Monday, June 13, 2011

My Brain Is Freaking Me Out Again

I have a cold. Actually, I'm at the end of the cold, the part where you have a ton of congestion. For all the creationists out there that assert something cannot come from nothing, my sinuses are disproving that right now. Seriously, where does all the mucus come from? And why can't I run out?

Anyway, I'm a little freaked out by my brain right now. Apparently, my brain, or at least the part that I don't control, is completely unaware I can breathe through my mouth. 35 years out of the womb and my brain still doesn't know this.

Which it made abundantly clear by switching me to nose breathing as soon as I fell asleep, depriving me of oxygen until I woke up gasping for air.

I am not kidding you, this is what happened last night:

My brain: So, the nose is all clogged up. Can't breathe out of that. Hmmm . . . is there some other way of getting oxygen to the lungs? Something else I can breathe through? Nope, guess we'll just have to suffocate.

Me: The mouth! I went to sleep breathing through my mouth! Just go with that!

My brain: I have no knowledge of this "mouth" of which you speak.

Me: Look! I'm breathing through it right now!

My brain: I can't heeeeaaaar you.

Me: Fuck you.

My brain: Try going to sleep again. I dare you.

So, yeah, that was my weekend.


  1. I have sleep apnea and one of the things the doctor told me was to do everything I can to get over nasal congestion when I have a cold.

    Yep, the brain needs oxygen.

  2. My brain apparently feels that if we're going with mouth breathing, it would rather die.

  3. As an Otolaryngologist, as well as a person who sometimes experiences the same problems:
    1) The proper use of Afrin (Oxymetazoline 0.5%) nose spray can work wonders. 3 Sprays in each nostril, 3 times a day, for NOT LONGER then 3 consecutive days without at least one day without it.
    2) Use of Saline (NaCl) nose spray. 3 sprays in each nostril , NOT LESS than once every hour while awake. This last is usually overlooked by many medical professionals. It is impossible to "overdose", saline is very inexpensive, and it contains no drugs.
    Your perception that you have too much mucus is actually because the normal passage of the mucus you create every day when you are healthy slows down considerably when you have a cold or an allergy attack, thus drying out your secretions much more, making them "stickier", dryer and much harder to swallow them, as you do when you are healthy.
    Hope these observations are of some help!

  4. Have you tried a neti pot or other nasal irrigation tool? You don't have to get one of the expensive ceramic ones. I found a cheap plastic one at my local pharmacy.

  5. i have the same problem when i have a cold. i can NOT sleep if my nose is plugged up - i use Afrin like it's an addiction for 3 or 4 days, whenever i get a cold. otherwise, i'm DEAD from no sleep.

    [also: NyQuil, the Nighttime sniffling sneezing how the FUCK did i end up on the kitchen floor medicine!]

    also also: have you tried a vaporizer? or even just running the shower on full hot and sitting outside breathing the steam?

    i hope you're better now?

    [if you have CVS that you can get to, and can find the extra money, they do pretty cheap flu shots. i don't know how much, exactly, but i know they're cheap. and when i get a flu shot, i have a LOT fewer colds. instead of once a month, it's more like once ever 6 months. if you can't find the extra money, find out how much the shots are and email me.]

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.


Comments are for you guys, not for me. Say what you will. Don't feel compelled to stay on topic, I enjoy it when comments enter Tangentville or veer off into Non Sequitur Town. Just keep it polite, okay?

I am attempting to use blogger's new comment spam feature. If you don't immediately see your comment, it is being held in spam, I will get it out next time I check the filter. Unless you are Dennis Markuze, in which case you're never seeing your comment.

Creative Commons License
Forever in Hell by Personal Failure is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at