Wrecking Cranes to Wayward Facades

doug giles, townhall, god, religion, christianity, isrealite, yhwh, cthulu, necronomicon, stupid
And the winner of Hell's First Occasional Award for Worst Metaphor in Recent Memory* goes to Doug Giles of Townhall.com for the following:



When Old Testament Israel strayed from following God, Yahweh had unique and painful ways of getting the Hebrews’ attention. killing people isn't unique. prophets are not unique. painful i will grant you. His first line of attack for the people that he loved was to send in His prophets—who were not the shiny ??, happy-clappy ??!?, cliché-spewing actually, how do you know? we don't have the original texts, and you aren't an ancient israelite, so for all you know Moses talked entirely in cliches., aphorism-addicted the bible is full of aphorism. chock full of aphorisms, to spew a cliche. mega church pastors who are were more interested in hawking their books the ancient israelite tribes had a thriving book economy? than bearding the priests of Baal. i don't even know what to say about that.


No, the prophets were wrecking cranes to wayward Israel’s facades. worst metaphor in recent history. congratulations. They were imperfect, difficult dudes seriously? dudes? really? who called a spade a shovel i thought spewing cliches was bad. for a perfect God. so perfect he couldn't figure out a way to get the israelites to obey him for more than 5 minutes at a time, even with the commonplace and painful attention getters. They didn’t give a crap who you were, who your mommy was, is this guy a professional wrestler or something? if you were the King or Pastor Whoop-Dee-Frickin’-Do. worst writing ever. not in recent history. ever. this makes Twilight look like Shakespeare.** They were fiercely devoted to God and His ways. Janet Napolitano would call these truth-tellers “terror threats” 1) the DHS report was begun and researched during the bush administration 2) the first DHS report was on left wing nutjobs. reality fail. because they loathed godless governments you're not selling me on a theocracy, asshat. and butt-kissing priests sigh and had no problem whatsoever letting those entities entities? um, entities? is this whole post the result of an accident involving a thesaurus and some mislabeled psychiatric medication? have it verbally. scary. verbal wrecking cranes, i suppose.



Yep, if you were out of sorts with God because of practicing whacked stuff i'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. or preaching Oprah instead of Obadiah, wow, Oprah's been in syndication forever, huh? you were about to be publically roasted via the prophets’ sizzling invectives. i'm going with laughter. BWAHAHAHAHAHA


Need a mental image? Imagine Rush, Beck, Coulter, Miller or O’Reilly on steroids. in rush's case, the steroids are probably better than the narcotics, and in beck's case, any medication would be a good start.


This skewering, to be sure, was about as fun for the rebel recipients as watching Nancy Pelosi do an interpretive dance of “Riders on the Storm” (the extended version) would be for Simon Cowell. weirdest, least communicative simile in history.


A humiliating open rebuke, however, was a mere love tap when compared to an eternity of misery and the coming decades-long national butt kicking Israel was in line to receive should they remain contumacious. apparently i was right about the thesaurus. and what is with this guy and "butt"?



The prophets’ messages were never complicated. has he read the old testament? These gruff and holy critters i've lived in the south. a "critter" is a small animal, such as a skunk or a squirrel. offered God’s people two choices: turn or . . . burn. no, actually. the ancient isrealites didn't have a concept of hell, or even much of an afterlife concept at all. the whole eternity of torment thing is purely christian. If Israel obeyed, they’d be blessed. If they disobeyed, well . . . let’s just say things didn’t go that well for the next four decades. which really sucked for the people who actually were obeying god. they got punished as much as anyone else. which would be like throwing everyone in my zip code in jail because my neighbor murdered someone.


You see, if Israel turned from their profane BS (belief systems) oh, dear, he's trying to be cute! and back to God, Yahweh would chill and relent from the attention-grabbing calamities He was heatin’ up on heaven’s back burner. please, make it stop! The prophet, unfortunately, was officially out of a job if the Hebrews went the repentant route. Yep, Amos had to go back to fig picking. god has a worse retirement plan than my boss?



However, when Israel blew the prophets off by condemning the messenger, categorizing the message as hate speech, how dare we ask you to be polite to gays and women and blacks and muslims? it's just wrong, and god will get us for it! jailing the prophet(s) or, as in some cases, killing the prophetic salvo, how does one kill a salvo, anyway? God would in turn switch to plan B to get His insubordinate group’s good ear.


God, not the one to run out of advanced repentance techniques, would allow Israel’s economy to go to hell, plagues to ravage their land, nature to convulse, and enemies the ability to pulverize them. again, punishing perfectly obedient israelites along with disobedient one. god is all powerful- but he can't pick and choose.


Yep, unless I’m reading the Bible upside down, i can read upside down with no difficulty- it doesn't change what the words say. it seems that when the nation went astray from God’s law and wouldn’t listen to the prophets’ calls to repentance and instead vilified the saving voices, God allowed one (or more) of the four aforementioned hammers to pound them until Israel became all ears. "four aforementioned"? do you suppose he reads what he writes, or is this some sort of stream of consciousness bullshit?

This is, at least to me, a plain prophetic pattern within the Scripture. The $64,000 question you gotta ask yourself is this: If there is a God unproven assertion, and if the Bible isn’t a bunch of fairy tales unproven assertion written by a stack of whack jobs one word, then does God still roll roll? today like He did with Old Testament Israel as He interfaces interfaces? with 21st century nations that spurn His values to His face? so, assuming cthulu exists and the necronomicon was written by a mentally unbalanced man of arabic descent, then do the invisible pink unicorns in my basement still get down like it's 1999?

I’m guessin’ God hasn’t had an extreme makeover stop that! and that He is the same yesterday, today and forever, which could mean in our current culture—where evil is good and good is evil murder is kindness, rape is love!—that we might be in line for grave negative sanctions well, if yhwh gets down like the United Nations, we've got nothing to worry about because, apparently, America’s new favorite pastime is whizzing seriously, STOP. THAT. on that which is holy, just and good. hating gays!







*There's a reason nobody calls me for name suggestions.



** Sorry, CN.

The Hardening of Hearts

torture, god, egyptian, isrealite, bible, heart, hardening, exodus, christian, atheism, atheist, rapture,
This comment is from a discussion of whether or not the Left Behind series is theologically sound. (As if premillenial dispensationalism is theologically sound, which assumes the bible is more relevant than any other book.)

Chicken5516 (don't ask me) said:

I think God uses the books to get the unsaved thinking. Many of those that read this books will never pick up a Bible. It's written in a way to captivate the audience. I'm not a big fan of the LB books BECAUSE I know true End Times Prophecy. However; God uses lots of things to draw people near Him. If people are being Saved because of these books, then Praise God for them!!

The thing that bothers me tho, is my SIL has read every single book in the series. I got so excited and thought that she would want to discuss what she read and then, I could teach her what the Bible REALLY states.

Well, she is not ready for the Rapture, thinks I'm cruel for wanting the World as we know it to end and the Lord to return, "Don't you want to see your grandchildren?", she asked? She also said she will be one of the good ones from the LB series after the Rapture, and THEN she'll follow Jesus. I tried to tell her she might not get the chance and about the deception that is coming by God......but, she has HER way of thinking and HER way of 'putting God in a box' (my words, not her's, but that is what she is doing), and she only read the books for entertainment purposes.

I hope and pray that maybe she will remember some of the teachings in the books that talk about how horrible it will be after the Rapture. If she doesn't get Saved before the Rapture, I hope she remembers everything I have tried to tell her AND what she read from those books. That we all didn't get sucked into some mother-ship by aliens, but it was Jesus Christ who took us!!

ADDING ON: I tried to tell her that she might not make it through tomorrow, let alone the things that could happen immediately following or because of the Rapture. The times I have tried to reach out to her about Jesus might have been her only chances. God might harden her heart and she might have missed her opportunities. I don't know. But I told her that if she can't commit to Jesus now, what on earth makes her think she will be able to when the AC and his minons are going to kill Christians? How will she feed her family without taking the Mark of the Beast? What if God sends such a delusion that she will NEVER even remember she read those books or heard my words?

Ignoring the extremely disturbing overuse of exclamation points (I'm calling for a rationing system), the grammar errors, and the spelling errors, stop and think about that for a second. "Worship god before he makes it impossible for you to worship him and then sends you to hell, for all eternity, for it what he did to you."

Who's supposed to be the bad guy in this story, Yhwh or Satan? It's a little hard to tell.

By the way, the heart hardening thing is theologically sound. Yhwh has done that before.

Exodus 7:1-5

1 So the LORD said to Moses: “See, I have made you as God to Pharaoh, and Aaron your brother shall be your prophet.

2 You shall speak all that I command you. And Aaron your brother shall tell Pharaoh to send the children of Israel out of his land.

3 And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and multiply My signs and My wonders in the land of Egypt.

4 But Pharaoh will not heed you, so that I may lay My hand on Egypt and bring My armies and My people, the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.

5 And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I stretch out My hand on Egypt and bring out the children of Israel from among them.”

Yhwh forced Pharaoh to refuse the Israelites passage out of Egypt. He tormented and killed the Egyptians, their children and their animals, purely to prove his own power. He killed all the first born boys of Egypt, including newborn infants, just to prove a point.

This is supposed to be my lord and savior, my loving god? Exactly how does one reconcile devoting one's life to this psychopath? Other than a fear of hell, why bother?

This does help explain why fundamentalist christians are far more in favor of torture than anyone else: they worship a god knowing full well, almost expecting, that he may choose to torture their family members and loved ones.

I have to say, though, this heart hardening is a nice excuse. The next time some fundy asks me why I don't believe, I can just end the discussion with "god hardened my heart, I guess. he's like that."

Become a Part of the Gideon 300

atheism, atheist, gideon, 300, religion, prosperity, minister, cadc, cass, jesus, christian, bible, midianite, isrealite
I regularly get emails from Dr. Gary L. Cass at the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission (aka the Persecuted Hegemon). They're always filled with exaggerations, if not outright lies, but none have been quite so comical as today's invitation to become a part of the Gideon 300.

I want to share a personal message with you straight from my heart. wait for it.

About three weeks ago I was praying about a meeting I was having that evening with a group of Christian Anti-Defamation Commission supporters in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. My heart was heavy because the burden of our finances oh, yes was almost unbearable. You see, since the first of the year our income has fallen off a cliff. We have barely been able to keep CADC alive. oh noes! wait, maybe there is a god, and he's been listening to my thoughts. that's an uncomfortable thought, that.

My heart was particularly heavy because at the same time our finances are dwindling, the attacks on our faith increasing! there's atheists everywhere! and gays, right there, being all gay in public! how can i believe in jesus with gay people and atheists around? Consider for example the pending hate crimes bills in the Congress. if you naturally assume that your faith will be classified as a hate crime, you might want to reconsider your belief. Or think of the recent Miss USA Pageant that humiliated Miss California, Carrie Prejean, because as a Christian she boldly stood up for traditional marriage. boldly, eh? she was barely intelligible. btw, when did christians get into pretty girls parading around half naked for money? Then there's the memo that came out of the Department of Homeland Security warning that people who are pro-life and pro-marriage, i.e. Christians, are potential terrorists! no, they warned that potential terrorists are potential terrorists. they released a similar report about extreme left wingers before that. why is it not a single liberal assumed the left wing terror report was about them, but every conservative assumed the right wing terror report had their name in it?

At the same time our opportunities to impact our nation for Christ are also dramatically expanding. wait, you mean my money could feed the hungry, clothe the naked and comfort the suffering?

American Family Radio has started airing our daily radio Action Alerts and other networks have also expressed interest in airing them. in which gospel did jesus command daily radio action alerts?

Traffic to our website is growing and more concerned Christians are signing up to receive our email Action Alerts. We're building an army to stop anti-Christian bigotry and reclaim America for Christ. "reclaim" implies the US was ever "for Christ". History begs to differ.

Opportunities are increasing for me to appear on radio and television programs across America to address defamation and attacks on Christians. it would be so sad if that didn't happen anymore.

"Why?" I pleaded with God for an answer. maybe god doesn't like your little group? ever think of that? maybe there is no god? there's a lot of possible answers here. Dr. Cass goes for the most crazy. He didn't answer my question but He gave me a vision. a vision is not an answer to a question? you'd think to christians a vision would be at least as good as a letter. The message was clear! oh, dear.

There was a time after Joshua died when the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD, and he gave them into the hands of the Midianites. And when the Israelites cried to the LORD for help the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon and said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior. Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand." Even though Gideon felt totally inadequate for the task, the LORD used him and three hundred faithful warriors to route the entire army of Midianites that was so enormous that their camels could no more be counted than the sand on the seashore. which sounds like poetic license to me, but whatever.

The Lord never uses the masses to accomplish his plan except of course, when he does. -- even though the enemy seems overwhelmingly entrenched and powerful. He uses a faithful few so when yhwh ordered 12,000 Israelites to go after the Midianites (Midianites come up a lot), that was a "faithful few"?

That's when it hit me. God was telling me to seek 300 faithful friends to stand with me for a great victory! that was your vision? god likes the number 300? is a descent into numerology inevitable for christians, or am I just noticing it more lately?

Please take a moment to ask yourself, am I one of the faithful few that God can use to put a stop to the egregious ongoing defamation of Christ and Christians in America? stop persecuting the hegemon! The most difficult part of being chosen by God to fight a battle is making the commitment. well, and the slaughtering. it's messy. After Gideon and his 300 faithful warriors accepted the challenge, God fought the battle for them. Not one of them was killed while a Midianite army -- so massive that it couldn't be counted it totally could have been counted. it's not like you can run out of numbers. i would believe that nobody was into counting as the battle started, but it was certainly countable.-- was totally destroyed!

GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR FAITHFULNESS the promise of every prosperity minister. nowhere in the bible does it say that giving money to church leaders will pay off in the end.

I need you. I can't fight this battle without you. Will you be one of CADC's faithful Gideon 300 that will provide a monthly base of support to keep CADC alive and strong? and on the radio, instead of giving money to soup kitchens or homeless shelters. priorities, people! We are praying that God will give us three hundred faithful friends giving $25 a month, or $300 a year, will make the difference for us.

I know that someone will say, "I am stretched to the limit. I simply cannot afford another $25 every month." but, hey i got needs, and i don't really care about your needs. If that is true for you then please give what you can. one dollar? fifty cents? c'mon people! I have no desire to ask you to do anything that is outside your capability. well, i do, but it doesn't look good.

However, on the other hand, I know that you might be able to do much more than $25 each month. you know you've got money. what about that money you are selfishly using to buy food. do you really need three meals a day? If that is true for you, please don't be limited by my request for $25. that's just the lower limit. i won't stop you from going higher. Do whatever you can ... whether it's $50, $100, or even $1,000. I promise you that the battle is intense and entirely made up. we're 76% of the population. we're hardly a minority. our high holy days are federal holidays. nobody thinks twice if they see someone carrying a bible or wearing a cross. going to church on sunday is expected activity. this persecution is so hard to bear. and every gift you send will be spent to hold those who defame the name of Christ and His followers accountable for their evil deeds and words. screw the starving, we need to smack down those atheists. and get those gays back in the closet.

This is a transitional time for America. we can't have tolerance and equality- what ever will I preach about if not hate? Will we move further away from God and become slaves to Midianites I assume in this analogy "midianites" are "tolerance and acceptance". at which point the "slaves" portion of the analogy falls apart. or turn back to God and again become that bright shinning city on a hill can we please retire that? that our founding fathers sacrificed so much to create?

God is powerful enough to win this battle. He only needs a faithful few. Will you be one? omnipotent god apparently can't handle a little wire transfer.

Sincerely yours in Christ, lulz

Dr. Gary L. Cass

P.S. Please respond today to let me know that you will be one of the few faithful friends who will help CADC put an end to Christian-bashing and bigotry in America as a Gideon 300. "a Gideon 300" is the most awkward phrase ever. oh, and criticism is not persecution. being gay or being an atheist is not persecuting christians. get over yourselves.