Nobody Fights Sea Monsters in Daisy Dukes

You know what I love about BioWare, other than Anders? I love that female characters are never saving the world in daisy dukes or chainmail bikinis*. Seriously.

That's the female version of chainmail from Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion. That is my favorite game of all time. I still play it. It's six years old and still holds up, in my opinion. However, for some strange reason, while men are covered head to toe by chainmail, women can't even wear a bra with it (it would show through the slit). Why? C'mon, you know why.

See that? That's BioWare's Dragon Age II. Every other character is female, but you can't tell the difference just on armor, can you? The women's chests, stomachs, hips, thighs and butts are as covered as the men's. You know, so the armor will do what armor is intended to do.

Look at that. That's Bonnie Lass. She commands a ship and saves the day. She's also at risk for a labia popping out if she moves too fast. And if you've ever worn thigh high pantyhose (hey, I used to be interesting), you know you aren't kicking sea monster ass in them. You're too occupied pulling them up every time you move. And don't get me started on garter belts. (I used to very, very interesting.) And why, exactly, is she so opposed to 3" of her thighs being covered? Is that small strip of flesh constantly hot, so hot she cannot bear the touch of fabric? No, it's sexy. Because being a hero just isn't enough, you also have to titillate every teenage boy in a 500 mile radius.

Gah! Hey, look, it's not just teenage boys that play video games and read comics. Women do, too, increasing numbers. Please, please, please stop treating female characters as existing only to titillate teenage boys. Start treating them like people who select appropriate clothing for the task at hand, and chainmail bikinis and daisy dukes are not appropriate for saving the world.

*Yes, yes, Isabella. Isabella is charmingly slutty. (Actually, I despise Isabella, but not because she enjoys her sexuality. Because she ran off and left me and then I had to do a huge fight with 3 people instead of 4 and it took me 17 tries to get through it. I hate her!) It's just who she is, and she's not the player controlled character or the hero.

Not All Talent Should Be Encouraged

New Atheist in the Park is a furry comic all about the terrible people that are atheists, conveniently represented by a rat . . . sheep . . . thing. I dunno, see if you can figure it out.

The face is rather distinctly sheepy, but the hands, and later the tail, are distinctly ratlike. Shouldn't the Christian be the sheep? Lamb of God and all that?

I really want that t-shirt. It says: "Ask me about your god and I'll tell you why he doesn't exist". Actually, it should say "Tell me about your god and I'll tell you why he doesn't exist". That's the t-shirt I want. Not that I would ever wear it out in public. How about underwear that says that? Then I can wear it, but nobody sees it.

"Sweet and holy mother of Dawkins"? Why on earth do fundys think we worship Dawkins? I respect Dawkins. I'd love to meet him, but not nearly as much as I want to [bleep!] Naveen Andrews.

Have you ever met an atheist who was so upset at the sight of a person reading a Bible (a very common sight in some places, mind you) that they immediately started verbally attacking that person and then stole the Bible? No, you have not. I have, however, been approached by all sorts of Christians while minding my own business and been harrassed about my beliefs, handed tracts, been touched by these people (it's called battery, it's a crime), most of whom refused to leave me alone when I asked them to.

This "artist" is imagining a world in which atheists act like Christians do in real life every day. A very good friend of mine sent me a copy of The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ. I, without thinking, brought it to read on the bus. I ended having to defend myself against a very angry man for the terrible crime of having that book on my person. How dare I?! I ended up having to pretend that I had no idea what the book was about, that I had gotten it from a coworker I hardly knew, and that I would throw it away as soon as I got home. So yeah, the above is totally accurate, but only if you reverse the characters.

"That's all folks"? You didn't even tell a story . . . dear quantum field is that atheist sheeprat thing wearing a belly shirt and short shorts?! Now that's persecution!

A Christian Comic: Final Fantasy Meets Rock Band

comic, christian, safe sex, homosexual, music

The Truth for Youth produces Christian comics of such awesome hilarity that I think the author/artist should get some sort of award. Seriously, look at that picture from "Wasted Words: The Truth About Secular Music". Clearly, the designers of Final Fantasy have gotten together with the designers of Rock Band and this was the result. The lyrics were obviously taken from a rejected song written by the Maynard of Tool after a week long ecstasy binge, and someone's been spending a little too much time with the lolcatz (KEWL!*).

The comic only gets better from there with such classic lines as "I should have listened in bible study!" and "Maybe I'm [at the show] to learn deeper truths".

Born That Way: The Truth About Homosexuality has the standard "gays don't deserve civil rights, it's a choice, blahblahblah", set the exciting atmosphere of a riot- complete with tear gas and flying boulders.

Passes and Plays: The Truth About Safe Sex includes the high school football star, the slutty cheerleader, lies about STDs and birth control, and the instant classic line: "Baby, we'll be doin' more than talkin' later! I'm gonna huddle on your line of scrimmage and go for the extra point! Haw Haw**!"

Fail so awesome it's a win.

*Seriously, who speaks lolcat?

**It appears that Christian comics are required to include that laugh.

Test Tube of Faith

atheism, atheist, humor, comic