You're Not Atlas, and That's Called "Farting" not "Shrugging"

Did I ever tell you I used to be a registered Libertarian?

For reals! I was totally into libertarianism, although I never did make it more than 50 pages into even one Ayn Rand book. so, why was a libertarian? Because I was 19, that's why. 19 year olds tend to be smug little know-it-alls, and I was no exception. Then I got poor and had the wonderful opportunity to view our country from a whole new perspective- hungry, cold, hurting and from under the jackboots of our corporate owners. Today I stand before you (sit digitally nowhere near you?) a socialist.

Anyway, I thought I'd address this ridiculous tripe from Significant Pursuit by Renaissance Guy.

This post is going to be a little like Atlas Shrugged, but not as long. Or as brilliant.

When a fly vomits on your arm, that's more brilliant than Atlas Shrugged. Don't sell yourself short, RG.

What if the owners and mangers of a large factory gathered all the workers together and said, “For the next month your wish will come true. You can run this company, and we will allow you to split 100% of the profits among yourselves. However, there are a few catches. . .”?

So . . . all the workers everywhere want to ditch the owners of companies and become the owners? Maybe you're not selling yourself short there, RG. Maybe you are kind of stupid.

Look, I'm not stupid, so I know that I cannot run the law firm I work for. For one thing, I'm not a lawyer and there are laws concerning impersonating an officer of the Court*. However, there is no reason for my boss to randomly abuse me. There's no reason our sick days got cut from 4 to 2. All that accomplished is that (a) we come to work sick and everyone gets sick, and (b) people take the same number of days off, but don't get paid for anything over 2 days.

Then there's the rule about not being able to leave for doctor's appointments. I work Monday through Friday, 9-5, when all doctors have their hours. I'm apparently never supposed to get sick ever again. I only have 2 sick days, and preventive care would help me not get sick, but I can't go to the doctor, so . . . yeah, it's just abusive. And he's just doing it because he can. But he's rich, so according to RG, it's good! Everything rich people do is good because rich=good and poor=bad.

We'll just ignore the fact that RG is a Christian and I'm pretty sure Jesus did not say anything like that.

These machines that you operate were purchased by us. They belong to us. You may not use them, since that would be giving you an advantage that we did not have when we started. You see, we didn’t just open the doors of this buidling and find it already equipped and furnished.

Come to think of it, we bought the building too, and the land. We paid lots of money not only to have it built but to make sure that it complied with the hundreds of federal, state, and local regulations. (It might interest you to know that during that process we employed lots of people, giving them an opportunity to make a living.) So, since we, the owners, had to buy this building, we request that during this month when you get to keep all the profits, you find your own building.

Um, yes. And I'm sure the owners of this fine company had no assistance in buying all that stuff. They paid for it in cash they earned on their paper routes, no doubt. There were no investors, no banks lending money, no tax breaks, nothing. What colour is the sky where you live, RG? Over here in reality, it's blue.

There’s one more thing that you need to know. If, during that month, you lose money, then you will have to share that loss, too. You will collectively have to pay us back, since we are the ones who normally take the hit when our profits are down. We are the ones who usually take the risk, but since you envy us so much, you can have that risk yourself.

Because when the auto companies and the banks tanked back in 2008, nobody helped them out. Nobody like you and me, the common taxpayer. Oh, wait . . .

We doubt that you will be able to build a building and equip and furnish it in time to make much money this month, so we suggest a few other options. If you wish, we can terminate you temporarily, and you can live on unemployment benefits. Please remember that we pay for those benefits. (Which means that we pay all of you less than we otherwise could.) If you would rather, you can try to pick up other jobs during the month. Maybe you will find a job that you like better than the one we give you. You have our blessing to go and do that job permanently. Good for you, in that case!

Actually, we all pay for unemployment. Ever looked at your paycheck, RG? It says so right on it. Unemployment insurance is well named. You pay into it while you work, and if you ever need it, you get a little back. Just like car insurance.

Also, "there are no other jobs out there" is exactly the reason my boss feels free to throw my stapler at me. He only missed because I ducked. I stick around because, well, there aren't any other jobs out there. That doesn't make his abuse acceptable.

You know what, you're pissing me off, so I'm stopping this right here. Here's me shrugging, RG.

Dear Asshole Attorney (who likes to throw staplers at me):

You don't even know how to use a computer. You can't check your email, you can't type your own letters or legal documents, you can barely even answer the phone. You can't use the billing software and you certainly don't have sufficient hours in the day to answer all the phones, do all the filing, type all the documents, send out all the mail, send out all the bills and do all the other things necessary to run this office.

But, for one month, I'm going to give you the opportunity to do just that. All of us, the secretaries, the receptionist, the paralegals, the billing office, we're taking a 30 day vacation. Your clients don't like waiting 5 minutes to talk to you, but I'm sure they'll be totally cool with waiting 30 days to get anything done. Oh, that's right, you have 20 days to respond to a complaint filed in District Court. Well, I'm sure you'll figure out how to use the computer before the 20 days is up. Don't worry about it. Multi million dollar companies love losing lawsuits by default.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Sincerely,

The Wage Slaves

*It is legal to practice law without a law license as long as you make it very clear you do not have a law license. Think about that for a few seconds and you'll realize why it never comes up.