Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Really, I Should Just Walk Away From This Stuff

[trigger warning: brief mention of terrible things happening to children and others. please enjoy this otter instead.]

What makes Christianity different from other religions? Is it the religious symbols*, the Jesus or the holy book?

Bestselling author and pastor Francis Chan boldly declared before a crowd of pastors at the Desiring God conference Tuesday that prayer is what differentiates Christians from the world and other religions, stating, “Our God listens to us.”

. . .

The former California megachurch pastor said he is still amazed at the way God answered his prayers, even when it came to the “silly, little things.”

He recalled the time he wanted to take his family on vacation but felt compelled to donate the money to those in need. After struggling with the topic in prayer, he later received a cashier’s check in the mail for $2,000 with a sticky note telling him to spend it on his family. Another instance was when he secretly wanted a golf driver and unexpectedly received it as an honorarium gift after lecturing at a small church.

First of all, if I were god, I would beat you with a chair for bothering me about vacations and golf drivers. Secondly, there are people right now dying in floods and ice storms, starving to death, dying slowly and painfully of cancer and AIDS. Right now, a small child is being raped. Right now, a woman is being beaten to death.

And your god gives you golf clubs and does nothing for any of those other people? Fuck off.

Thirdly, I am not buying this "secretly" bullshit. I bet this guy isn't secretive about anything. I bet he moaned and whinged to everyone he knew about how he wanted to go on vacation, but - wonderful Christian that he is- he also wanted to give the money to charity. After enough of that, I'd give him the $2,000 to shut his ass up, and I'd have to sell an organ to come up with that kind of cash. As to the secret golf club, he's a golfer. People give golfers golf clubs whether they want them or not. My boss, on average, gets 2 or 3 golf clubs as presents a month. He's been using the same beat up clubs for 20 years, so he gives them away, but he's always getting them.

Yeah, god is grand and mysterious, yo.

Meanwhile, children will continue to be raped--

Hey, you know what I just realized? This asshole thinks he has a direct wish fulfillment deal with god and he's praying for vacations and golf clubs. If I thought for 2 seconds that I had that kind of power, I'd be praying for an end to violence and starvation and disease for all I was worth.

What an asshole.

*Stop to consider some other circumstance in which images of a torture device and/or a mostly naked man being actively tortured would be acceptable jewelry- for children.


  1. I've only prayed for one thing: a reply. Never got one.

  2. QFT: What you said about praying for petty rubbish when you believe you're actually talking to god. I once read an account of a woman who prayed for a fast run to work and got green lights the whole way, and claimed this as answered prayer. In other words, she prayed for god to hold up other people on their way to work so she could be a minute earlier.

    Sometimes it seems like Christians have less respect for their god that we do.

    [Prays for god to clean the toilet, then wash up the dishes and change the oil in my car]

  3. "Hail Mary, full of grace
    Help me find a parking space."


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