The Obvious End Result

If you've never heard of 7xsunday, it's a website that makes Rapture Ready look mainstream. It's message boards are populated primarily by people raised in the Quiverfull lifestyle, people who were homeschooled, attended home churches, whose every waking moment was controlled by their parents. People who accept as being perfectly normal extreme notions of modesty, courtship rather than dating and marrying a person without ever having held their hand. Yeah.

It's a busy site, because there are lots of them. Oh, and the abstinence only crowd is only a half step removed from them, so don't think this isn't relevant.

We talk a lot about modesty here in Hell, so I thought I'd show you the natural result of being raised with such beliefs:

Its got to do with love making. I hope i dont offend anyone by being blunt but id rather get to the point rather than not stating properly what i have on my mind. Ill start at the beginning. During my teen years i started to develop strong attractions for the opposite sex and my mom told me thats normal and taught me on saving myself for the man God had for me.

I am not going to mock her use of English. It's painful to me, but she was homeschooled for the purposes of pushing out as many babies as she can while keeping the house clean and her husband fed, nothing more. It's not her fault.

I found this very hard as i felt myself getting 'turned on' easily if i saw a handsome man that i fancied or got very aroused if a boy i liked touched my hand - eek i said it- However i kept pure and trained my thoughts with the Holy Spirits help to be pure and not think those things even though i struggled many times. Fast forward a few years, i got married young but by that point my struggle to not think impure thoughts about men had vanished. I thought oh when i get married i can finally think of my husband in that way.

You know where this is going, right?

Well, the strange thing is, i feel nothing. I mean i am very much attracted to and in love with my husband but -embrassed to say this- i feel NOTHING physically during love making. This was a shock to me because i was so easily turned on before. I no my hormones were crazy then because of puberty but still. I read a book 'The act of marriage' before getting married which explained how women get aroused etc but i dont no whats wrong with me. Im not on any medication, pills, my diet is good, no health problem because i checked that out already. I have only been married for a year but i can tell things are not looking good for us. I am extremely sad because we have such an amazing relationship and im trying to be the best helpmeet i can for my dear husband except for this one vital area. When it comes to love making i dont feel any pleasure, its not painful or anything and i can do the act just feel no pleasure. Its frustrating me so much because i cant O.... and my DH because he feels its one sided. Is this normal or what? Everyone told me once im allowed to have sex, it will be amazing and id be doing it non stop but to be honest i feel that i can easily live without sex since i feel nothing. Urgh i am so sad

Oh, honey. You trained yourself, no doubt with great effort and difficulty, to never think a sexual thing about another person and now you're surprised that you can't? *sigh* Of course you can't think sexual thoughts. The mind gets very good at whatever it practices. If you practiced adding large numbers in your head, you'd get good at that, too. Unfortunately, you practiced turning your brain into a Ken doll.

See, you can't turn off your sexy thoughts and then assume you can just turn them back on when you want to. And, there's the fact that the only reason you would turn off your sexy thoughts is because you were led to believe they were bad. It's ridiculous that people told her that as soon as she was married, she'd just love sex and be thinking sexy thoughts nonstop and having neighbor-scaring, bed-shattering fuckfests 24/7.

I think there is another issue at work here, as well. There is such a thing as chemistry. See, I never restrained my sexy thoughts. I also wore miniskirts and dated and had- gasp- premarital sex. It didn't take me long to learn that my body likes some people and doesn't like others, and it's not always related to how my brain feels about those people. I can like a man, find him intelligent and funny, find being around him an absolute joy and feel not an iota of sexual interest in him. I can also find a man to be an arrogant prick and my body is raring to go. If your relationship is going to include sex (I'm not saying relationships have to, asexual people need love, too), you need to be in a relationship with someone you are physically attracted to.

Unfortunately, this poor woman turned off her sexual attraction, so she would have no way of knowing whether or not she was attracted to her husband. Maybe she isn't. If she's not, not matter how hard she tries, she's never going to be into sex with him.

This is, btw, why I'm terribly leery of expecting teenagers to simply turn off their sexual urges instead of teaching them about safer sex. Evidence says that most of them can't turn off their sexual urges, and now we can see the price of actually doing so. Poor woman.

A Boy in a Dress

This was sent to me by [redacted], who seems to think I need more to be disturbed by. This is in reaction to the famed "genderless child", Storm.

Back to make one last comment .....

As I have previously stated, I am in complete disagreement with the decisions that you have and are making regarding your children. I had to come back to make something very clear. I am a long time Junction resident and I can honestly say that I am thankful that my Son is not the same age as any of your children. Simply because I would not want my Son to be playing with a boy who is wearing a dress. I have chosen to rear my Son in a normal way. I don't think society needs to be exposed to you and your absurd ideologies, or your experiments. Just saying ........

First of all, have you considered going back to school. One does not have decisions, one makes decisions. One has beliefs, which might be what you're going for there.

Secondly, unless your son is the Messiah, you do not capitalize "son".

Thirdly, they're raising the child to be genderless, so why did you go straight to "boy in a dress"? That's . . . odd of you.

Thirdly, what do you suppose would happen if your SON played with a boy in a dress? I mean, I'm trying, but I can't quite . . . hmmm . . . .

1. SON plays with boy in dress

2. ?????

3. SON grows up to be a liberal gay atheoislamo terrorist.

I mean, I've spent some time with men who enjoy wearing women's clothing (women wearing men's clothing? totally normal! you may be doing it right now!) and I swear to you, nothing happened. Nothing at all. I did not become gay, I did not feel an urge to blow up any skyscrapers, I did not come down with a terrible dis- wait a minute. That was right before the porphyria kicked in.

Holy fuck, male transvestites cause porphyria! Lock up the children!

Wait, what's that? Oh, right, genetics. My bad. Transvestites do not actually have the power to change my DNA. They are not, in fact, radioactive.

Well, then, I just have nothing. Other than the fact that once you spend a little time around a person different from you, you realize that people are people and it becomes harder and harder to hate based on small differences. And you wouldn't want that for your SON.

Anyway, enjoy this video. It is the story of an elephant and a dog who are best friends. Then think very, very hard about why humans can't get along with other groups of humans, but an elephant and a dog can be the best of friends.

Words Are Power

[trigger warning: anti gay bigotry, fire, dead horses. please visit this joyfully living otter instead.]

(ETA: trigger warning)

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

I used to hate that little ditty. I still do, but as a child, as a victim of bullying, I knew that was not true. Words hurt. Words hurt as much, if not more, than fists and weapons. Words are powerful. Words have power.

No, words are power.

Which is why I spend so much of my time talking about the use of words. Why is it important to discuss that atheist have morals, too? Because every time someone says that morals come from god, the idea is planted in another person's mind that atheists are immoral, dangerous perhaps. Maybe shouldn't be suffered to live. I mean, who knows what they might do to the children?

Why is it important to confront it, each and every time, when someone says that a man "cried/threw/whatever like a girl"? Because any time you compare undesirable behavior to being female you spread the belief that to be female is to be lesser. And people who believe that women are lesser have no problem raping women, taking away their rights, paying them less and generally oppressing them. And women who believe that they themselves are less have more trouble fighting against that.

It is important to hold people responsible for the words that they say because words are power. We should hold people as accountable for their words as we do for how they use their guns. If a person randomly fires off a gun into a crowd and kills someone, we do not accept the excuse that well, I wasn't really aiming for anyone in particular, I just wanted to see what people would do.

Which is why I'm holding accountable every single Christian who spreads hatred against gays for the deaths of 8 horses. If you stood up online, at a church, among your friends and spewed hatred and lies and vitriol against gays, then you may as well have held the torch. You may as well have slit the throats of these 8 horses because that would have been kinder than what did happen.

Seven adult horses and one foal died as a result of an arson fire at 874 West Richards Road in McConnelsville just after 11:30 p.m. on Sunday. Owner Brent Whitehouse said he woke to discover the barn engulfed in flames and immediately called 911, but it was too late.

"I couldn't get the door open I could still hear the horses kicking and I tried as hard as I could to get them out and I just couldn't get them out in time," he said.

Those who know Brent believe this was a hate crime, explicit words relating to his sexuality were spray painted in large white letters on the side of the barn before the fire was started.

You. You did it. You spread hatred and fear. It's your fault. Oh, I know, you didn't tell anyone to go torch a barn with 8 horses in it, but don't think that makes you innocent. You put the idea in a person's mind that gays are evil and wrong and will harm your children. You're responsible for that idea. It's that idea that led to 8 horses desperately trying to escape a raging fire and failing. Your idea. Your words.

Your fucking fault.

Things, They Change

The end, for me anyway, of the Slacktivist/Patheos situation has arrived. Fred explained, I am disappoint. Take from that what you will. I have few morals, and like most others of few morals, I cling to those few very tightly. It leads me to places like these, where I feel right and wrong at the same time and am filled with sadness and regret.

Reprint of my comment because I can't imagine how anyone finds anything on disqus. (Hate that fucking program.)

This is it. My final comment. I have enjoyed Fred's writing and viewpoints, and enjoyed the community here (although I could rarely participate in it given my internet situation at home vis a vis typepad and old iphones) for a long time. What I say, I say with sadness and regret.

1. it is the money. fine. all i had to eat last thursday was 2 doughnuts. i get it.

HOWEVER,

2. Fred states that when he said patheos was inclusive, he meant "patheos seeks to be inclusive", so he was either being (a) disingenuous, or (b) didn't do his due diligence to see exactly what "inclusive" means in this situation. either way, i am disappoint.

3. the Anchoress is not inclusive, has no interest in being inclusive and she is their big draw, and she's not alone at patheos.

4. he wishes for us to wait it out and be patient. Fred, women have been waiting a long time, just as have many other groups, to achieve equality. we're sick of waiting. all waiting does is . . . nothing. the same arguments about patience were thrown at Martin Luther King, Jr., too. i, for one, am glad he didn't sit around and hope for the best. misogyny, homophobia, racism and bigotry in general will not be solved by waiting. waiting comforts the comfortable and afflicts the afflicted. i will not wait to be treated like a human being. i will not wait for others to be treated like human beings. patience is a waste of time in these situations, and we don't have forever.

5. i can no longer, in good conscience, send people to the slacktivist. i suggested you to everyone, fred, online and in real life. look! he's amazing! so filled with love, such an ally. fred understands, he gets it, which is just amazing in a white, male, cisgender, able, hetero Christian American . . . and now he asks me to wait politely in the corner while others decide if i'm human enough for them and what human rights and qualities will they choose to grant me. it's embarrassing. and worse,

6. it's abusive to those i send here for whom such hatred is a part of everyday life. i am fortunate in being white and not too visible disabled (and het and cis, etc.). i can, and do, hide amongst the hegemony. it's a tremendous privilege to be able to do so. others are not so lucky. i do not wish to expose such people to more of the same by sending them to patheos, where bigotry is the order of the day, even if it isn't the order of the day on this particular blog. it is inherently cruel, and i do not wish to engage in cruelty towards others, especially not towards others who experience it at so many other hands each and every day. maybe it is "normal" and "everyday" to see such othering and outright bigotry, but it shouldn't be and i won't support it.

Fred, good luck. I hope you find what you seek. I hope this works out the way you seem to hope it will. I hope the Slacktikit gets to move forward with studying German. I wish you the best in the future, even if I don't intend to go there with you.

Faith (a/k/a Personal Failure)

We're Not Post Racial By a Long Shot

I keep hearing about how "post racial" the US is, and I always shake my head. First of all, if people feel such a need to point it out, it probably isn't true. It's like going on and on about how much you don't care about your ex. Secondly, Obama is our first black President. He's also white, but he's our first black President, and you hear about it all the time. Not exactly post racial.

Anyway, my husband just related a story to me that made me sad, and showed how much of a lie "post racial America" really is. My husband has been making some money recording a local rapper*. (All the rappers in this story are black, just so I don't have to keep saying it.) It's a friend-of-a-friend situation, and my husband discovered that recording rappers is significantly easier than recording bands, and he gets to use the beats he likes to write so much but can't use in his own music.

Word of mouth has gotten my husband a few more rappers to record and they stopped by the house to meet him this morning. One of them stuck out his hand, and my husband automatically shook it. One of them said, "I was a little 'I dunno' about a white guy recording rap, but you're good people."

My husband couldn't figure out what he meant, so he asked.

"Oh, white people usually don't want to shake my hand. Like it's catching or something."

That's really sad. I can't imagine going through life with people refusing to touch you because of the colour of your skin. I was always taught that handshakes are irrefusable, though women don't get asked to shake hands as much as men do. I was taught, as was my husband, that even if you just watched the other person sneeze on that hand, you shake it. To do otherwise is to offer a level of contempt only applicable to Hitler or Stalin. Seriously, we tried to figure out whose hands we wouldn't shake and that's what we came up with.

A lot of people apparently add "black men" to that list.

*I'm not exactly certain if that's called "hip hop" or "rap" these days (get off my lawn!), but they refer to themselves as "rappers", so I'm going with it. They're also all my age, if that helps any.

Let's Shelve the Abortion Debate Until We Can Fix the Child Welfare System

Juxtapositions are killing me lately. Abortion is bad! Birth control is bad! Children are a blessing, don't even think about not having them! and at the same time, yet another child failed by the child welfare system. Again and again and afuckinggain until I feel like grabbing prolifers by the ears and shaking them while screaming, "Not everyone should have children! Abortion is not worse than a child beaten and starved and raped and killed with pesticides! That is not better!"

I am not going to beat up on the people that comprise the child welfare system in this country. My friend Marzie is a part of it and through her I have gotten the tiniest sense of how difficult that job is. Enough sense to know that I would last a week before throwing myself off a bridge. Superman is nothing compared to Marzie in my eyes, I really don't know how she does it.

The system is broken. It breaks the people within it, from the judges to the GALs to the case workers to the children it is meant to protect. And I don't know any better than anyone else how to fix it.

Well, I do, in a way. The child welfare system is filled with unwanted children. That's how they end up in the system. Their parents didn't want them in the first place, so they abandon them, or neglect them, or abuse them. The fact of the matter is, you can force people to have children, by denying people access to birth control and abortion, but you can't force those people to want those children, nor can you force them to treat those children well. So you take the children away and put them in the care of someone else, and hope those people don't abuse them. You hope that the abuse and neglect didn't damage them permanently and you hope that love and therapy will be enough to prevent an endless cycle of unwanted pregnancies and abused children. It often is not.

The abortion debate, well, the prolife side anyway, ignores something important about pregnancy: it results in a child that has to be cared for. And the people demanding forced pregnancies aren't the ones caring for the children, now are they? And they aren't the ones being neglected and abused.

But wait! Adoption! It solves all problems! First of all, adoption is fraught with difficulties, both social* and emotional, and anyway, the Barahona children were adopted. Adoptive parents neglect and abuse their children, too. It's no guarantee.

So you know what? Let's not even consider reversing Roe v. Wade right now and come back to it after we've worked something out for all the unwanted children we already have. I don't think dumping millions more unwanted children into the system is really the way to address that, do you?

*I couldn't possibly afford a child right now, but I can also guarantee you that no one I work with and no one in my family would accept me putting a child up for adoption. Social pariah would be the best I could hope for.

Spring! Wait . . . Where'd It Go?

Ah, Spring, how I love thee.

That's what I thought when I stepped outside first thing in the morning yesterday. The sky was lightening when I walked the dog at 6:15, by 9:00 it was almost 50F (10C), the sun was shining, snow and ice were melting, it was glorious.

By noon, we were getting rain, gusts of winds up to 40mph (64kph) and the temperature had dipped back down to a little above freezing. Today the high is below freezing, tomorrow the high is in the 50s again.

Yes, it's that time of year, when the weather can't decide if it's winter or spring, when the temperatures can and will fluctuate by 40 degrees or more in 12 hours, the wind is strong enough to pick up lawn furniture and fling it down the street, and rain is a constant possibility. There's no figuring out how to dress because what was prudent at 8am is stifling by 10am, and what was comfortable at noon is risking hypothermia by 5pm.

It's more than that, though. I'm sick to death of winter. I'm sick of being cold. I'm sick of my winter clothes. I'm sick of my boots*. I'm sick of putting on 10 articles of clothing for a quick run to the convenient. I'm sick of cleaning salt residue off my boots and my floors. I'm sick of spending every day inside and I'm sick of the stuffy, stale air.

The first hint of warmer weather has me pulling out my spring/summer clothes, my ballet flats, and my sandals- even though I know damn well it's not going to be consistently warm enough to wear them for a few more months. I start looking for self tanners** on sale because people will be seeing my legs again- in May. I pull out my collection of $1 nail polish to see what needs to be thrown away and what I can put on my toes today. Toes no one will be seeing for months.

I had the windows thrown open yesterday morning- that did not work out well. And I'll do it again tomorrow.

I just stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom at work considering whether or not I should just hide my grays with highlights- because it's summery!

It's going to be a long couple of months, let me tell you.

*My boots are awesome and comfortable, but I've been wearing the black pair or the brown pair every day since October.

**I'm pale enough that you can map my veins under my skin from 10 feet away. Self tanner is a necessity.

Promoting Modesty in Toddlers

This is not sexy. I feel dirty even pointing that out.

If you spend any amount of time in fundyland, even just as an internet tourist, you know how obsessed fundys of every religion are with the female body and how it should be covered. There is no end to it. (Even the Catholics are back to arguing over head coverings in church- for women, of course.) And here is the natural progression of that obsession: concern over whether or not toddler girls are sufficiently modest.

Anyone who has spent any amount of time with small children knows two things: 1) Toddlers find no shame in the naked human form, and 2) most children prefer to be naked. I can't say I blame them, to be honest. Most clothing is constrictive and itchy to me*, it's probably at least as uncomfortable for small children with their sensitive skin and inability to communicate effectively.

Toddlers are not sexual in any way, shape or form. Toddlers masturbate because it feels good, not because they want to have sex. Toddlers get naked because that feels good, not because they want to entice anyone. Should we teach toddlers to keep their clothes on, at least in public?Absolutely. But only for the same reason we teach them not to hit people and to pee only in certain designated areas- so they can interact properly in society. Not because they might entice people to lust.

Here is a question for you. How do you promote, encourage and even enforce modesty in your toddler girl?

Some of us are born with girls who have no problem keeping their clothing on and even don't care whether you put them in a dress or a jogging suit.

Some are born with girls who are fashionistas at birth and have very strong opinions about what to wear, even if it's just fairy wings.

Some have little girls who can't seem to keep clothing on! Or at the very least, they have no problem lifting up their dresses or shirts to show off tummy or more! And there's always the potential for a dripping wet streak out of the bathtub, or the fanny flash off the potty training toilet.

A part of me thinks that they're just 2 (or 1 or 3) and they have no idea. They're just babies, so who cares about their nudity. Another part of me knows that modesty must start somewhere and there are just way too many perverts out there, or even people who simply do find it some form of a stumbling block. [emphasis added]

Anyone who finds a naked toddler to be a "stumbling block", i.e., a turn on, is a pedophile, as in the aforementioned "pervert". Pedophiles are sick and they don't need a fanny flash to get turned on. The rest of us look at a child streaking through Walmart naked** and think, "Man, I do not miss those days." Never mind the fact that she's only concerned with female toddler nudity, as if pedophiles are solely attracted to girls. They are not. (See: pretty much every molestation accusation concerning Catholic priests.)

Seriously, your religion is making you sick if you think of nude toddlers in terms of sex. You are beyond sick if you think the problem is with the toddler.

*I think my increasing sensitivity to everything is just an outgrowth of the chronic pain, but it's gotten seriously obnoxious to have to put back 90% of clothing that fits me (which is hard enough to find) because it's scratchy or constrictive, knowing full well I'm the only person on Earth this irritated by it.

**Trufax, this happened to me. I turned my head for 20 seconds in the frozen foods aisle to find the pizza we like and turned back to see a pile of clothes where my 2-year-old niece had been.

There Is Nothing Glorious Here

"Oh, did I break your fingers? That's your fault, bitch. Shoulda listened."

God is love. God is grace. God is forgiveness.

God will slam your fingers in a car door and set your house on fire if you don't do what he wants.

God wants you to remain married to your abuser, and if you're very good, he'll kill the bastard for you.

Praise the great and wonderful creator who has so little to do with his time, he breaks fingers and sets stoves on fire in order to get one woman to wear skirts instead of pants.

So in the mean time I was wearing dresses when I would go out into public. I was at Sears and thinking of what a hypocrite I truly was...almost as if God was laughing at me. So I proceeded to shut my finger in the sliding van door..and yes I needed to go to the hospital and yes this cost over 2,000.00. The girls were hysterical and I was just dumbfounded as to why God would allow this to happen. Fast forward to a few months after I had been completely convicted to always wear skirt or a dress, and was doing so...I was cleaning the kitchen....pondering....what would be the big deal if I wore capri's while gardening???? I looked over and my oven was on fire. I had it on cleaning cycle and it was locked shut. I had forgotten the bread drying for stuffing from the night before. After my 16 year old son broke the latch and put it out with the fire extinguisher, the entire kitchen was now covered in soot. I immediately apologized, knowing it was my own fault.

That's . . . horrifying. That's worship of an abuser. It's not like god sent her a letter, "wear skirts or else", she had a "feeling" she ought to wear skirts. And when she didn't, stitches and soot. It's so sad, and, if you've ever read Foreskin's Lament (excellent book), you know it's not an uncommon view of god, a deity with little else to do with his time other than torment his powerless creations. And for this we should praise him. Because god is love. And broken fingers and fire.

I suppose it's unsurprising, given that view of god, that believers often see nothing wrong with women being abused. God does it, why shouldn't husbands?

The only Biblical recourse for a horrible marriage, or any marriage for that matter, is death. If your husband is an abusive, mean, hateful, fill-in-the-blank jerk in spite of you doing your best as a wife, God can kill him whenever He wants to. If he is still alive, God must want you to still be married to him. A wife could pray and fast for her husband/marriage, and for the kids to turn out right in spite of marital problems. If nothing else, it will be a great lesson for the kids, who hopefully will grow up and make wiser and more careful choices regarding their future spouse, rather than learning that marriage can be dissolved at a whim.

That's right, if you pray hard enough, god will kill your abusive spouse. Unless your abusive spouse kills you first, but, hey, them's the breaks. And if you pray even harder, your children, unlike all the other children of abusers, won't be affected at all.

If you just pray hard enough. And do everything god tells you to do. And interpret those feelings just right.

Intellectual Chador

(h/t to Marzie for giving me the phrase "intellectual chador". I thought it was Cynical Nymph, but only because I think of you as being equally awesome.)

I should disclose right now that I am a musician*, that I love a musician and that I can't imagine a day not filled with music. There is music in my head when I wake up, when I go to sleep and there is always music in my house.

Music is essential to the human soul**. Notice I didn't say "in my opinion". Every culture produces music, every child sings and dances, music is what we are.

So of course fundamentalism demands a restriction of music, as it demands a restriction of every joy, of every facet of humanity. Do you enjoy it? fundamentalism asks. Then it is evil. Get rid of it. Get rid of every joy, every love, every beautiful thing. Only then are you worthy.

Fuck worthy, I need a beat I can dance to. I need a chord progression that rolls my eyes back in my head, a lyric that makes me feel- anything.

So let me ask you something…are you listening to music just because the sound is pleasing to you or are you listening to it because the words are God-glorifying, worshipful, praise words, your prayer to your Savior, etc. Many times we let ourselves listen to music that is pleasing to our flesh, but is it the kind of music that God would want us to be listening to? Would you listen to it if He was listening to it with you? Is it glorifying Him or you?

Music is a powerful thing. Don’t let it get a hold of you. Be sure you control what you are listening to, and not the other way around. Music and songs will stay with you for the rest of your life. Don’t scar your minds with songs that you will later regret listening to. [emphasis mine]

If you don't let music "get a hold of you", then you aren't experiencing music. You might as well buy a large quantity of black fabric, because you've already got an intellectual chador on. Hell, you've put a chador on your soul.

I really can't imagine anything sadder.

*The damage to the nerves and joints in my hands is to severe to allow for playing an instrument seriously, but I am still a musician.

**Common usage of the word.

I See You on the Bus and I'm Ashamed

The percentage of people who believe that President Obama is a muslim has increased from 12% before the election to 18%. I believe Steve Benen has it right when he says that this is not a reflection of people who believe, contrary to all evidence, that President Obama prays towards Mecca five times a day, but simply that "muslim" is the nastiest thing these people can think of to say about our president.

Think about that for a second. "Muslim" is the new "ni*ger".

What country do we live in? What century? Who are these people, my countrymen, my neighbors, who seek to turn an entire religion into an insult? And why do I feel so responsible?

There has been a large influx of muslims to the area I live in in the last decade. A muslim family has, in fact, moved into the house down the street from me. My niece saw one of the women, wearing a gorgeous gold and red headscarf, and said, loudly, "Oh, that thing on her head is so pretty!"

I cringed.

I feared that the woman had heard and that my niece's innocent enthusiasm for a truly beautiful piece of fabric would offend this woman, make her feel out of place or unwelcome. Then I cringed over my cringing. Was I being hateful, too, assuming she would misinterpret a child's innocent enthusiasm?

I can't imagine how they feel, listening to the uproar over the (not at) Ground Zero (not a) Mosque. Do they feel safe at all, trusting of anyone when "muslim" is the worst insult 18% of Americans can think of? Are they safe?

I see another muslim woman on the bus with her young son. He is adorable, she is loving and kind. How does she feel, bringing her son up in a country that considers him the ultimate insult, the most terrible of dangers? How does she explain this to him? How does he understand?

Nothing ever changes, does it?