The End of Days: Indistinguishable From All Other Days

Okay, so at the End of Times there will be: earthquakes, floods, storms, wars and rumors of wars.

So, you know, business as usual on the planet Earth.

As far as prophecy goes, that's like predicting that there will be people, eating food and drinking beverages. Somewhere. In the vicinity of the prophecied activity.

But these signs- they are now! (Well, sure, they are always.)

This is just another strange event...I am constantly in awe by the pure reluctant acceptance of the general populace to the signs around us. I have discussed the earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, pestilences, turmoil in the Middle East and the state of Israel to just about anyone who will talk to me about it and it seems they always come back with the same answer.... It has always been like this! We just didn't have the technology to realize it. It makes me sad that people are just so blind to what is happening. I want people to get right with God to turn back to him. However, it seems that the ME society has finally taken over and they have no room for our Creator! I wish I knew the magic words to open their eyes.....Come Lord Jesus Come!

Psst! You, yeah, you. C'mere. Generally speaking, when you're the only person who can see a thing, that's because it's not actually there. I mean, I suppose it's possible that white horse in the garden is a unicorn, but more than likely, you are delusional.

Seriously, has there ever been a time when there weren't earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, pestilences, and turmoil in the Middle East (and everywhere else)? Go get a history book, read it and then get back to me.

I wish I knew the magic words too

Me, too! That's be sweet! Oh, you mean to convince me that earthquakes are highly unusual events. Never mind.

I found a correlation to these times at work the other day. My coworker Leslie spoke over the loudspeakers to warn customers that the store would be closing in 10 minutes, and people kept on shopping, some came to the front. She then warned that the store would be closing in five minutes. People started coming to the front then.

I realized that on a much wider and less petty scale, this is what the Lord has been doing since 1948. The store is closing, but people are still doing their shopping while those who are listening have gone to the checkout. Soon the store will close and people who didn't listen will be trapped overnight.

Um, wut? What does "correlation" mean again? Do you warn your customers that the store is closing by setting the displays on fire? I . . . wut?

Great Analogy! I could not agree more! It just saddens me to see the blind walking everywhere!

Damn blind people! Stick to your . . . blind . . . places.

Remember hurricane Katrina. Weren't the people being warned four or five days ahead of expected landfall. Many didn't heed the warning and the landfall and the breaking of the levee caused a lot more damage and loss of life than anyone anticipated or could have imagined.

Oh, you mean the poor people who had no way to get out of town and nowhere to go even if they did get out? That makes this analogy . . . interesting.

I'll end with the most disturbing thing I've ever read (and I've read the Bible):

With fish and game comissions trying to rid the US of invasive-destructive species,

starlings have always been a scourge, and remember the snake head fish infestation, should we be surprised when this kind of thing happens?

With toxic spills and weather system changes, fish will suffer very quickly.

All we need is some massive land animal die-offs.

Certianly these events need investigation, cause identification, as there may be a serious health threat to humans.

But This isn't God's handiwork. God would kill every starling on the face of the earth. God's signs leave no doubt.

satan on the other hand, loves to play games, and if these occurances get lots of christians proclaiming "signs of the times"

Well, that will be fuel for scoffers wouldn't it. "So where is your long expected Jesus?"


But then that is real Prophecy coming to fruition, isn't it?


No one knows the day, but act like the time is short - be busy until He sounds the Quitting Time Whistle.

You'll know it's god by the incredible scale of death and suffering. Um, yeah. I'm sure the Egyptians, looking at their dead first born children would agree.

I May, in Fact, Be Mocking Armless Children

You know, I'm not opposed to people raising their children within their belief systems, even if those belief systems are seriously whacky. (Really, I don't see how you could avoid it.) I do have a problem with people raising their children in a way that's going to seriously handicap them if they ever, you know, grow up and have to interact with the rest of us. That's just mean.

For example:

my girls are being taught to EXPECT the boy to open the door ( and likewise my boys are being taught to open the door).

Wow. Yeah, see, that's not going to work out well if they ever have to visit pretty much anywhere. I mean, if I refused to open a door myself and just waited around for someone with a penis to do so for me, I'd never get into my own house.

Are these children armless? Because otherwise, that's just atrocious. Think of the message being sent here: Honey, yes, boys can go anywhere they want to go, but girls can only go somewhere with a boy, because she can't open doors. Yes, I know you have arms, but you are not supposed to use them. What? Because you have a vagina, that's why! Stop questioning mommy and stand out here in the hail until some man comes by to open the door for us.

srsly.

although the following comment to the post may actually be the holy grail of what the fuckery unrelated to trolling:

To think that for all of history women wore long dresses until about the 1920s. They didn't shave. I've met women who have had problems due to shaving. One women told me she needed surgery due to shaving the underarms(ingrown hairs) and a doctor told me he had a patient who died due to a cyst infection from shaving(his nurse said an old razor was probably used). I was watching an old silent movie on tv(if it was up to me we wouldn't have one-I should have listened to Mary Pride and David Wilkerson years ago). Anyway,in the silent movie the older women wore dresses that covered the ankles and the younger women wore dresses that were just above the ankles. Then I did a study a few years ago, on the fashion industry and when women started wearing pants(Hollywood was involved again). All I know is the law says I have to register my sons 30 days after their 18th birthday for the Selective Service(the Post Office has the paperwork)-women are now taxpayers,I hope they won't have to register in the future. I tell my daughters-in-law and daughter to please let my granddaughters have long hair,as well.

So, to translate:

1. shaving is prevented by long dresses
2. shaving kills
3. ankles
4. pants
5. THE LAW
6. taxes
7. women need long hair.

I . . . well . . . somehow I don't think it's the misogyny that's the problem for that woman's children.

Great, God Just Glorified Himself All Over My Rug

God won't give you more than you can handle.

People used to spout that at me and I would seethe- at the age of 6. The implication is, of course, that if you fail to handle something, it's because you're lazy, not because it's too much for you. After all, god wouldn't do that to you. God is love. And killing Egyptians.

That is, of course, bullshit. Things happen because they do. Or because we cause them to. Or because somebody else caused them to.

This explanation, however, raises the level of horrifying:

God knows exactly how much I can handle, but oftentimes He chooses to display His glory by placing me in situations far above my ability to handle them so that He can come in and show Himself. Sometimes, He has to bring me to a point where I realize that I just can't do it on my own. It is when I confess, "I need you, Lord!" that He is glorified and freely pours out His grace.

I have taught a child to swim. At first, I supported her in water up to my waist for my own convenience, and well above her head, by holding her up with my hands on her stomach, so she could learn the movements of swimming without having to be able to float. Then we moved to the very shallow end of the pool and learned how to float. I chose the shallow end so that if she sank, she could just put her feet down and have her head above the water. Then we combined the floating and the swimming, with me intervening immediately as soon as I felt she might possibly be starting to have trouble. (Cuz drowning other people's children just isn't cool.)

The point is, were I god, according to this person's logic, I would have thrown this child into the deep end and only saved her if she clearly articulated that I was far better at swimming than her and she really needed help.

So, how many of you would pat me on the back and call me a responsible adult if I did that? And how many of you would hold my head under the water until I stopped arguing about it? Yeah, I'd do that, too.

But I should totally get down on my knees and thank the lord for allowing me to drown until I specifically told him how fantastic he is.

Sugar and Spice Is a Metaphor

You remember that poem about what girls and boys are made of? Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, boys are made of snails and puppy dog tails, that one?

Yeah, apparently, someone takes that literally.

As women, we are not made up of the same things men are made of; therefore it is nearly (but not completely) impossible for us to raise boys to be men. I'm afraid that's why we have so many sissy boys today.

I checked. Human males and human females are indeed made of the same things. Those things are not sugar and spice and snails and tails.

This post also includes a list of characteristics of men (not sissy boys!) that's a little . . . um . . . odd.

WANTED- A boy who stands straight, sits straight, acts straight and talks straight;

Queers need not apply, I suppose.

A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for;

Actually, I'm okay with that, although I'm not sure what fingernails look like in mourning.

A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;

Well, okay.

A boy who moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible;

wut?

A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought to keep still;

um, okay.

A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks;

A human being who likes everyone and never has a bad day? A human being, you say?

A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl;

Yes, because you know you can't just be polite and respectful to both males and females that is too much. Too much, I tell you!

A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how;

Inhale, exhale. It's not hard.

A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang;

I dig it, daddio!

A boy who neither bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him;

Yes, because it is up to children to stop bullying. Stop bothering the adults, dear, we're busy making inane lists and making fun of fa**ots.

A boy who, when he does not know a thing, says, "I don't know, "and when he has made a mistake says, "I'm sorry," and when he is asked to do a thing says, "I'll try";

*rolls eyes*

A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time;

You know what? Do not tell me the truth about what my butt looks like in this skirt. Nobody anywhere wants the unvarnished truth every time.

A boy who is eager to read good books;

Define "good". I bet your definition is different from mine.

A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than gamble for pennies in a back room;

Good science, when was this written? Anyway, my husband really enjoys blackjack and poker. They are games of skill it takes a certain talent and dedication to play. While I do agree, as does he, that one shouldn't gamble with money one can't afford to flush down the toilet, I don't really see the problem with exercising one's mind as well as one's body.

A boy who does not want to be "smart" or in any wise to attract attention;

Sit down and act stupid! And read good books!

A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than tell a lie or be a cad;

Yeah, because grocery stores accept morals as well as VISA.

A boy whom other boys like;

I thought we were against gays?

A boy who is at ease in the company of girls;

No, really, are we against gays or not?

A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about himself;

Okay.

A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else;

O.o
O.O
o.O

A boy who makes you feel good when he is around;

A boy they call Doctor Feelgood?

A boy who is not goody-goody, a prig, or a little pharisee, but just healthy, happy, and full of life.

Okay, did you read the enormous list that preceeded this? There is no way to be all that and not be a little prig. So pick one, lady.

This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation wants him.

And now it's a porno. I don't know what to think.

Men Stopped Snoring and Now America is Over

How did I miss Simcha Fisher until now? She is just a treasure trove of snark material!

Her latest bit of snarkalicious wonderment is entitled Masculinity Reduction Surgery, which made me think that the New York Times had managed to find two hipsters trying to start the antitrend of penis size reduction, but alas, no.

It is far more sinister than that! It is the end of men and the end of America itself!!1!!eleventy!!!

Men are- I can hardly bear to type these words- getting plastic surgery. This is the end, my friends, the very end.

Look, I'm not really comfortable plastic surgery, unless it is reconstructive. If an accident or illness has left you looking significantly different than you used to, and this bothers you, reconstructive surgery all the way, baby! Otherwise . . . I dunno. I used to be totally opposed to plastic surgery, but then I noticed that my upper eyelids are drooping with age, as in actual overlap happening, and suddenly I think plastic surgery might be just the thing. So, I'm not judgey about plastic surgery, and I don't hold different standards for men and women on the subject, I'm just not comfortable with it. Probably because the results frequently look really odd, for one thing, and I also suspect that if we'd stop airbrushing and cutting up people showing the slightest hint of age, I might not feel quite so bad about a normal part of being 35.

Anyway, Simcha doesn't have these thoughts about plastic surgery, or at least she doesn't share them if she does. What she feels is, well:

What I mean to say is, didn’t there used to be men in this country? Men have always been vain, certainly, but one of their most endearing features has always been that most men will be vain for no particular reason. Haven’t you seen one of those 60-year-old behemoths on the beach, proceeding imperially down the shoreline like a glorious Adonis, even though his rock-hard, hairy, sunburned, hassock-sized belly alone takes up more property than the typical starter home? But he doesn’t care! He is

who he is, and he’s going to strut his stuff.

I’m not even kidding: That is what I like about men. They don’t give a damn. Their neck bulges over the back of their collar? So what? Their ears are hairy, their hands are rough, they snore and make noise and take up lots of space. That is what men are supposed to be like, and if they are going to start frowning into the magnifying mirror and getting all teary when bathing suit season comes around, then we might as well just call it a day. Good night, America. Sorry, Ben Franklin. It was a pretty good country, but it’s over now.

Ah, gender stereotypes. Girls like pink and don't know how to use power tools and men think their beer bellies and ear hair are hawt! And any man or woman not fitting into those stereotypes are destroying Western civilization!

First of all, fuck off. Men aren't "supposed to be" anything but themselves and men shouldn't have to pretend to be what you think men are supposed to be just so you can feel comfortable. Sorry, Simcha, you're not god.

Secondly, it's total bullshit. My husband's weight ranges from obese to morbidly obese. I don't care, but he does and he always has. He has never been proud of the amount of space he takes up or oblivious to how other people see him. My husband has eyes, Simcha. He can see all the movie stars and models and he can see that what's in the mirror doesn't look like that. And it doesn't make him feel good.

Yes, Simcha, men have feelings. (And soft hands. I can't imagine why a musician/recording engineer would have rough hands, but I guess that makes my husband a woman.)

I'm glad you like hairy ears and farts and snoring and neck bulges, but that doesn't make any woman who doesn't not a woman, or any man who doesn't want to be hairy-eared, farty and bulgey less of a man. And it's unbelievably arrogant of you to think that you can determine what men are, and declare that all men who don't fall into your categories aren't really men. Who the hell do you think you are, Simcha?

Oh, wait, I see, it's vascetomies. Men who have had them ARE NOT MEN.

How did we get here? In my entirely unscientific opinion, something else happened in the ‘50s, when men started making appointments with their doctors for a different procedure. And once it became common, there was no particular reason for men to look like men. One word, and I’ll give you a hint: It starts with “v-a-s.”

Ooh, sorry, neutered guys, did that hurt your widdle feelings? THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT A MAN.

Hey, done with fathering children? YOU ARE NOT A MAN! Incapable of fathering children? YOU ARE NOT A MAN! Testicular cancer require the removal of your testicles? YOU ARE NOT A MAN.

SIMCHA SAID SO*.

And you ruined America, you thoughtless unmale bastard. Now think about what you've done!

*Simcha only wrote that choosing sterility makes one NOT A MAN, but what's the difference? If sterility means you are not a man, it shouldn't make any difference whether one is sterile by choice or not.

Now That's Just Mean!

I never stopped to consider this question:

The reason, according to Genesis, that humans have pain and suffering is that Yhwh cursed all humanity because the first two humans made a rather understandable mistake. Now, of course, I have considered how absurdly, breathtakingly cruel it would be to punish all humanity for the mistakes of two humans, but I never considered why we are still being punished. After all, Jesus died for our sins, right? That definitely includes Original Sin. So why do we still live under the curse of original sin?

My answer is that there is no god, no Adam and Eve, no original Sin and no curse. Bad stuff happens because it does. People grow old and die because entropy always wins.

Christians, however, have to come up with some other reason, and it is as breathtakingly cruel as the curse itself:

We know that the curse is the result of man's sin. And why then are we, who are forgiven of sin, still living the curse?

Because the curse is a constant reminder that we are in desperate need of salvation. It was designed with a purpose--put there for our good—so that we might understand our need for a saviour.

Wow. That's . . . indescribable. Imagine that your great great great great great great great great grandfather murdered someone, was tried, convicted and spent the remainder of life in prison. Would you find it fair for you to be in prison for his crime? Of course not. Your grandparents weren't alive when the crime was committed, why should you be punished for it? Your grandfather already paid his debt to society, why should you have to do it again?

What if the answer to that question was "yes, the bet is paid, but we're going to imprison every member of your family forever to show everyone else that we take murder very seriously"?

Apparently, if you're Christian, you think that's love.

What Planet Do You Live On, and What's the Weather Like There?

[Note: I can't log into blogger using Google Chrome, so I'm stuck using Explorer. Blech! Anyway, I'm used to blogger spellchecking as I write the same way MSWord does, and as far as I can tell, I'm going to have to copy/paste this post into Word, do the spellcheck and then copy/paste it back. Charmingly, running the spellcheck in blogger while in Explorer just highlights the misspelled words, and if I knew how to spell them, I wouldn't have misspelled them in the first place. Anyway, fucking blogger.]

Every now and then, I come across a post from a fundy so removed from reality as I experience it that I have to ask, "What planet do you live on and what's the weather like there?"

Now, I could rip apart every word of this post, I mean, she refers to homosexuals as "sodomites"*, but what made me wonder if the internet now extends to alternate realities was this:

First, God reveals Himself to all mankind. We are all born with a knowledge of
God and a desire to seek and to serve Him. This is why it is so easy to guide a
child into a saving knowledge of God and a life of service to God. This is the
desire God puts into a child. However, the first step one takes down this road
is rejecting God. This is compounded when parents place their children into a
sociological morass called the public school. In the public school, Christ is
only mentioned as a part of a swear word, as a study of mythology or when the
Catholic persecutions are purported to be in the name of Christ (Christ never
encouraged anyone to convert another by force or at the edge of a sword).
Christianity is, in many schools, mocked and ridiculed by the evangelistic
secular humanist and her religion: evolution.

"Sociological morass?" I can't decide if the author, Randy Ross, is referring to all those brown kids rubbing up against his kids' delicate white skin, or maybe all the poor people spreading poor cooties or what. (If you've started with the word "sodomite" I'm just going to ahead and assume that you're a racist as well.) I mean, really, children being expected to interact with other members of society who may be the slightest bit different from them. It's outrageous!

As for Christ only being mentioned as part of a swear word, can you imagine? I can't. I have no idea what, exactly, Randy thinks goes on in public schools, but I can assure you public school teachers are not instructing students in new, blasphemous swear words. Honestly. It's so utterly ridiculous, I can't help but laugh, but I think he may sincerely believe this to be true. He really may believe that if he sent his kids to a public school, they would come home with a spelling list that included "fuck" and "Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ!".

That's what actual people in America actually believe about America. They live right next door to you and they vote.

My work will never be done, will it?

*It's Christian love, baby!

**I'd probably be a bit more successful in life if I channeled my talents into marketable avenues.

Women Can't Learn, but We'll Take Your Money Anyway

I have the Maxwell's blog in my reader. They're . . . odd. They're a roving band of fundamentalist musicians. The men dress normally, in khakis and golf shirts and the women wear these hideous jumpers and long sleeved, high necked shirts. It is tragic. They do things like travel through Idaho into Canada in the beginning of April*, and then get all surprised when they run into every different description of trouble with the weather and their old tour bus, delightfully named Uriah- including sinking into the pavement in a small town in Canada.

Recently, one of the Maxwell boys has launched a new venture, ITonRamp.com. It didn't come up in my reader capitalized like that, so I read it as iTronramp** and thought, "Is there nothing Apple can't do?" (Imagine my disappointment.) What exactly ITonRamp is, I couldn't tell you.

I guess it has something to do with this:

Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.

Proverbs 4:26

hmmm.

Well, how about this:

IT (computer-related) work has been a great blessing to our sons, giving them vocations that have allowed them the means to purchase their homes debt free. We are excited that ITonRamp will give other young people these same opportunities without having to leave home for their education.

Steve and Teri Maxwell
Titus2.com

Well, I guessed it was IT work, computer-related doncha know, but "without having to leave home" is very fundilicious. See, lots of secular training programs like to advertise "from the comfort of your own home!", so perhaps this strikes you as normal. No, no, no, This is a dog whistle and a half. This means "without having to go to a college and meet people with different beliefs and become a gay atheist prostitute muslim!"

So, they teach you computer stuff. Lots of people do that. What makes this specia- wow, look at that!

What makes ITonRamp unique? Instead of using just "instructors," we employ mentors. A mentor is someone with a verified skill-set in the area they are teaching. In addition, they have lives founded on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Instructors? Fuck your instructors! Ivy League white tower socialfasciislamoatheists, they are! And elite, they are elite! We have mentors. Mentors are just like instructors without any kind of certification and they love Jesus! Jeeeesus!

Because that's what's important when I want to learn computer stuff.

Actually, it's very important as demonstrated by the faq:

To teach computer skills, foundational and beyond

To equip for immediate income generation

To develop life skills

To prepare for service

To accomplish this in a Christ-centered learning environment without having to ingest humanistic, ungodly information in pursuit of a career or diploma.

• Humanistic ungodly facts, yo! Don't ingest them!
• And how will they prevent this ingestion of humanistic ungodly comestibles?

By furnishing carefully chosen curriculum that is consistent with Christian ideals and is conducive to learning. If that means tearing pages out of a textbook or writing new curriculum, we have and will do it.

This is an IT course, mind you. It's been a while since I took any computer courses, but I don't recall, well, anything that would require removal by a fundy. Are del tags an abomination before the lord? Honestly, purely in the field of IT, can anyone think of anything that would be offensive enough to a fundy that they would have to remove it from a textbook entirely?

What about the wimmenz? Can they learn computer stuff? Well, sorta.

Young women will also find ITonRamp courses useful. It can be a struggle to productively stay busy as young women wait on the Lord for a marriage partner. It is not our goal to provide a career as such for young women, but to help them be productive with their time as the Lord Jesus directs. IT work can give excellent opportunities to earn significant self-employed income in a safe, non-corporate environment and have skills that will facilitate a future marriage, especially if the future husband is self-employed.

Only in the sense that it might help you get married, honey. We wouldn't want you out there in the dangerous corporate world wearing pants or something.

How much does this cost? $200 for the Home Track course for the wimmenz and $1,000 for the A+ Track.

And for that you get . . . mentors. and ripped up books. and mentors. but wait!

Whoa, so some guy is going to be spending time on the phone with my twenty-one-year-old daughter “mentoring” her? I don't like the sound of that!

At this point we anticipate the mentors to be men. To enable propriety and no possibility of defrauding, direct phone conversations will be from a person of the same gender. Therefore, if there are ladies in a track, the phone call to them will be via a female mentor assistant. The mentor assistant will not have the technical experience that the mentor has, but she will provide the one-on-one personal encouragement that the mentor would have provided.

So, if you're a guy, you get a phone call from someone who actually (he says anyway) has the knowledge to help you. If you are a woman, you'll get a phone call from a woman who has no idea about computery stuff, but she is encouraging. Because why ask for knowledge when you can get "Jesus loves you!"? Is there some reason the mentor assistant can't ask an actual mentor the question and then relay the answer to the woman in question?

The question itself is, of course, amazing. So, my adult daughter will be ON THE PHONE with being "mentored"? Men can't even control themselves on the phone now? She can't hang up the phone if gets fresh? She can't enjoy him being fresh?

le sigh.

*For Idaho and Canada, April is still solidly winter.

**I finally saw the new Tron and loved it. LUH. I know it was panned, but the visual spectacle was outstanding, and what else are you expecting from Tron?

Grandma's Roasting in Hell, Being Tortured by Demons, Honey. Now Eat Your Peas!

There's a lesson here somewhere.

I've probably mentioned this before, but my first crisis of faith occurred when I was six and a nun told me that dogs don't go to Heaven. Really, what's the point of Heaven if there won't be dogs* in it**?

Now imagine if that nun had told me my beloved grandparents were being tortured by demons for all eternity. Only the nun is your mom. And she says it like it's a good thing.

I know many of us have many unsaved family members, spouses, parents, sisters, brothers, etc.

But, as a parent, I think having an unsaved child(ren), no matter how old they are, is heartwretching and I am having a very difficult time with this.

As a parent we have tried to protect our children since birth and now when they don't know Jesus, it is like watching them die a slow death.

I have 2 children, a son 44 and a daughter 43.

My daughter is not saved, lives in Florida, never married, no children, beautiful, but is a party girl. She doesn't talk to me much or to the rest of the family either. I think deep down she is not as happy as she pretends to be. If I mention Jesus to her, she tells me to have fun thinking about my "afterlife" while she does everything she can to enjoy this one.

Yeah, she sounds miserable.

My son wa saved over 20 years ago during a relationship with a born again believer. All 3 of us attended church together. He was a changed man. But the relatioship ended and my son didn't show alot of fruit in later years, But, he always assured me he knew Jesus and would be in Heaven with me. Always! A couple months ago he told me he changed his mind and he thinks there are many ways to Heaven as he can't fathom the thought that his paternal grandparents whom he adored (but were as Catholic as they come) are in Hell.

I like him. Poor guy. Can you imagine being raised by this woman. "You know your grandparents, sweetie? Yes, they loved you very much. They played with you and hugged you and got you great presents and they're screaming their lungs out while being tortured by demons right now. Right now! Isn't that great?" Srsly.

I have to admit that knowing the Rapture is upon us, I am already grieving for my children. I can't stand the agony, even though I know in my heart that if God wants them for His own, He will find a way.

This may sound awful, but I think I could deal better if they died KNOWING Jesus (prior to the Rapture) then knowing that they could die without knowing Jesus or that we could be taken at any time and they will be left behind.

Wow. That's . . . um . . . I dunno, maybe German has a word for that? English sure doesn't. I have never ever looked at any of my loved ones and thought, "You know, I'd feel better about things if you were dead. Right now. Yeah, that would make me more comfortable." That's . . . O.o

How do you find joy when you are a parent of lost children and you never know when the phone will ring with bad news with an accident or we never know when we will be raptured when things appear that it will likely be soon?

See, now I can answer that question: Take a lesson from your son and your daughter and stop believing silly shit like this and enjoy the life you have with them now, before it's too late.

*Or cats or horses or bunnies or hamsters, etc.

**I can't remember who came up with this idea, but I read once that Heaven and Hell are the same place, it's just that two different people will find the same thing to be both pleasing and displeasing, so for me, Heaven is endless fields of puppies, but for someone who is scared of dogs, that's simultaneously Hell. It's really quite a clever idea.

I Will Victimize You With This Post

[trigger warning: modesty, rape. please enjoy this immodest, nonrapey otter instead.]

I just victimized you. Just now. Look at the picture of my boobs again- and I victimized you twice in 10 seconds.

Of course, if you are a regular reader of this blog, you've seen them before, and you don't consider seeing my boobs to be an aggressive move on my part. Your reaction was probably "meh", "nice!" or "Oh, c'mon, again?"

If you were raised in the fundamentalism subculture, however, as millions of Americans were and are, you would see my choice of clothing, the way I move, my body itself as assaultive towards you. Assuming you are a man, of course. (Since women have no sex drive and only have sex in exchange for shelter and food, men can't assault us with their sexiness.*) Men are not responsible for their own actions, and lust is a sin, which creates a situation where, if a man finds a woman vaguely attractive, it's because she is a WHORE and she is flaunting her WHOREisness in front of the innocent mens.

This creates some frightening beliefs and attitudes, btw. Some of these men are angry, which makes sense, really. If you believe that lust is evil and that women are responsible for your thoughts and feelings and actions, you would be constantly angry. You would be angry at every woman in a tank top, every woman in a short skirt, every woman whose breasts bounce** as she moves, every woman whose hips sway as she walks**- in other words, every woman.

And you would be angry at the fact that you can't control it at all. You can't control how women dress or move. You can't control where they walk in those low cut shirts and short skirts.

Here are some comments that reflect that anger from the modesty survey at Rebelution:

Saddened; disappointed; sometimes angered. They're distracting good men, dishonoring God and marriage, and offering themselves cheaply---which makes me desire even more strongly a girl who is modest, who is valuable. I would be disingenuous if I didn't concede that these kinds of girls are a temptation. But I always remind myself that if a girl flaunts herself before I marry her, she'll do the same thing afterward. As a husband, that would make me pretty mad.What would make me happy is dedicating all my energy to loving a young woman who reserves herself for me.

It's not their body to flaunt. It belongs to Christ and their future husband. How dare they flaunt something that God did not permit them to flaunt? How dare they write a check the Bible doesn't allow them to cash? When a girl purposely flaunts her body, she is almost immediately ruled out for anything beyond acquantenance in my eyes.

Yes, you can turn me on, but don't expect me to respect you. Yes, I might find you attractive on the outside, but that won't make me think of you as attractive on the inside. Sure you might get my attention, but it will be negative attention.Men are easily stimulated visually. It doesn't take rocket science to figure that out. But this leads to lust - not love.Love is a commitment. In order to get a commitment from a guy, he needs to perceive you as respectable and of immeasurable worth. Flaunting your body communicates that you don't have a lot of self-worth. God made women and by flaunting their bodies, they are insulting the creator and cheapening his invaluable creation.

It's not my body to flaunt. It's God's body, it's my (future) husband's body, but it's not mine. I just live in it.

So, how many steps do you suppose are between that and rape? One, maybe two? I mean, it's not my body and I'm hurting every man who can see me, so . . . let's teach me a lesson, huh? I mean, I am flaunting and dishonoring my (future) husband and GOD and cheapening myself so I must want to fuck every guy in the world and men aren't responsible for their actions and . . . rape.

Funny thing, Rebelution, sexual assault is higher in countries that do control what women wear and where they go, like Saudi Arabia***. You won't see anything of a woman but her eyes, no bouncing, no swaying, nothing but black fabric broken only by a tiny mesh window. And sexual assault is far more prevalent than in the US.

Why is that? Because the entirety of Saudi Arabia has bought the lie that women are responsible for how men feel and act and that men carry no responsibility for their feelings and actions, which sexual assault is always whose fault? I'll give you a hint: not the one doing the assaulting.

Look, I'm not feeling bad for rapists, and I'd like pictures of the men who gave those comments so I know whom to avoid, but I feel bad for them, too. According to their upbringing, they are constantly being victimized. They are the victim of virtually every woman they see. That must really suck.

Psst . . . guys! Yeah, you. Feminism can help you. No, really. Once you understand that feelings are okay and you are responsible for your own actions and that women's bodies belong to the women and nobody else, you will stop being a victim. You'll feel so much better, I promise.

Well, I doubt any of those guys saw that, but let's keep saying it. Eventually someone stuck as an eternal victim will hear it, statistically speaking or something. At the very least, our children will hear it and that's a start.

*HAHAHAHAHAHA!

**These things are unavoidable. The construction of breasts, the way they are attached to the chest, their composition, makes bouncing and bobbling unavoidable. As to hips, I honestly don't know how not to sway a bit when I walk. I mean, my hips are 11" bigger than my waist, I think swaying is also unavoidable given that build.

***Official statistics put Saudi Arabia at the lowest per capita, with a rate of .003 per 1,000. This is because fornication is punishable by death, and rape counts as fornication. Private, anonymous surveys show that as many as 80% of women were sexually assaulted in some way at some point in their lives.

You're Enjoying This Way Too Much.

Last week, I happened to catch the local news and they showed a dog whose owner had abused it, quite creatively and for a long time. As dogs will, it recovered and now has a very nice home filled with toys and treats. For a brief instant, I wanted the ability to rip someone's spleen out of their body and shove it down their throat. It was the video of the dog's tail, weakly wagging at its rescuer that drove me over the top. After all that, a dog will still trust people to make things better.

Rage, I understand. Vengeance, oh, I grok that.

This, not so much. It's a treatise on hell and hell and fiery punishment- everlasting- and I've seen it all before, until we got to this:

"Some people think that hell will only be experienced by the inner consciousness. But hell will be experienced by the body, too. Transcendent, eternal bodies are going to be given to the damned; they will suffer in those bodies forever.

Um . . . oooookaaaay. Why? Why would God, maker of heaven and earth, omnipotent and omniscient, need to give me a new "transcendent" body in order to torment me? It seems a bit, what's the word I'm looking for? Unnecessary? Sadistic? Bizarre?

Seriously, what is going on in the writer's mind that that makes sense and seems worthy of worship?

And this, regarding the degrees of hell:

"So, hell will be a place of unrelieved torment of body and soul in varying degrees. John Gerstner said, "Hell will have such severe degrees that a sinner were he able would give the whole world if his sins could be one less."

Really? After eternity? I guess that's why we have to have new, transcendent bodies, because in this current one, you can get used to anything inside of a few minutes, depending upon what it is, so I give it 1,000 years at the outside before everyone is hell is all "meh, whatever, just another day of fiery torment."

This makes no sense at all:

God never meant for hell to be for people. He made it for the devil and his angels. But people choose to go to hell by rejecting Christ. Some souls are suffering that torment right now, and have been waiting for their resurrected bodies for thousands of years. But even after they receive their transcendent bodies, they will be no closer to the end of eternal punishment than when they first entered hell. No wonder Jesus had to teach about hell!

God never meant for hell to be for people? God's omniscient, right? If he is, the above statement makes no fucking sense at all. Not one bit. If he isn't, well, that kicks the rest of your theology in the teeth. Either way, stoopid.

And, just to amuse myself, God and I talk transcendent, eternal bodies:

God: Here you go!

Me: Hey, neat, what's this?

God: That's your new, transcendent, eternal body.

Me: What does "transcendent" even mean in that context?

God: You know, tranning scendents.

Me: What?

God: Never mind, what do you think of it?

Me: Well . . . I'm a little underwhelmed, to be honest.

God: What? Why? It's transcendent, it's eternal!

Me: I was really hoping to get something better than this. This is just a human body. Like many others. Much like the one I used to have. Do you have anything in Jägermonster?

God: What?

Me: I was thinking gold, with red eyes and red hair. Maybe gold streaks in the hair. Of course, shark's teeth and long, pointed ears, and inch-long claws. That's just standard. I'd be equally satisfied either way with horns, but I'd really rather not be covered in fur.

God: Seriously?

Me: Transcendent!

Slavery or Slavery, Which Would You Prefer?

I have The Christian Post in my reader, so every day I have 15-30 articles waiting for me. I doubt The Christian Post really intended for anyone to read the following articles back to back, but I did and it made me lol*.

The truth is, to be a Christian is to be a slave of Christ, according to an evangelical author.

That may not sit well with a lot of people, especially in America where the image of slavery is undoubtedly ugly and regrettable. But John MacArthur suggests in his new book Slave that it's the most accurate way of truly understanding what it means to be a Christ follower.

First of all, is there a country where slavery is or was not ugly and regrettable? I'm a little disturbed by that statement. Anyway, what immediately followed that was this:

When we ignore God's rules and live any way we want to, however, we end up only hurting ourselves. Some of the Bible's most sobering words are found in the Old Testament book of Proverbs: "There is a way that seems right to a man (or woman), but in the end it leads to death" (Proverbs 16:25).

You may think you're free right now, but in reality you have become a slave -- a slave to your own desires and appetites.

So, I can be a slave to your god or a slave to my desires, but there's not freedom here. Slavery is good! Slavery is bad! Free yourself! Enslave yourself! Happiness is slavery! All the black is really white, if only you believe!

I can't imagine how these people keep up with their own beliefs . . . oh, wait, that actually explains a lot.

*Right now, there's a wavy red line under "lol" so it looks like a little guy drowning. And that's what's going on inside my head 95% of the time.

Whacktastic!

I read this and yelled, "That's whacktistic!" at my desk at work. And then mumbled sheepishly, "Some lady on youtube . . . fell into a fountain . . ."

But seriously, this is so whacktastic I can only assume the Blogging Fairy had it written just for me.

The One Indispensable Constituent of a Good Education

Grammar? Spelling? Logic? A questioning nature?

"The beginning of wisdom is the fear of God."

Ooookay . . .

If the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is the fear of God, then one should never teach anything without this very basic foundational truth either clearly expressed or assumed.

Anything at all? How would one manage this? I can think of any number of subjects entirely neutral to the question of god.

This guy can't.

What then would constitute a good science class, for example? Picture the instructor describing the order, the beauty, the complexity, the expanse, and the glory of the universe, the human body, and the animal kingdom. Then, he lifts his arms and says in a whisper to the class, Silence for a moment! All of you, stand in awe of him! Stand in awe of him! Let us worship the mighty Creator of heaven and earth. Anything short of this is not good science.

Whacktastic! Can you imagine? That's just . . . just . . .O.o

Words, they fail me.

The history professor will discuss the bubonic plague that destroyed 1/3 of Europe in the latter half of the 15th century. But unless he turns around and tells his students to fear the God behind it all, the One who does his will in the whirlwind and in the storm (Nah. 1:3),he has failed to teach good history.

e.e

If the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is the fear of God, then the first lesson in every sex education class should be a discussion on fearing God, because he is the one who first wrote the words, "Thou shalt not commit adultery. . ." And, "Be not deceived. God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. . ." And, "The eyes of the Lord are in every place beholding the evil and the good."

This is a penis . . . What is it, Timmy? Oh, yes, Be not deceived, now, upon arousal, the penis . . .

This, by the way, is what happens when you study Psalms instead of physics:

Last year our family was traveling through Wyoming on vacation, heading west on I-80 in the dead of winter. It was about 8:00 pm and my wife was driving on dry pavement at full speed. I drifted off for what seemed like a moment, when I woke to my wifes screaming, Help me Jesus! Apparently, she had hit a patch of ice formed by blowing snow on a high point in the road, and instantly I realized we were sliding sideways down the freeway. There was only one thing I could do. I joined in with my wife, yelling, Help us Lord. Help us now! Now! Please? It was a very charismatic moment, prayers going up to God in rather disorderly fashion.

In mere seconds, God took the vehicle and moved it onto the center divider where the vehicle plowed through 18 inches of snow for about one hundred feet. As we came to rest, we could not tell that we had stopped, for the snow had covered the entire vehicle like an igloo. Peering outside, I announced to everybody that we had come to a stop. We woke up the children. We trembled, and wept, and cried out to God, Thank you oh God for saving our lives today! And together we sang To God be the Glory. There was somebody else in the car with us. We knew that he was there. He was there!

Yes, god picked up your car, carefully placed it onto the center divider and used snow to slow you down. After allowing you to hit a patch of black ice and go sliding sideways in the first place. That god, such a kidder!

But what happens to a civilization that neglects to root an education in the fear of God over successive generations? It will eventually destroy knowledge itself. Scientists would be unable to distinguish between the science that drops a ball 100 times, and notes that mass seems to attract other mass to itself by a gravitational pull (at a probability of 99%), and the science that takes a look at a rock and calls it 4,325,000,000 years old. With equal levels of dogmatism, they conclude that force equals mass times acceleration, and then look at 600 factors that might cause global warming, and insist that the world will come to an end as we know it in 100 years unless we replace our SUV's with mopeds. A science without the fear of God will produce a hubris that can only end in irrationality

Damn, I used O.o too soon. Apparently, this dude is, with no scientific training whatsoever, qualified to decide what science is true and what science is just silliness. That Stephen Hawking, such a fool!

As one scientist told me recently, There is no essential difference between the science of Darwin and the science of Boyle, Newton, Pasteur and Pascal. What a breathtaking lapse in clear thinking! What exactly did Darwin give the modern world, but one lousy hypothesis concerning origins. Such blurring of science and pseudo-scientific guesswork began with Darwins hypothesis of species-evolution by a survival-of-the-fittest mechanism. While millions of scientists worldwide pursued this new pseudo-science with appropriate levels of hubris, thankfully there were men who feared God like Boyle, Newton, Pasteur, and Pascal who produced multiple advancements in the engineering and medical sciences as they took real dominion over Gods green earth with real observable, measurable, and reproducible science.

Is there something stronger than O.o, because I really need it now.

What happens to the minds of men who wander for 150 years without acknowledging their need for the Creator and His truth? Their scientists will busy themselves with worthless projects like extracting gold from lead, or acquiring clones from unfertilized parthenogenocized zygotes, or building towers that keep falling down. Science without the fear of God will in the end prove to be futile, and fatal in the brave new world without God.

lol wut? First of all, anyone whose mind is wandering for 150 years is living about twice as long as average for today, so good for them. Secondly, last time I checked, cloning worked and "towers that fall down"? What is he referring to? I have no idea, unless he's referring to the Twin Towers, in which case, in poor taste, and nobody builds anything with a contingency for "asshole flying a plane into it".

What happens to a nation that doesn't teach the fear of God as the beginning of wisdom for five generations? What happens to a nation that will not build its house upon Jesus and his words? When the rains come and floods rise, that house will come down, and great will be the fall of it (Matt. 7:27)! That nation will find 37% of children born without fathers, up from 6% in 1960, and half of marriages ending in divorce. That nation will become the greatest debtor nation on earth and inherit the weakest families in the entire western world. Sound familiar?

Really, it says that in Bible? Matt 7:28- and 37% of children will be born without fathers and national debt shall exceed net GDP. I must have skipped that day in Sunday School.