl. Okay, so being a woman, that would make anything I do feminine. And that, kids, is the point. I am a woman. I can't stop being a woman (not that I'd want to). Therefore, everything I do is feminine. I don't become a man the instant I put on pants** or pick up power tools.

I think my irritation with this stems from two underlying ideas. The first is that everything a woman does, thinks or wears must stifle her and hem her in. Pants allow one to participate in sports and construction, and we wouldn't want women thinking they can do that sort of thing, would we? The other is that people like this are so obsessed with form over function. It's not enough that I am a woman, I must appear to be stereotypically female as well. I need long hair and skirts and aprons to shout to the world, and myself, that a woman is all I am.

That's what it is, isn't it? A constant visual reminder to the woman herself that she is less. That her life is confining. A constant visual reminder of all the things she can't do, not because she isn't capable of doing them, but because the patriarchy doesn't want her doing them. Because the patriarchy knows that the instant women figure out their own strength, their own power, the patriarchy's free ride is over.

I recommend putting on some pants and grabbing some power tools. Strength, now that's feminine.

*Ever since the summer of 1999, I have not been able to view walls the same way.
** If the writer of the quoted piece looks like a man in pants, she is wearing the wrong pants. I could not possibly be mistaken for a man while wearing pants.

Meanwhile, at the Intersection of Atheism and Feminism

vagina, feminism, atheism, humor,

Sex, It Leads to Dancing

abstinence, only, sex, education, lobby, vagina, misogyny, stupid,
Apparently, the abstinence only crowd (it doesn't work, but we don't care!) has realized that they are in for a little trouble. Science has proven that abstinence only doesn't work, and is in fact worse than no sex ed at all, and well, with the new President in place, the going might be a little rough.

What's a lobby to do?

Rebrand!

"the talking point repeatedly drilled into the young lobbyists’ heads was that their programs aren’t just about not having sex. Oh, no… they are actually “holistic approaches” to promote “healthy lifestyle choices”.

Longtime abstinence-only defender Robert Rector of the Heritage Foundation spoke, giving the standard false talking points of the movement . . . His most blatant falsehood is that “0%” of comprehensive sex education programs talk about abstinence.

This study was thoroughly debunked by ETR Associates in 2007, as they found that ACF merely studied curricula by doing word counts of “abstinence” and “condom”. . . limited use of the word “abstinence” stems from studies that have shown this word to turn off students and instead used language that produced better results.

Another falsehood he pushed was that “0%” of unintended pregnancies could have been prevented if they had access to or knowledge about contraceptives. Literally… zero. Why? Because they all wanted to have babies. One might say that he pulled this stat out of his “Rector”, so to speak.

Referring to the fact that abstinence only doesn't work, Rector laid out a strategy to spin this report to the media, saying “The other spin I think is very important is not [program] effectiveness, but rather the values that are being taught”, further stating that whether or not these programs work is a “bogus issue”.

That's right: protecting teens from unwanted pregnancies and STDs is a "bogus issue". I'm a little surprised he came out and said it, but that is the truth about the abstinence only crowd. They don't care if teens get pregnant or end up with STDs, in fact, as far as their concerned, babies and AIDS are simply justice for the sluts who dare to have sex. You like fucking? Hope you like herpes, too, whore!

The morals they're teaching, by the way, include the idea that what you're buying with an engagement ring* isn't a symbol of commitment, it's an unused vagina. The more used the vagina, the smaller the ring:

Following their next round of Congressional visits, they held a concert of sorts in front of the Russell Senate Building, full of raps and Christian rock songs about abstinence (including one speaker claiming that if a girl is not a virgin, she doesn’t deserve to have a nice engagement ring).

There's nothing like adding a little misogyny to the mix!

I love it when the religious right wants to lecture me about values.

*I don't wear an engagement ring, and neither my hubby nor I wear wedding rings. What I have instead is a house. I don't like diamonds, but do I ever love my hardwood floors!

Someone Call Chris Buttars!

I have used power tools! Successfully*, even. A miter saw and a jig saw. (Laying laminate wood floors is easier than you'd think.)

Let me tell you, if you want to feel powerful, saw something. It was loud, I'm sneezing sawdust, and I am now the uberfeminist. Gloria Steinem has nothing on me!

Somebody better call Chris Buttars, cause my vagina is now more of a threat to the US than gays!

*by that, I mean that I cut what I meant to cut, more or less into the shape I meant it to be, and nobody lost an eye.

My Vagina is The World's Greatest Threat

feminism, feminist, homophobia, homosexual, lesbian, gay, prop 8, father, masculine, masculinity, vagina,
Today I learned that my vagina is at least as destructive as a nuclear weapon. It has caused the destruction of the family, the demasculinazation of an entire generation of males, and the downfall of Western Civilization.

All Hail My Vagina!

The feminist movement has done more damage to the family than any other cultural movement in recent memory. man, mormons can be a little annoying. just because your prophet said so is not actually logical argumentation. Because of the feminist movement, we have legalized and subsidized abortions all over the world. why don't these asshats get that choice really means choice? I am fine with your choice, whatever it is. I do not want everyone everywhere to be forced into abortions. (Oh, and even raving, fundy prolifers have abortions.) Because of the feminist movement, mothers have been encouraged to leave their children to be raised by “a village”. it's not the economy, it's feminism. I'm happy that beetleblogger can stay home and raise her children while her husband works, but that is not an option for millions of families these days. would you like to shame poor people a little more, beetle? yes, feminists believe that you should have the choice to work, but we also believe you should have the choice to stay home, too. should be up to you. unfortunately, these days, not up to you. up to the economy.

Because of the feminist movement, men have lost their sense of identity and masculinity. if my strength makes you feel less, the problem is not me. strong, intelligent men have no problem feeling like men around women like me. (see: my hubby)

Because of the feminist movement, fathers have left their homes and families. why aren't we putting blame where blame is due? feminism does not turn men into deadbeat fathers. men turn themselves into deadbeat fathers. we cannot solve the problem if we put the blame in the wrong place.

Because of the feminist movement, men have sought companionship with other men; look who's been talking to euripidesraper, who is, by the way, a history professor. homosexuality is mentioned in the bible. clearly homosexuality existed prior to feminism, unless you're trying to tell me that the ancient Israelite tribes were crawling with feminists. jackass.

and women have sought it with other women. lesbianism finally gets a shoutout. totally unrelated to feminism. i'm a feminist and i don't have sex with other women, nor do i want to. if you are struggling with your own lesbian desires, beetlesilly, don't blame the feminists.

Because of the feminist movement, religious beliefs have been questioned as “outdated” and “unlawful”. i thought that was atheism. look, feminists, stay off our turf!

Hope for Feminism

I am a feminist. I am not ashamed of this, as the Ann Coulters and Focus on Familys think I should be. In fact, the older I get, the more of a feminist I become.

The media, with its airbrushing and bump obsession, makes me despair for feminism in general, and for my younger feminist-in-training sisters all over the world. Every image you see these days is airbrushed into impossibility, and no matter how hard I try, I can't ignore the incipient crepiness of my hands, or the lines around my eyes, or the grey hair popping up on top and down below.

The worst part? Most people assume I am in my mid twenties, not my mid thirties. I've had coworkers and acquaintances demand to see my license. So, I am obsessing and despairing over nothing. I can't seem to help it.

So, I was very happy to see Make Me Heal, a message board for those considering plastic surgery. (WARNING: if you choose, you can see pictures of vaginas and penises and nipples on this site. If you are under 18, or easily offended by naked people, do not click on this site.)

In essence, people post pictures of what they are planning on surgically rearranging in order to meet the current, unattainable and often bizarre standard of beauty, and people comment on whether or not they should have the surgery done.

The most common answer? No.

Random strangers evaluate pictures of perfectly average, and frequently very beautiful, people and the most common response is "You look perfect the way you are. Don't do it."

Why does this make me so happy? Because clearly the average person isn't buying what the media is selling. Because there is hope for feminism. Because, for all of my fear and obsession and despair, I'm pretty, too. I must be. It's ok that I'm almost 33.

Also, if you are a woman, I would highly recommend looking at the vagina pictures. I've always been a little self conscious about mine, because I have no idea if it normal or not. (How many vaginas do you have to compare yours to?) As it turns out, everyone's is different, and guys (and I would imagine lesbians) like all vaginas equally. So, whichever you prefer, your partner will be fine with it.

So no surgery, ok? Especially not down there.