Reality, Self Delusion and You: A Play

the reality, self delusion, religion, tithing, tithe, bible, irony, absurd, theatre, theater
featuring: Reality, an overworked woman in her late 30s, with frizzy, greying brown hair and sad brown eyes



Self Delusion: viewed differently by every member of the audience as their sexual fantasy, with occasional glimpses of something corrupt and twisted.



You: well, there you are.



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You, in a room with Self Delusion. Self Delusion pats your arm and whispers soothing nothings about prayer and god. You feel the urge to swat the slime off your arm, though you can't imagine how it got there.



Enter Reality.



"Sorry I'm late, I just got back from a conference on abstinence only edu--Oh, now what is going on here? And why weren't you at the conference?"



Self Delusion smirks and flicks a mucous-encrusted tail that isn't there. "Well, dear, I knew I wasn't winning that one, so I decided to get to our next appointment a little early."



Reality opens her battered messenger bag and immediately drops what appears to be at least one billion sheets of paper on the floor. She starts sorting through the papers. "Which one is this? The abusive relationship? The dying child? The foreclosure? Oh, yeah, this is the foreclosure, isn't it?" Reality triumphantly pulls a crumpled sheet of paper from the pile, which then disappears. She scans the page, then smiles. "This one is easy." Reality turns to You and says, "Just stop tithing to the church, and you'll have enough money to pay your mortgage."



Self Delusion snickers and gestures for You to speak. "I can't stop tithing," You reply.



Reality, who had been in the process of fading off to some other appointment, brings herself back. "What do you mean, you can't? Of course you can. Stop handing over the money."



You glance over at Self Delusion, who nods encouragement, and seems to have grown fangs. "But the Bible says . . ."



Reality snorts and pushes frizzy curls out of her face. "The Bible says to give everything away to the poor. Of course, if everyone did that, everyone would simultaneously become poor and not poor, and anyway," She roots around in her bag and withdraws another crumpled paper. "Your church is doing . . . quite well. They won't miss your money."



Self Delusion laughs. "Oh, Reality, you are so naive." He turns to You. "Go on, dear."



"I'm a good Christian. I can't stop tithing."



"Look, I'm late for two virgins getting married so they can screw. Your church is using your money to build a bigger, better church. Do I need to get Irony over here to explain to you exactly what losing your home so your church can have a bigger, better one is?"



Self Delusion giggles and rubs his claws, no hands, together. "Please, please tell her!"



You stand up straight and declare, "God will provide."



"Oh, fuck me." Reality sits on a chair that appears a bare moment before she touches it. She scrubs her hands across her face and fixes You with a sad-eyed glare. "No, god will not provide. God doesn't provide. God lets little children starve to death and die of treatable, even preventable, illnesses. God allows war and famine and plague, and doesn't give a shit if a tornado destroys your house and kills your whole family.



"God helps those who help themselves. That was me! I came up with that so that credulous fucktards like you would stop waiting for divine help. May as well pray for rain in the desert, you stupid snot! I am so sick of having to smack you morons in the face because you don't have the sense to see the train comin' down on you!"



Reality walks over, grabs You by your collar and gives You a hard shake. You can't help thinking that she hardly looks strong enough for that. Her grip is like iron and her eyes have taken on a distinctly reddish cast. "I'm going to speak slowly so you can understand me. Self Delusion is a really good-looking beast, but I. always. win. in. the. end. Always."



"Oh, but you lose so much along the way," purrs Self Delusion, licking his perfectly arched eyebrow with a serpentine tongue.



Reality lets go of your collar and starts to fade again. Oddly her eyes remain clearly visible. "Do what you want. In the end, you still have to deal with me." She spares an exasperated glance at Self Delusion. "C'mon, you need to go convince two virgins that the awkward, nervous sex they have on their wedding night is the best they could ever have. And totally worth skipping college for."

Why, Yes, We Were Involved In a Crusade

atheism, atheist, crusades, religion, christian, christianity, muslim, separation, states,
Ever wonder why atheists get so very screechy about separation of church and state? I know, if you're a certain type of christian, you think separation of church and state is stupid and useless. You think we're a christian nation, and we should act like one.

The above picture is not of a church mailer. It is a picture of a report given to George W. Bush regarding the war in Iraq. It's basically proof that the United States was waging not a war, but a Crusade.

What exactly do we say to the hundreds of thousands of Iraqis that died, were injured, or lost a loved one? I don't think "oops" is going to cover this one. I'm also not sure we're ever living this one down.

Next time, let's listen to the atheists, m'kay?

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Test Tube of Faith

atheism, atheist, humor, comic

Life Is Beautiful

atheism, atheist, rainbow, science,
This is what I saw from my deck yesterday. That picture is actually a pale imitation of how beautiful a sight the rainbow was. I could see the entire arc, the colors were vibrant, and at either end there was an echo of the rainbow, a second rainbow in reverse that only went up about one quarter of the way on either side. (See how dark the sky is to the right of the rainbow towards the bottom? That's caused by the second rainbow.)

It was amazing.

The science behind rainbows is amazing, too.

From Science & Discovery:

Rainbows are seen when raindrops, falling in the distance, bend and bounce sunlight back towards your eye.

Raindrops reflect sunlight, like a mirror. However raindrops also bend, or refract, light, like a lens. The reflection is spread into a cone of light. The edge of this cone is bright, because sunlight is concentrated at this angle (called the rainbow angle).

Each colour of sunlight is bent and bounced in a slightly different direction. The colours separate around the bright edge of the reflection.

The collection of raindrops that send the same bright colour towards your eye is curved. The centre of the curve is the shadow of your head (called the anti-solar point). The rainbow always appears at the same distance from this central point, at the rainbow angle.

That might be the essence of atheism- to look at a rainbow, be amazed by the beauty, and not need god at all. It doesn't have to be magic to be beautiful and amazing. It just is.

When the Evangelism Van Pulls Up

evangelism, witnessing, christian, christianity, cornerstone baptist, colorado springs
I find it obnoxious enough when total strangers hand me garbage to throw away for them, but trying to lure a 7th grader into a van as an evangelism technique? Here's a clue: don't do anything in the name of Jesus that is also regularly practiced by rapists.

COLORADO SPRINGS — Representatives of a local Christian church tried to lure a seventh-grader at Russell Middle School into a church van last week, school district officials said.

As a result, the principal sent students home with a letter to parents asking that they instruct their children not to talk to strangers, and the district has beefed up security around the property at 3825 E. Montebello Drive.

The letter to parents did not identify the church, and the district — acting on the advice of its attorney — has declined to name it. But sources told The Gazette that it was Cornerstone Baptist Church, which is about 2.5 miles from the school and has gotten into trouble in the past for baptizing children without parents' permission.

Students at nearby Keller and Fremont elementary schools also have been approached by church members, and church proselytizing has been escalating in recent weeks at Russell. Still, officials were unprepared for what happened Thursday, district spokeswoman Elaine Naleski said Friday.

From the church's website, we see that "canvassing" and "soulwinning" are regularly scheduled events. It doesn't mention luring 13 year olds into vans.

Were You Planning on Slapping People?

hate crimes, homophobia, homosexual, gay, mormon, christian, legislation, beetlebabee, fred, phelps,
One of the oddest arguments against the new hate crime bill goes like this:

If a gay man slaps me, it’s a misdemeanor, maybe a fine. Under this law as proposed, if I slap him back, it’s a felony hate crime.

Understanding the law fail.

First of all, no, defending yourself from a physical attack is not a crime. One is allowed to engage in activities normally defined as crimes (i.e., slapping, punching, kicking, shooting) in the furtherance of self defense. In other words, if someone physically attacks me, I am allowed to physically attack them in order to make them stop. This has nothing to do with hate crimes.

Secondly, the author of this little rant is a Mormon, which means she is already protected under existing hate crime legislation. That's right, kids, hate crime legislation is nothing new. Currently, hate crime legislation protects people based on religion, race and country of origin. What we're debating now is adding sexual orientation and sex to the protections. So, people like our Mormon friend are essentially arguing that they want to have protection under the law that they don't want to share with homosexuals. (I don't see Beetlebabee arguing for dismantling existing hate crime legislation.)

Thirdly, was she planning on slapping people? Slapping people is against the law. If you slap people, you may be arrested. To whinge that you may get more punishment than you bargained for is a little . . . odd. "Not that I would shoot people, but if I do shoot people, I don't want to spend more than 15 years in jail. Adding an extra 9 years to my sentence would be completely unjust." Umm . . . what?

Fourthly, this is a complete misunderstanding of the point of hate crimes legislation. Beetlebabee is a Mormon. She is currently protected under hate crimes legislation. If the hypothetical gay man slapped* her because he finds her personally objectionable (who doesn't?), she's right, no hate crime. If, on the other hand, our hypothetical gay man slapped her for the purposes of terrorizing all Mormons, then yes, that is a hate crime. As the law stands, however, if Beetlebabee slaps the hypothetical gay man in order to terrorize all gay men, there is no hate crime. She would not receive the same punishment as he would in the same circumstance.

Lastly- Fred Phelps.

*yes, i know, slapping is not a hate crime whatever the reason, but i'd prefer not to discuss even hypothetical murders.