I'm Starting to Think Common Sense is Pretty Stupid

Here's some mind benders that will totally BLOW. YOUR. MIND. or not.

Only in North America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

You know why that is? Because pharmacies have all sorts of fun stuff in them people want to steal, like Vicodin and Percocet. If you put the pharmacy at the front of the store, it would make it much easier for people to steal the fun drugs.

Only North America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

1) May as well start somewhere. 2) May prefer the taste.

Only in North America ......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

I have accidentally walked off with store pens after signing a credit slip. I have never accidentally walked into a bank vault and left with all the cash.

Only in North America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Oddly, while rain and snow and sun will ruin my Christmas ornaments, etc., they don't ruin my car. How strange.

Only in North America ...........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Okay, that is kinda silly.

Only in North America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines* with Braille lettering.

Drive up ATMs are the same as walk in ATMs, just in a different place. Why make two different ATM models when you can save money and put the same model ATM in two places? It's not like the presence of braille makes the drive through ATM not work.

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Because hair and skin are two totally different things? Duh.

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Does anyone do that- open their mouth to put on mascara? I don't, and I've never seen anyone do that.

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Occam's Razor.

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Wut? "Abbreviated" is from the Latin "to make brief".

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Really? I'm going to have look up the etymology of every fucking word now?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Yes, that's all dishwashing liquid is made from, pure, unadulterated lemons.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Oh, for fuck's sake. "Broker" is from "brocour", meaning "small trader", or "abrokur", meaning "retailer of wine"

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Cuz everyone is rushing to get home.

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Because it's a bit easier and cheaper to get your hands on mass quantities of fish.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Occam's Razor.

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

First of all, sterilizing needles is required by health regulations. Secondly, if you survive an execution, you're free to go. You wouldn't want that person, who is clearly a zombie, to sue your ass for the infection they got from the unsterilized needle.

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Because then it would be too heavy to fly.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Sheep are covered in wool, not made of wool.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Because the word "apartment" comes from the French word, "appartement" meaning "a separated place".

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Yes.

If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?

Because "terminal" comes from the Latin "terminalis" which means "the extreme end point". The airport terminal is the extreme end point of any journey by airplane.

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

English, it's a funny language.

Well, at least I learned something today. People are dumb!

*ATM is Automatic Teller Machine. Saying "ATM machine" is saying "Automatic Teller Machine machine". Which is stupid. "PIN number" drives me completely insane, too.

Why God Hides

Many an atheist has asked why God is so very subtle. "Proof" of God is never looking out the window to see that the stars in the sky moved to spell out "Hi, PF, it's God. Worship me now or burn forever." Believe me, if I ever saw that, once I got done making sure I wasn't delusional or hallucinating, I would worship as no one has ever worshipped before.

It's never that. It's a book written thousands of years ago, translated and retranslated hundreds of times, that contains obvious errors and contradictions. It's someone's personal story, filled with emotion and lacking evidence. It's appeals to popularity and appeals to authority and the words of people whose income and status depend upon popular acceptance of God.

Why is that? (Other than the obvious, that is.) Free will, you see.

Dr. Michael Murray, a brilliant professor of philosophy at Franklin & Marshall College, has found a reason for God to remain hidden.

His paper on divine hiddenness is here: “Coercion and the Hiddenness of God“, American Philosophical Quarterly, Vol 30, 1993.

He argues that if God reveals himself too much to people, he takes away our freedom to make morally-significant decisions, including responding to his self-revelation to us. Murray argues that God stays somewhat hidden, so that he gives people space to either 1) respond to God, or 2) avoid God so we can keep our autonomy from him. God places a higher value on people having the free will to respond to him, and if he shows too much of himself he takes away their free choice to respond to him, because once he is too overt about his existence, people will just feel obligated to belief in him in order to avoid being punished.

But believing in God just to avoid punishment is NOT what God wants for us. If it is too obvious to us that God exists and that he really will judge us, then people will respond to him and behave morally out of self-preservation. But God wants us to respond to him out of interest in him, just like we might try to get to know someone we admire. God has to dial down the immediacy of the threat of judgment, and the probability that the threat is actual. That leaves it up to us to respond to God’s veiled revelation of himself to us, in nature and in Scripture.

Here's the problem with that. Murray is right about one thing. If I tell you to follow my blog or I will kill your children, and then show you a picture of your children, in their bedrooms, at 2am, you'll probably follow my blog. (And contact the FBI, but that's beside the point.) I can't really then brag that thousands of people follow my blog, I must be such a great writer, because that's not why you're following my blog. So, because I like to stand or fall on my own talent (and not spend five lifetimes in prison), following me is an entirely voluntary action. I can't say that I have thousands of followers, but the 101 I do have aren't showing up terrified.

The problem is, that's where the analogy breaks down. God may have stepped back from walking around the Garden of Eden fully physical, appearing as a burning bush or sending angels down to deliver his demands, but he never removed the threat of hell, unless I missed something. Believe in me or burn still stands. If I am promising eternal torture, does it really matter if I'm right up in your face or sending you a tweet? Um, no.

In fact, it's significantly less moral to back off when making such threats because it makes it more likely that I won't take them seriously and then will end up in hell. "I'm giving you free will" is a bullshit excuse when the end result of that is an eternity of torture. Especially when you're omniscient and you know damn well how everything everywhere is going to end.

Or there is no god. Yeah, that's a bit simpler of an explanation, isn't it?

Multiculturalism: Egypt's Doin it Rite

pic link

The men standing in this picture from Egypt are Christian. You see, the protestors in Egypt are mostly Muslim. Islam does not give a pass on prayer because you are protesting, so they have to pause in their protests five times a day to kneel and pray. Their Christian neighbors are shielding the praying Muslims with their own bodies.

Back in January*, the Egyptian Muslims did the same for the Christians, attending Christmas masses so that if Muslim extremists wanted to bomb Christian churches, they would have to kill large numbers of Muslims, too.

Sometimes, my fellow human beings make me proud.

*Some Christians celebrate Christmas December 25th, some celebrate it 12 days later.

Really, I Should Just Walk Away From This Stuff

[trigger warning: brief mention of terrible things happening to children and others. please enjoy this otter instead.]

What makes Christianity different from other religions? Is it the religious symbols*, the Jesus or the holy book?

Don't be silly. Christianity is real, all those other religions are false. Duh.

Bestselling author and pastor Francis Chan boldly declared before a crowd of pastors at the Desiring God conference Tuesday that prayer is what differentiates Christians from the world and other religions, stating, “Our God listens to us.”

. . .

The former California megachurch pastor said he is still amazed at the way God answered his prayers, even when it came to the “silly, little things.”

He recalled the time he wanted to take his family on vacation but felt compelled to donate the money to those in need. After struggling with the topic in prayer, he later received a cashier’s check in the mail for $2,000 with a sticky note telling him to spend it on his family. Another instance was when he secretly wanted a golf driver and unexpectedly received it as an honorarium gift after lecturing at a small church.

First of all, if I were god, I would beat you with a chair for bothering me about vacations and golf drivers. Secondly, there are people right now dying in floods and ice storms, starving to death, dying slowly and painfully of cancer and AIDS. Right now, a small child is being raped. Right now, a woman is being beaten to death.

And your god gives you golf clubs and does nothing for any of those other people? Fuck off.

Thirdly, I am not buying this "secretly" bullshit. I bet this guy isn't secretive about anything. I bet he moaned and whinged to everyone he knew about how he wanted to go on vacation, but - wonderful Christian that he is- he also wanted to give the money to charity. After enough of that, I'd give him the $2,000 to shut his ass up, and I'd have to sell an organ to come up with that kind of cash. As to the secret golf club, he's a golfer. People give golfers golf clubs whether they want them or not. My boss, on average, gets 2 or 3 golf clubs as presents a month. He's been using the same beat up clubs for 20 years, so he gives them away, but he's always getting them.

Yeah, god is grand and mysterious, yo.

Meanwhile, children will continue to be raped--

Hey, you know what I just realized? This asshole thinks he has a direct wish fulfillment deal with god and he's praying for vacations and golf clubs. If I thought for 2 seconds that I had that kind of power, I'd be praying for an end to violence and starvation and disease for all I was worth.

What an asshole.

*Stop to consider some other circumstance in which images of a torture device and/or a mostly naked man being actively tortured would be acceptable jewelry- for children.

We're Just Here to Make You Look Better

I keep seeing these blog posts and articles that I think are meant to encourage people to keep rather than abort a fetus with Down Syndrome. They don't push other disabilities for some reason. I guess Trisomy 21 is the sexy disability these days. Seriously, for every one child with Down Syndrome adopted, there are 300 people waiting to adopt such a child. Meanwhile, there are thousands and thousands of children with disabilities languishing in foster care who will never be adopted.

Does that strike anyone else as being a little . . . odd?

Anyway, back to my original point. I keep seeing these blog posts that give the following "purpose" to the disabled:

In the fictional novel The Clowns of God by Morris West, Jesus comes back to earth, and some people think it's Him while some don't. At one point, Jesus is at a school for children with Down syndrome, and He is holding a little girl. Jesus says:

"I know what you are thinking. You need a sign. What better one could I give but to make this little one whole and new? I could do it, but I will not. I am the Lord and not a conjurer. I gave this mite a gift I denied to all of you -- eternal innocence. To you she looks imperfect -- but to me she is flawless, like the bud that dies unopened or the fledgling that falls from the nest to be devoured by ants. She will never offend me, as all of you have done. She will never pervert or destroy the work of my Father's hands. She is necessary to you. She will evoke the kindness that will keep you human. Her infirmity will prompt you to gratitude for your own good fortune... More! She will remind you every day that I am who I am, that my ways are not yours, and that the smallest dust mite whirled in the darkest spaces does not fall out of my hand... I have chosen you. You have not chosen me. This little one is my sign to you. Treasure her!"

That seems nice, doesn't it? It's so sweet. God made you a perfectly imperfect child to remind you how awesome not having extra chromosomes is. I bet god puts people in wheelchairs to remind the walking how really great that is. I'm in pain all the time to remind all of you how truly special it is to not be in constant pain.

Because when you're disabled, you're only possible purpose is in relation to the abled. We're always secondary to you. We couldn't possibly be a purpose in and of ourselves. Not like the normals. (Whom we're stealing all the good parking spots from. Because we're selfish.)

Nobody questions why children exist- unless they're disabled, and then they need a reason.

Remember what was odd above? People want children with Down Syndrome, but almost nobody is deliberately adopting children with autism or sensory disorders or debilitating food allergies. Why is that? Two reasons, I would guess. For one thing, Down has an ad campaign at this point. For another, Down Syndrome is an obvious disability. All you have to do is look and you know. You couldn't tell, however, just by looking that little Billy has a sensory disorder and is at the end of his ability to cope, rather than just a brat having a temper tantrum. Then you go from being the Greatest Parent Evah!- so self sacrificing!- to the Worst Parent in All of History- Shut that brat up!

It's disability as accessory, and let me tell you, as a person with an "invisible disability", I have seriously considered carrying around a cane. Not that I really need one (some days I could certainly use the help, but not often), but so that people would look at me and immediately know I am not completely able. No more eye rolling, no more snap judgments, no more accusations of faking it for drugs or attention. Yes, in certain groups, canes and wheelchairs are enviable.

Disabled people do not exist to teach a lesson to abled people. Disabled children are not born to provide the abled with patience or selfless love or acceptance for the different among us. The disabled do not exist only in relation to the abled. We simply exist. Just like you.

You can stop turning us into motivational posters any time now.

The Atheist and the Marine

The Atheist and the Marine

This story can be found virtually anywhere online, but I, of course, ran into it on Rapture Ready.

I don't know if this has been posted before, but it's a good story.

All righty, then, I like a good story.

A United States Marine was taking some college courses
between assignments.

Okay. I have no idea whether or not Marines do this, but good for him. Actually, I did a quick search to see how much time Marines typically get between deployments (college courses usually take 16 weeks), and the answer is, it depends. Could be 30 days, could be several months, could be a year.

He had completed 20 missions in Iraq
and Afghanistan .

I guess this is to make him look experienced or something. I have no idea how many missions the typical Marine does.

One of the courses had a professor who
was a devout atheist and a member of the ACLU.

Okay, look. There's no such thing as a devout atheist, it's a contradiction in terms. The ACLU defends the rights of Christians all the time, so I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.
He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform...
I'll give you exactly 15 min."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

Yeah, I'd be pretty shocked, too. What course was this? Was this in any way relevant? Why would the professor do that? Of course, we're not given enough information to make any kind of judgment here.

It got down to the last couple of minutes, when the Marine got
out of his chair, went up to the professor and cold-cocked him;
knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

So . . . the Marine committed assault and battery. It's a crime, in point of fact. But don't worry, if you're a Christian, laws don't apply to you! (Also, way to make Marines look senselessly violent!)

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there
looking on in silence.

And nobody checked to see if the professor was okay, or called the cops? That's what I would do. Maybe they were afraid the Marine would hurt anyone who attempted to help or call 911.

The professor eventually came to,

Periods of unconsciousness following head trauma are not a joke. They should have called an ambulance.

noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,
"What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

I would have said, "Call the fucking cops, you morons!" but that's just me.

The Marine calmly replied,
"GOD was too busy today protecting America 's
soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid
stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."

He sent me to prevent you from saying things you have a right to say, and to commit violent crimes upon your person. Because God is love!

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Are you serious? One man violently assaulted another man, which resulted in head trauma, and everyone in the room was all, "Yay! Violence! Hit me! Hit me!"

So, the moral of this story is if you're a Christian you can do anything you want. Laws do not apply to you. You can be violent and permanently damage someone else's brain because they offended you. But only if you're a Christian.

Follow Up: What's So Bad About Poverty Gets Hilarious

This is poverty.

Yesterday, the Jeub family, purveyors of such fine titles as "Love in the Kitchen*" and "Love Another Child" asked just What's So Bad About Poverty.

Hilariously, a large number of people decided to tell the Jeubs exactly what is so bad about poverty, and call them on the idea that they are living in poverty. The Jeubs claim to live in poverty for one very good reason: they live on the incomes from their books. Their books advocate Quiverfull philosophy- have as many children as possible, regardless of finances, desire, general health, etc. So, in order to answer critics who ask, "What about families that can't feed the children they have, let alone ten more?", the Jeubs say, "Hey, we're poor and we do just fine."

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't consider people who fly all over the country with their debate team to be poor. I don't consider people who buy 7 turkeys at Thanksgiving and freeze 6 of them in their stand alone freezer to be poor. I certainly don't consider not buying a passenger van a sign of poverty.

So what do the Jeubs hang their poverty hat on? The US federal guidelines for poverty. Yup, that's it. Mind you, for a family their size, that's around $80,000, and the federal government is assuming you spend money on child care and traveling to and from work which the Jeubs do not, and is averaged from expensive places like San Francisco to much less expensive places where the Jeubs live.

Several commentors tried to explain this to them, but Mr. Jeub is a master debater [insert joke here], and equally masterful at deleting comments and banning people. You can click here and check it out for yourself, or you can trust my summary of the debate.

Jeub: I understand poverty- I live under the federal poverty line.

People Living in Reality: You buy 7 turkeys at Thanksgiving and freeze of them in your stand alone freezer. You are not poverty stricken.

Jeub: I understand poverty- I live under the federal poverty line.

PLiR: You fly all over the country with your debate team, poverty stricken people do not do that. Poverty stricken people can't pay for a bus ride.

Jeub: I understand poverty- I live under the federal poverty line.

PLiR: We've all seen your blog. You have a home, heat, electricity, running water, an internet connection, plentiful food, cheap health insurance, clothing for your children, the list goes on. You have no idea what poverty is. You are not addressing the issue of preventing pregnancies due to poverty.

Jeub: I understand poverty- I live under the federal poverty line. I am the master! Ai winz teh debatez!

PLiR: Repeating the same discredited statement until the other person gives up in disgust is not debating and you are not winning anything.

Jeub: Ha ha ha! I win, you lose! Looooooser!

PLiR: Oh, fuck you.

Jeub: You said a baaaaad wooooord! Ai winz! Ai winz all ur debatez fur all timez!

PLiR: In about ten seconds, nobody is going to care what I said . . .

You know, I just noticed that post was labeled "part 1". Hee hee!

*Here, I'll save you some money (please skip if you are eating disordered): You probably eat more than you think you do. The portion sizes they base calorie counts on are small. As in, you probably eat 3 times as much cereal as one 120 calorie portion. So keep track of what you eat, and here's some recipes. There, saved you $20.