BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (or: Teabaggers, the problem that solves itself)

Just like this, only with redistricting.

Remember Michelle Bachman encouraging her fellow maniacs to refuse to fill out the Census because it would result in Japanese internment camps? Well, the teabaggers listened and haven't been filling out their Census forms, presumably afraid of ending up either in Japan or actually Japanese. Which turns out to be a case of a problem solving itself:

Some Republicans are worried that an anti-government surge among conservatives will lead to lower participation in the U.S. census, which they fear could reduce the number of Republican seats in Congress and state legislatures.

The census, which is currently being collated and is gathered every ten years, dictates the distribution of federal funding, how many House members each state gets and how congressional and legislative districts are drawn within states. [...]

The unstated concern [among Republican leaders]: An under-representation of conservatives could mean fewer Republicans in Congress and state legislatures for the next 10 years.

Oh, sweet, sweet irony, how I love thee. Bachman, Beck, et al. convinced their followers to not fill out the Census- and now they'll get even less of a chance at power because of that.

Picture link.

I'm Prolife, So You Must Die

abortion, irony, prolife, prochoice, stupid, tiller,
Peter Heck, guest columnist for OneNewsNow, offers us The Tiller Ironies, a compilation of illogic and irrationality that when viewed by Irony, immediately caused a massive brain hemmorhage. Congratulations, Mr. Heck, you killed Irony.

Though predictable, it was no less despicable. Just a day following the heinous murder of the country's foremost practitioner of infanticide ummm, the legal medical procedure known as abortion?, George Tiller, radical anti-human rights activists on the left yeah, that was me. i hate human rights. stop breathing! were already condemning the entire pro-life movement for facilitating the incident.

Left-wing websites like the Daily Kos blamed conservative commentators Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Glenn Beck for causing it, the Huffington Post deemed it a morally outrageous hypocrisy, and PBS's abortion fanatic what? she attended abortions with a big foam finger and a flag that said "we're number 1!"? Bonnie Erbe went so far as to characterize the entire pro-life movement as a breeding ground for domestic terrorists. Of course rational people you actually know rational people? oh, of course, the nice people at the psych ward. recognize that it borders on clinical insanity to rail about the moral outrage of killing a single human being while simultaneously defending and advocating the wholesale slaughter of millions of others. i don't consider a fetus to be equal to a living, breathing human being. jackass. And just to make sure that there is no confusion on this point, let's be clear on what Tiller did for a living. you mean help real women with real problems? probably not. look, just to be clear, all this crap about "frivolous" late term abortions is just that: crap. abortions past 20 weeks are heavily regulated. you can't get one just because you changed your mind about having a baby. you can only get a late term abortion because your life is in danger or the fetus is severely ill or has a genetic abnormality that will make life impossible.

I will skip the graphic, and possibly untrue, descriptions of late term abortions. you are welcome to read them if you wish.

Again, these are full-term, completely viable infants capable of living outside the womb with totally developed life systems no, they're not. they're babies with no brains (NSFW), babies with severe genetic disorders that offer only a brief, brutal life– including the ability to experience pain. In short, Tiller practiced infanticide no he practiced medicine– and the left defended it. the practice of medicine? yes. Hearing these leftists now lament the taking of human life is disgracefully stomach turning. you know what, when you can carry a fetus for 9 months that will die immediately after birth, you come talk to me about stomach turning.

Notice then the irony of the situation. The only people in a position to truly express outrage over Tiller's murder are those that the left is attempting to blame for it. But this is just one of the numerous twists surrounding this tragic situation. i see. so, if i'm prochoice, i can't be outraged about murder. apparently, if someone comes along and kills my entire family, Mr. Heck expects me to walk away humming a cheery tune.

And then we get something that is irony, but not for the reason Mr. Heck thinks it is.

For instance, consider this irony: those that claim to be outraged by Tiller's murder will be calling for a lighter penalty than those they condemn for causing it. When Tiller's murderer is brought to justice, it will be those of us who oppose abortion that will be demanding his execution. The intrinsic value of human life (which, paradoxically, Tiller assaulted) is so great that anyone who violates it forfeits his own right to live.

so, being prolife automatically means being pro death penalty? ummm . . . do you not see the contradiction there, buddy? really? "i hate murder so much, I'll kill over it" doesn't set off any bells for you?

Meanwhile, it will be those on the left who proudly defended Tiller's life work that will call for a softer sentence. They consider the death penalty barbaric and find pro-lifers who advocate capital punishment inconsistent. "You can't be pro-life and pro-death penalty!" they shout. yeah. you spent paragraphs excoriating Dr. Tiller as a murderer for his legal medical practice, but you're all about the death penalty?

Evidently to them, being pro-abortion and anti-death penalty is somehow better?! Is there anything more ethically offensive then those who defend the right to life for convicted, murderous felons, yet strip that right from innocent newborn babies? yeah, it's not abortion if the baby is born. that is infanticide. step back from the rhetoric and actually read what you're writing. It is astonishing that anyone can be so blinded by their own self-righteous pomposity it is awfully bright over here that they fail to see this blatant moral incongruity. and now you're stealing my lines.

It's also notably ironic that the same ideological movement that demands we not castigate all Muslims for the actions of a few is so quick to violate its own precepts when it comes to this issue. We aren't hearing the throngs of Hollywood activists shouting that "most pro-lifers are peaceful," or seeing Democratic congressmen thumping their chests while proclaiming that "revenge against the pro-life movement for the actions of this one radical will not be tolerated." first of all, leave the muslims out of it. they weren't involved. secondly, was somebody planning a war against prolifers? what "revenge against the prolife movement"? oh, noes, we're being mean to them, horribly mean! it's just like the war in Iraq!

Indeed, the ironies surrounding the murder of this murderer are plentiful to say the least. But perhaps the most tragic of them all is that in the end, George Tiller met a brutal demise at the hands of someone who exhibited a blatant disrespect for the intrinsic value of human life...a lesson that Tiller – with the left's blessing – dedicated his life to teaching.
I see. Dr. Tiller was responsible for Dr. Tiller's death. do you also ask rape victims what they were wearing, Mr. Heck?

Reality, Self Delusion and You: A Play

the reality, self delusion, religion, tithing, tithe, bible, irony, absurd, theatre, theater
featuring: Reality, an overworked woman in her late 30s, with frizzy, greying brown hair and sad brown eyes



Self Delusion: viewed differently by every member of the audience as their sexual fantasy, with occasional glimpses of something corrupt and twisted.



You: well, there you are.



---------------------------------------------



You, in a room with Self Delusion. Self Delusion pats your arm and whispers soothing nothings about prayer and god. You feel the urge to swat the slime off your arm, though you can't imagine how it got there.



Enter Reality.



"Sorry I'm late, I just got back from a conference on abstinence only edu--Oh, now what is going on here? And why weren't you at the conference?"



Self Delusion smirks and flicks a mucous-encrusted tail that isn't there. "Well, dear, I knew I wasn't winning that one, so I decided to get to our next appointment a little early."



Reality opens her battered messenger bag and immediately drops what appears to be at least one billion sheets of paper on the floor. She starts sorting through the papers. "Which one is this? The abusive relationship? The dying child? The foreclosure? Oh, yeah, this is the foreclosure, isn't it?" Reality triumphantly pulls a crumpled sheet of paper from the pile, which then disappears. She scans the page, then smiles. "This one is easy." Reality turns to You and says, "Just stop tithing to the church, and you'll have enough money to pay your mortgage."



Self Delusion snickers and gestures for You to speak. "I can't stop tithing," You reply.



Reality, who had been in the process of fading off to some other appointment, brings herself back. "What do you mean, you can't? Of course you can. Stop handing over the money."



You glance over at Self Delusion, who nods encouragement, and seems to have grown fangs. "But the Bible says . . ."



Reality snorts and pushes frizzy curls out of her face. "The Bible says to give everything away to the poor. Of course, if everyone did that, everyone would simultaneously become poor and not poor, and anyway," She roots around in her bag and withdraws another crumpled paper. "Your church is doing . . . quite well. They won't miss your money."



Self Delusion laughs. "Oh, Reality, you are so naive." He turns to You. "Go on, dear."



"I'm a good Christian. I can't stop tithing."



"Look, I'm late for two virgins getting married so they can screw. Your church is using your money to build a bigger, better church. Do I need to get Irony over here to explain to you exactly what losing your home so your church can have a bigger, better one is?"



Self Delusion giggles and rubs his claws, no hands, together. "Please, please tell her!"



You stand up straight and declare, "God will provide."



"Oh, fuck me." Reality sits on a chair that appears a bare moment before she touches it. She scrubs her hands across her face and fixes You with a sad-eyed glare. "No, god will not provide. God doesn't provide. God lets little children starve to death and die of treatable, even preventable, illnesses. God allows war and famine and plague, and doesn't give a shit if a tornado destroys your house and kills your whole family.



"God helps those who help themselves. That was me! I came up with that so that credulous fucktards like you would stop waiting for divine help. May as well pray for rain in the desert, you stupid snot! I am so sick of having to smack you morons in the face because you don't have the sense to see the train comin' down on you!"



Reality walks over, grabs You by your collar and gives You a hard shake. You can't help thinking that she hardly looks strong enough for that. Her grip is like iron and her eyes have taken on a distinctly reddish cast. "I'm going to speak slowly so you can understand me. Self Delusion is a really good-looking beast, but I. always. win. in. the. end. Always."



"Oh, but you lose so much along the way," purrs Self Delusion, licking his perfectly arched eyebrow with a serpentine tongue.



Reality lets go of your collar and starts to fade again. Oddly her eyes remain clearly visible. "Do what you want. In the end, you still have to deal with me." She spares an exasperated glance at Self Delusion. "C'mon, you need to go convince two virgins that the awkward, nervous sex they have on their wedding night is the best they could ever have. And totally worth skipping college for."

There's Irony . . . and Then There's Irony

john galt, irony, libertarian, socialism, stupid,
In the category of "it's so ironic I can hardly see it through the glare of irony" we have Working to Hard to Go John Galt This Week.

Is there such a thing as a Randian Poe?

A lot of those who value political liberty in the U.S. are devout Christians. wait, is trying to create a theocracy political liberty? i'm confused. I’m an atheist myself aren't we all?(I wouldn’t classify anyone as an objectivist who wasn’t i think there may be something wrong with that statement), but a large majority of the best people I know on a personal level (as well as the people I most admire in history) are people of faith fair enough, and the large majority of them are Christians we do live in the US. As a homeschooler in New Jersey, I feel particularly indebted to the Christian families who did (and continue to do) the yeoman’s work in making and keeping homeschooling a viable educational option for my family, even if some of their motives for doing so are not the same as mine. some of their motives? how about all their motives? how about motives like "i never want my children to even be in the same room as a gay person, let alone be taught that gay people are human"? some! And in this fight in particular, I’m proud to stand with anyone who recognizes my right to be free, even if they may disagree with my personal plans for my freedom, or with my reasons for valuing it. strange bedfellows indeed, mr. galt. In short, nothing would make me happier than for people of all faiths and of no faith to win the fight for liberty so we can be free to be bitter enemies once again, our common foes having been vanquished . rather the problem with strange bedfellows, to be sure. "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" is not supposed to be a life philosophy. I’m not diminishing the significance of our differences, they're HUGE! they hate you. they think you want to rape children! really, really big differences but neither should the strength we can derive from our common values be diminished. until you win your little war and fall to squabbling with one another.

I’ve made this point before, but I think it bears re-emphasizing as it might not be obvious to someone unfamiliar with this site: I really, really don’t want to ever actually have to go “John Galt”. if you go john galt, do you stop writing drivel like this? if so, i'm all about you going john galt. Now I still feel quite certain that the only way to avoid having to do so is to show that you actually are willing to. ummm . . . you cannot possible display that you are willing to do something without actually doing it. "i will pull this trigger. i will. i'll do it . . . maybe. someday. if you shoot me one more time, i'll do it!" But there’s more that can be done too, and that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately. about how to go galt without actually going galt? And it has to do with recognizing an important fact about the conflict between your average producer and your average functionally anti-freedom person i think that's me.: neither one has their heart in this fight the way their opponent fears they do. The producer is not pro-freedom because they desire to see widows and orphans starving does it matter what your motives are if children starve? hey, sorry you're homeless and starving, but my motives are pure- don't you feel better now?, and the person who thinks that freedom is undesirable just for the record, i do not find freedom undesireable does so out of a miscalculation about both the impracticality of freedom and the efficacy of force as a necessary evil who is he talking about?, not because they desire to see productivity punished. There are exceptions to this characterization on both sides, but they constitute a minority small enough to be ignored when considering the forces that shape society. More to come eventually. let's hope so.

Get Your Irony Goggles

anti-defamation, cass, christian, commission, irony, jesus, persecution, prejean, stone, stupid
Dr. Gary L. Cass of the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission has created irony so strong in his latest email that if we could learn to harness its power, our energy troubles would be over. We could light entire cities with just this one email. We could save the environment with Dr. Cass' stupid- but then we'd probably have to give him the Nobel Prize for something, and that would create irony of apocalyptic proportions. I may have doomed us all with this post.

I'm willing to take that chance.

Dr. Cass, whose previous email alerts have included such topics as the "Pedophile Protection Act" aka the hate crimes bill, and the "End of the World as We Know It" aka same sex marriage, has this to say about Ms. Prejean and the media storm surrounding her:

By courageously shining the light of God’s truth on the marriage issue, now homosexuals and their allies irrationally seek to defame and destroy Carrie Prejean. Perez Hilton, “queen of all media,” and his ally Keith Olbermann, need to take some advice from Jesus Christ; “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”

I warned you about the goggles, people. Don't blame me.

Gay Rights Activists (might possibly in another dimension somewhat like our own) Are Terrorists!

irony, hypocrisy, constitution, intimidation, torture, interrogation, intolerance, prop 8, homosexual, gay, homophobia, marriage, traditional, conservative,

No, seriously. Well, that's what pearlybum says in her latest piece in the war on logical reasoning.

::::::we interrupt this post to make a point about irony:::::::

(it will help you to read the comments on this post, though I warn you, the stupid, it burns)

The fact that one high-ranking Nazi probably was gay does not make gay rights activists' references to Nazi ideology or tactics by the religious right irony. Unless you consider the fact that Hitler had Jewish heritage and he killed all those Jews to be ironic. In which case, I just can't help you.

::::::::we return to our regularly scheduled posting::::::::

from Mercury News

U.S. District Judge Morrison England Jr. ruled against the ProtectMarriage.com - Yes on 8 committee, which sought to protect the identities of about 1,600 donors who have contributed between $100 and $999 since Oct. 18.

A report including the names of those donors is scheduled to be released Monday on the Secretary of State's Web site. (yes that's a government site. it is standard that donors to PACs do not enjoy confidentiality- for very good reason. if they were guaranteed confidentiality, then you would never know if a political candidate were being supported by neoNazis or domestic terrorist organizations or organized crime.)

Now, do I feel that people who voted yes on 8 should be assaulted or have their home vandalized? Of course not, that's just not polite. However, as the pro8 crowd is so very fond of pointing out, actions have consequences. If you voted yes on 8, than you should have known that people would be angry about that. If you donated money to a PAC, you should have known that your information would not be confidential. (If the PAC did not make that clear, then shame on them.)

The shit is hitting the fan, and now those brave crusaders for life, liberty and the heteronormative pursuit of happiness have nothing left to hide behind. Nice screen names, guys, but if you were good little social warriors, I bet your names and addresses are on that list. Good luck with that.

So, pearlybum is all upset cause Obama is closing down Gitmo (he's letting terrorists go free! in fact, as a parting gift, he's giving them all cruise missiles and the coordinates to Disneyland!), but a District Court Judge in California is allowing a law to be enforced. A preexisting law, mind you. That applies to everyone.

I am not surprised. In more ways than one our government has ceased to fulfill its proper role of protecting life and promoting safety and security. Indeed, while our new president calls for the cessation of the use of intimidation tactics in the interrogation of terrorists it's called torture, pearlybum. watch this video, pearlybum, and then tell me that waterboarding is "intimidation" and not torture. or doesn't it matter if the victim is brown?

no, wait, i'm still pissed off about the use of the phrase "intimidation tactics" to describe torture. TORTURE. Let's review:

yelling at someone- intimidation

whipping someone with a barbed metal lash- torture

standing very close to someone specifically to make them uncomfortable- intimidation

repeatedly dunking someone's head underwater so they can just barely get enough air- torture

staring at someone specifically to make them uncomfortable- intimidation

strapping a person to an inclined board, with his feet raised and his head lowered. The interrogators bind the person's arms and legs so he can't move at all, and they cover his face. In some descriptions, the person is gagged, and some sort of cloth covers his nose and mouth; in others, his face is wrapped in cellophane. The interrogator then repeatedly pours water onto the person's face. Depending on the exact setup, the water may or may not actually get into the person's mouth and nose; but the physical experience of being underneath a wave of water seems to be secondary to the psychological experience. The person's mind believes he is drowning, and his gag reflex kicks in as if he were choking on all that water falling on his face. torture

, our own citizens are being left high and dry by their own government and living subject to regular intimidation techniques waterboarding or being called on your own bullshit? and violations of privacy privacy that you had no reason to expect that are threatening their physical safety, liberties, families, and democratic rights. the right to a free press, the right to refuse to quarter soldiers in your homes, or the right to a speedy trial?

How does it feel, California? how does it feel to be as bigoted as the midwest? you used to be such a bastion of freethinking. oh, how the mighty have fallen. How does it feel to be second tier to terrorists, murderers, haters of the United States of America? okay, pearlybum, I explained the difference between intimidation and torture. now, try to defend your ridiculous viewpoint. How does it feel? (anyone know what song i'm hearing here?)

Obama, Arnold, anybody, wake up! BWAHAHAHAHAHA Turn around. Were they asleep, or just not looking? pick one. Take a look at the people you have vowed to preserve actually, obama didn't vow to preserve people, he vowed to defend the Constitution

I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States (source: the Constitution of the United States of America)

and put a stop to the intimidation within the United States weren't you against no name calling week? oh, that's right, intimidation against you, not gays or blacks or jews. just as you have done with the intimidation without the United States. huh? Please. End the hypocrisy. first we have a problem with irony, now we're abusing hypocrisy. stop that.