It's Nicely Wrapped and All, but I Didn't Ask for This Gift

How many times have you seen this argument: you should worship god (in this specific way) because god gave you life. He gave you the greatest gift of all, so you should do whatever he wants.

I've seen that three times today and plenty of times before that.

So let's try a metaphor to help us examine this argument.

You are homeless until a man gives you a house. You don't ask him for a house, you just find out one day that you have a house. It's an okay house, decently maintained, taxes prepaid, utilities prepaid. That's awesome, right? Sure it is.

So, a month after you move in to your amazing surprise house, a man comes to your door. He tells you that he gave you the house and he'd like to ask you for a favor. Sure, whatever you need, right? He gave you a house, how can you refuse?

He takes you to his property, all 5 acres of it and ask you to mow the lawn. With a push mower. It's 100 degrees and humid. Of course you do it. This guy gave you a house, how can you complain about mowing 5 acres with a push mower in high heat and high humidity?

The next week, he asks you to paint the outside of his 5 story mansion- with a 1" wide brush. Two coats.

This goes on and on until your benefactor is taking up all your time with his requests.

That's kind of accurate, right? I didn't ask to be alive. If I hadn't been made alive, I wouldn't miss it. If I died right now, I wouldn't know the difference. And being alive is difficult at best. So why am I supposed to spend a lifetime thanking anyone for this?

But wait, it's not an entirely accurate analogy, is it? At least not concerning Christianity, or at least Christianity that believes in eternal hell, anyway. Okay, let's rework the analogy.

You're homeless. You get a free house. Some years later, your benefactor appears and tells you that he needs you to do something for him, but he's not going to tell you what. You need to figure that out for yourself by reading certain books he has written. Except a lot of people have written using the same name, so you'll have to figure out which books he actually wrote on your own. These books were originally written in Finnish, and you don't speak Finnish, so you'd better hope the English translations are accurate.

Oh, and he won't tell you how long you have to complete this mystery task, but if you don't do it in time, he has evidence, really believable evidence that you ran a child pornography ring and he'll give it to the police- and the news.

Good luck, now thank me for that house.

That's actually nicer than god, isn't it? I mean, eventually your prison term will be over, or you'll die in prison, but either way it's done. Hell is forever.

Now get down on your knees and thank god for this wonderful gift he's given you.

It's a Kinder, Gentler Hell

Not really, but it may seem that way for this post.

This is Bethany Patchin. If you're not familiar with her, in short, she was the poster child for chastity, courtship rather than dating and the quiverfull style of reproduction- for a while. At the age of 19 or 20, she wrote an article that become quite famous in certain circles stating that her first kiss would be at her wedding, with her husband. Then she wrote a book not long after her wedding condemning any kind of birth control, even natural family planning.

Then she had 4 children in 5 years.

Bethany experienced horrific post partum depression and in the end, she changed her mind. Publicly. She got help for her depression, got divorced, went back to college, started dating, and repudiated her former very public opinions on religion, dating, chastity, what have you.

I like Bethany. I admire people who are brave and strong enough to publicly say, "Hey, you know what? I was totally wrong. My bad!" So, I am not being rude to her in the following critique of her post on atheism. I am being kind because I like her, and because I can see her point of view.

Anyway, here's what I take very polite issue with:

Here's what I think about atheism. I don't really believe in it. I think that faith is never actually lost. I think it's there in everyone, like that "springtime is the work of winter, all the time" quote. We all have spring in our hearts. Every human throughout time has had it there. Some people were and are forced into a life of winter, some people choose it, but I think the undying spring is ALWAYS there. (I guess I'm a universalist now.)

Yes, I could spit fire about someone telling me where my faith is. (Nonexistent.) I could deride anyone telling me that not having faith is like eternal winter. (We both hate winter with the same passion.) I could condemn her for condescension and the arrogance of presuming to know exactly how I feel.

Or, I could think back to yesterday, to one part of a very long post about GAD and the worries it causes me to have:

What if I go blind? What if I go deaf? What if I can't work anymore? Am I being offensive to blind and deaf people by fearing this? Am I prejudiced against the disabled? I am an awful person.

It is condescending to say to a deaf person, "Oh, poor you, you don't get to hear things. That is clearly lesser than being able to hear things." That is offensive and awful.

It is not, however, awful and offensive to fear the unknown. I have never been deaf or blind. I fear it because I don't understand it, because I have never experienced it, because my knowledge is limited. I don't look down on deaf or blind people, nor do I think their experience of the world is less than mine. It is different. So is being Canadian or gay. It's a different life from mine, but so is yours. And, quite frankly, were I suddenly plunked down in your life, I'd be afraid. At first. Then I'd get used to it, figure out the rules and move on.

So here it is. Yes, there are people that have no faith at all. I am one of them. If I had faith, I assure you, I would know about it. I do not exist in a winter of the soul. I am not afraid. In fact, I am free. I have less fear than I did when I believed. My life is richer, more satisfying, more complete than I ever thought it could be.

Hi, I'm Faith, and I am entirely without faith, and I'm okay.

(Yes, yes, I know. I'd like to change it to Fleur. Still starts with an "f" and so much more appropriate to who I am.)

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

Apparently, the Empire* will have to give mandatory analogy classes to the entire freakin' Earth, because if this happens after I'm in charge, the frenzied apologies will in no way delay the punishment to follow. Let's just say the author will receive a stunningly complete education on exactly how fast one must be to outrun 100 enraged badgers.

Here’s a comment left on Ari’s post about the Reel Love is Equal video:

“What you heterosupremacist tyrannical theocRATS need to do is take your Final Leviticus Solution to the Homosexual Problem hate-filled violence-inciting propaganda and shove it down your own throats and choke on it. Start by shoving this sign down your throats – the one displayed at last summer’s tyrannical theocRAT tour http://www.bilerico.com/2010/07/gay-hate-sign.jpg”

Now, this normally wouldn’t have gotten past the censors due to all the name calling. However, I’d like to point out first of all that this sign is ridiculous. This is like small-scale bombing of abortion clinics and shouldn’t be condoned by either side.

Yes, that comment is exactly like a bombing. Well, a small-scale bombing. Of an abortion clinic. Not a large-scale bombing. Of a flower shop. Those would be entirely different.

Here are a few other things that comment is exactly like:

The Holocaust

The Lockerbie Bombing

The Vietnam War Moderately Well-Armed But Ultimately Futile Conflict

911

Unicorns

My ass

This post concludes with a self-satisfied nod to the civility of denying civil rights to Americans that makes me think that when the author looks in a mirror, she's shocked that that person is always in the bathroom with her at the same time. And they never say hello.

This is what I’m talking about. I can’t be the only one seeing this. In general, I’m seeing the SSM side to be nasty, hate-filled people. I’m just not seeing that on the OSM side. Why is that?

*Someday, I will be Empress of the Entire Freakin' World. Be sure to reserve your Cabinet position today! I really need a Cabinet Minister of Oddly Worded and Nonspecific Warnings About Behavior Everyone Should Already Know Is Foolish and Dangerous. (Really, who tries to blow dry their hair in the shower?

I've Seen Some Forced Analogies . . .

puppy, analogy, fail, makarios, religion, atheism, atheist, stupid, asshat,

But comparing atheists to dogs? Way to raise the level of discourse, asshat.

First point: I'm not entirely convinced my dog is an atheist. He may very well worship me. He certainly seems to. It would even be reasonable: I am source of such good things as food, walks and belly scritches. Even if he is an atheist, we're talking about an animal incapable of understanding more than 200 words (australian sheep dogs have the highest vocabulary at 200 words), the written word, philosophy, mathematics, well, you get the drift.

There is a reason a comparison to a dog is considered insulting, and this is even more insulting because Makarios clearly doesn't know much about dogs.

I saw an atheist running down the street this morning. This is how it happened. I was sitting in my chair around 8:30am. Kids were coming down the street on their way to school. One girl, about 12-years-old got to the end of her driveway when something caught her attention. She turned back towards the house as fast as she could. Obviously she didn’t quite make it to the door in time because out of the house, off the driveway and down the street raced her little atheist. She tried to catch him but the little atheist came burning around the corner with a big grin on his face, his tongue hanging out, his ears high and alert and he was barking as loudly as he could, “I’m free! I’m free! I’m free!”

Typical of all atheists, this little bugger never gave a thought to:

Who is it that really takes care of me?

Who keeps me warm?

Who keeps me safe?

Who gives me food?

He actually believed - I can do this all on my own!!!

Here's the thing- my dog's no genius, but he probably could survive without me. His fur keeps him warm, his teeth and size provide both food and safety, and I've seen that he has the instincts he needs to feed and defend himself.

I call this insulting analogy fail.

Most Ridiculous Analogy of the Week

beetlebabee, analogy, gay, marriage, prop 8, same sex, tradition, war,
I'll probably regret giving this out so soon, but I have to award the Most Ridiculous Analogy of the Week to Beetlebabee for this:

[The fight against same sex marriage is] like washing the dishes or making the dinner. Put on the helmet, tighten your belt, change your expectations and incorporate this war into your lifestyle. It’s not going away anytime soon.

Does anyone here put on a helmet and tighten their belt before washing dishes or making dinner? Why would I need a helmet or a tighter belt? What on earth is going on in Beetle's kitchen that she needs a helmet to make dinner or wash dishes?

Oh, and I like the idea of "incorporating" war into one's lifestyle. Here's the thing: if you actually are involved in a war, you know, like our brave soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq, war is your lifestyle. There's no "incorporating" to be done, war is all you're doing.

Yeesh. Comparisons that make no sense and inappropriate war references.

I Have a Headache

false, analogy, illogical, illiterate, stupid, jackass, asshat, christian, playful, walrus, prop 8, california, homophobia, homosexual, gay, tradition, traditional, marriage,
and this guy is pissing me off.

Trust me, it's never worth it to read an entire post by The Playful Walrus, so I'll just give you the first paragraph. (Feel free to click the link, but don't come back here complaining that I didn't warn you.)

What if you were a California voter who had an earned degree from the University of California Los Angeles – a state institution – and someone else who did not attend the university nor did the coursework insisted that spending his time sunning himself on the beach was just as valid use of his time, and demanded he also be awarded the same degree from UCLA?

This is a false analogy. Same sex couples didn't just wake up one day and call themselves married. At the time they were married, California law allowed them to marry legally.

Try again.

Jackass.