Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Atheist and the Marine

The Atheist and the Marine

This story can be found virtually anywhere online, but I, of course, ran into it on Rapture Ready.

I don't know if this has been posted before, but it's a good story.

All righty, then, I like a good story.

A United States Marine was taking some college courses
between assignments.

Okay. I have no idea whether or not Marines do this, but good for him. Actually, I did a quick search to see how much time Marines typically get between deployments (college courses usually take 16 weeks), and the answer is, it depends. Could be 30 days, could be several months, could be a year.

He had completed 20 missions in Iraq
and Afghanistan .

I guess this is to make him look experienced or something. I have no idea how many missions the typical Marine does.

One of the courses had a professor who
was a devout atheist and a member of the ACLU.

Okay, look. There's no such thing as a devout atheist, it's a contradiction in terms. The ACLU defends the rights of Christians all the time, so I'm not sure what that has to do with anything.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.
He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform...
I'll give you exactly 15 min."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

Yeah, I'd be pretty shocked, too. What course was this? Was this in any way relevant? Why would the professor do that? Of course, we're not given enough information to make any kind of judgment here.

It got down to the last couple of minutes, when the Marine got
out of his chair, went up to the professor and cold-cocked him;
knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

So . . . the Marine committed assault and battery. It's a crime, in point of fact. But don't worry, if you're a Christian, laws don't apply to you! (Also, way to make Marines look senselessly violent!)

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there
looking on in silence.

And nobody checked to see if the professor was okay, or called the cops? That's what I would do. Maybe they were afraid the Marine would hurt anyone who attempted to help or call 911.

The professor eventually came to,

Periods of unconsciousness following head trauma are not a joke. They should have called an ambulance.

noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,
"What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

I would have said, "Call the fucking cops, you morons!" but that's just me.

The Marine calmly replied,
"GOD was too busy today protecting America 's
soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid
stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."

He sent me to prevent you from saying things you have a right to say, and to commit violent crimes upon your person. Because God is love!

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Are you serious? One man violently assaulted another man, which resulted in head trauma, and everyone in the room was all, "Yay! Violence! Hit me! Hit me!"

So, the moral of this story is if you're a Christian you can do anything you want. Laws do not apply to you. You can be violent and permanently damage someone else's brain because they offended you. But only if you're a Christian.


  1. I love the fact that every character in this story is incapable of pronouncing the Christian god's title in grammatically correct fashion. Even the atheist professor still insists on SPEAKING IN CAPITALS whenever he says the word "God".

    New rule. The only people allowed to pronounce things in capitals are Reapers, Brian Blessed, and the Anthropomorphic Personification of Death.

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. oh, for fuck's same, he's BACK. sigh

  4. Hahahaha I love it when you destroy those stupid chain emails.

  5. I would also allow War, the First Horseman of the Apocalypse and Castle Heterodyne to speak in all caps. But that's it.


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