The World Is Complicated, Allow Me to Simplify It for You

I had an epiphany while reading a fascinating exchange on Zimbabwe (the country formerly known as Rhodesia) and the continuing effects of colonialism in present day Africa.

Well, actually, commentors like Whateverman and the problem with religion were having a fascinating discussion about the continuing effects of colonialism in present day Africa, while the blogger himself, Chris, was repeating "Christians [of my particular persuasion] good, all others bad!"

This relates, oddly enough, to the case of an abortion performed on a woman who would have died without the abortion, and the Catholic defense of their belief that even if the pregnancy will not result in a viable baby, the woman in question should still die, which could be reduced to "we have rules and we stick to them and if you allow exceptions to rules everything immediately descends into chaos."

That is, of course, demonstrably silly and everyone knows this, even those who claim it is true. I imagine everyone's boss cares when they show up and will punish people who fail to show up on time. However, if even the most die-hard Catholic got a flat tire on their way to work, do you think they wouldn't protest being punished for their lateness? If they were the boss do you think they wouldn't say, "Well, that's not your fault, don't worry about it"? Would the entire world descend into chaos if they did allow an exception in such a case? No.

The thing is, I have had bosses that would punish people for events beyond their control. Because actually listening to people and making judgments as to what is avoidable or fair is complicated. And who wants to think about things? It's far easier just to enforce the rules the same way every time, though that certainly cannot be termed fair.

Back to Chris, who won't listen to anyone but a Christian, no matter how much evidence someone else presents or how many Christians get caught out as liars. Over and over and over again, Christians prove that they are just like the rest of us and that you shouldn't trust people until they prove themselves trustworthy, that you should take everything with a grain of salt and that nothing is quite as it seems, but it doesn't matter. Someone like Chris will be fooled, again and again and again because his only qualification is Christianity.

Chris has simplified his life, like the people who allow no exceptions (common in Christianity), into one principle: Christian is good, everything else is bad. Everything else is too complicated. Subtlety is hard. Shades of grey are confusing. This one is good, that one is evil and that's all I need to know. The fact that very, very few, if any, people are all good or all bad is irrelevant. He's got his answer and that's all he needs. If PZ Myers tell Chris that his pants are on fire, Chris will double check with Ray Comfort before even looking to see why his legs are so warm. The fact that Ray already lied to him about the state of his pants 6 times before means nothing.

It's sad, really. There's a whole universe of knowledge out there, and these people have put themselves in a cage to keep it all out. I really can't imagine anything more tragic.

Where Is Ghandi, Exactly?

also entirely unlike justice, but hilarious

good, justice, christian, jesus, god, bible, ghandi,

The fun thing about having an account at Rapture Ready is being able to see their apologetics section. I literally cackled with glee upon seeing this topic raised: Where do good people go? It's a good question. Fundagelicals happily defend a belief system in which one's past deeds, no matter how heinous or admirable, are meaningless, and indeed, one's future deeds are equally meaningless. It's all about the sincerety of one's salvation. This creates a situation wherein Hitler, if he repented and accepted Jesus as his savior one second before he died, is enjoying the pleasures of Heaven, but the 6,000,000 Jews he had tortured and killed are roasting forever in hell.

This is entirely unlike justice.

If I were to create a list of things that are entirely unlike justice, this notion of justice would be no. 1 on the list. (Peanut butter would be no. 2.)

Which is why the idea of a defense for this extremely offensive bit of theology ("you molested 37 little kids? find by me! you worked your entire life to abolish oppression and inequality? fuck you and your many-handed gods!") is so terribly amusing.

How does one respond when someone says: "Well where do good people who aren't
Christian go? Like Gandhi or Mother Theresa or my atheist friend John who will
literally give you the shirt off his back and is the most kind person you'll
ever met. Do you expect me to believe that good people like them are all in
Hell?" (This is an excerpt from an email a co-worker sent me)

This comes off to me like the original poster is experiencing a bit of cognitive dissonance. A true fundy knows exactly what to say to this, thusly:

I would say.....as good as people think others may be, or themselves, there is
none good but God. Every man must do the will of God, there are no exceptions.I
would then wait to see what they'd say. If they would agree with God, or not.

So in other words, you wouldn't really answer the question at all.

If they had a chance to know G-d and Jesus... Hell. Period. End of story.If they
were somehow remotely held away from society and any and all information about
their savior, then He will be the judge.It doesnt matter what Ghandi did, he was
hindu. It doesnt matter what any person does on this planet for the greater
good. If they are not saved by the blood of the lamb, then Hell is their
destination.We are not saved through acts or deeds, but through faith in Jesus
Christ. His blood covering and attoning for our sins.

You would answer the question with "Fuck yeah, Ghandi and holocaust victims are burning! Isn't that great?" Um, no, not so much.

It doesnt matter if the man is an athiest, agnostic, asatryu, bahai, buddhist,
zoroaster, hedonist, hellenist, follower of any number of pagan religions,
hindu, shiek, Jain, or any number of eastern religions... He will go to hell at
death, and the final judgement be cast into the lake of fire. No exceptions.He
could donate all his worldy goods to the poor. He could help anybody anywhere at
anytime. He could become a police officer and fight for victims rights. He could
become a politicians and strive to end poverty. He could litterally feed the
worlds homeless.... Acts don't mean he will be saved at the end.

Entirely unlike justice.

Look, if you happen to be the "atheist" in question (and fundys will qualify anyone outside their group as an atheist, so who knows), I would tell her that her belief is heinous, and her god, if he is real, does not deserve worship, but only condemnation. I would tell her that she has no idea what good is or what justice is, and that you don't want lose sight of those things yourself. Because I sure don't want to be that kind of evil.

But I Want a Family!

god, bible, jesus, sin, good, evil,
Trigger warning: child molestation.

The question of why any loving, concerned god would allow the vast amounts of human suffering that occurs every day (that is occurring right this minute) is something that has distressed believers, and created nonbelievers, for millenia.



In the time it took you to read that sentence, at least 2 women in the US were raped, depending on how fast you read. I wish I could do something about that. I wish I could make sure nobody was ever raped again. I wish I could end genocide, starvation, disease, war and just plain meanness.



I can't. An omnipotent god could. An omniscient god would know how. So why doesn't he?

Presumably not for this reason:



Wouldn’t you just like God to tell you what he thinks about your suffering? I mean, who wouldn’t? Maybe in a personal letter. Where he spells out what he sees in all your pain. I guess god writes a letter because if you were in front of him while he explains it all, he'd have to start answering questions or something.





For many years, I wrestled with him about where he was when my father took me, his four-year-old daughter, out to the cornfield behind our house to take his pleasure at the expense of my pain. How could God let that happen? i cannot reconcile a loving god with such things. i could reconcile an omnipotent being that just doesn't care about us with such a thing, but a god that answers prayers for lost car keys? no.

And where is he in the bitterness of broken romances, the anguish of jobs lost, the struggles of all the refugees in the world, the hunger of the 800 million people who don’t even have enough food? i love that broken hearts and job loss come before homelessness and starvation. After thirty years of prayer, thought, and study, I sat down one day and these words flowed. thirty years of prayer? she must be right! In the form of a letter to a semi-autobiographical “Annie,” this is how I see God’s perspective on our distress.

The Father of Jesus
1 Golden Way
New Jerusalem I'm fairly certain god had a name before jesus, mostly because i'm guessing jews don't refer to him that way.

My Dearest Annie:

I know you are unsure of me these days, particularly wondering whether you really are dear to me. Your twenties have been such painful years, haven’t they? I know you’ve wondered whether you would ever stop crying. And those breakdowns that landed you in the hospital—such terror—thinking you were going to be rolled up in a little ball and thrown out into the empty universe. i'm beginning to think you should have to pass a test before you're allowed to use metaphors. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. My heart has bled for you. god has a . . . never mind, but if he's so sad about it, why not do something about it?

. . .

You’ve particularly been wrestling with me about free will. I wanted to write to you today because you’ve begun to see it differently. Up until now you’ve always said, “Free will isn’t worth what it costs! It was a human choice in the garden that led to all this pain, and it was my father’s choices that have provoked so much terror in my life.” good points, actually. why should everyone throughout history suffer because two people made a mistake? a mistake god knew they would make, no less.

You’ve blamed me for creating such a system. well, yeah. why put the Tree of Knowledge and the Tree of Life right where Adam and Eve could get at them? why create those trees at all?

You admitted to me two weeks ago Saturday that you actually hated me. (I was so glad to hear you confess that!) And now, in these last two weeks, it has begun to dawn on you that there’s no real goodness on earth without real evil. no, one couldn't really perceive good as being special without evil, but "good" in the sense of being kind and generous could surely exist without child molesters. The same ability to choose that creates evil also yields goodness. i'll agree to that. some people choose to free the slaves, some people choose to commit genocide. Do you get it, really? get what? I want people who will love me freely, without coercion or manipulation. what? god's fucking lonely or something? if love something set it free, and if it comes back to you, that was true love? god rules the universe via easily mocked mantras? That means you all need to have a choice to walk with me or to walk away from me. okay, but why does "walking away" have to involve torture and rape and genocide? couldn't walking away just mean not attending church? I know it’s confusing, too, because it’s hard for you to evaluate who’s with me and who’s not. wait, what? Like your father, who looked like he was walking with me oh, i got it, false convert. but sure walked away from me that day in the cornfield when he molested you. because that's the important part, not that he ruined his daughter's life, but that he wasn't a true christian. Have you ever thought about what I felt that day? seriously? can you imagine how enraged the semi-autobiographical annie would be if her mother said, "yes, i knew your father was molesting you, but have you thought about how i felt about it, how much it hurt me?"

I know you’ve been angry with me about how I’ve set up the system, but think about it from my point of view: I want a family to love. so god made two people who immediately disobeyed him because god's incompetent? So I made Adam and Eve with the ability to be my children. But they walked away from me and unleashed such evil and suffering. i could have stopped the evil and suffering, or prevented it in the first place, but . . . i dunno. How I grieved! I was sorry I’d made them. i could have done something about that, too. Every violent thought broke my heart. not quite enough to do something about it. And that’s how I felt that day in the cornfield. I wept over you both, knowing what your father’s sin would cost in your life, and in his. And, do you see that I could not intervene? not really, no.

If I stopped your father, it would only be fair to stop all the evil choices and then where would human choice be and then how would I get my family? I want a family! I want an enormous, extended family. I want people who want to come to family reunions. Well, it’s not that I couldn’t intervene in the most literal sense—I could, of course. What I mean is, if I did routinely stop bad choices, that would be the end of choice. Real choices require real consequences. Maybe you think I could just make you love me, but I want a family who really loves me.

this is both ridiculous and psychopathic. for one thing, parents allow their children to make choices, choices about what clothes to wear, what toys to play with, etc. parents allow those choices to prepare their children for a time when they will have to make much more important choices. However, no parent (i hope) ever allows their child to choose to stick their fingers in an electrical outlet or set themselves on fire or drink lye. the writer's theory seems to be that we really ought to let them choose such things, because what happens to free will otherwise?

the psychopathic side of this: I want a family! i need you to suffer so that I can have what I want! wait, isn't that the logic of the child molester . . . holy shit, i just . . . wow.

i think we're done here.

Proving God Through Evil

religion, religious, suffering, evil, good, christian, jesus, god, atheism, atheist, atheophobia, asshat
Trying to deal with the existence of evil is a dangerous game for a Christian to play. Some do it quite well. The Slacktivist handles the evil question every so often with delicacy and panache. (Yes, I have quite the crush on Fred, which is a little embarrasing for an atheist.) Most Christians, however, are not Fred. That leads to the following:



Where is God when a little girl gets raped - Part 3



by Rod Holmgren



Nobody except for Ray Comfort hates atheists more than Rod Holmgren. In fact, you'd think atheists burned down Mr. Holmgren's house, with his dog in it, while anally raping his grandmother and pouring sugar into the gas tank of his classic Mustang. Mr. Holmgren is clearly more intelligent than Mr. Comfort, but that's not really saying much.



A fellow traveller in life’s journey, F, once stated, “But since you believe in [God] you must blame him [for] floods, earthquakes and of course rapes. Of course, all these things happen because THERE IS NO GOD.”



actually, all those things happen because they happen. saying they happen because there is no god implies that if there were a god, they wouldn't happen, which is rather silly, but i agree with the point i think F was trying to make.



Another atheist wrote, “for what purpose could God possibly permit so much evil to be in the world?” good question. nobody, not even Fred, really has an answer for that.



First of all, to find the answer to, Where is God?, one does not ask an atheist. indeed, if one wants to know the location of god, it would be rather useless to ask someone that doesn't believe in god, but . . . Atheists are alienated in their relationship with their Creator.



For the last fucking time, we are not in a relationship with the nonexistent skydaddy, alienated or otherwise, any more than Christians are in an alienated relationship with Odin or Thor. Stop it.



Getting an accurate depiction of God from an atheist is like getting an accurate rendering of the justice system from a career criminal.



Actually, a career criminal would be the best source of accurate information possible for how the justice system really works. Who could possibly know better?



Therefore, the following is garnered both from what the Bible tells us about God look, using the bible to prove god to an atheist is both bad form and pointless. yes, i understand that you like your skydaddy book. i prefer the harry potter series. i consider them to be equally valid, in case you didn't pick that up. and suffering as well as from Christians themselves as they describe their journey through tragedy and suffering. anecdotal evidence is not evidence. it's nice and all that the skydaddy makes you feel better, but what does that prove? What we find from those sources i think it should be written "sources" is that:



. God is with believers in their suffering. for future reference, if you're ever with me while i'm being raped, don't stand there, "with me in my suffering". DO SOMETHING! i expect that of any human being, i expect a bit more out of an omnipotent being.



- Whether we sense His presence or not just cause you can't feel it, doesn't mean it's not there is not logic, God is with us as any loving parent is with a child who has just been hurt. god is omnipotent and omniscient. i don't expect a loving parent to necessarily know when their child is being hurt, i do expect an omnipotent and omniscient being to know. and, again, i expect a little more than comfort afterwards. unless you think being a good parent involves watching your child get raped and then stepping in to comfort them afterwards. I happen to know firsthand about years of childhood sexual assault. i'm sorry about that. no one should have to experience such a thing. While I wasn’t a Christian until I was thirty-years-old, I can see clearly how it was God’s tender mercy that sustained me through that and much more as life went on. I don’t expect His presence to end - ever! okay. i don't get the atheophobia, but i do get the extreme need for christianity. this is why i never try to defaith people. some people really need their beliefs.



Mr. Holmgren, you are more than welcome to believe in any god(s) you want. However, please stop attacking atheists. We aren't hurting you. It isn't necessary to attack us. Please take a page from my pagan friends who believe what they believe, even pray for me, but never take a swipe at my lack of belief. (Thanks, guys!)



God is able and does bring good out of the things that satan uses to destroy us.


This argument is the theological version of "every black cloud has a silver lining". while it's nice that you can find good in bad things, it doesn't prove god.


- God is working in us the good that is spoken of in Romans 8:29. That good is the development of Christ-like character. God is able to bring that about in all the things that may happen to us during our lives.. God is with the meek, the humble, the merciful. so why aren't you meek and humble?

- “God opposes the proud, but give grace to the humble.” Therefore atheists should not be surprise or confounded when Christians seem to experience tragedy in a way that is different from pagans or atheists. i have yet to see christians experiencing tragedy in any way differently from atheists and pagans. “We do not grieve as those who have no hope.”. i have hope, Mr. Holmgren. In fact, it is atheism that gives me hope. His presence sustains those who love Him and follow Him.

this goes on for quite some time until we get to this little gem:

First, God used the Nazi Holocaust as a means to reunite the nation of Israel, as was prophesied 3,000 years earlier. God is going to bring to fulfilment His plans for humanity and the gates of hell will not be able to stand against it. Still to come is the destruction of nations that try to remove Israel from the world stage, even as Israel becomes like "a huge stone around the neck of the world." This also was predicted thousands of years ago.

great, merciful yhwh killed 6 million Jews, 2-3 million Soviet POWs, 2 million ethnic Poles, 1.5 million Romani, 250,000 disabled persons, 200,000 Freemasons, 15,000 homosexuals, and 5,000 Jehovah's Witnesses to bring about prophecy. That's good? That's desirable?

Oh, sorry, guys, you got in the way of my prophecy. You understand, I'm sure.

I'm sure the families of those 15 MILLION dead people were just thrilled to be a part of it all.

. . .

Or, as with atheists, it might be physical or emotional safety that we depend upon. who doesn't depend upon physical and emotional safety? as if christians are in the habit of living in burning buildings. In fact, atheists seem personally offended when tragic things happen, even in someone else’s life.

yes, we are capable of empathy, asshat. That's what it's called when you hurt for someone else. you know who doesn't get upset when they hear about a child being raped? a sociopath, that's who. you are condemning us for the sin of empathy. that's really something.

. . .

There are so many benefits to suffering, there are so many obvious answers to the question of “Why would God allow evil in the world?” that it’s surprising that atheists seem dazed, confused and oblivious to any of them. okay, this I gotta see.

For example:. Suffering brings into a relationship with God, those who have been predestined to such a journey.- You never know that God is all you need until God is all that you have.”. oh, dear, we have a calvinist here.

IN WHICH CASE, WHY ARE YOU FUCKING PICKING ON ATHEISTS? EITHER WE'RE PREDESTINED TO BELIEVE OR WE'RE PREDESTINED TO NOT BELIEVE, BUT EITHER WAY IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!

sorry for the shouting, but wading through pages of bullshit to find out that this asshat thinks everything is predetermined by god, including my atheism, and he's still abusing me for my atheism, is really frustrating.

i give up. you're on your own if you want to continue with this bullshit.

God, the Devil and You

god, satan, devil, good, evil, christian, christianity, jesus, bible, religion, morality,
Daniel Florien at unreasonable faith wrote an interesting post on how christianity hinders maturity. That post inspired me to write on a topic that has long bothered me about christianity- and when I say "long", I mean since I could tell you how old I was using my fingers.

The point of Mr. Florien's post is that christianity externalizes morality. There is no goodness for goodness' sake- all morality comes from god, and without god no one is moral. Hence this frightening episode:

For example, one time I was talking with a pastor about atheism. He said, “Let me tell you something. If I wasn’t a Christian, I’d have no reason to be good. Live up life! If someone offended me, I’d kill them. If was attracted to a girl, I’d rape her. Why would I care? Without God, there is no morality.”

“Surely you’re exaggerating simply to make a point,” I replied. “I don’t think you’re capable of such a thing.”

He looked me in the eye and said, “I’m not exaggerating.”

What disturbs me is that not only does christianity externalize morality, it externalizes good and evil. (Just to avoid the inevitable "Ah-ha! I've got you! You really do believe in god!" comment, I am using "good" and "evil" in the generally accepted sense of the words. Everyone who speaks English knows exactly what I mean, and I'm not here to reinvent the wheel.) Every bad thing is the work of Satan, every good thing is the work of God. In case you're not familiar with the way fundys view Satan as a clear and present danger in our lives, review this poem. (If you're interested in poetry, go someplace else.)

I understand the urge to externalize evil. It isn't easy to look at oneself and say, "yes, that is who I am. I am capable of terrible things. In fact, I have done terrible things, because I wanted to." It is far easier to say, "I was weak and fell for the devil's ploys. That wasn't me, though. All I did was let the devil use me to further his plans."

The problem with this is that we cannot conquer evil unless each and every one of us admits that we are the evil. It is inside us all. It is our responsibility and ours alone. Christians make this impossible. They are like a small child who breaks a vase while alone in a room and then says, "ummmm . . . Timmy did it!"

The converse of "the devil made me do it" is "god made me do it"- the externalization of good. It is the natural byproduct of externalizing evil. Christians cannot look in the mirror and say, "I am the good. It is me. I do good things because I choose to and I can choose to do them every day." This, too, makes it difficult to conquer evil in our world. Christians simply shrug at this and say, "Well, if god wants good things to happen, they'll happen. If not, bad things will happen."

To the christian, humans are like living puppets, null states of morality, stuck in neutral until some greater force- god, satan- intervenes. Like any puppet, we are powerless to effectuate change, powerless to choose, forever condemned to being pulled this way or that as something else twitches our strings.

This view of humanity is so bleak, I wonder at those who choose it. Is personal responsibility really so frightening that trading it away is also worth giving up hope? My only possible conclusion is that the concept that we choose the good and the evil and that our choices change the world is too much for them. It is too much responsibility. It is frightening. What offers the atheist hope offers the christian only fear.

Where do we go from here?

Modern Day Mormon Gulags

mormon, lds, god, good, torture, homophobia, gay, utah, buttars, boys, ranch
As we watch the Mormon Church celebrate people like Senator Buttars (he of the "gays are more dangerous than ricin and bin Laden combined" fame) and desperately to keep gays as second class citizens, I though it appropriate to remind you that as clean-cut and sincere as they seem, there is an ugly underbelly to the Church of Latter Day Saints. (btw, please check out exmormon.org if you are considering converting, or if you have any questions about the LDS. the stories on that site are heartbreaking, but the courage the posters have displayed in taking control of their own lives is truly inspiring.)

From Daily Kos

This story is about Eric Norwood's personal experiences at a place called The Utah Boys Ranch, which models itself as a "tough-love" prep-school, but while Eric was there, he witnessed some unbelievable atrocities. It is a Mormon-funded and staffed facility, and religious indoctrination is a fundamental aspect of the school. There was sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, suicide, staff corruption, and escape. A major Utah political figure, Senator Chris Buttars, was the executive director while Eric was there

His filthy digit tasted like rust and fish. "I can hurt you without leaving any marks," Brent growled as I writhed in agony on the ground. I struggled for breath as he mounted my back, put his finger in my mouth, and pulled back on my cheek, fish-hooking me. The pain was incredible. I tried to beg him to stop, but the words would not come.
After he finished beating and bludgeoning submissiveness into me, he pulled me up by the rope that was lassoed around my waist. The wool army blanket I had fashioned as a skirt had shifted askew and I stood there in my boxers bleeding from my nose, humiliated.

My green Utah Boys Ranch t-shirt had been ridiculously stretched out and looked more like a low cut blouse. I loosened the noose around my waist and pulled the itchy blanket through the loop and folded it over so it looked like a brown bath towel secured by a belt. He wasn't satisfied, he wanted more. I just wanted out of this classroom. I started to think about how I got here.

The Utah Boys Ranch appears to be a kind of tough-love school with a Christian-esque undertow. My parents thought as much when they employed its services in hopes of corralling their spiritually wayward son.

[...] this is background into how Eric wound up at the Utah Boys Ranch. It seems like pretty typical 15 year old stuff to me.

The first person I met in Utah was Senator Chris Buttars. I had no idea who he was until that point.

All I knew was that he was to be feared, and I was scared to death of him from the moment I first saw him.

"Sit down," he squawked in a loud, high pitched, galling voice that sounded like a cross between a buzzard and an old cowboy. He continued to make it very clear that I was at his mercy. He told me who he was - politically - and the influence he had. If I ever wanted to leave I was to do what he said. "How old are you?"

"Fifteen," I mumbled.

"Three years might not be enough for you. I can have a judge order you to be here until you are 21," he croaked. With that he sent me off to be "changed and put on work crew."
I was led down a long hall of doors with nameplates. I had no clue what kind of place this was. I didn't see any cows or horses...no sign of what I thought a "ranch" would resemble. Paul took me into a small room that was no bigger than a broom closet, which was stacked to the ceiling with three colors of cloth, blue, green and brown. There were green t-shirts, blue t-shirts, and blue jeans.

There were also brown army wool blankets, and I remember thinking that I didn't want to sleep under such a coarse covering before I was told to "put it on." I was told to wrap a thick, itchy blanket around my waist like a towel and wear it like a dress.

I was then given a "leash" made of climbing rope and what I think was a square knot to tie around my waist.

I had never imagined being tethered and walked like a dog, but here I was, being walked like a dog towards a cluster of about 12 other boys. They were lined up facing a wall while two large men in red sweatshirts watched them from a couple of chairs off to the side.
Some of the boys had camouflage pants on, a few others wore dresses. I wondered how long I was to be in this blanket dress. I was later told that it was so I wouldn't run away - and they were right - I literally could not run in this humiliating getup. I could barely get a full stride walking.

That's when I saw Brent - or 'Captain America,' as he was called disparagingly - for the first time. My leash was handed off to him, but he told me to wrap it around my waist and go join the group of young men who were standing with their noses touching the wall, all spread out about arms length from each other.

I turned to the boy who was standing to my right and asked him how long he had been here, but before I could get my question all the way out, my forehead careened into the carpeted wall in front of me. A sharp pain stabbed the back of my head, and suddenly bad breath filled my nostrils. "Are you talking on my work crew, boy?" a red-shirted man screamed at me.
My head was ringing. I was still trying to piece together what had just happened when I looked behind me and massaged the pain in my head. Suddenly my legs fell out from underneath me and I was on my back.

He had just slammed my forehead into the wall, and now he had put his foot behind mine and pushed me, sending me to the floor flat on my back.

He stood over me and bawled, "Don't look at me. Don't look around. Don't you MOVE without permission! You don't do anything without permission! If you talk, I think you are talking about running away, and I will restrain you. Do you understand?" I nodded. I knew then that I had to get out of this place. I wasn't going to last here.

It was only my second week on work crew when Neil Westwood refused to turn his back to Brent and place his nose on the wall, which is what the command "face the wall" plainly meant. It was a Mexican standoff for a few moments. Stunningly it seemed like Brent was going to let Neil get his way. I had never seen an older boy in a pissing contest with a staff member before. The younger kids refused commands, but they were always quickly thumped into docility.

Neil was a big kid, a lot bigger than me - probably 230 pounds or so, and over six-feet tall, but dispelled any image of toughness with his glasses, disproportionately small arms, and frizzy hairdo. Neil was as obnoxious as he was an easy target, but I still can't believe that no one reacted when Brent stood up in a flash of rage and chucked a full, unopened gallon of milk at Neil's face from about five feet away, crumbling him to a pitiful puddle of tears, blood, and non-fat milk.

The work crew was depraved. When they didn't have us facing the wall for hours at a time we were digging ditches with spoons, only to fill them back in again.

We made huge piles of heavy rocks taken from the field, the field that both surrounded and contained us, only to be told to move the massive mound to another location. They worked us in ways redolent of Stalin's gulags.

There was an agonizing week of all-day sod laying - with bits of mud and grass sticking to the inside of my wool dress - in preparation for some ceremony the work crew boys weren't privy to. The Scarecrow Festival was even worse. We worked for weeks from eight in the morning till eight at night in preparation and to take down that contrived fall carnival/ fundraiser. Boys wished for death. There was also a dry-cleaning service that they operated somewhere in town, which was supposedly much better than any job on campus - even kitchen duty.
Getting off from work crew meant school during the day, and considerably less work. Some sadist there created a t-shirt caste system that involved wearing either a blue t-shirt or green t-shirt. "Blue shirts" could talk, receive letters (which were opened and read first), talk to their parents, and possibly go off campus.

"Green shirts" were allowed into school, but that was about it. No speaking, sitting, or anything but working or reading LDS literature. A "green shirt" was forced to read the Book of Mormon, in particular the first 22 chapters. We were interviewed by one of the four full-time Mormon missionaries that worked there and had to paraphrase all of "First Nephi" before receiving a blue t-shirt. What good derives from reading the Book of Mormon under duress is anyone's guess, but I did it. I had to.

I had to go to church and seminary too.
It turns out that any form of decadence - smoking a little grass, telling your math teacher to sit on it, being gay or bi-curious, sexually assaulting a family member or young girl - is curable by a little hard work, tough love, and Mormon doctrine. Boys with "sexual issues" are housed together in what could only be some cruel showing of satire.

They were constantly being caught jerking each other off onto each other, or, more tragically, assaulting younger boys. Whatever it was, they would be shoved into blankets and thrown on work crew. On Tuesday night they would meet with all the boys with sexual issues and provide remedies like IcyHot on the penis to stifle homosexual urges.

I was kept there until they couldn't keep me any longer, and on my 18th birthday I walked out the front doors into a cold October morning with nowhere to go and nothing but my freedom. If I didn't experience it myself I would not believe a place like this exists. A Mormon gulag.

How do they get away with all of the abuse? The forced religion, the stifling of freedom of speech? Was it legal to prevent us from reporting abuse to authorities, or to restrain us with ropes, wool blankets, and duct tape? Is it legal to force young boys to talk about
masturbation with Mormon clergy and missionaries? How does all of this go unnoticed? We were young and naive and didn't know that most of what they did to us was illegal. Buttars was famous for telling us that we had only three rights: food, safety, and shelter. They failed to even live up to those standards.

Besides being callow, we hardly had the chance to report any abuse. They instruct parents to ignore any claims of abuse from their children. They call any complaints from children a manipulation tool - "fear factor" - and instruct parents to be wary of the "tactic" they say they encounter most.

There were also no phones to call the police. No nurses or medical examiners to talk to. No government authorities to check in on us. Incongruously, this Orwellian facility desperately needs government oversight.

Sen. Buttars said it all when he told a reporter, "What sets us apart is that we're the only residential treatment facility that doesn't seek or accept government funding. If we did, they'd control us."

Reprinted with permission from Orato.com

Score One for the Good Guys!

homophobia, homosexual, marriage, federal, judge, prop 8, gay, tradition, traditional, good
Federal judge rules that denial of health coverage to same-sex spouse unconstitutional.

I Almost Forget

Products that are good for the (semi)disabled*:

1. CFLs-

Compact Flourescent Lightbulbs. Good for the environment, good for your wallet, but good for the semidisabled? If you're like me, and getting on a stepladder to change a lightbulb is taking your life into your own hands, then changing lightbulbs every 7 years instead of every few months is a good thing.

2. Swiffer Sweeper Vac-

No more bending down to sweep the dirt into the dustpan? A good thing. And it cleans better.

3. Swiffer Mop (or whatever it's actually called)-

Lugging around a pail of dirty water to clean 800 sq ft of hardwood floors? Not so much. Pressing a button to spray cleaner in front of you and then mopping it up with the same device? Aweswome.

Feel free to submit your own entries to the list.

*not being in a wheelchair or blind, I have no idea if these products are good for the more fully disabled, but probably.