This Really Cannot Be Said Enough

(I won't link to the blog post that sparked this, but suffice it to say that yet another person finds mental illness shameful and doesn't want to seek treatment.)

When I first met my SIL, she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for several years and had been struggling with it for years before that. It took a long time to get the right medications in the right doses. She, in and of herself, was eye opening to me, in that she was the first person I'd ever met with a mental illness who discussed it as openly and unashamedly as one would discuss a physical illness*.

The same way I would say, without shame or reserve, that my hips are painful and stiff today, she would say that she found herself considering an affair during a manic state. The same way I would say that I couldn't keep up with housework, she would say that she demanded hospitalization because she couldn't appropriately mother her children.

That amazed me, and it shouldn't. It really cannot be said enough: illness is illness. You have no more control over your brain than you do over your pancreas or your bone marrow. So, unless you would be deeply ashamed of and not seek treatment for diabetes and leukemia, go to a doctor. If you are desperate and in constant agony, you need help. It doesn't matter whether that agony is . . . well, I was going to say in your body or in your brain, but pain is in your brain. Without my brain to react to it, my foot can't hurt.

Pain is pain, illness is illness and nobody needs to suffer. And nobody needs to be ashamed of falling ill. Diabetes is not evidence of weakness, kidney stones are not evidence of laziness, and obsessive compulsive disorder is not evidence of either. By the way, if you could wish yourself better, you'd have done that by now, so get to a doctor, okay?

*I'm using the distinction for conversational purposes, but really it drives me nuts. The brain is physical. Mental illnesses are the result of abnormalities in the functioning of the brain, and are therefore physical in nature. The distinction we make between mental and physical illness is meaningless and dangerous besides.

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle . . .

. . . rules the world*.

I've been seeing that a lot recently, especially from people arguing that women shouldn't vote, women should have no control over their bodies, women shouldn't have the option to work, women shouldn't receive higher educations, basically the "let's party like it's 1199" crowd.

Their reasoning is simple: you don't need to control your body or participate in democracy or earn money or even know things, honey, you'll have sons and by raising them, you will change the world. Very likely after your are dead, and considering that you are raising them to believe that women are uteruses with cooking skills, it won't be to your benefit, but power! You has it! I swear!

What, the sex of the baby is controlled by the father and you might never have sons? You can't have children? You don't want to have children? Look, the patriarchy isn't about options, now shut up and obey the men like a good little girl.

The hand that rocks the cradle and doesn't vote rules nothing. It is not a position of power, it is a position of servitude. It is the same power from servitude Christianity offers us: sit back and take it and in the next life, you'll get it all. Of course, if there is no next life, you get royally screwed, but I guess you'll never know the difference because you'll be dead.

That's right, the silver lining to both these philosophies is "Eh, you'll die eventually."

Fuck the meek, I'm taking my power right now, thankyouverymuch.

*That quote comes from a poem by William Ross Wallace. Full text here.

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I Do So Love a Recession

This is not a role model, people.

This is what one partner said to the other, no less than 3' away from me:

Partner 1: Do you know they [the secretaries, etc.] get 4 sick days and 1 personal day?

Partner 2: Really?

Partner 1: It's a recession, they're lucky to have a job at all! I say we cut it down to 2 sick days and no personal days for next year.

Partner 2: It's not like they're going anywhere.

I swear to you, that is what was said less than 5 minutes ago. Capitalism, it's fucking awesome.

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No Female Atheist Leaders- What Am I Doing Then?

Okay, I don't consider myself the equal in fame and fortune to Hitchens and Dawkins, but I'm . . . um, prolific. And an atheist. And a woman. I have 90 91 followers*, that's got to count for something. And I'm on twitter!

But no, according to Ms., the atheist "movement" is sexist, you see. PZ Myers is a man, and therefore . . . misogyny! He engages women equally and is as in your face about feminism as he is about atheism, but . . . misogyny! He also actually thought about this for longer than the Ms. writer did:

The New Atheism is really dominated right now by senior academic types, which means that we are the lucky survivors of the old all-pervasive sexism that we're seeing so well-represented in the senior cohort now, but it's shifting, have no fear — the next generation is going to be where the women in charge, as I can see by looking at the younger faces behind this movement now.

Well, duh. Atheism has always been dominated by scientists and philosophers, and academia has always been dominated by men. It's the patriarchy, stupid. But don't count me out. And don't count out our sisters on my blogroll, proud women all. We stand to be counted, we encourage others with our words, we are atheists and we are leading the way. And Ms. of all people shouldn't be ignoring our contribution to the movement. Atheists sure don't.

*Thank you, 91!

Making an Ass Out of U and Me

My mother always remembers how to spell "assume" with the sentence "when you do this, you make an ass out of u and me." (Actually, my mother thinks "assume" is spelled "assyoume" because of this phrase, but that's beside the point.)

I had a ridiculous run in on the bus and decided to share it with you. It fits in with yesterday's discussion of the joys of poverty quite well. Medically, I probably could drive, though I couldn't due to seizures for a while, but mostly I take the bus because I simply cannot afford a car. I have a hard enough time with $2.50 a day, 5 days a week. If you've ridden the bus outside of NYC* you know that most people who ride the bus are quite poor. The bus is literally their only option aside from walking or not going someplace. Outside of NYC, bus routes and schedules tend to be inconvenient and poorly planned, and riding the bus involves a lot of hurry up and wait. (For example, I'm writing this at 8:15. I'm at work 45 minutes early because the next bus would get me here 15 minutes late.)

In other words, nobody in my neck of the woods is riding the bus for pleasure. We're all poor. (Or high school students. They are comatose on the way in, and I avoid the 3:00 bus as if it were dipped in ebola.)

Anyway, a wonderful friend of mine gave me her old Kindle recently, loaded with great books, (you are the best!) and I've been passing my time on the bus reading it. No regular on the bus has blinked an eye, in fact, two women I talk to asked if my birthday had just passed. (Poor people understand that rich items are often the result of birthdays.)

Until this morning, when a well dressed woman I have never seen before started bitching that they weren't raising the bus rates when clearly people who ride the bus can afford it, looking pointedly at my Kindle. (Raising the bus rates is always a contentious issue at election time where I live.)

Look, poor people often have wealthier friends or relatives. Wealthier friends and relatives who understand that a touch of luxury, whether it be a Kindle or an ipod or an expensive coat, is often more appreciated than a paid bill. Luxury is a lovely thing when one is grinding away in poverty, wearing a winter coat indoors instead of turning on the heat, and skipping lunch so the electric bill gets paid. Hey, life sucks, but this Kindle is awesome!

And I don't have to explain to anyone where my Kindle came from. I did, in the most contemptuous tone of voice I can manage** and it didn't do a lick of good. She segued straight into welfare queens, of course. On a bus. Filled with actual welfare recipients and their children.

Good morning to me!

*Public transportation is a whole 'nother thing in NYC.

**I sound like a 6-year-old with a cold. It makes both sexy and contemptuous rather difficult to convey.

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Perhaps Someone Needs a Dictionary

I will start this dissection with a few facts. (If you've never seen those before, they're these things that you can totally lie about, but lying about them doesn't actually make them go away.)

Income limits to receive food stamps in California:

1 person gross monthly income: $1,127 (yearly gross $13,524)

2 people gross monthly income: $1,517 (yearly gross $18,204

3 people gross monthly income: $1,907 (yearly gross $22,884)

4 people gross monthly income: $2,297 (yearly gross $27,564)

So, in order to qualify for food stamps, one person cannot make more than $13,524. That is not a lot of money. That is, in fact, $6.50 an hour at 40 hours a week- less than the federal minimum wage of $7.75. You could not, therefore, get food stamps if you were working full time, even at minimum wage.

Welfare payments are even worse.

The two largest welfare programs -- by far -- are Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC) and food stamps. In 1992, the average yearly AFDC family payment was $4,572, and food stamps for a family of three averaged $2,469, for a total of $7,041. (1) In that year, the poverty level for a mother with two children was $11,186. (2) Thus, these two programs paid only 63 percent of the poverty level, and 74 percent of a minimum wage job.

Yes, those numbers are old, but does anyone really think welfare payments have gone up significantly since 1992? I doubt it, too.

Why do I make this point? Because an awful lot of people seem to think being poor in America is just awesome. Poor people are rolling in it. Being poor in America is so much better than being wealthy and paying a higher nominal tax rate.

Yeah, making minimum wage and trying to pay rent and buy food- let alone pay for anything else, is just so fantastic, we should all do it. Yay!

There is a lot riding on the election results that are now just a few days away. Everyone has a lot to lose or perhaps gain from this election. Across America there are tens of thousands of businesses that are holding on by a thread. They are counting on a new course for our country being charted that will give them at minimum a slim chance to survive. And there are tens of millions of Americans that are out of work, and simply a nervous wreck not knowing if they will lose their jobs any day now. All have so much to lose.

But there is another group that has far more to lose than all the rest. They are the poor amongst us all. Most of them voted for Obama and most of the Democrats. For when you’re down and out you will warm to anyone that tells you what you want to hear. It is hard to listen to the truth when the truth hurts. It is easy to listen to a rant of propaganda blaming all your ills on others and a promise to punish others by taking some of what they have away from them and giving it to you. They give you what you need. Someone else to blame for all that you do not have. They also give you a reason to hate the very same people who they take from in order to provide for you.

Yes, the poor are like leeches on the deserving working folk- who are the new poor. (Don't get me started on how that happened, though I'm sure John Hutchison can blame that on the poor, too.)

So, how can we, the poor, stop the recession, lower unemployment and save the country we destroyed? Giving up our cell phones.

Might be a good idea to start reducing your discretionary spending. You know, cable TV, cell phones, video rentals, eating out, custom wheels and McDonalds! After all, you can’t have it your way for very much longer.

The dollar menu is too much for you anymore! It's a luxury. Start eating garbage, you worthless piece of shit. Custom wheels? Not on $13k a year. I think John Hutchison is confusing poor people for, well, rich people. Who else has custom "wheels", by which I assume he means cars. Or something. I'm not so hip as Mr. Hutchison. And video rentals! That's for rich folks! What are you thinking, renting a Dee-vee-dee for $1 from one of those red boxes? That's for people who aren't sucking the blood of the body politic, you parasite!

So if you’re on welfare and don’t want to lose your benefits than you need to start thinking about providing something back to the very people who have provided assistance to you all their working lives. All I am asking you to do is help us do what must be done to get America on track again.

Unemployment is 20% in some places. Where the fuck are these people supposed to find jobs to get themselves off of public assistance when there are 5 people vying for every 1 available job? Where the fuck are they supposed to get the skills to qualify for the jobs? Mr. Hutchison doesn't know- just do it! Stop being poor, it's easy!

Disease and Desire- a Primer of Sorts

Holly of the Pervocracy (never, ever safe for work, but that's why I love her) has a great post today about sick sex.

No. It was like coming home. Back to the place where I'm desirable, desiring, fuckable, fucking. Back to where pleasure matters. Back to where bodies are wonderful beautiful things for joy and exploration. Back to being a person.

People- and by people, I mean doctors, friends, loved ones, lovers- get really freaked out by the concept of disabled/chronically ill people as sexual beings. Being disabled makes one, in the mind of others, occupy the same mental space as the elderly and children- sexless beings, or at least beings that damn well ought to be sexless, and if you're not, get on it, because nobody wants to think about amputees getting it on, okay? Yeesh.

Except that disabled =/= sexless. Assumed sexlessness is one of the worst things about disability. And orgasms are better for pain than dilaudid, and that stuff is like being hugged by the almighty, let me tell you.

I am not sexless. I have no desire to be sexless. I like sex. I like desiring and being desired. It's more difficult these days, and sex requires a bit more being careful of aching joints than I'd like, but that doesn't make me sexless. But try having a conversation with a doctor about sex and making sure I can keep having it. They act like I'm requesting they fix my ability to bungee jump or something equally outlandish and unnecessary. How sick are you, really, if you still want to get naked and crazy? seems to be the general implication, along with a hint of I can't believe you made me think about that. Ew.

So, anyway, for today, if you see someone disabled or old or whatever, force yourself to consider that that is a sexual being, too. That is an entire person who has all the same desires and desirings of the able and young and beautiful. Extra credit if you picture it and don't gag.