Coopting Mental Illness

Betcha there's 12 of those things looking at me right now. Looking- and judging.

You hear people coopt mental illness, or at least the terminology, all the time. (At least in English. I have no idea if this happens in other languages.) It's a little odd considering how we treat the actually mentally ill, but every person having a bad day is depressed, everyone acting differently than we would is insane and any person who changes their mind is schizophrenic. And everyone, absolutely everyone, has a phobia these days.

As a person who has an actual phobia*, I find this a teensy bit frustrating. For example, the Pioneer Woman, whom I find inordinately annoying, is always going on about her agoraphobia. Yes, because people with actual agoraphobia frequently get on planes on attend book signings. That is what agoraphobia is all about.

Um, no.

Here is an actual phobia. I'm at work. I look over and see a small yellowish spider crawling across my desk. I shriek and leap backwards which causes my chair to flip over, depositing me head first and ass up onto the floor- in a skirt, in front of the entire office, all of whom have totally seen this before and all say, "Oh, spider?" I then rush into my boss' office, interrupting a conference call with a Judge to demand that someone kill the spider on my desk before it crawls somewhere IWON'TKNOWHEREITIS!

That's a phobia. Phobias are completely irrational and cause irrational, bizarre behavior.

I have a friend who is as afraid of spiders as I am, if not more. Mind you, if I go into the garage, after I get out I require the Spider Protocol(tm), wherein someone has to search my hair and back for hidden spiders. I know they're just waiting for a chance to crawl all over me. Just waiting. They've got time.

Anyway, my friend is driving when a spider drops down on a web from the driver's side visor. He, without thinking, leaps into the passenger seat and opens the door. Mind you, he was going 45mph around a turn at the time. Fortunately, the car hit a tree before he could exit at 45mph. As he's sitting there dazed (he was fine), a cop, who viewed the accident, runs up the car and says, "Where'd the driver go?" My friend says that he was the driver. Before the cop can question how he ended up in the passenger's seat, my friend remembers the spider, screams and leaps out of the car.

Yeah, not a good move in front of a cop.

That's a phobia. No one could view what happened there as rational or reasonable, unless you have arachnophobia, in which case that is totally reasonable behavior. Yeah, it's the spider's car now. Just let it go, man. There will be other cars. I've ceded entire rooms to spiders before. I'm not arguing with those things.

So, yeah, mental illness. Stop coopting it.

*Nobody ever lays claim to anxiety disorders. I have no idea why not.

Atheists Are Afraid of Bananas?

I'm an atheist, and I am afraid of heights, spiders and having my head underwater in a swimming pool (I drowned when I was 7, and that is even more unpleasant than you think it might be).

I am not, however, afraid of bananas.

The banana -- the atheist's nightmare. I did not make this up.
Note that the banana:

Is shaped for human hand what a bizarrely humancentric interpretation of the shape of a banana. (You know what else it's shaped like? Yeah, you do. And, logically, what else is shaped for the human hand? Uh-huh. It sure is. *pauses. looks around* I don't think this is going anywhere good.)

Has non-slip surface Uh-huh . . . what? So does dirt, what's your point?
Has outward indicators of inward content: Green-too early, Yellow-just right, Black-too late. Ok, now we're just stretching the point a little too far.

Why do bananas turn brown? Bananas turn brown because they contain an enzyme (called polyphenol oxidase or tyrosinase) that reacts with oxygen and iron-containing phenols that are also found in the apple. The oxidation reaction basically forms a sort of rust on the surface of the fruit. You see the browning when the fruit is cut or bruised because these actions damage the cells in the fruit, allowing oxygen in the air to react with the enzyme and other chemicals.

In other words, bananas turn brown through the same process as iron rusting or wood burning: oxygenation. Should I take rusted iron or burning wood as an outward indicator of inward content?

Has a tab for removal of wrapper Or a place where the fruit was attached to the plant it grew on. One or the other.
Is perforated on wrapper I don't even know what this is a reference to, and I eat bananas on a regular basis.

Bio-degradable wrapper you mean like every other fruit, vegetable, or wrapper made of paper?
Is shaped for human mouth BWAHAHAHAHAHA. you know what else is shaped for the human mouth? Yes, you dooooooooo!

Has a point at top for ease of entry are we still describing bananas or have we moved on to something else entirely? "ease of entry" into what? mouths open up. you don't need to push your food into . . . ok, sorry, i just couldn't maintain that . . . your mouth.

Is pleasing to taste buds for the some people. some people are repulsed by bananas. my husband find them disgusting in both taste and texture.
Is curved towards the face to make eating process

easy oh, dear anthropomorphic imaginary entity, save me! if i turn it around is it now curved away from the face to make the eating process harder? does this guy's hand not move in many directions allowing for ease of eating?

Well, are you converted yet? I'm not going to be able to eat bananas for a while, but that's all this stupidity did for me.

Sometimes I wonder if these sorts of tracts are produced by atheists as a satirical statement on the intelligence of people who hand out said tracts.