Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Atheists Are Afraid of Bananas?

I'm an atheist, and I am afraid of heights, spiders and having my head underwater in a swimming pool (I drowned when I was 7, and that is even more unpleasant than you think it might be).

I am not, however, afraid of bananas.

The banana -- the atheist's nightmare. I did not make this up.
Note that the banana:

Is shaped for human hand
what a bizarrely humancentric interpretation of the shape of a banana. (You know what else it's shaped like? Yeah, you do. And, logically, what else is shaped for the human hand? Uh-huh. It sure is. *pauses. looks around* I don't think this is going anywhere good.)

Has non-slip surface Uh-huh . . . what? So does dirt, what's your point?
Has outward indicators of inward content: Green-too early, Yellow-just right, Black-too late. Ok, now we're just stretching the point a little too far.

Why do bananas turn brown? Bananas turn brown because they contain an enzyme (called polyphenol oxidase or tyrosinase) that reacts with oxygen and iron-containing phenols that are also found in the apple. The oxidation reaction basically forms a sort of rust on the surface of the fruit. You see the browning when the fruit is cut or bruised because these actions damage the cells in the fruit, allowing oxygen in the air to react with the enzyme and other chemicals.

In other words, bananas turn brown through the same process as iron rusting or wood burning: oxygenation. Should I take rusted iron or burning wood as an outward indicator of inward content?

Has a tab for removal of wrapper Or a place where the fruit was attached to the plant it grew on. One or the other.
Is perforated on wrapper I don't even know what this is a reference to, and I eat bananas on a regular basis.

Bio-degradable wrapper you mean like every other fruit, vegetable, or wrapper made of paper?
Is shaped for human mouth BWAHAHAHAHAHA. you know what else is shaped for the human mouth? Yes, you dooooooooo!

Has a point at top for ease of entry are we still describing bananas or have we moved on to something else entirely? "ease of entry" into what? mouths open up. you don't need to push your food into . . . ok, sorry, i just couldn't maintain that . . . your mouth.

Is pleasing to taste buds for the some people. some people are repulsed by bananas. my husband find them disgusting in both taste and texture.
Is curved towards the face to make eating process

easy oh, dear anthropomorphic imaginary entity, save me! if i turn it around is it now curved away from the face to make the eating process harder? does this guy's hand not move in many directions allowing for ease of eating?

Well, are you converted yet? I'm not going to be able to eat bananas for a while, but that's all this stupidity did for me.

Sometimes I wonder if these sorts of tracts are produced by atheists as a satirical statement on the intelligence of people who hand out said tracts.

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