Thursday, February 3, 2011

I'm Starting to Think Common Sense is Pretty Stupid

Here's some mind benders that will totally BLOW. YOUR. MIND. or not.

Only in North America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

You know why that is? Because pharmacies have all sorts of fun stuff in them people want to steal, like Vicodin and Percocet. If you put the pharmacy at the front of the store, it would make it much easier for people to steal the fun drugs.

Only North America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

1) May as well start somewhere. 2) May prefer the taste.

Only in North America ......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

I have accidentally walked off with store pens after signing a credit slip. I have never accidentally walked into a bank vault and left with all the cash.

Only in North America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Oddly, while rain and snow and sun will ruin my Christmas ornaments, etc., they don't ruin my car. How strange.

Only in North America ...........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Okay, that is kinda silly.

Only in North America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines* with Braille lettering.

Drive up ATMs are the same as walk in ATMs, just in a different place. Why make two different ATM models when you can save money and put the same model ATM in two places? It's not like the presence of braille makes the drive through ATM not work.

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
our skin?

Because hair and skin are two totally different things? Duh.

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Does anyone do that- open their mouth to put on mascara? I don't, and I've never seen anyone do that.

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Occam's Razor.

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Wut? "Abbreviated" is from the Latin "to make brief".

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Really? I'm going to have look up the etymology of every fucking word now?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Yes, that's all dishwashing liquid is made from, pure, unadulterated lemons.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Oh, for fuck's sake. "Broker" is from "brocour", meaning "small trader", or "abrokur", meaning "retailer of wine"

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Cuz everyone is rushing to get home.

Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?

Because it's a bit easier and cheaper to get your hands on mass quantities of fish.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Occam's Razor.

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

First of all, sterilizing needles is required by health regulations. Secondly, if you survive an execution, you're free to go. You wouldn't want that person, who is clearly a zombie, to sue your ass for the infection they got from the unsterilized needle.

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Because then it would be too heavy to fly.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Sheep are covered in wool, not made of wool.

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Because the word "apartment" comes from the French word, "appartement" meaning "a separated place".

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Yes.

If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?

Because "terminal" comes from the Latin "terminalis" which means "the extreme end point". The airport terminal is the extreme end point of any journey by airplane.

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

English, it's a funny language.

Well, at least I learned something today. People are dumb!


*ATM is Automatic Teller Machine. Saying "ATM machine" is saying "Automatic Teller Machine machine". Which is stupid. "PIN number" drives me completely insane, too.

8 comments:

  1. " If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


    Yes."

    Indeed...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't forget NIC card, Network Interface Card card.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I thought the silly jokes were worth a smile but your dissection of them was hillarious.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Comedy is hard. Smart comedy is even more difficult. It's just like sex - everyone can do it, but few do it well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I thought the list was just amusing (and not in a derisory manner, for once). I think you seem to have missed the point, though, when you answered with etymologies; she was pointing out the ironic wordings rather than actually asking where the words came from. After all, saying that doctors “practice” on their patients could be slightly unsettling at first glance. And ‘abbreviated’ is a sorta long word in itself, given its meaning.

    My rambling 2¢.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pro and con as prefixes don't mean the same thing as pro and con as whole words.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ever notice how people offer to give you a penny for your thoughts, yet want you to throw-in your two cents worth ?

    Yeah, those fuckers are cheating us out of half out thoughtworth.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Are you paying over $5 / pack of cigarettes? I buy my cigs over at Duty Free Depot and I save over 50% on cigs.

    ReplyDelete

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