Words, They Have Meanings

I am disturbed by people who apparently think that if the meaning of a word upsets them or paints them in a less than flattering light, they can just change the meanings of words. It upsets me because the only way we have to communicate with each other is through words* and if we allow people to remove all meaning from words, we're left with beaver shoe crying although hi run.

Like this guy:

There is no shortage of exaggeration and hyperbole in politics. Republicans will routinely point out that Democrats are wrong, but only Democrats make these kind of rhetorical leaps:

• Skepticism over global warming is evidence that Republicans are anti-science

Well, if one spends one's time denying and smearing science in order to protect one's profits, what exactly does that make one?

• Removing collective bargaining rights for public workers means Republicans are anti-union

What else would you call removing collective bargaining rights? Unions, by definition, involve collective bargaining.

• Cutting funding for the Department of Education means Republicans areagainst improving schools

Okay, that's fair. Simply cutting the Dept of Ed's budget does not make one against improving schools, unless one also does not have a plan for improving schools . . . oh, well then.

• Passing tax cuts for everyone who pays taxes means Republicans only cut taxes for millionaires and billionaires

Refusing to pass legislation that only benefits poor people until a tax cut for people inheriting millions is tacked on, well, what would you call that?

• Cutting funding for the Environmental Protection Agency means Republicans are against clean water

They have no other plan to ensure clean water, so what am I to make of that?

• Ending unemployment benefit extensions means Republicans don’t protect the poor and want people to lose their homes

IF THE SHOE FITS, WEAR IT!

• Cutting subsidies to Planned Parenthood means Republicans are trying to ban birth control and abortion

"Ban"? In this context, no, they're just making it impossible for poor women to get birth control and abortions. It's not actually banning per se, but it's the next best thing. Effectively, for the poor women involved, it's the same thing.

• Improving our border security and enforcing immigration laws means that Republicans hate minorities

Um, if passing racist legislation in Arizona were "improving border security and enforcing immigration laws", I'd agree with you, but words, they have meaning.

• Cutting subsidies for school lunch programs means Republicans want children to go to sleep hungry at night

Well, if they're not eating at lunch, and they're not eating at home . . . Honestly, I knew people who deliberately failed classes during the regular school year to ensure that they had to go to summer school. They didn't like going to school year round, they liked eating year round.

• Failing to legislate levels of CO2, a greenhouse gas that we all exhale, means Republicans are anti-environment

Or stupid. Take your pick.

• Opposing teachers unions means that Republicans are against teachers

Paying off their loans and eating on a regular basis, that is.

I thought progressives were supposed to be more nuanced…

I've never claimed to be "more" nuanced . . .

*I suspect someone may say "Sign language, I win, you're wrong!", but that's still words. It's just words communicated via fingers instead of lips and tongues.

For the Last Damn Time, We Celebrate Christmas, Too!

I'm not sure when "liberal" became synonymous with "atheist", or when the definition of "atheist" changed to mean "does not like or celebrate Christmas", but can someone call the dictionary and let them know it's not true?

A Touching Liberal Christmas Carol:

T’was the night before Christmas, in a liberal home,
It was gloomy and heavier than the Metrodome dome.

My house is cheerfully decorated with many, many lights. (I seriously wanted to buy outdoor light up deer and put them on the fireplace mantle. Yes, I become that person the day after Thanksgiving.) We watch hokey Christmas specials and generally act goofy on Christmas eve.

They were each in their rooms, each in silence and shame,
In hopes that no Carolers would visit again.

I love carolers! (Though I'm not sure they're supposed to capitalized.) We never get any, but I'd love to! Plus, Italian family at Christmas = red sauce and alcohol, which never leads to silence.

Tis the darkest of days in the Liberal year,

I'm not sure what you mean, really. Is there some liberal calendar I am unaware of? When is our New Years?

Banned from schools, streets and courthouses, all that laughter and cheer!

Yes, that's right. You never, ever see any sort of decorations this time of year in schools, on the streets or at courthouses. The fact that the city I live in puts up lights before Thanksgiving and there is a 20' tall tree smack in front of the courthouse is just an illusion.

For they know there’s no magic man riding sleighs in a suit,

Yes, all adults know that.

Or child in a manger, What a crock! What a hoot!

Um, plenty of liberals are Christians. Plenty of Christians are liberals. Don't conflate Christian and conservative.

Obama’s healthcare, was slashed by a GOP judge,

So you admit it was judicial activism?

And the tax-cuts extended by some Democrat sludge,

I just don't know what this has to do with Christmas.

Then the Christian extremists were all pealing with joy,
to make matters worse! How they stress and annoy!

Yeah, you are annoying. I'll grant you that.

‘I hate Santa Claus!’ the man shouted to chase away the mirth,

So . . . we know he doesn't exist, but we hate him? Do you hate Zeus?

‘He never gave to me all I’m entitled to, or worth!
He’s a hypocrite, he's gone after just one small day,
Only rewarding riches, He hates Muslims and gays.’

What the hell does Santa have to do with any of that? That's just . . . stoopid.

His Red parents had made sure that he knew the real truth,

Dude, liberal =/= communist. Calm down.

Between Ritalin shots and TV time in his room,

So we're mocking the very real conditions of ADD and ADHD as liberal fantasies now? Classy.

‘Don’t leave gift giving to some old white man, dressed in red,
It’s the government’s job to do that,’ they had said.

Has anyone anywhere said that? Plus, wtf does Santa have to do with capitalism? He's pretty much the ultimate communist.

‘Free those twelve captive reindeer from that barbarous man,
And the minority elves, with no unions at hand.

I'm not sure elves would count as a minority at the fictional North Pole, especially given that Santa was usually described as a "jolly old elf", which would simply make him the leader of the elves.

Spread the wealth, save the trees, stop this dumb Christian sham,
That was copied from old legends, in the Egyptian land.’

Well, yes, actually, Christmas is a syncretization of pagan traditions and Christianity. That's just a fact. I can't help it that reality has a liberal bias.

Thus, this sad liberal muttered to himself all night long,
Till he put on a miserable Jane Fonda song,

Who the hell is listening to Jane Fonda? I mean, I had no idea she ever recorded music at all.

The next morning he exploded when wished a good day,
‘God is dead! So are you!! Now get out of my way!!!’

Yes. I usually respond to "Have a nice day!" with "God is dead!" if I simply don't shoot the person for having the temerity to be polite.

Seriously, what is wrong with you, dude?

A Day in the Life of a Liberal (just for you, kissyface)

Keep the requests coming, people! This is for Kelley R, whose avatar seems to want some sugar.

A Day in the Life of a Liberal (as written by a person from Mars, apparently.)

Here's the story I wrote the other night. Please excuse the 1am typos and all the misspellings. Enjoy!
[and if you're easily offended, pass on this one...]

I can't be bothered to review and edit my "story", and if you're not laughing, it's because you have no sense of humor, not because I'm an idiot!

Your day as a liberal begins at the crack of dawn with early morning yoga followed by a quick bite of dried seaweed breakfast before hitting the road to attend your latest "peaceful demonstration." On your way home, you're sure to stop and hug a few trees before jumping back on your 100% smog-free bicycle (complete with the "I break from beached whales" sticker). After a delicious lunch of tofu and egg beaters, you must pause to meditate, worship mother earth, and re-contemplate the effects of hairspray on the depleted ozone layer.

Actually, I wake up before the sun to go to my job as a legal secretary. I do not do yoga, though it's a fantastic exercise, nor do I eat seaweed, because I'm a liberal, not Japanese. I can see how easy it is to confuse liberals and Japan, but really, where did you get this list of stereotypes, 1985? I do like me some trees, I don't hug them, asshat. I do not own a bicycle, and "I break from beached whales" implies that I split in half due to beached whales. English, try it. I do occasionally eat tofu, but egg beaters? Liberal doesn't necessarily mean having high cholesterol. Egg beaters are made, at least partially, from eggs, so if I were morally opposed to eating eggs, which I am not, I wouldn't eat egg beaters. I do not worship anything, and that hairspray thing was beaten to death by 1989. The 21st Century, feel free to join it.

The soft jingling of the windchimes outside your recycled-bottle windows remind you it's time to go, and you quickly undress for your PETA anti-fur protest. You pick up your can of lead-free red paint and head out the door carefully avoiding your "Obama is my Homeboy" sign planted on the front, pesticide free, lawn.

I despise windchimes, but when did windchimes become a liberal stereotype? Recycled-bottle windows? They make those? I have those double-paned windows to help keep the heat in. They're really nice, but I don't think they're made out of recycled bottles. PETA people protest naked? I'm not in PETA, so I wouldn't know. My lawn is pesticide free, but that's mostly because of the large number of animals and children that play in it. Apparently, being conservative means poisoning your younger relatives for the sake of your lawn. "Obama is my Homeboy" is making me think you may be racist as well as stupid.

After a long (chilly) day of paint-throwing, you finally sit down in the comfort of your own home only to realize that the fung shui of the room is off!

So, what, I just moved in? I don't think feng shui is one of those things you just notice. I don't buy into that sort of thing, but people who do are really meticulous about it.

After re-arranging several "happy planet" pictures,

wtf are you talking about? I bought awesome art with my tax return last year, from ebay and art.com. I have this one print by Picasso which involves a goat. It's so cool.

you glance at your potato-powered clock

I just realized I don't actually own a clock. We use our phones or the clock on the stove. I guess I'm just not all that concerned about the time.

and realize that you're late for your coffee shop concert!

Dude, I'm a liberal, not a hipster.

You throw on your socks and birkenstocks,

Does anyone wear those anymore? I certainly don't. I am currently wearing awesome knee high black boots over my jeans, and I like to think I look like a pirate.

hop in your hybrid,

Excellent gas mileage is for fools! You should be lining the pockets of countries that hate us if you want to be a patriot!

and pull away very slowly, taking care not to create any excess gas emissions by going too fast. Your concert goes well- another payday at last! You pocket the $20, and head home making sure to stop by your local organic grocer on the way. A bag of all-natural pita chips and hummus later,

Eating well is for fools, too! You should be eating as many preservatives and hormones as possible! Seriously, pita chips and hummus are amazing.

you're on your way when all of a sudden, Rush Limbaugh comes on the radio!

Because my radio is tuned to that station why?

Outrage quickly arises in your mind as the blasphemer sarcastically discusses the "imminent dangers" of global warming. You disgustedly search through radio stations until you hear an assuring, familiar voice, "That depends on what your definition of 'is' is..."

Seriously, did you write this in the 1990s?

Finally home, you turn on your energy-efficient light bulb

Saving money on electricity is for fools! Every penny of your income should be supporting the salaries of business executives, not the needs of your family!

and begin preparing a tantalizing dinner of free-range chicken and edamame.

Wait, wasn't I a member of PETA this morning? I mean, I protested naked against fur and now I'm eating chickens? It's like you don't even know me.

You feed your dogs, cats, guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, parakete, hampster, iguana, ant farm, emu, and ferret (using organic, naturally grown and unprocessed pet food, of course),

Pets are a liberal thing now?

before stumbling exhaustedly into your solar-power-heated room and collapse onto your recycled cotton bedsheets.

Solar power is for fools! Why aren't you supporting the electric/gas company? Also, I splurged on 1,000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets a few years ago (tax return), and I gotta tell you, I have never made a better purchase. $60 on overstock.com for queen size. So worth it.

Awakened suddenly at 2:30am to find a masked intruder standing over you, you grope around your nightstand for a weapon to defend yourself only to realize there are none in your house! Barely reaching the phone, you dial 9-1-...

Ah yes, the myth that gun owners are never the victims of crime. The fact that a gun in a home will most likely be used to accidentally harm or kill someone living in that home is entirely irrelevant. Anyway, I own both a 12 gauge shotgun and .22 rifle, but I don't keep them loaded under my pillow. And, why would I reach for a gun if I don't keep a gun in that spot and indeed do not own a gun? Spleen weasel.

And everything goes dark. Guess the police didn't get there in time afterall. Too bad you willingly sacrificed your Constitutional right to assured protection. Maybe the Second Amendment really did mean individuals instead of a militia... Hmmm...

Not owning a gun is not sacrificing my Constitutional rights. I also have never refused to quarter soldiers in my home, is that sacrificing my Constitutional rights? Dumbass.

Oh well, your good karma will ensure that you'll come back as a higher life form anyway, right? And if not, don't all pathways lead to God? Guess you'll find out pretty soon!

HAHAHAHAHA! You're dead! That's so hilarious! I'm a psychopath! Seriously, I don't believe in god or karma, but I don't delight in the deaths of others. Unlike sarabeth, who is not only trapped in the last century, but apparently believes anything Rush Limbaugh tells her.

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Stupid Parables Are Stupid

Jason, who both pleaded and flattered in a way I could not resist, pointed me to this little parable concerning the difference between liberals and conservatives. I've seen it before, and I always mean to deal with it and never do, so the time is now. Carpe stupid parables!

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so

many others her age, she considered herself to be a very Liberal

Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in Favor of

higher taxes to support more government programs, in other Words

redistribution of wealth.

Did she also have a terrible understanding of CapITaLiZatioN?

Contrary to poorly capitalized beliefs, liberals are not in favor of random government programs or higher taxes for the sake of higher taxes. Am I in favor of children eating? Yes. Am I in favor of health care for everyone? Yes. Do I think society means sometimes you have to pay for things you don't personally use for the benefit of everyone instead of buying a second Beemer? Yes, yes I do. And so do you, unless you'd like to start paying a toll for every single street you drive on instead of just paying an overall tax every year. Spleen weasel.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch

Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the Lectures that

she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she

felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to

keep what he thought should be his.

Um, no. All liberals have conservative family members and vice versa. We might be frustrated with one another, but I've never known anyone to be ashamed of it. Nor do I think my conservative family members harbor "evil, selfish desires". I'm a liberal, not Stalin.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to Higher

taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The

self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to Be the

truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by Asking how

she was doing in school.

"self-professed objectivity"? lulz. or perhaps Be LuLz.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and

let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that She was

taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which

left her no time to go out and party like other people She knew. She

didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many

college friends, because she spent all her time studying.

Why was she taken aback? Isn't "how is school going" a fairly normal question?

Her father listened and then asked , 'How is your friend Audrey

doing?' She replied, ' Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are

Easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She Is

so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited

to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for

classes because she's too hung over.'

Huh. Apparently that's why conservatives hate liberals: we're the life of the party! We're the blondes to their mousy brunettes! We're the cheerleaders to their nerds! Good to know.

Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's

office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your

friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA, and

certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.' The

daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired

back, 'That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really

hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard

work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played

while I worked my tail off!'



The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to The

Republican party.'

See, this is how conservatives see the poor, the unemployed, the sick, the suffering. The economy imploded and took 9,000,000 jobs with it, but people who need their unemployment insurance extended are like slutty teenage party girls who deserve everything they get. 45,000 people die in this country every year, deaths that were entirely preventable with access to health care, and health care reform is death panels and oh noez! the taxes. Food stamps and WIC are payments to greedy, greedy children who want to eat. Bastards.

After the story comes these little couplets:

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great
test!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.

If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

It's not that anyone doesn't like guns, it's that I don't think you need a grenade launcher to go hunting. Nor do I think that people who have displayed a propensity for violence with arrests for domestic violence and assault should have access to more efficient ways to hurt people.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat..

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for

everyone.

Dude, that's just stupid. Yeah, yeah, yeah PETA, but they're not representative of liberals, they're representative of PETA. Oh, and me refusing to eat meat in your presence just to make you comfortable is not some kind of sermon, get over it.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

Three words: privilege denying dude.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

Before I start frothing at the mouth, let me just point out that conservatives don't turn down unemployment or disability or social security, so why don't you STFU and STFD?

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.

Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

So conservatives can boycott Pepsi for being okay with a little gay, but boycotting Glenn Beck is just beyond the pale? Really? How do you live with that level of cognitive dissonance?

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

DIAF. I'll provide it for you. I expect this nation to obey the FIRST FUCKING AMENDMENT to that Constitution you people like to fap to, it's not persecution.

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The Contradictions Are Killing Me

Is it too much to ask that people be consistent in their beliefs? It's bad enough when someone believes in stupid bullshit, but when their stupid bullshit isn't even consistent, that's a whole new level of obnoxious.

First of all, I have to say that Barbara Curtis deserves a round of applause for adopting three children. That's a wonderful, loving act that I truly admire. The fact that she adopted three disabled children is all the more admirable.

However, and this is bothering me so much I just cannot stop thinking about it, in the linked post Ms. Curtis goes on and on about how wonderful a place the US is to raise disabled children, specifically citing the Americans with Disabilities Act, inclusion in public schools, availability of health care and a low rate of institutionalization for disabled children.

What, you may ask, is wrong with that? Ms. Curtis is an avid Tea Partier. She posts 10-20 times a day in favor of Tea Partiers and/or against liberals, particularly President Obama. That's certainly her right, but all those things that make America a wonderful place for her children? Those are all taxpayer funded liberal mandates. You know, the very ideas and policies the Tea Party is so desperate to destroy.

How do you spend half the day benefiting from taxpayer funded liberal mandates and the other half of the day decrying big government and government spending and politically correct liberals? How do you do that and not see the hypocrisy? How do benefit, every single day, from taxpayer funded liberal mandates and then claim that taxes are too high and government spending needs to end? How do you do all that and look at yourself in the mirror?

She's not the only one, just the most recent example I've come across. Half the crowd at every Tea Party gathering is on Social Security or disability. "Get your government out of my Medicare" was the rallying cry for these people at one point. How do you say that without your brain exploding?

I, for one, am thrilled that my tax dollars help Ms. Curtis' children and others like them. I'm also perfectly happy to fund welfare, food stamps and disability. I want those programs expanded- and I don't even use them. I may be a crazy commieIslamoFacistliberal, but at least I'm internally consistent. Unlike some people . . .

Once You Give the Gift, It's Not Yours Anymore

Call Glenn Beck, that's a lot of gold.

One of the most annoying pieces of Christian (and possibly other, I don't know) theologies is that we, as living beings, owe God for the "gift of life". Allow me to explain the concept of the "gift" to you: once it is given, it belongs entirely to the receiver, not to the giver. The giver of the gift has no claim upon it once it is given and has no right to control what the receiver does with the gift. (Seriously, if you're one of those people that gets all bent out of shape about what people do with your gifts, you need to reconsider why you are giving gifts in the first place.)

The current confusion about identity is mainly rooted in the idea of the self-identifying or the self-defining person. ‘My life is mine and I can make whatever I want of it’. This is not so, in the first place because I only possess my life precisely insofar as it has been given to me; it is a gift.

Then you are misunderstanding how gifts work.

When I receive a gift, it becomes mine; yes, that is true. But if I am sensible, I want to know the nature of the gift so as to use or handle it wisely; for it can be spoiled, even completely, by bad use. If I am given a paperweight of gold, I may drop it and nothing is lost. If the gift is a precious porcelain vase and I drop it, the gift itself is lost. It is important to know that some things given to us in life are both precious and breakable, and not easily recovered if broken.

"A paperweight of gold" struck me as a weird example until I considered that Monsignor Burke is Catholic and the Vatican likely has toilet paper made of gold. (Have you seen the place?) Really, though, it doesn't matter what you do with a gift. If it truly is a gift, it is yours to do with as you please. Also, gold is a soft metal, dropping a paperweight of gold would damage it, probably severely.

Why be so worried about paperweights of gold, anyway?

We live in a thoroughly ‘disenchanted’ secular age (as Charles Taylor brings out so well).[1] There is nothing beyond what I see, nothing underlying what I feel, nothing that promises more than what I have… Things, events, relationships, have no more meaning than what I choose to give them. I decide their value. But, at the best, that value is limited, for I do not, I will not, believe in absolute values. I identify things by how they suit me — my satisfaction my advantage — not by any value they have in themselves.

Well, then, you are a sociopath, not an atheist or a liberal or a feminist. Believe it or not, I believe people, though not things, have intrinsic value outside of what they do or do not do for me. Only sociopaths see people purely in terms of "what have you done for me lately". As for things, things are things. I do have sentimental attachments to things, but in the end, even the greatest of paintings or the most favorite of childhood toys is nothing compared to people.

You know what really bothers me about this? This is actually a screed against feminism and gay marriage, but read the above carefully. You'll notice one word comes up a lot: things. Things have the value we assign to them. Paperweights of gold, precious vases, things.

People are not things. People are infinitely more precious than things. Yet clearly, for all their posturing about "life", the Catholic Church does not feel this way. Have you ever seen The Vatican? Have you ever seen the Pope? Vatican City is filled with precious works of art, things of great beauty- and value. The Pope wears fine clothes, sits on valuable chairs, views priceless art on a daily basis. He also apparently has never looked at any of these things and thought, "Huh, I wonder how many people I could feed, educate, provide with medical care just by selling one of these things."

No, he advises instead that the poorest of the poor use no birth control- and never once considers financing their children for them. He advises against the use of condoms to halt the spread of HIV- and never once considers financing medication to help those he condemns to infection. The Catholic soup kitchen around the corner from my work is stretched to the breaking point, turning away the hungry every day. I regularly give away my lunch and even our local cathedral is filled with things of value.

Do I think that these things, these priceless works of art, are valuable, valuable even beyond monetary value? Sure. I think art and music and poetry and prose are of immeasurable value. However, they are of no value to the starving, to the dying, to those whose every thought is of the suffering of their children. Things are not more valuable than people, and I would burn every lovely piece of art if it meant an end to hunger and poverty and disease.

Too bad I just don't understand the value of the gift god has given me.