
war, christmas, christian, stupid,
Yes! It has finally arrived, that magical time of year when atheists arise from their subterranean lairs to take on the mantle of Saint Dawkins, pick up the fabled Sword of Myers and begin again the dread War on Christmas. Let the children weep as we slay Lil' Baby Jesus in his manger at the Courthouse, silence carollers in our public schools and force the shopkeepers to acknowledge both the Christian and the not in their cheery greetings!
We shall remove every manger scene from every home, stop private institutions from singing religious songs and presenting religious plays, and verily this year you would not be allowed to attend a worship service on Christmas morn . . .
Wait, what?
You can totally do all that stuff in the second paragraph? What's the Sword of Myers for then, anyway? The Constitution takes care of most of that stuff in the first paragraph. I gotta say, Atheist Takeovers are never close to as much fun as Saint Dawkins makes them sound in the newsletter.
'Twas The Month Before Christmas (not the 'holidays') "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Twas the month before Christmas*I have no idea why every line is followed by an asterisk. Also, the original is a delightful candy-apple red font against a burgundy background. And this blog has background music! Classy.
When all through our land,*Not a Christian was praying*Nor taking a stand.*Oh, yes, all those special "month before Christmas" prayers that used to be prayed. or something.
See the PC Police had taken away,*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*The PC Police? Really? When was the last time anyone was arrested for being a douchebag misogynist, homophobic, racist, ablist asshole? Oh, right, never.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,*You mean like every other day of the week, when they're not singing about their milkshake and the yard?
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*"and things"? I'm fairly certain angels have wings, which would have rhymed with . . . oh, fuck it.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*to get the shoppers, the cash/checks/credit or the floor? really unclear use of a pronoun.
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*Something was changing, something quite odd! *Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*1995 called- it wants its pop star back. and which retailer is promoting Ramadan? Which ended in October, btw. And promoting Kwanzaa? You mean by selling Kwanzaa merchandise? Like they do with what other holiday?
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*Staples? The office supply store? and upside down trees? what. the. fuck.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*Di-ver-si-ty intimidates me, too. It has all those scary dashes.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !*Who's Darden? And where's the
Antichrist Obama?
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter*
Separation of Church and State. bichez.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
if the cashier at Target doesn't say "Merry Christmas" to you, you aren't Christian anymore? I see the answer to all my problems here!
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*
Doing it right now, I think.
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*
2,000 years ago? Mary had an abortion? That must be some translation of the bible I missed.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*
Dream Tree?
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
Starbucks=evil? What do have against sugary coffee-based beverages?
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,not Happy Holiday !*
I thought Dan Rather prevented you from doing that.
I do so enjoy the War on Christmas. I'm glad it started it early this year.