The Rapture- Yeah, We'd Notice

rapture, tribulation, premillenial, dispensationalism, antichrist, christian, jesus, god, bible,
Premillenial dispensationalism is one of those odd, fringey fundy things that takes seeing to believe, though I wouldn't blame you if you saw it, and still didn't believe. Believing in premillenial dispensationalism requires having a world view so odd, so far removed from the real world, that encountering the real world can only happen through the lens of belief.

This is what happens when you view the world through the lens of a particularly bizarre belief (from the Slacktivist.):

Hence the career of Rep. Michelle Bachmann. She's not a demagogue trying to manipulate the rubes on the barking mad religious lunatic fringe. She is herself one of them. She's a true believer. Bachmann is both a member of Congress and, in her mind, a member of the Tribulation Force.

This explains Bachmann's current obsession: stopping the attempt to create a one-world global currency. Matthew Yglesias links to Bachmann's discussion of this one-currency conspiracy with talk-show host Glenn Beck, pointing out that the effort Bachmann opposes is both imaginary and impossible.

Matt's bewilderment here is understandable. His problem here, though, is that he's restricting his discussion to reality and that's not where Bachmann is coming from.

This latest article from Rapture Ready, The World's Response to the Rapture, by Joseph Chambers, is another example of such a distortion of understanding. As far as I can tell, Mr. Chambers views the unsaved as being entirely unlike the saved. I don't mean just in terms of salvation, I mean in every way possible.

Background: according to this belief system, the end of the world begins with every Real True Christian(tm) being taking bodily to heaven at once. Children who have not yet entered puberty will also be taken- mostly because even RTCs can't really get behind tormenting 2 year olds. So, the event Mr. Chambers is discussing is a few million (at best) adults disappearing right in front of our eyes, along with every child in world. All of them. Yeah. I'm guessing those of us left behind might make it 5 minutes before initiating a nuclear holocaust that reduces the entire planet to an asteroid belt.

Mr. Chambers has a slightly different view on things, mostly because he thinks the bible predicts a whole 7 years of inexplicable events following the Rapture.

There is a growing hatred for anything that centers on Jesus Christ. wow- persecution porn in the first sentence! dude, you're over 75% of the population of the US, you are not being oppressed. It apostrophe s like the world wants to promote a “god” idea that can fit all belief systems, but trashes the God of Christianity and the idea of the Son of God as a Savior of all men. There is an even greater hatred for the idea of a Rapture we think you're clinically insane and pity you, we don't hate you, where a large number of people are going to be caught up and supernaturally removed. More and more of the leading ministers in Biblical circles are denying the Rapture and turning to theological ideas that suggest a Christian dominion of the earth rather than escape from the earth. Much of the Evangelical world and all of the Catholic leadership are dead set against a sudden exodus of the chosen saints of God. funny, we get no mention of how Lutherans, anglicans, episcopalians, greek orthodox, russian orthodox, etc. feel about this. i guess they don't count.

When you understand the multitude of different ideas relating to End Times events, it is challenging to describe the many different reactions that may well follow the great escape of the saints. no, it's not at all challenging. no one will notice the rapture of the few million adults because we'll be just a little distracted by the rapture of EVERY CHILD ON EARTH. The Rapture may well serve to unite the religious world and force them to forge a united reaction. right after they stop looking looking for their children. There are not many religious leaders left that do not have a growing distaste for Bible-believing fundamentalism. yes, yes, yes, you're persecuted. we get it. poor you. Every major religious trend has served to build a consensus against what is being called “narrow-minded fundamentalism.” ya know, if everyone hates you, there might be something to it. just sayin'. Building a broad-based movement to bring the Catholic, the Evangelical, and the Pentecostals together well, we managed one more group of christians, but what about all the rest? demands that no theology is important enough to divide the church world. if it really were the "one true faith", wouldn't everybody know that? there's dozens of different "one true faiths", just within christianity, doesn't that say something about the concept of the "one true faith"?

We now have a religious atmosphere that drives the fundamental truths to the back room. considering what else is said to occur in back rooms, that might be an unfortunate metaphor. That is the crowd that is going to be the Raptured saints. who's the crowd? the truths are the crowd? what? It would be a great relief to many religious personalities if we would just disappear. oh, it's not just religious personalities. We will! yeah! Holiness of lifestyle is hated. BWAHAHAHAHAHA what holiness? christians and atheists act the same, except atheists are less likely to get divorced. if we're going by holiness of lifestyle, shouldn't the atheists get raptured? Ministers that still preach and teach separation from the trashy and carnal world are considered cultic and bothersome. if you actually would separate from the world, we'd all be happier. The music of the average church in the acceptable church growth world is unclean and repulsive. it's got african rythms! black, scary rythms! The atmosphere in the Jewish synagogues when Jesus came the first time is a fair example of today’s church atmosphere. they're giving out high interest loans in churches now? Genuine truth has fallen in the streets. THUMP! Most ministers that still continue to preach the Rapture also trash solid Biblical holiness living. nobody is good enough for this guy!

. . .



The Rapture is going to make an incredible stir throughout the world. not for the reasons you think. nobody would be impressed that a few million fundy nutters disappeared because they'd be distracted by the fact that EVERY CHILD ON THE PLANET IS GONE. This is one of the greatest moments in human history yes, the suffering of billions of parents, quickly followed by the horrors of the Tribulation will be a wonderful moment in human history. and the result will be an incredible crisis. ya think? The media will explore every detail. in the five minutes before the nuclear holocaust, the ones that aren't in the fetal position, refusing to blink Interviews will be granted to all sides i'm not even sure what that means and many different explanations will be given. how many explanations for EVERY CHILD ON THE PLANET IS GONE could there be? The paranormal world will have a field day with many bizarre stories. ufologists will be having more fun. Somehow the majority of the world will be convinced to carry on and to join the new day of liberty and license. so, EVERY CHILD ON THE PLANET IS GONE, and we're all going to party?

This is seriously offensive. This guy seems to think that most people on the planet regret not getting abortions and would be thrilled if their children disappeared. Have you ever seen one of those pleas from the parents of a missing child? Now imagine the entire world like that.

Under the heading of "The Catholic Church is Teh Evul":

The best way to deal with a crisis is to celebrate it like we celebrated 911 and Katrina? what? and the celebration will begin. catholic church and celebration are not ideas that any sane person would put in the same sentence. The One World Church will quickly develop a speakers’ bureau to appear on all news channels. the news channels being run by the always childless, i guess. Let’s consider what may be their explanation. the mayans were right! I believe they will proclaim that a supernatural miracle has occurred. Religious fanatics and rebellious fundamentalists have been removed by an act of God so that the world can finally experience peace. god wanted peace so he left behind muslim extremists? that seems a little . . . odd. is Mr. Chambers saying muslim extremists will be raptured, too? They will say that these people were no different than the terrorists within the Muslim world. other than the bombs. They were like the Taliban of Afghanistan they are like that, just without the bombs. and we have been spared their hindrance to our planned wonderful world by this miracle of their removal. there is so much wrong with this idea, i can barely scratch the surface.

Forerunners of the Antichrist excellent band name will see this as their golden opportunity and they will join in with the religious One World Church. They will herald the coming revelation of their “Christ” and great paranormal events will become commonplace. As the idea that this “Christ” is waiting to be manifest begins to grip the world, great excitement to His coming will develop. Great speakers with demonic appeal obama! will conduct rallies all over the world. They will build excitement to the point of hysteria. Incredible miracles of healing (i.e., blinded eyes opened) and mass healing events will occur. This new church world of the inclusive church will explode. It will be religious mania. in other words, the fake christian church will actually deliver what the real christian church promised? ummm . . . what?

This new religion will be as emotionally real as the true Pentecost of the past. but not really as real? The only thing missing will be the restrictions of commandments and standards. it's going to be a little hard to have a "christian" religion without the ten commandments. episcopalians are seriously liberal, but not even they have abandoned the restrictions against murder and stealing. It will be the greatest day of mass religious events in history. like unto what mass religious events in history? The music is already written, the african music with scary black rythms! the singers have already trained, and these campaigns will feature the best. hey, at least while we're all deranged with grief, we'll have a nice concert to go to. The present contemporary, rap, rock, funk, and other ungodly (black!) music are all the music of the Antichrist he's black! and are ready to inoculate the world. doesn't "inoculate" mean protect against disease? The multitudes will line up to be baptized and marked as the worshippers of this new “Christ.” They will actually believe that he is the true appearing of the real Christ. dude, he can heal the sick and he's got a good backup band. why not?

The rest of this article devolves into a discussion of the persecution the RTCs so desperately want, but won't experience because they'll be raptured. Always missing out on the good stuff, I guess.

Winds of Times-Altering Change - Part 2

Continuing on with the most adverb-laden, awkwardly written piece of fundamentalist rapture porn ever written . . . well, except for the Left Behind series, but I'm not touching that with Terry James' dick. (scroll down if you didn't read Part 1)

Blasphemy Abounds I'm so blasphemous, I'll probably get an award in hell for it, but I do not abound.

To understand the blasphemous attitude of many in America, all we must do is think on the kinds of entertainment millions love to cerebrally ingest "cerebrally ingest" is the funniest phrase ever! How about watch or read or listen to or enjoy? Seriously, cerebrally ingest? Is this article some sort of extended Turing Test?, according to the DVDs, movie tickets, and books they purchase. Gears of War is teh Evil. Or is it the gays? I can never keep track. I keep misplacing the memos.

Think about the Harry Potter series, good triumphs over evil through friendship and sacrifice-- it must be the work of Satan! which tugs the thoughts of even Christians at record-setting levels to the dark side (the satanic side is it necessary to tell people that the dark side is the satanic side? Really? He explains this, but not "cerebrally ingest"?) and away from the righteous side (God’s side was anyone confused that the righteous side might be Satan's side?). Defenders of the Harry Potter series, including Christians who find these novels harmless, fail to recognize the subtle siren song that lures souls into these destructive shoals she sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Books such as The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown mock the deity of Jesus Christ, who wants facts getting in the way? and it is a worldwide smash hit almost instantly, with media fawning over the blasphemous story-telling as if it were a work revealing newly discovered facts. We wouldn't want historical evidence getting in the way of ignorant belief, now would we?

The Raising of Rebels (Disobedience to Parents) Leviticus says, in no uncertain terms, to kill any child that backtalks its parents. Now that's family values!

This characteristic of end-times man has grown exponentially since the Supreme Court, by fiat in 1963, told God He is no longer welcome in public classrooms. It's called the Establishment Clause, you ignorant jerk! The Supreme Court did nothing by fiat. Beyond the Establishment Clause, let's examine an idea I'm sure Asshat James didn't think of. Christians are the most numerous religious group in the US, but the most numerous christians? Catholics. So, if we are establishing a state religion, wouldn't we have to go with Catholics? If we aren't picking by numbers, what would we pick by? I guarantee you Asshat James wouldn't be all for a theocracy if the state religion turned out to the Catholicism. I say we make the US a muslim theocracy and really fuck with Mr. James.

With the expelling of prayer and Bible reading inappropriate at a public school, though you are welcome to do it anywhere else you please has come great increase in turning from parental guidance to a disastrous turning of much of America’s youth to everything deleterious society and culture has to offer. There had to be an easier way to say that. Beyond that, I'm so sociologist, but I can tell you that no longer reading bibles in public schools did not cause all of society's ills. After all, you can still read a bible at home, and parents are welcome to (1) send their child to a private school, or (2) home school their children. "Oh, no, there isn't bible class in public schools, that caused everything from AIDS to gang violence" is really simplistic, unrealistic reasoning that precludes any chance of fixing things. Gangs have taken the place of families in raising many of the inner-city youth. This is sad and true, but has nothing to do with bibles in public schools.

Shortly after the 1963 expulsion of the Almighty from public schools, how would the Supreme Court, or any other mortal, for that matter, accomplish that? How could any human possibly remove an omnipotent being from anywhere? Are we the gods or is god the god? the nation’s fires of optimism were doused by a president’s assassination, the coming of a catastrophic sexual revolution, yeah, my ability to demand an orgasm is catastrophic. For a pencil dick like James, this is probably true. and a war that for the first time in its history saw the U.S. military unable to achieve victory. There were a lot of reasons why we couldn't possibly win the Vietnam Conflict, no bibles in public schools isn't one of them.

The nation, in effect, became bankrupt with Lyndon B. Johnson’s war on poverty poverty is good? that failed to produce the “Great Society” he and the big spenders envisioned. Along with the 50,000 plus dead in Vietnam came the assassinations of Martin Luther King, and Robert F. Kennedy.
The drug culture and Woodstock spewed forth with anti-American protestation by young people grown to be full-scale rabble-rousers whose slogan was “Make love, not war.” That's right, protesting against a war is satanic. Even thinking of using our freedom of speech for its actual purpose is going against god.
Shortly thereafter came the fall of a president who had to resign because of the Watergate debacle.
It seems the biblical warning was proven true. “God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man [or nation] seweth, that shall he [it] also reap.” Terry James is actually saying that because we no longer have state-sponsored bible reading in public schools, 50,000 USians died in Vietnam, and MLK and RFK were assassinated. Seriously, he's actually saying that. Unbelievable.

Let's see what other events in 1963 might have caused these tragedies:

February 10- Five Japanese cities located on the northernmost part of Kyushu are merged and became the city of Kitakyushu, with a population of more than one million. Merging cities angers god!

March 23- Dansevise by Grethe & Jørgen Ingmann (music by Otto Francker, text by Sejr Volmer-Sørensen) wins theEurovision Song Contest 1963 for Denmark. Danish pop music angers god!

April 29 - Buddy Davis becomes first WWF Champion. Fake wrestling angers god!

May 1 - The Coco-Cola Company debuts its first diet drink, TaB cola. Sacchirine angers the lord!

June 10 - University of Central Florida established by Florida legislature. Floridian universities anger He That Is!

July 1 - Zip Codes are introduced in the U.S. Zip Codes contain numbers, numbers are most hated by Yhwh!

November 18 - The Dartford Tunnel opens in the U.K. Jehovah is angered by the obvious sexual imagery! The rapture is approaching!

Here's the thing. Mr. James' theory is the result of confusing a coincidence of time with causality. In logic, it is said that correlation does not imply causation. Basically, causality, or causation, is where one event causes another event. I am allergic to bees. If I am stung by a bee, and don't immediately inject myself with the epipen, I will die. Therefore, the bee sting caused my death. On the other hand, if I wear a new pair of shoes that day, wearing the new shoes will be related in time, but it won't be the cause of my death. See the distinction? Just because forced bible reading was stopped at public schools prior to MLK's assassination, this does not mean that one event had anything to do with the other. I really shouldn't have to explain this.

Unthankful, Unholy Hordes Like Mongol Hordes, with more bathing!

While America’s blessings have grown, the U.S. population’s recognition of the One who blesses decreases by the day. People in America are for the most part pleased for the things they have, for the bounty of food they enjoy, and happy that they aren’t in squalor like people of Third World nations. Shout out to my African sisters! But, most don’t stop to think for a moment to give true thanks to the giver of all things good. As a matter of fact, most Americans don’t know the God of heaven in any sense whatever. Is there any USian not locked in a closet who doesn't know about the christian god? really? Unless we're using that other definition of the word "know", in which case I don't even want to think about that. This is viewing god as an abusive control freak with serious self esteem issues. I'm not worshipping that god, no matter what my lack of worship earns me.

The Thanksgiving holiday has, except for a diminishing number of believers in Christ for salvation, become a sham celebration, a reason for time off to watch football and eat heartily. What the hell did Thanksgiving ever have to do with christianity? NOTHING! Get over it! Thanksgiving is not, nor was it ever, a religious holiday! (Think about it. Thanksgiving is a US only holiday. Mr. James is implying that you can only get to heaven if you live in the US. How . . . rude.)

The designations “unthankful” and “unholy” fit the condition of today’s American society and culture very well. blahblahblah, we're godless

Without Natural Affection

For brevity’s sake –and then this goes on for 10 paragraphs for this manifestation of Paul’s perilous times forewarning could become quite extensive—I will mention the two primary issues that speak starkly to the characteristic of end-times man: “without natural affection.” the key word here is "natural", so naturally, we get the biggest of all evils- Teh Gay!

· Homosexuality--A small portion of the U.S. population that is homosexual has the government, media, and corporate entities large and small championing their abominable activities. which is why prop 8 passed? God’s Word calls it abominable, god's word also calls eating shrimp abominable so don’t throw stones of hatred at the writer, glass houses, anyone? who merely gives God’s Word on the matter. That's right. Terry James isn't a mean, nasty homophobe, he's just repeating the word of the lord. Let's see what other rules found in Leviticus Terry James follows.

'Don't let your livestock mate with those of another kind mules are evil, don't sow your field with two different kinds of grain american farmers are evil, and don't wear a garment of cloth made with two different kinds of thread the bustier I am currently wearing is evil, being made of both nylon and rayon. (Leviticus 19:19)

Don't round your hair at the temples or mar the edges of your beard. (Leviticus 19:27) Shaving and hair cutting? Evil.

21:17 "Tell Aharon, 'None of your descendants who has a defect may approach to offer the bread of his God. Wear glasses? Use a hearing aid? Walk with a cane? Don't go to church!

Lev 25:44 "'Concerning the men and women you may have as slaves: you are to buy men- and women-slaves from the nations surrounding you. Usians are free to enslave Mexicans and Canadians!

Homosexuality is not a lifestyle, but a death-style. Is that like a hairstyle?Homosexuality cannot by its abased nature reproduce humankind. Which is why some researchers believe it may be the evolutionary method of population control, since every other mammal has the same percentage of homosexuals as man. Diseases associated by and large to homosexual interaction have brought about an incurable plague –AIDS. AIDS is only primarily homosexual in the US. In Africa, AIDS is almost exclusively found in the heterosexual population. Other STDs are spawned by the perversions of men having sexual relations with men. hahahahahah! That's right! You can't get syphillis, gonnorhea or HPV from heterosexual sex!

States like California, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and others constantly deal with this small portion of America’s populations seeking validation for their sexual debauchery, which, again, God calls abominable. See above.
Every major civilization that has come and gone has at the very end of its life span been deep into the practice of homosexuality, with, for example, Rome having degenerated to the point homosexuality was considered as much or more the norm than heterosexuality. Again, correlation does not imply causation.

This is an abomination, the Bible says, proving how many times one can use abomination in four paragraphs. Give it a rest! and is a way of death that is without natural affection.

· Abortion--Killing babies while in their mothers’ wombs was anyone else confused as to what abortion is? I thought abortion was what you do to dogs to keep them from spraying all over the house. is the most heinous manifestation in our time of the Apostle Paul’s prophecy that the generation alive at the time of Christ’s return will be “without natural affection.” Show your work, Mr. James. Unless you have an entirely different dictionary than I do, without natural affection does not translate to "abortion". I thought Paul was referring to being without kindness, mercy, sympathy, pity or not practicing hospitality, which was a huge deal 2000 years ago in the Middle East. Hey, what do I know?

More than 50 million children have been thus murdered–legally if it's legal, it's not murder. duh!—since Roe versus Wade in 1973. The incoming Obama administration, if we can depend upon the rhetoric of promised legislative/judicial/executive-approved increase of “a woman’s right to choose” in the coming months and years, will assure that many millions more little ones will be killed. Oddly enough, after 8 years of a republican white house, and 6 years in which the republicans controlled all 3 houses, abortion is as legal as it ever was. Funny, that.

Jesus forewarned about this, no, he didn't and all who would harm children: “It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones” (Luke 17: 2).
Abortion is proof beyond any doubt that this is a generation “without natural affection.” For a mother to allow–even welcome--the killing of her baby goes against nature itself. 1 in 3 pregnancies ends in natural spontaneous abortion, otherwise known as a miscarriage. Most of these women never even realized they were pregnant. Clearly, abortion is very natural. Even animals protect their young fiercely. except the wide variety of animals that frequently eat their young. Most abortions by far in these closing days of the age are for expedience–birth control after the fact. Actually, it's about economics. Most women choose abortion because they cannot afford a (or another) child. But, Mr. James is making a point I doubt he means to make: greater access to birth control=fewer abortions. If prolifers really wanted to stop abortion rather than just punish women for having sex, they would support universal free birth control. They don't.

Children in the womb known as fetuses, because they are not wanted, are an inconvenience. This is a sin for which America and the world will pay beyond any penalty that has yet been experienced. Hold your breath, Asshat. In fact, I'd be happy to help you hold it. Here's a plastic bag.

Winds of Times-Altering Change - Part 1

Here it is, from Rapture Ready, the winds of times-altering change! (That's the problem with trying to sound poetic when you have no talent for poetry. I know my prose varies between clunky and prosaic, therefore I don't try to sound poetic, or even somewhat talented. My talent is knowing my limits. Terry James, on the other hand, writes like a love-sick emo kid on downers.)



World in Crisis: Hour of Temptation
By Terry James



Planet Earth as opposed to Earths that are not planets, or planets that are not Earth? is on the brink of disaster. The very brink! We're right on the edge! of disaster! It's made of people! And, the impending crisis is as individual as it is collective. huh? Winds of the times-altering sort *giggles* pervade and saturate life in our communities–where we live most intimately. I live most intimately in my bathroom, not my community, but I guess he's a little more comfortable with bodily functions than I am. It is not just within the nation and the larger society and culture, but within our very living rooms that we are experiencing the transformation. Goddamnit, Larry, the couch is transforming again! Instant communication Teh Internet, it's Teh Evil! brings wave after wave of the portentous change invading our places of personal sanctuary. Ever read a Harlequin romance? Then you have a much more amusing view of the phrase "wave after wave" than most. We cannot escape it. Mr. James' interwebs doesn't come with an off button?


It is much more than merely the historic firsts that have thrust the enigmatic Barack Hussein Obama to the U.S. presidency that ring alarm bells. And the award for most awkward sentence structure ever goes to . . . Numerous developments pique the spiritual sensitivity meters of those who observe the dynamics of the times for possible prophetic application. *snort* How does one calibrate a "spiritual sensitivity meter"? Can I buy one at Home Depot? Does it come with a warranty? Building events alert the spiritually attuned to the key of D or Cm? to the likelihood that America and the world have dramatically transitioned unnecessary use of really big words into an era that has brought this generation to the precipice of something profoundly ominous. Adverbs are like jewelry. A few are decorative, too many are distracting.



Moral Morass Admittedly, I do enjoy alliteration.


Loss of comprehension about what is the pillar passive voice is such a bore to which America’s national conscience was once secured slavery or sexism? constitutes the core of the causes of the sea-changes that have swamped the nation, I'm all for a good metaphor, but this is getting to be a bit much. and as a result have caused the planet to quake. How did I miss the planetquake? I'm usually such a light sleeper. The following Scripture has never been more apropos than for America today in describing the moral morass in which we are mired please, I give up, stop with the alliterative allegory: “Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? You know what is considered an abomination in the bible? Eating shrimp. It's a little hard to get worked up about "abominations" after you find that out. nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush…” (Jeremiah 8:12a).


One whose worldview is truly biblical meaning Terry James' exact interpretation of the bible, which has little to do with the words on the page cannot in good conscience do other than acknowledge that the nucleus of the crisis–the many crises—America and Planet Earth face is spiritual. global warming is spiritual? Ethical crises, moral crises, legal crises, environmental crises, certainly but everyone reading the same religious book in exactly the same way isn't going to solve any of those problems The end of all rebellion against God just before death is depravity that flows from minds that have become reprobate. What the hell is he talking about? At a guess, he's talking about people that don't believe in god until just before they die. Why is talking about that? How is that connected? Besides, if you truely, sincerely discover god 2 seconds before you shuffle off this mortal coil, who is James to judge? How is discovering god depravity? If he is talking about people that insincerely protest that they have found god right before death, well, that's insincere and not the same at all. I'm just not seeing the connection.


The obvious similarity of proliferating signs in this generation to the “perilous times” conditions the Apostle Paul foretold can’t be shunted aside as mere coincidence. Yeah. Actually read Revelation. Then tell me all about how none of this can be coincidence. The way James and his brethren read the bible, you may as well cut out each verse in the new testament, stick them in a hat, and put the new testament back together in the random order you withdraw the verses from the hat in. It makes that much sense. The characteristics of end times man of which Paul vividly forewarned fit perfectly in defining the generation alive today both in American and world societies and cultures. They have also, according to rapture nuts, fit perfectly with every single generation since Paul wrote the thing. If you would like to see a full list of end of days predictions that weren't, starting at 44 CE, click here.



Perilous Times Manifested


The “perilous times” characteristics Paul foretold for the generation that will be alive when Christ returns are manifesting themselves in every aspect of life in America and the world today. Every aspect. Every one. My computer, the interwebs, the can of 7up on my desk, my purse, my shoes, my pushup bra, the dictaphone, every aspect. Uh-huh. Let us examine that declaration to some extent. (Read 2 Timothy 3:1-7 to get the overview.)

Mr. James didn't give us the verses, so here you go:

1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. What, no mention of 7up?
2For men shall be lovers of their own selves floggin the dolphin!, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, when have there not been people like this?
3Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent adult diapers!, fierce, despisers of those that are good, still not seperating our times from any other time
4Traitors, heady, highminded, like Terry James lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. like Terry James! It's creepy how accurate Paul was!
6For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, ummmm . . . what?
7Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. like Terry James!


Men (and Women) Lovers of Selves I first read this as Lovers of Shelves, which was amusing in an entirely different way. (Enter ye not the Ikea of Evil!)


Humans have, since the disobedience in the Garden of Eden, been in love with themselves. They fell victim to the serpent’s deadly narcissistic venom. The serpent's (actually, it had legs at the time, which would make it ... a lizard) deadly venom of knowing things. Reread Genesis, boys and girls, though you will have to get a version of the Torah, not the bible. In a nutshell, god put two trees in the garden of eden, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and the Tree of Life. Adam (a generic Hebrew word meaning "mankind" which implies there were way more than two people in the garden) and Eve ate of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil first. God learns of this and then kicks them out of the garden out of fear that they will eat of the Tree of Life, which will make them, and I quote, "one of us". Who's monotheistic?

When Satan told Adam and Eve they would be as God, the idea was so appealing that fallen man has since that time marched in line behind Lucifer in saying “I will”… didn't god killing himself end all that? i thought that was the point of the whole nonsacrifice. As the jabberwock pointed out, why would god have to sacrifice god to god in order to change a rule that god made? does this make sense to anyone?

Fallen man wants no one to rule over him –i.e., wants nobody getting in the way of his pursuit of doing what is right in his own eyes. Oppressive regimes are for the most part the result of it becoming necessary to bring under subjugation man’s natural tendency to gravitate toward chaos and anarchy. Is this guy saying the oppressive regimes are good? Hitler was right, he just didn't go to church enough? What? Only when he willingly submits to his Creator and the order God establishes does man thrive under truly moral governance. The founding fathers of the United States were wise enough to realize this governing principle. Can we stop with this shit? (1) the US is not god's chosen land. (2) the US is not a christian nation. In fact, the founding fathers must have realized exactly the opposite of what Terry James just said, as evidenced by the Establishment Clause, forever separating church and state. And, the founding fathers denied women the right to vote and made black people worth 3/5ths of white people. Yeah, really listening to the words of Jesus, assholes.

Today entertainment and marketing/advertising tell us to love ourselves above God or anyone else. Buy Kleenex, because THERE IS NO GOD! I haven't heard that commercial yet. Although I'd buy a lot more Kleenex if I did. The results of love of self are divorce, children with broken homes, ummm . . . wouldn't that fall under the heading of divorce? devilish levels of crime as opposed to godly levels of crime?, and even murder. what, murder? no! not murder! That's nowhere in the bible. *snickers*

Generation of Proud Boasters could Terry "Asshat" James please give me a bible verse for this one?
We have to go no further in searching for this end-times characteristic given by Paul than to consider the most recent election season. Pride –that sin to which Lucifer fell, and which God says goes before a fall—permeated the political process and the participating protagonists. “Me, myself, and I” were front and center for the microphones and cameras to capture, project, and broadcast so the audiences at the political rallies and across the nation and world could see and hear the proud boasters. How would this separate the most recent election from any other election? Does anyone recall any election in which a candidate did no interviews, gave no speeches, conducted no fundraising and produced no advertisements? How would anyone get elected that way?

I get it. It's OK when white people advertise themselves, but when a MUSLIM!TERRORIST!HE'sBLACK! man does it, it's boasting.


The people of 21st century America readily fell for propaganda not unlike the half-truths and outright fabrications put out by Joseph Goebbles’ propaganda machine for Adolf Hitler in the first half of the 20th century. Pallin' around with terrorists. That’s because much of the populous population? of this most blessed nation in history more blessed than the Israelites? weren't they god's chosen people? did god change the chosen people? why didn't I get the memo? also manifests the characteristics of being proud and boasters. How long before this leads to downfall, only God knows.
and possibly the Shadow

Freakin' Crazy!

(note: I know and love people affected by mental illness. I respect them and sympathize with their struggles, the extra difficulty it takes for them just to get through the day. I use the word "crazy" to denote people whose world views are so far outside reality, they're basically in another dimension. No disrespect intended to the mentally ill.)

Another note: I really don't like Jill Miller of Beliefwatch. As a (mostly) Atheist (having been raised Catholic, I can't entirely let go of my love of the arcane, baroque and Gothic), I find the tone of her writing to be smug and superior, and her articles always contain the condescension of a Christian blueblood slumming it with the heathen hoi palloi. Be that as it may . . .

A review of Is Obama the Antichrist?

I'm not an actual journalist because this article, written by me, would have been all of one word in length:

NO!

OK, so I have to fill up some space:

NO! What the fuck is wrong with you people? Have you all gone insane? Have you even read the damn bible? (Go ahead, read Revelation/Apocalypse. We'll wait. "Antichrist" comes up never. Not once. The Beast gets a lot of play, but no antichrists in sight.)

But after that, I'd be done. It's so ridiculous, it's not worth discussing. It's like debating whether Voldemort would beat the Silver Surfer or not. Marcus Fenix v. Batman. (For the record, Voldemort ends up in a death match with Marcus Fenix, who chainsaws him in half in the first 10 seconds.)

Apparently, Jill Miller thinks this is not only worthy of discussion, it's worthy of serious discussion, giving equal time to anyone with the slightest hint of an idea. (Next week, I interview my dog. Woof.)

On Nov. 5, Todd Strandberg was at his desk, fielding E-mails from around the world. As the editor and founder of RaptureReady.com, his job is to track current events and link them to biblical prophecy in hopes of maintaining his status as "the eBay of prophecy," the best source online for predictions and calculations concerning the end of the world.

To call what Todd Strandberg does a "job" is like saying that a paranoid schizophrenic devising aluminum foil caps for the squirrels in the park in order to keep their thoughts out of his head has found a "vocation." While I find RaptureReady freakin' hilarious, it's not a website with actual useful, verifiable information. Ms. Miller makes it sound like wikipedia. (All you need to know about premillenial dispensationalist craziness, all in one place!)

Already Barack Obama had drawn the attention of apocalypse watchers (crazies) after an anonymous e-mail circulated among conservative Christians in October implying that he was the Antichrist. Former "Saturday Night Live" ingénue Victoria Jackson (amazingly stupid) fueled the fire when, according to news reports, (Ms. Miller couldn't verify this why?) she wrote on her Web site that Obama "bears traits that resemble the anti-Christ." (Show your work) Now Strandberg was receiving up-to-the-minute news from his constituents in Illinois. One of the winning lottery numbers in the president-elect's home state was 666— (Obama determines the winning lottery numbers? Why didn't anyone tell me this?) which, as everyone knows, is the sign of the Beast (also known as the Antichrist) (That's not in the freakin' bible either). "It is very eerie, and I take it for a sign as to who he really is," wrote one of Strandberg's correspondents. my brain just tried to leap out of my head much like the goldfish in Amelie.

OK, ummmm . . . when did being a "former Saturday Night Live ingenue" make you a reliable source for anything? I was unaware that a tenure on Saturday Night Live made you an expert on the bible or the apocalypse. Guess the Pope feels stupid now. All that studying and service, and all he had to do was ham it up on TV for a year or two. (Although, the Pope as an ingenue would certainly be a lot funnier than most of what happens on SNL these days.)

So, what are the traits of the Antichrist? Not being a Premillenial Dispensationalist myself, I can only go by what the bible says. (King James Version)

1 John 2:18 Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come, even now are there many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time No help there.

1 John 2:22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son. Obama is a Christian, so he clearly does not deny that Jesus is the Messiah.

1 John 4:3 And every spirit that confesseth not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof ye have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world. Again, since Obama is a Christian, he believes that Jesus is the son of god. Maybe the next one?

2 John 1:7 For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist. Nope, no help here. (also note, antichrists in the plural, not the singular. it's not quite so special when the world is filled with them.)

OK, so now we know what these people aren't talking about. So what are they talking about? And why am I, the random blogger, doing all the research here, and Ms. Miller, the freakin' expert, didn't do any? (Talking to random crazies is not research.)

Ever since Jesus Christ was crucified and, according to the Gospels, rose again in glory, (ya know, if you happen to believe in that) his followers have been anticipating the end of history—the time when their Lord will return to earth and reign for a thousand years. (Which would make him everyone's lord at that point, no? Or do I, as an atheist, get to ignore Jesus while he's reigning here on earth?) The question has always been when. (No, that's not the question for me. The question for me is, What the hell is wrong with you?) Most Christians don't worry about the end too much; it's an abstract concept, a theological puzzle for late-night pondering. A few, however, have always believed that it is coming—and soon. Millennialist movements, as they're called, gain prominence especially when the world grows chaotic, during wars and at the turn of every century. (So, basically, all the damn time.) According to a 2006 study by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, a third of white evangelicals believe the world will end in their lifetimes. These mostly conservative Christians believe a great battle is imminent. (Research! Crazy, scary research. These people vote! And own guns! Best argument for gun control EVER!) After years of tribulation—natural disasters, other cataclysms (such as the collapse of financial markets not in the bible. at all.)—God's armies will vanquish armies led by the Antichrist himself. Again, not in Revelation. He will be a sweet-talking world leader who gathers governments and economies under his command to further his own evil agenda. She didn't even bother to qualify this amazing statement with a "as these people believe".In this world view, "the spread of secular progressive ideas is a prelude to the enslavement of mankind," explains Richard Landes, former director of the Center for Millennial Studies at Boston University. See "Wolf in Wolf's Clothing" by the slacktivist.

No wonder, then, that Obama triggers such fear in the hearts of America's millennialist Christians. There is nothing I have left out between the paragraph above and this one. "No wonder"? Yeah, I do wonder. For the last freakin' time: SHOW YOUR WORK! Mat Staver, dean of Liberty University's law school Founded in 1971, LU is an independent, fundamentalist Baptist university located in Lynchburg, Virginia says he does not believe Obama is the Antichrist, but he can see how others might. Having trouble seeing it yourself? Good for you! Obama's own use of religious rhetoric belies his liberal positions on abortion and traditional marriage, Staver says, positions that "religious conservatives believe will threaten their freedom." Yeah, their freedom to impose on me their beliefs. Look, other people using rights you do not care to use does not threaten your freedom. The people who believe Obama is the Antichrist are perhaps jumping to conclusions, but they're not nuts Yeah, yeah they are. If you tell me that you were arrested last night, I might jump to the conclusion that you broke the law. It's possible you were wrongly accused. These people go straight from MUSLIM!TERRORIST!HE's BLACK! to ANTICHRIST! That goes past jumping to a conclusion: "They are expressing a concern and a fear that is widely shared," Staver says. The belief that the sun revolved around the earth was widely shared, as well. Doesn't make it reasonable.

Before Christ comes again, those who are saved will ascend to heaven (naked!), according to this end-times theology, in a huge, upward whoosh called the Rapture. Strandberg is so certain that the Rapture is coming, he's bought a number of Internet addresses in addition to RaptureReady: AntiAntichrist, Tribulationus and RaptureMe. In the event that RaptureReady crashes during the apocalypse, anyone who needs an update will, with a simple Google search, be able to get one. (If you honestly believe you will be raptured up into heaven- naked!- before all the tribulations and such, why would you bother to plan ahead like this? And, why would heathens like me do such an internet search in the first place. Presumably, we're a little clueless on the whole bible thing, or we be in heaven with you. Naked!) Strandberg says Obama probably isn't the Antichrist (maybe, maybe not), but he's watching the president-elect carefully. On his Web site, he has something called the Rapture Index, a calculation based on signs and prophecy of the proximity of the end. (Calculated with the seriousness of a Field's winner and the combined crazy of Bellevue.) According to Strandberg, any number over 160 means "fasten your seat belts." Obama's win pushed the index to 161. (Fasten your seat belts? Wouldn't you want to be whooshed right up to heaven -naked!-? Would a seatbelt even prevent that? The Lord, stymied by all the seatbelt wearing Christians, decided to table the end of days and move on to something else.)

This is not reporting. This is irresponsible. This is dangerous.