You're Not Atlas, and That's Called "Farting" not "Shrugging"

Did I ever tell you I used to be a registered Libertarian?

For reals! I was totally into libertarianism, although I never did make it more than 50 pages into even one Ayn Rand book. so, why was a libertarian? Because I was 19, that's why. 19 year olds tend to be smug little know-it-alls, and I was no exception. Then I got poor and had the wonderful opportunity to view our country from a whole new perspective- hungry, cold, hurting and from under the jackboots of our corporate owners. Today I stand before you (sit digitally nowhere near you?) a socialist.

Anyway, I thought I'd address this ridiculous tripe from Significant Pursuit by Renaissance Guy.

This post is going to be a little like Atlas Shrugged, but not as long. Or as brilliant.

When a fly vomits on your arm, that's more brilliant than Atlas Shrugged. Don't sell yourself short, RG.

What if the owners and mangers of a large factory gathered all the workers together and said, “For the next month your wish will come true. You can run this company, and we will allow you to split 100% of the profits among yourselves. However, there are a few catches. . .”?

So . . . all the workers everywhere want to ditch the owners of companies and become the owners? Maybe you're not selling yourself short there, RG. Maybe you are kind of stupid.

Look, I'm not stupid, so I know that I cannot run the law firm I work for. For one thing, I'm not a lawyer and there are laws concerning impersonating an officer of the Court*. However, there is no reason for my boss to randomly abuse me. There's no reason our sick days got cut from 4 to 2. All that accomplished is that (a) we come to work sick and everyone gets sick, and (b) people take the same number of days off, but don't get paid for anything over 2 days.

Then there's the rule about not being able to leave for doctor's appointments. I work Monday through Friday, 9-5, when all doctors have their hours. I'm apparently never supposed to get sick ever again. I only have 2 sick days, and preventive care would help me not get sick, but I can't go to the doctor, so . . . yeah, it's just abusive. And he's just doing it because he can. But he's rich, so according to RG, it's good! Everything rich people do is good because rich=good and poor=bad.

We'll just ignore the fact that RG is a Christian and I'm pretty sure Jesus did not say anything like that.

These machines that you operate were purchased by us. They belong to us. You may not use them, since that would be giving you an advantage that we did not have when we started. You see, we didn’t just open the doors of this buidling and find it already equipped and furnished.

Come to think of it, we bought the building too, and the land. We paid lots of money not only to have it built but to make sure that it complied with the hundreds of federal, state, and local regulations. (It might interest you to know that during that process we employed lots of people, giving them an opportunity to make a living.) So, since we, the owners, had to buy this building, we request that during this month when you get to keep all the profits, you find your own building.

Um, yes. And I'm sure the owners of this fine company had no assistance in buying all that stuff. They paid for it in cash they earned on their paper routes, no doubt. There were no investors, no banks lending money, no tax breaks, nothing. What colour is the sky where you live, RG? Over here in reality, it's blue.

There’s one more thing that you need to know. If, during that month, you lose money, then you will have to share that loss, too. You will collectively have to pay us back, since we are the ones who normally take the hit when our profits are down. We are the ones who usually take the risk, but since you envy us so much, you can have that risk yourself.

Because when the auto companies and the banks tanked back in 2008, nobody helped them out. Nobody like you and me, the common taxpayer. Oh, wait . . .

We doubt that you will be able to build a building and equip and furnish it in time to make much money this month, so we suggest a few other options. If you wish, we can terminate you temporarily, and you can live on unemployment benefits. Please remember that we pay for those benefits. (Which means that we pay all of you less than we otherwise could.) If you would rather, you can try to pick up other jobs during the month. Maybe you will find a job that you like better than the one we give you. You have our blessing to go and do that job permanently. Good for you, in that case!

Actually, we all pay for unemployment. Ever looked at your paycheck, RG? It says so right on it. Unemployment insurance is well named. You pay into it while you work, and if you ever need it, you get a little back. Just like car insurance.

Also, "there are no other jobs out there" is exactly the reason my boss feels free to throw my stapler at me. He only missed because I ducked. I stick around because, well, there aren't any other jobs out there. That doesn't make his abuse acceptable.

You know what, you're pissing me off, so I'm stopping this right here. Here's me shrugging, RG.

Dear Asshole Attorney (who likes to throw staplers at me):

You don't even know how to use a computer. You can't check your email, you can't type your own letters or legal documents, you can barely even answer the phone. You can't use the billing software and you certainly don't have sufficient hours in the day to answer all the phones, do all the filing, type all the documents, send out all the mail, send out all the bills and do all the other things necessary to run this office.

But, for one month, I'm going to give you the opportunity to do just that. All of us, the secretaries, the receptionist, the paralegals, the billing office, we're taking a 30 day vacation. Your clients don't like waiting 5 minutes to talk to you, but I'm sure they'll be totally cool with waiting 30 days to get anything done. Oh, that's right, you have 20 days to respond to a complaint filed in District Court. Well, I'm sure you'll figure out how to use the computer before the 20 days is up. Don't worry about it. Multi million dollar companies love losing lawsuits by default.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Sincerely,

The Wage Slaves

*It is legal to practice law without a law license as long as you make it very clear you do not have a law license. Think about that for a few seconds and you'll realize why it never comes up.

Libertariate All Night Long!

I generally avoid any "serious" "position" "article" that invokes Atlas, shrugging, Ayn, Rand or Galt, because it's a sure way to give myself heartburn, but [redacted] dared me to read this one, so here we are.

I assumed, given the title, A New Way to Fix, oh, I'm sorry, apparently libertarians don't waste money on needless capitalization rules, "A new way to fix debt crisis*: Unchain Atlas", that this was an article about cutting wasteful spending on feeding and housing the disabled and elderly. (Betcha didn't think I was going to go straight back into that sentence, did you? Ha!**) While this article does touch upon such "solutions", as is required by the Ghost of Ayn Rand under penalty of being read the infamous 70 page speech by Glenn Beck on a meth bender, that's actually not the "solution" being proposed.

I know, right?

No, Walter Donway blazes a newish trail straight into deregulation.

The Sarbanes-Oxley Act drives companies to list their stocks abroad, and the effects of the huge financial regulation package passed by the Obama administration are too new to estimate accurately. But all anti-trust laws, relics of the Nineteenth Century, are unnecessary and protect no one except less able competitors. Environmental laws consume gigantic amounts of capital every year, even though United States air quality and the water supply are hugely cleaner and better than they were 20 years ago.

Huh. That's weird. Environmental laws in full force and effect and the air and water supply are cleaner and better than they were 20 years ago. It's almost like, well, I hate to say it, but, it's almost like those laws might have something to do with the cleaner air and higher quality water supply. Apparently, if you actually read the 70 page speech, cause and effect no longer have any connection whatsoever. I wonder how often Mr. Donway sticks his fingers in electrical outlets and then says, "Damn! Hurt that time, too!"

He's being a teensy bit disingenuous about the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, btw. I have no idea how effective the Act is, but it was actually drafted in response to the corporate and accounting scandals, like Enron, that cost investors billions when the price of the shares collapsed. But, hey, caveat emptor and who's John Galt and all that.

So, what sort of deregulation does Mr. "I can't believe it hurt that time, too!" Donway want? Total. Total deregulation. Of everything.

Give it all a rest, a complete rest, for 10 years. Occupational Health and Safety regulations could be left to the trial lawyers, who already exact a staggering toll from hospitals and businesses. One idea is just to put regulations on hold for a full decade, creating a holiday from regulations and regulatory compliance.

I hope you enjoy eating salmonella sandwiches on your ergot bread as you drive your old school Pinto over a bridge made entirely of twisty-ties. I hope you enjoy living in a brand new house that catches on fire as soon as you turn on the lights and collapses into a pile of scrap timber when a car with no muffler drives by. Oh, that penicillin you're taking? It's not 500mg to a capsule, it's 100 mg, and it's not penicillin, it's sawdust. Too bad you can't test that shit yourself, at home. I certainly wouldn't get into a plane. Or live near an airport. Or under any flight paths.

I wouldn't put your child in a car seat, or in a car, or in a crib, unless you have some way of testing those things for safety yourself. Then again, who knows what their clothes are made of now, or their diapers, or their toys.

As for working? Good luck. If you're lucky enough to have a desk job, you'll be working 16 hours a day, 7 days a week for a lot less than you do now. Health insurance? Are you high? Well, maybe, who knows what was in that aspirin you took this morning. Do you work anywhere even moderately dangerous? Don't worry, you won't be working there for long, but I'm sure your 11-year-old won't mind picking up where you were killed off.

But it's only for 10 years. I'm sure the economy will be completely fixed by then . . . by the generous cash donations the unregulated companies will be giving to the government. Sure.

*Or pointless grammar rules. I had no idea Ayn Rand was opposed to the definite article. The more you know . . .

**I drank 2 beers at 3am this morning in a desperate bid to get 3 hours of sleep. It did not work.

Concerning Orcs . . .

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

Thank you, Kung Fu Monkey!

So Funny I Had to Share

christian, libertarian, ayn rand, jesus, charity,
Thanks to [redacted] for pointing me to Our Libertarian Spirit, source of much lulz for proposing that Ayn Rand and Jesus are spiritual siblings*.

It is far too easy (intellectually lazy) to conclude that Jesus Christ and Ayn Rand are miles apart in what they teach. Nothing is further from the truth. It is only necessary to juxtapose the words of Ayn Rand with the words of Jesus to see they teach exactly the same.

Just let that sink in for a moment.

If you've read Atlas Shrugged and anything attributed to Jesus in the Bible, you're laughing so hard you can't breathe right now.

Jesus and Rand aren't "miles apart", they're diametically opposed. Ayn Rand hated Christianity, specifically because of all the charity proposed by Jesus.

The following excerpt is from a letter to Sylvia Austin dated July 9, 1946, in Letters of Ayn Rand, p. 287:

There is a great, basic contradiction in the teachings of Jesus. Jesus was one of the first great teachers to proclaim the basic principle of individualism -- the inviolate sanctity of man's soul, and the salvation of one's soul as one's first concern and highest goal; this means -- one's ego and the integrity of one's ego. But when it came to the next question, a code of ethics to observe for the salvation of one's soul -- (this means: what must one do in actual practice in order to save one's soul?) -- Jesus (or perhaps His interpreters) gave men a code of altruism, that is, a code which told them that in order to save one's soul, one must love or help or live for others. This means, the subordination of one's soul (or ego) to the wishes, desires or needs of others, which means the subordination of one's soul to the souls of others.

This is a contradiction that cannot be resolved. This is why men have never succeeded in applying Christianity in practice, while they have preached it in theory for two thousand years. The reason of their failure was not men's natural depravity or hypocrisy, which is the superficial (and vicious) explanation usually given. The reason is that a contradiction cannot be made to work. That is why the history of Christianity has been a continuous civil war -- both literally (between sects and nations), and spiritually (within each man's soul).

The concept of altruism, the calls to charity, are something that Rand found appalling.

What Christian Prophet is engaging in is essentially doublethink: I like the idea of living only for the self and kicking all those freeloading maggots off of welfare, but Jesus said to help the poor . . . no, wait, it's really the same philosophy! Yay!

Look, you can't square Ayn Rand's philosophy with Christianity, no matter how you wield that hammer. I get it, "it's mine and I'm keeping it!" is much more attractive than "give it all away to the poor and follow me", but don't try to claim they're the same thing.



*Christian Prophet actually calls them "spiritual brother and sister", but "sibling" means the same thing and allows for alliteration. Never pass up an opportunity for alliteration.