Guess the Century!

Time for a new game here in Hell in which I give you a quote and you guess which century this quote was written in. It'll be fun!

Here's the quote (no cheating, click after if you want to verify):

So why do I want a clean home?
Well like I said above to be able to practice hospitality, and also so that I am able to show appreciation to my husband for providing me with a roof above my head. I want to show him how much I appreciate him by taking care of my home so that he doesn't have to dread walking through the door and seeing clutter, and dust everywhere! I want a clean home for our children, and a safe environment for them to grow up in. I want to be able to practice what I preach, and glorify the Lord with the home that He has provided for us using it to serve Him.

Hmmm. . . in English, references a time when women did not equally own marital property so . . . 18th Century? 17th Century?

Nope. That was written yesterday. That's right, kids, 2011!

Look, Amber, darling, that house, it's also your house! I know, it's totally amazing. And your husband, should he truly approach dust and clutter with dread, is perfectly capable of using his hands (I'm assuming he has hands) to pick things up and run a duster over things. It is totally within his capabilities. Contrary to your promotion of a book about cleaning (not making this up), cleaning is not actually rocket science. I'm not saying cleaning isn't work. I'm not saying cleaning isn't time consuming. I'm not saying cleaning isn't a pain in my ass. Your husband can totally handle it.

And please stop thanking your husband for the home you both live in. That's what marriage is. Sharing things. It's both of your houses. It's both of your children. It's both of your responsibilities.

Sigh.

The Future Is the Past

New York City circa 1965? Nope. Tehran. Yes, that Tehran.

[Note, this post inspired by the latest Cosmocking by Holly Pervocracy. Express written consent was given. Read it! Cosmocking is something that, when I see the link for it, I squeal! It's that good! ]

Rowdy has a theory that this "it's normal and funny to despise all exes" attitude comes from a particularly limited view of monogamy, in which it isn't enough to only love one person--you have to only love one person ever. In order to maintain retroactive monogamy, you must declare that all previous relationships were false loves, and thus despicable.

My own theory is different. My theory is that a breakup hurts, so (if you're a little perspective-deficient) you see the person who broke up with you as an attacker causing you pain. Never mind that the only way to avoid this pain is to date one person your entire life--they're still a jerkface for making you unhappy, and concepts of "painful for him too" or "painful but necessary" don't enter into it.

I actually think Holly and Rowdy are both right about exes.

If your breakup was one sided or, for whatever reason, turned especially ugly, it colors the entirety of the relationship.

If the breakup was mutual and not based in angry feelings, then you may simply be telling your new partner "Oh, I never felt this way before!" to make them feel special.

Part of it is the emotional distance of memory, as well. If I ask you about a pain you are feeling right now, you'll give me adjectives aplenty: searing, fiery, electrical, tearing, ripping, broken, etc. If I ask you about a pain you felt one year ago, I'll get "it really hurt". Memory provides distance.

It's the same for love. If I ask you about the love you feel at the moment, I could be listening to your reply for an hour. If I ask you about the love you felt a decade ago, I'm likely to get "Oh, I loved zie with all my heart" delivered in a rather neutral tone of voice. So today's love, by virtue of its immediacy, might very well feel like the specialest love ever.

But the thing is, the way monogamy is set up in our culture for women, it's risky to tell men your real "number", and it's risky to tell men you every really enjoyed sex before them or that you were ever really in love because orgasms and love are for one man and one man alone. And if you don't believe me, watch movies (Twilight), read books (fucking Twilight) and watch some TV. I love you, I have always loved you, I have loved no one other than you as if love were oil rather than wind energy.

Which is funny, because my mother, back in the 80s, used to write for Harlequin's Second Chance at Love line, which were romance novels in which both protagonists had been in love and married before, happily, at least for a period of time. The stories were about people finding love again, presented in a natural "of course you can love more than one person in a lifetime" tone.

And prior to Prop 8, I don't really remember such open frothing rage about gay people. I'm not saying everyone in the country was attending gay pride events, but it definitely seems more out in the open now.

And this abstinence only thing? I got comprehensive sex ed in high school. I was forced to put a condom on a banana more than once. Meanwhile, all of my nieces and nephews got religiously motivated speeches about crumbled up cookies and licked lollipops delivered rather pointedly at the girls in the room.

Abortion was a given when I was in high school and college. It was a right. You didn't send out abortion party invitations, but nobody questioned that it was an option. These days they're trying to defund Planned Parenthood.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that though nobody seems to be noticing, we are, as a society, getting more conservative, in a religiously motivated way. The numbers of atheists and nonchristians might be growing in our country, but the fundamentalists are, to a large degree, winning. They're shaping the culture and shaping our minds. To such a point where admitting your have loved before, truly and deeply, is a dangerous admission to make.

And before you dismiss my concerns, consider one thing: Prior to 1979, Iran was a forward thinking, happening place. It's a little different there now.

The Obvious End Result

If you've never heard of 7xsunday, it's a website that makes Rapture Ready look mainstream. It's message boards are populated primarily by people raised in the Quiverfull lifestyle, people who were homeschooled, attended home churches, whose every waking moment was controlled by their parents. People who accept as being perfectly normal extreme notions of modesty, courtship rather than dating and marrying a person without ever having held their hand. Yeah.

It's a busy site, because there are lots of them. Oh, and the abstinence only crowd is only a half step removed from them, so don't think this isn't relevant.

We talk a lot about modesty here in Hell, so I thought I'd show you the natural result of being raised with such beliefs:

Its got to do with love making. I hope i dont offend anyone by being blunt but id rather get to the point rather than not stating properly what i have on my mind. Ill start at the beginning. During my teen years i started to develop strong attractions for the opposite sex and my mom told me thats normal and taught me on saving myself for the man God had for me.

I am not going to mock her use of English. It's painful to me, but she was homeschooled for the purposes of pushing out as many babies as she can while keeping the house clean and her husband fed, nothing more. It's not her fault.

I found this very hard as i felt myself getting 'turned on' easily if i saw a handsome man that i fancied or got very aroused if a boy i liked touched my hand - eek i said it- However i kept pure and trained my thoughts with the Holy Spirits help to be pure and not think those things even though i struggled many times. Fast forward a few years, i got married young but by that point my struggle to not think impure thoughts about men had vanished. I thought oh when i get married i can finally think of my husband in that way.

You know where this is going, right?

Well, the strange thing is, i feel nothing. I mean i am very much attracted to and in love with my husband but -embrassed to say this- i feel NOTHING physically during love making. This was a shock to me because i was so easily turned on before. I no my hormones were crazy then because of puberty but still. I read a book 'The act of marriage' before getting married which explained how women get aroused etc but i dont no whats wrong with me. Im not on any medication, pills, my diet is good, no health problem because i checked that out already. I have only been married for a year but i can tell things are not looking good for us. I am extremely sad because we have such an amazing relationship and im trying to be the best helpmeet i can for my dear husband except for this one vital area. When it comes to love making i dont feel any pleasure, its not painful or anything and i can do the act just feel no pleasure. Its frustrating me so much because i cant O.... and my DH because he feels its one sided. Is this normal or what? Everyone told me once im allowed to have sex, it will be amazing and id be doing it non stop but to be honest i feel that i can easily live without sex since i feel nothing. Urgh i am so sad

Oh, honey. You trained yourself, no doubt with great effort and difficulty, to never think a sexual thing about another person and now you're surprised that you can't? *sigh* Of course you can't think sexual thoughts. The mind gets very good at whatever it practices. If you practiced adding large numbers in your head, you'd get good at that, too. Unfortunately, you practiced turning your brain into a Ken doll.

See, you can't turn off your sexy thoughts and then assume you can just turn them back on when you want to. And, there's the fact that the only reason you would turn off your sexy thoughts is because you were led to believe they were bad. It's ridiculous that people told her that as soon as she was married, she'd just love sex and be thinking sexy thoughts nonstop and having neighbor-scaring, bed-shattering fuckfests 24/7.

I think there is another issue at work here, as well. There is such a thing as chemistry. See, I never restrained my sexy thoughts. I also wore miniskirts and dated and had- gasp- premarital sex. It didn't take me long to learn that my body likes some people and doesn't like others, and it's not always related to how my brain feels about those people. I can like a man, find him intelligent and funny, find being around him an absolute joy and feel not an iota of sexual interest in him. I can also find a man to be an arrogant prick and my body is raring to go. If your relationship is going to include sex (I'm not saying relationships have to, asexual people need love, too), you need to be in a relationship with someone you are physically attracted to.

Unfortunately, this poor woman turned off her sexual attraction, so she would have no way of knowing whether or not she was attracted to her husband. Maybe she isn't. If she's not, not matter how hard she tries, she's never going to be into sex with him.

This is, btw, why I'm terribly leery of expecting teenagers to simply turn off their sexual urges instead of teaching them about safer sex. Evidence says that most of them can't turn off their sexual urges, and now we can see the price of actually doing so. Poor woman.

I Are Smart- and Edumacated!

Sir Isaac Newton: I don't think he lived anytime recently. Or he was the bassist for a hair metal band.

I'd like to start this off with some facts. You may have heard of them, facts. They are things about which one cannot have an opinion. You may not like the facts, but they are as they are, how you feel about them doesn't change them.

Generally speaking, the more fundamentalist one is, the less educated one is and vice versa. It's a direct correlation: christian fundamentalism=low levels of education. This is no doubt the result of a complex interaction between the traits that create fundamentalism and the traits that prevent secondary education. Is this true for every fundamentalist? Of course not. Nothing ever holds true for every single individual. Well, okay, nobody can breathe in a vacuum. Other than that, of course there will be exceptions. However, it is not out of line to assume that a fundamentalist is poorly educated.

Generally speaking, as far as I can tell, there is some sort of correlation between being a christian fundamentalist and having a lower IQ. (That same research shows that the really smart people choose Shintoism, in case you were wondering.) Again, does this mean fundamentalist christianity causes IQ loss? No. It means that if you unquestioningly accept the literal truth of a book that starts with a talking, legged snake, you might not have the necessary reasoning capacity to see why that's a problem. It also does not mean that being a fundamentalist christian automatically means you have a low IQ. Again, on average. Some people fall outside of average.

So, why do I bring this up? Well, for one thing, if you're considering entering the wonderful wide world of Ponzi schemes, you need to know your target audience . . . no, wait, the Rapture Ready folks are all kinds of offended I think they're kind of gullible*.

Hi all. After reading some of the negative e mails posted in the interesting e mails section , I seem to see a common theme among those who are critical of christians, and what we believe. They seem to always assume that we are uneducated, easily manipulated people. This is a myth that we christians need to try and dispel.

Well, you could start by not saying jackass stupid shit about global warming and homosexuals. How about that?

Sir Isaac Newton, one of the most brilliant minds ever, was a pre trib , prophecy believing christian.

No, Newton would not have hung out at Rapture Ready. He lived in a slightly different time than we do now. Not that I think he really was a pretrib Christian. This pretrib stuff is relatively recent.

I met 4 people at an event this week, all avid christians, all with PHDs.

Pics or it didn't happen! Really, what was the event? Church? Doctors' Night at the local church? I can't even imagine what "avid" means in that context.

Although I myself am no genius, and I don't want to sound arrogant, let me state some of my accomplishments.

I don't mean to sound racist, but . . .

I have a BS in accounting, am an instrument rated pilot, an advanced open water diver, I had two scholarships in college, one academic, the other athletic (golf) and years later still carry a zero handicap.

What does your golf handicap have to do with your intelligence or understanding of science?

I became a christian after reading Hal Lindsey's Late Great Planet Earth, which led to a life long study of Bible prophecy. The liberal media seems to always portray christians as uneducated kooks. The bible states clearly that in the last days, the wise would be called fools, and fools would think themselves wise.

Oh, well if the Bible says it . . . the Bible says bats are birds.

The idea that you can dispel a myth from the mind of a fool is a lovely notion but the fact that they knowingly choose to do that which is not convenient tells us they already know it's a myth before they speak it.

Wut? Okay, I'll try again. We'll remove everything before the "but"

The idea that you can dispel a myth from the mind of a fool is a lovely notion but the fact that they knowingly choose to do that which is not convenient tells us they already know it's a myth before they speak it.

The fact that they knowingly choose to do that which is not convenient?

Okay, we'll remove the "not convenient" and replace it with "inconvenient", maybe that will help.

The idea that you can dispel a myth from the mind of a fool is a lovely notion but the fact that they knowingly choose to do that which is not convenient inconvenient tells us they already know it's a myth before they speak it.

Nope. There is no way to make heads or tails of that.

There are a great many very accomplished true believers. In the end, the world will mock us because it hates us. There are probably many true believers out there who were never able to go to school and are dirt poor, but none-the-less are significant in God's eyes, and probably in the eyes of anyone they offer assistance to during the course of their lives. We Children of God are very very fortunate, no matter how the world treats us.

I would imagine, being a case in point, that there were just as many, if not more, dirt poor nonbelievers without access to education.

I used to scuba dive when I was younger and single. Besides a few cold murky lakes and underwater caves, I've dived in the Mediterranean, all around the Island of Okinawa Japan, Guam, and the waters off of Florida.

Again, I fail to see what your leisure time activities have to do with your intelligence, though I am jealous of your travels.

I passed the MENSA entrance test when I was 16. Technically that makes me a 'genius'.

Personally, I think it just means Im good at taking tests. That skill does occasionally come in handy though.

Okay, I'll give you high scores for intelligence, though not for passing the MENSA test. A good many people don't seem to realize that intelligence tests aren't the best measure of intelligence.

these same people that mock Christians, media, movie "stars" and "movers and shakers" are heavily into Scientology. I mean, come on!

This "religion" was started by a guy who said he was going to start his own religion. And died in prison for his stupid worldly crimes. And the rules and regulations would rival the most superstitious of any pagan/space cult belief.

And don't even get me started on atheists! They think that they are their own god and they put their faith in people. People they know are weak and going to fail them, a lot. People whose moral center depends on that person's "moral standards" are. Which changes with the wind or flavor of the month.

All I am saying is, who is the ignorant one?!!!

Yes, last month I was totally into setting puppies on fire, this month I'm vegan. C'mon now.

Related to the OP there is the myth that Christians are weak and need a crutch to get through this life. When I hear this I just mention that Chuck Norris and Albert Pujols are Christians. Pretty much blows that theory out of the water.

Um, you do know those "facts" about Chuck Norris aren't actually true, right?**

I am a Christian and a lawyer

[insert lawyer joke here]

so I am no dummy, but that does not contribute in any way towards my salvation. Intelligence is just a gift from God much like any other talent, and as the others pointed out, it is no guarantee of wisdom or maturity. To me, atheists come across as whiny, boastful, and obnoxious, and they really don't tend to "play well with others."

If the Father has bestowed some talent upon you, then you ought to use it to glorify Him and not your own ego or theory of the universe.

But what if my talent is being whiny, boastful and obnoxious?

Also, sometimes I think that people who are atheists have just consistently gotten the dirty end of the stick all through life and never had anyone who really cared for them. So, I guess it is all the harder for them to understand how great the love of the Father is for them. Maybe that is why they are so unduly negative about everything. Just a guess.

Or maybe, just maybe, people aren't too friendly and perky after you call them whiny, boastful and obnoxious. Just a thought.

I have a BS Physics and am working on my MS Geophysics. Everything I studied in physics only supported or furthered my faith. I will admit, however, that I did have a crisis of faith when I started my geo courses. However, after some careful study of Genesis, I don't really see conflict between the Bible and geology either.

Translation: I had some cognitive dissonance and I couldn't handle it, so I changed how I interpreted the Bible until it went away.

I know for certain that a few of our physics faculty are Christians, as well a large portion of our science students.

You mean like most of the US? Shocking!

To assume that Christians are all stupid and uneducated is just stupid and uneducated.

Yes, however, see facts above.

Anyway, I've found that those who are atheists (or even just non-believers in general) are the same type of people who believe in spending borrowed money to get out of debt. Not exactly smart.

I . . . wut?

The OP noted that people bash Christians by saying that we are uneducated, easily manipulated people. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this (or simply substituting my own understanding of certain kinds of bashers), but I equate this with saying that Christians are of low intelligence, so hopelessly stupid that we just don't "get it" that Christianity is all a baseless pack of fables and lies.

When they say such things, they are actually insulting not Christians but all uneducated, easily manipulated people and/or people of low intelligence (not just those who are Christian). It's obvious that the bashers have an underlying hatred of Christianity, an a priori belief that Christianity is bad, or at least worthless. So, by associating those of lesser intelligence with Christianity they are really revealing that they are contemptuous of people who are not educated and/or not very intelligent.

Actually, that's not what I, or anyone I've seen make this argument in good faith, means. What we mean is simpler than that. I don't hate people who are less intelligent. I am not contemptuous of them, either. However, what I'd like to ask this person is, when you choose a doctor, are you hoping for the doctor who got straight As in medical school, or the person who skated by with the lowest possible score zie could graduate with?

Is this because you are contemptuous of people who are less intelligent? No, it's because you are putting your life in their hands and you want to put your life in the most qualified hands possible. Well, the same goes with choosing whom to believe about religion. Do I trust the person who can't tell the Colbert Report is satire or Steven Hawking? Does that mean I hate people who can't understand irony and satire? No. I'm still not going to spend my time fearing hell on their say so.

*I think I could sell them 4 armed sweaters on the basis of the fact that you get twice as many arms for 200% the price!

**My favorite: When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Norrised.

Women Can't Learn, but We'll Take Your Money Anyway

I have the Maxwell's blog in my reader. They're . . . odd. They're a roving band of fundamentalist musicians. The men dress normally, in khakis and golf shirts and the women wear these hideous jumpers and long sleeved, high necked shirts. It is tragic. They do things like travel through Idaho into Canada in the beginning of April*, and then get all surprised when they run into every different description of trouble with the weather and their old tour bus, delightfully named Uriah- including sinking into the pavement in a small town in Canada.

Recently, one of the Maxwell boys has launched a new venture, ITonRamp.com. It didn't come up in my reader capitalized like that, so I read it as iTronramp** and thought, "Is there nothing Apple can't do?" (Imagine my disappointment.) What exactly ITonRamp is, I couldn't tell you.

I guess it has something to do with this:

Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.

Proverbs 4:26

hmmm.

Well, how about this:

IT (computer-related) work has been a great blessing to our sons, giving them vocations that have allowed them the means to purchase their homes debt free. We are excited that ITonRamp will give other young people these same opportunities without having to leave home for their education.

Steve and Teri Maxwell
Titus2.com

Well, I guessed it was IT work, computer-related doncha know, but "without having to leave home" is very fundilicious. See, lots of secular training programs like to advertise "from the comfort of your own home!", so perhaps this strikes you as normal. No, no, no, This is a dog whistle and a half. This means "without having to go to a college and meet people with different beliefs and become a gay atheist prostitute muslim!"

So, they teach you computer stuff. Lots of people do that. What makes this specia- wow, look at that!

What makes ITonRamp unique? Instead of using just "instructors," we employ mentors. A mentor is someone with a verified skill-set in the area they are teaching. In addition, they have lives founded on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Instructors? Fuck your instructors! Ivy League white tower socialfasciislamoatheists, they are! And elite, they are elite! We have mentors. Mentors are just like instructors without any kind of certification and they love Jesus! Jeeeesus!

Because that's what's important when I want to learn computer stuff.

Actually, it's very important as demonstrated by the faq:

To teach computer skills, foundational and beyond

To equip for immediate income generation

To develop life skills

To prepare for service

To accomplish this in a Christ-centered learning environment without having to ingest humanistic, ungodly information in pursuit of a career or diploma.

• Humanistic ungodly facts, yo! Don't ingest them!
• And how will they prevent this ingestion of humanistic ungodly comestibles?

By furnishing carefully chosen curriculum that is consistent with Christian ideals and is conducive to learning. If that means tearing pages out of a textbook or writing new curriculum, we have and will do it.

This is an IT course, mind you. It's been a while since I took any computer courses, but I don't recall, well, anything that would require removal by a fundy. Are del tags an abomination before the lord? Honestly, purely in the field of IT, can anyone think of anything that would be offensive enough to a fundy that they would have to remove it from a textbook entirely?

What about the wimmenz? Can they learn computer stuff? Well, sorta.

Young women will also find ITonRamp courses useful. It can be a struggle to productively stay busy as young women wait on the Lord for a marriage partner. It is not our goal to provide a career as such for young women, but to help them be productive with their time as the Lord Jesus directs. IT work can give excellent opportunities to earn significant self-employed income in a safe, non-corporate environment and have skills that will facilitate a future marriage, especially if the future husband is self-employed.

Only in the sense that it might help you get married, honey. We wouldn't want you out there in the dangerous corporate world wearing pants or something.

How much does this cost? $200 for the Home Track course for the wimmenz and $1,000 for the A+ Track.

And for that you get . . . mentors. and ripped up books. and mentors. but wait!

Whoa, so some guy is going to be spending time on the phone with my twenty-one-year-old daughter “mentoring” her? I don't like the sound of that!

At this point we anticipate the mentors to be men. To enable propriety and no possibility of defrauding, direct phone conversations will be from a person of the same gender. Therefore, if there are ladies in a track, the phone call to them will be via a female mentor assistant. The mentor assistant will not have the technical experience that the mentor has, but she will provide the one-on-one personal encouragement that the mentor would have provided.

So, if you're a guy, you get a phone call from someone who actually (he says anyway) has the knowledge to help you. If you are a woman, you'll get a phone call from a woman who has no idea about computery stuff, but she is encouraging. Because why ask for knowledge when you can get "Jesus loves you!"? Is there some reason the mentor assistant can't ask an actual mentor the question and then relay the answer to the woman in question?

The question itself is, of course, amazing. So, my adult daughter will be ON THE PHONE with being "mentored"? Men can't even control themselves on the phone now? She can't hang up the phone if gets fresh? She can't enjoy him being fresh?

le sigh.

*For Idaho and Canada, April is still solidly winter.

**I finally saw the new Tron and loved it. LUH. I know it was panned, but the visual spectacle was outstanding, and what else are you expecting from Tron?

Unintended Hilarity

First up, we have this quote from an 11-year-old author:

"I, Sullivan Alexander, have been prompted to create a Christian Star Wars. My ambition is to add some nutrition to the science fiction diet many kids my age enjoy. I, as a Christian, believe God can perform miracles any time and at any place. I do not like immoral books or shows and can promise that in this series there will be: no prejudice, no pornography, and no Pantheism."

Am I the only one freaked out by an 11-year-old promising that his book will not have porn in it?

I think my reaction is supposed to be, "Oh, wonderful! Books for my children that are sexy free!", but my reaction is a combination of wild laughter and, "Why is that tween talking about pr0n?!"

Seriously, why is that preteen, really still a child by any measure, promising that his book does not contain pornography? Does anyone expect porn from a book written by a barely pubescent child? Does Star Wars contain porn?

I really think this is the result of a very frustrated young scifi lover asking his parents if he can see a movie or read a book or watch a tv show, and them saying:

"No! It has porn in it!"

"Um, really, porn? Okay, what about this one?"

"Porn!"

"It says it's for readers ages 8 to 12."

"Prejudice! Everyone is calling everyone else the n-word!"

"All right then, what about this?"

"N-word!"

"It's the Lord of the Rings. Everyone in it is some form of white. Including the undead."

"Pantheism!!1!!eleventy!!!"

"Fine. I guess I'll just have to write it myself."

***********************************************************

Our second bout of hilarity comes from John Piper, who has a whole list of reasons why fundamentalist Christians are awesome:

1. They are humble and respectful and courteous and even funny (the ones I've met).

For what definitions of "humble", "respectful" and "courteous"? Oh, I see. The ones you've met. Not the ones I've met.

5. They know that the Bible calls for some kind of separation from the world.

Or a theocracy. You know, one of those.

6. They have backbone and are not prone to compromise principle.

"WHAAAA! Gays have rights! WHAAAA! I can't make secular atheist muslims believe what I believe!"

7. They put obedience to Jesus above the approval of man (even though they fall short, like others).

Really? You're going with this? Hmmmm . . . let's see what Jesus had to say about . . . taxes:

Then Jesus said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's." And they were amazed at him.

Do churches pay taxes in the US? What's that, no? Huh. Okay, how about what to do with wealth:

Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

I see people do that every day . . . what, they don't? Well, maybe that's unfair. Let's see what Jesus had to say about praying:

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

⁶But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

⁷But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

Fundamentalists always pray in private . . . Do they even read this book?

Their "social action" is helping the person next door (like Jesus), which doesn't usually get written up in the newspaper.

Or, you know, campaigning for certain candidates, picketing abortion clinics and writing laws to bring about the theocracy.

They tend to raise law-abiding, chaste children, in spite of the fact that Barna says evangelical kids in general don't have any better track record than non-Christians.

Mmmm-hmmm. well, in spite of the fact that all evidence says otherwise, I'm Superman. Nice to meet you.

They resist trendiness.

13. They don’t think too much is gained by sounding hip.

C'mon now, how many times have we heard fundamentalists using out of date slang to try to connect with the people? How could we forget "surfing the tube*"?

16. They are not breathless about being accepted in the scholarly guild.

That's one way of putting it.

Oh, John Piper, if you were a comic, you'd be brilliant!

*Which really sounds like some sort of euphemism now that I think about it.

Whacktastic!

I read this and yelled, "That's whacktistic!" at my desk at work. And then mumbled sheepishly, "Some lady on youtube . . . fell into a fountain . . ."

But seriously, this is so whacktastic I can only assume the Blogging Fairy had it written just for me.

The One Indispensable Constituent of a Good Education

Grammar? Spelling? Logic? A questioning nature?

"The beginning of wisdom is the fear of God."

Ooookay . . .

If the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is the fear of God, then one should never teach anything without this very basic foundational truth either clearly expressed or assumed.

Anything at all? How would one manage this? I can think of any number of subjects entirely neutral to the question of god.

This guy can't.

What then would constitute a good science class, for example? Picture the instructor describing the order, the beauty, the complexity, the expanse, and the glory of the universe, the human body, and the animal kingdom. Then, he lifts his arms and says in a whisper to the class, Silence for a moment! All of you, stand in awe of him! Stand in awe of him! Let us worship the mighty Creator of heaven and earth. Anything short of this is not good science.

Whacktastic! Can you imagine? That's just . . . just . . .O.o

Words, they fail me.

The history professor will discuss the bubonic plague that destroyed 1/3 of Europe in the latter half of the 15th century. But unless he turns around and tells his students to fear the God behind it all, the One who does his will in the whirlwind and in the storm (Nah. 1:3),he has failed to teach good history.

e.e

If the beginning of wisdom and knowledge is the fear of God, then the first lesson in every sex education class should be a discussion on fearing God, because he is the one who first wrote the words, "Thou shalt not commit adultery. . ." And, "Be not deceived. God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. . ." And, "The eyes of the Lord are in every place beholding the evil and the good."

This is a penis . . . What is it, Timmy? Oh, yes, Be not deceived, now, upon arousal, the penis . . .

This, by the way, is what happens when you study Psalms instead of physics:

Last year our family was traveling through Wyoming on vacation, heading west on I-80 in the dead of winter. It was about 8:00 pm and my wife was driving on dry pavement at full speed. I drifted off for what seemed like a moment, when I woke to my wifes screaming, Help me Jesus! Apparently, she had hit a patch of ice formed by blowing snow on a high point in the road, and instantly I realized we were sliding sideways down the freeway. There was only one thing I could do. I joined in with my wife, yelling, Help us Lord. Help us now! Now! Please? It was a very charismatic moment, prayers going up to God in rather disorderly fashion.

In mere seconds, God took the vehicle and moved it onto the center divider where the vehicle plowed through 18 inches of snow for about one hundred feet. As we came to rest, we could not tell that we had stopped, for the snow had covered the entire vehicle like an igloo. Peering outside, I announced to everybody that we had come to a stop. We woke up the children. We trembled, and wept, and cried out to God, Thank you oh God for saving our lives today! And together we sang To God be the Glory. There was somebody else in the car with us. We knew that he was there. He was there!

Yes, god picked up your car, carefully placed it onto the center divider and used snow to slow you down. After allowing you to hit a patch of black ice and go sliding sideways in the first place. That god, such a kidder!

But what happens to a civilization that neglects to root an education in the fear of God over successive generations? It will eventually destroy knowledge itself. Scientists would be unable to distinguish between the science that drops a ball 100 times, and notes that mass seems to attract other mass to itself by a gravitational pull (at a probability of 99%), and the science that takes a look at a rock and calls it 4,325,000,000 years old. With equal levels of dogmatism, they conclude that force equals mass times acceleration, and then look at 600 factors that might cause global warming, and insist that the world will come to an end as we know it in 100 years unless we replace our SUV's with mopeds. A science without the fear of God will produce a hubris that can only end in irrationality

Damn, I used O.o too soon. Apparently, this dude is, with no scientific training whatsoever, qualified to decide what science is true and what science is just silliness. That Stephen Hawking, such a fool!

As one scientist told me recently, There is no essential difference between the science of Darwin and the science of Boyle, Newton, Pasteur and Pascal. What a breathtaking lapse in clear thinking! What exactly did Darwin give the modern world, but one lousy hypothesis concerning origins. Such blurring of science and pseudo-scientific guesswork began with Darwins hypothesis of species-evolution by a survival-of-the-fittest mechanism. While millions of scientists worldwide pursued this new pseudo-science with appropriate levels of hubris, thankfully there were men who feared God like Boyle, Newton, Pasteur, and Pascal who produced multiple advancements in the engineering and medical sciences as they took real dominion over Gods green earth with real observable, measurable, and reproducible science.

Is there something stronger than O.o, because I really need it now.

What happens to the minds of men who wander for 150 years without acknowledging their need for the Creator and His truth? Their scientists will busy themselves with worthless projects like extracting gold from lead, or acquiring clones from unfertilized parthenogenocized zygotes, or building towers that keep falling down. Science without the fear of God will in the end prove to be futile, and fatal in the brave new world without God.

lol wut? First of all, anyone whose mind is wandering for 150 years is living about twice as long as average for today, so good for them. Secondly, last time I checked, cloning worked and "towers that fall down"? What is he referring to? I have no idea, unless he's referring to the Twin Towers, in which case, in poor taste, and nobody builds anything with a contingency for "asshole flying a plane into it".

What happens to a nation that doesn't teach the fear of God as the beginning of wisdom for five generations? What happens to a nation that will not build its house upon Jesus and his words? When the rains come and floods rise, that house will come down, and great will be the fall of it (Matt. 7:27)! That nation will find 37% of children born without fathers, up from 6% in 1960, and half of marriages ending in divorce. That nation will become the greatest debtor nation on earth and inherit the weakest families in the entire western world. Sound familiar?

Really, it says that in Bible? Matt 7:28- and 37% of children will be born without fathers and national debt shall exceed net GDP. I must have skipped that day in Sunday School.