Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sugar and Spice Is a Metaphor

You remember that poem about what girls and boys are made of? Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, boys are made of snails and puppy dog tails, that one?

Yeah, apparently, someone takes that literally.

As women, we are not made up of the same things men are made of; therefore it is nearly (but not completely) impossible for us to raise boys to be men. I'm afraid that's why we have so many sissy boys today.

I checked. Human males and human females are indeed made of the same things. Those things are not sugar and spice and snails and tails.

This post also includes a list of characteristics of men (not sissy boys!) that's a little . . . um . . . odd.

WANTED- A boy who stands straight, sits straight, acts straight and talks straight;

Queers need not apply, I suppose.

A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for;

Actually, I'm okay with that, although I'm not sure what fingernails look like in mourning.

A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;

Well, okay.

A boy who moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible;


A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought to keep still;

um, okay.

A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks;

A human being who likes everyone and never has a bad day? A human being, you say?

A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl;

Yes, because you know you can't just be polite and respectful to both males and females that is too much. Too much, I tell you!

A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how;

Inhale, exhale. It's not hard.

A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang;

I dig it, daddio!

A boy who neither bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him;

Yes, because it is up to children to stop bullying. Stop bothering the adults, dear, we're busy making inane lists and making fun of fa**ots.

A boy who, when he does not know a thing, says, "I don't know, "and when he has made a mistake says, "I'm sorry," and when he is asked to do a thing says, "I'll try";

*rolls eyes*

A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time;

You know what? Do not tell me the truth about what my butt looks like in this skirt. Nobody anywhere wants the unvarnished truth every time.

A boy who is eager to read good books;

Define "good". I bet your definition is different from mine.

A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than gamble for pennies in a back room;

Good science, when was this written? Anyway, my husband really enjoys blackjack and poker. They are games of skill it takes a certain talent and dedication to play. While I do agree, as does he, that one shouldn't gamble with money one can't afford to flush down the toilet, I don't really see the problem with exercising one's mind as well as one's body.

A boy who does not want to be "smart" or in any wise to attract attention;

Sit down and act stupid! And read good books!

A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than tell a lie or be a cad;

Yeah, because grocery stores accept morals as well as VISA.

A boy whom other boys like;

I thought we were against gays?

A boy who is at ease in the company of girls;

No, really, are we against gays or not?

A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about himself;


A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else;


A boy who makes you feel good when he is around;

A boy they call Doctor Feelgood?

A boy who is not goody-goody, a prig, or a little pharisee, but just healthy, happy, and full of life.

Okay, did you read the enormous list that preceeded this? There is no way to be all that and not be a little prig. So pick one, lady.

This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation wants him.

And now it's a porno. I don't know what to think.


  1. "or be a cad"?

    Who talks like that? I assume someone who tosses the word cad around plays Hoover ball in their spare time.

  2. LMAO!!!!! "A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else" is a goldmine, a veritable treasure trove! The whole thing is, but that there... LOL!!!!

    As for the rest of that ridiculous post, If God did not intend sons to be raised by single mothers, why the feck does he let it go on happening so much? Man, he is really sloppy and lazy. Or weak. Or... I dunno. You'd think if he had a plan, he'd stick to it right?

  3. i think the "smart" was supposed to "smart-alec" or "smart-mouthed" or, in today's parlance, "sarcastic".

    i often got smacked for being "smart".

    SOME of the things on this list are good things to want in ANYONE. some show inherent bias against things the writer fears. some are completely oxy-moronic compared to the rest of the post...

    and... does this person want this "boy" as a SON, or as a "TARGET?" i mean... it could go either way, ESPECIALLY given that "intimate with Mother" line.
    yes, yes, that isn't what the WRITER meant by "intimate". but... as with many other words that were misused, the problem lies with the writer not understanding that definitions of words change over time.
    i.e. most words are, to some extent, slang. like the word "literally" - it's now slang.

    sigh. some people just shouldn't write. they scare me.

    "there is no try. there is do, or do not".

  4. (Quasar)

    Clean shoes? What kind of sissy girly-maaahhn polishes their shoes?

    Never sulks? I knew a guy like that once. He never stopped smiling. It was genuinely creepy.

    Smoking. Okay, I think smoking is stupid too, and would have a lot of trouble being freinds with a smoker (counts on fingers: weak lungs. Someone smoking within a few meters of me sends me into an uncontrollable coughing fit. Hate the smell. Can never get it out of the clothes. Cancer risk. It's basically commiting suicide in the slowest, most painful way possible), but "learn how"? Seriously?

    A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang;

    Oh god. That is the most ironic badly-structured sentence I've read in a while. [Adjective] [adjective] to [verb] how to [verb] [adjective] [subject]. Scary.

    "A male child who speaks his native language using the format and vocabulary the more pretentious of society choose to structure it with, rather than making use of contemporary collequisms. Yo' dawg, wicked-sicknasty bro." [/british accent]

    Bullying. And when he does get bullied, he can used his good English, shiny shoes, inability to sulk and intimacy with his mother to defend himself!

    Well there's a sentence I never thought I'd write.

    PF: this is one of the funniest fiskings I've read in a while. Nice work. :)

  5. *twitch*
    That is all.

  6. I thought that looked familiar, but you scared them off apparently (link goes 404)... but familiar like some 1940s (?) rendition of what a "good boy" is like. When "straight" meant "forthright and honest," "fair and square." Maybe I look at it again in a while.

    Sorry, just browsing through. Looks like fun here. :) (Jarred's fault)

  7. Honestly, these people are so weird.


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