Women Can't Learn, but We'll Take Your Money Anyway

I have the Maxwell's blog in my reader. They're . . . odd. They're a roving band of fundamentalist musicians. The men dress normally, in khakis and golf shirts and the women wear these hideous jumpers and long sleeved, high necked shirts. It is tragic. They do things like travel through Idaho into Canada in the beginning of April*, and then get all surprised when they run into every different description of trouble with the weather and their old tour bus, delightfully named Uriah- including sinking into the pavement in a small town in Canada.

Recently, one of the Maxwell boys has launched a new venture, ITonRamp.com. It didn't come up in my reader capitalized like that, so I read it as iTronramp** and thought, "Is there nothing Apple can't do?" (Imagine my disappointment.) What exactly ITonRamp is, I couldn't tell you.

I guess it has something to do with this:

Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.

Proverbs 4:26

hmmm.

Well, how about this:

IT (computer-related) work has been a great blessing to our sons, giving them vocations that have allowed them the means to purchase their homes debt free. We are excited that ITonRamp will give other young people these same opportunities without having to leave home for their education.

Steve and Teri Maxwell
Titus2.com

Well, I guessed it was IT work, computer-related doncha know, but "without having to leave home" is very fundilicious. See, lots of secular training programs like to advertise "from the comfort of your own home!", so perhaps this strikes you as normal. No, no, no, This is a dog whistle and a half. This means "without having to go to a college and meet people with different beliefs and become a gay atheist prostitute muslim!"

So, they teach you computer stuff. Lots of people do that. What makes this specia- wow, look at that!

What makes ITonRamp unique? Instead of using just "instructors," we employ mentors. A mentor is someone with a verified skill-set in the area they are teaching. In addition, they have lives founded on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Instructors? Fuck your instructors! Ivy League white tower socialfasciislamoatheists, they are! And elite, they are elite! We have mentors. Mentors are just like instructors without any kind of certification and they love Jesus! Jeeeesus!

Because that's what's important when I want to learn computer stuff.

Actually, it's very important as demonstrated by the faq:

To teach computer skills, foundational and beyond

To equip for immediate income generation

To develop life skills

To prepare for service

To accomplish this in a Christ-centered learning environment without having to ingest humanistic, ungodly information in pursuit of a career or diploma.

• Humanistic ungodly facts, yo! Don't ingest them!
• And how will they prevent this ingestion of humanistic ungodly comestibles?

By furnishing carefully chosen curriculum that is consistent with Christian ideals and is conducive to learning. If that means tearing pages out of a textbook or writing new curriculum, we have and will do it.

This is an IT course, mind you. It's been a while since I took any computer courses, but I don't recall, well, anything that would require removal by a fundy. Are del tags an abomination before the lord? Honestly, purely in the field of IT, can anyone think of anything that would be offensive enough to a fundy that they would have to remove it from a textbook entirely?

What about the wimmenz? Can they learn computer stuff? Well, sorta.

Young women will also find ITonRamp courses useful. It can be a struggle to productively stay busy as young women wait on the Lord for a marriage partner. It is not our goal to provide a career as such for young women, but to help them be productive with their time as the Lord Jesus directs. IT work can give excellent opportunities to earn significant self-employed income in a safe, non-corporate environment and have skills that will facilitate a future marriage, especially if the future husband is self-employed.

Only in the sense that it might help you get married, honey. We wouldn't want you out there in the dangerous corporate world wearing pants or something.

How much does this cost? $200 for the Home Track course for the wimmenz and $1,000 for the A+ Track.

And for that you get . . . mentors. and ripped up books. and mentors. but wait!

Whoa, so some guy is going to be spending time on the phone with my twenty-one-year-old daughter “mentoring” her? I don't like the sound of that!

At this point we anticipate the mentors to be men. To enable propriety and no possibility of defrauding, direct phone conversations will be from a person of the same gender. Therefore, if there are ladies in a track, the phone call to them will be via a female mentor assistant. The mentor assistant will not have the technical experience that the mentor has, but she will provide the one-on-one personal encouragement that the mentor would have provided.

So, if you're a guy, you get a phone call from someone who actually (he says anyway) has the knowledge to help you. If you are a woman, you'll get a phone call from a woman who has no idea about computery stuff, but she is encouraging. Because why ask for knowledge when you can get "Jesus loves you!"? Is there some reason the mentor assistant can't ask an actual mentor the question and then relay the answer to the woman in question?

The question itself is, of course, amazing. So, my adult daughter will be ON THE PHONE with being "mentored"? Men can't even control themselves on the phone now? She can't hang up the phone if gets fresh? She can't enjoy him being fresh?

le sigh.

*For Idaho and Canada, April is still solidly winter.

**I finally saw the new Tron and loved it. LUH. I know it was panned, but the visual spectacle was outstanding, and what else are you expecting from Tron?

Satan Has a Blog- Turns Out, the Morningstar is Ray Comfort's Long Lost Twin

When I saw an advertisement for Satan's Blog, I squealed with glee. "How funny, how deliciously snarky this will be!" I thought, because that's just my sense of humor. (And I think in full, 19th Centuryesque sentences, apparently.)

Then I read it. Either the Morningstar is ghost writing Ray Comfort's blog or they're long lost twins, because gah! the blog is offensive, stupid and ignorant.

Take this post on Bernard Schweizer called, “Hating God: The Untold Story of Misotheism.” Schweizer very carefully examines the difference between atheism, not believing in gods, and misotheism, believing in god, but actively hating him. Satan, like every other fundy out there, is unbelievably offended at the idea that there is a difference. After all, they've only been asserting that atheists are god haters since, well, ever, so Schweizer must be wrong. Must!

My servants, I must say I’m in a deliciously good mood today. Reading of my peeps on earth exhibiting depraved minds, usually in tandem with insolent arrogance, just perks me right up. So it’s with great pleasure that I introduce a book

"Peeps"? Satan is a rapper from the late 90s? Who knew?

Believing that atheists cannot hate God because “one cannot hate that which does not exist,” Schweizer highlights those who believe the wiser path on earth is to acknowledge the obvious, that God exists, but act like puffed-up men and women who stupidly belittle God as stupid. Or, as he explains misotheism in contrast to atheism:

“Misotheism is a different kettle of fish. In fact, it may well turn out to be more threatening to the pious than atheism because misotheism makes the radically subversive claim that there is a God but that he is malevolent or at least incompetent, indifferent—in any case not worshipful.”

Ha ha ha ha ha. Yes, that’s my lie. Someone, or something, will always be worshipped. The worldly wise path is to worship created things rather than the Creator, who, by the way, is said to be “praised forever.” Blechhhh!

Yes, the fundys can't possibly be wrong, now can they? If they say atheists hate god, then no matter what atheists themselves say, they hate god. If fundys say that everyone worships something, no matter what you or I say, we worship something. Nobody can know themselves better than a fundy knows them. Really, every time I think I'm hungry, thirsty or tired, I should check with a fundy just to make sure.

Reviving a “rarely used term—“misotheism”—to capture just this sort of antagonistic religious belief (“misos” meaning hatred in Greek and “theos” God),” Schweizer describes “a paradoxical religious phenomenon—people who cannot disbelieve and yet find that God is cruel, indifferent or incompetent.”

Now, my servants, here is kingdom knowledge: there is no paradox. A proper understanding of God and history leads one to a proper understanding of the human condition. Thanks to me (you’re welcome!), humans are born hating God.

Therefore hating God is the default human condition, and those who believe themselves big and brave to reject the remedy and choose pride in their fallen, blinded position merely perpetuate foolishness into eventual destruction.

The arrogance of the fundy. It's almost impressive- if it weren't so damn irritating.

Anyway, the rest of the post is just more of the same old Ray Comfort "I'll tell you what you think" bullshit. I had such high hopes, too.

The Fundy Rule Book

Seriously, this makes sense to someone.

The Fundy Rule Book exists and is pretty much what I expected it to be. My personal favorites:

1. I am right and you are wrong. Always.

3. The less certain something is, the more certain you must appear to be about it.

6. The less fun it is the godlier it must be.

7. Women’s primary purpose is to serve as a temptation to men. They are also somewhat useful for housework.

11. Old Testament rules about sex, tattoos, women in pants, and the death penalty still apply. Old Testament rules about lobster don’t. (That is why we call this the Age of Grace)

13. ON THE INTERNET, BIBLICAL TRUTH IS BEST COMMUNICATED VIA CAPSLOCK

16. It’s much better to have an innocent person die than to tell a lie to a Nazi.

22. Gays are responsible for pretty much every bad thing that happens in America. Africans are responsible for the rest.

32. There are not two sides to every story. There is only the truth and the lies made up by those liberal compromisers who Satan is using to attack our ministry.

and

42. The truth shall not be allowed to get in the way of any good sermon illustration.

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Really, a Murderer?

This drives me absolutely crazy.

I was . . .

• a murderer
• a thief
• a liar
• someone who caused others to stumble and led them to sin
• an idolator
• a man pleaser
• a slanderer
• a fool
• promiscuous
• and every other horrible thing you can imagine

Really? A murderer? You took someone's life? Why are you not in prison? You were a thief? You broke into people's houses and stole their belongings? You mugged old ladies at gunpoint? Also, every other horrible thing I can imagine includes pedophiles, so you sexually molested children?

If you follow Christian fundys at all, you know that she did none of these things. You know that simply being angry at someone is considered murder in their book. You know that finding another person vaguely attractive is adultery. Having accidentally walked off with a coworker's pen makes you a thief.

I find this enraging because it cheapens those words. A murderer is a terrible person, but everyone is a murderer, so what's so bad about actual murderers? It's like gamers who say they were "raped" while playing Halo. Of course they weren't, and that use of the word cheapens the experience of actual rape victims, robs those people of the sympathy they deserve.

A murderer is a terrible person, my dear, who robbed a person of their life and inflicted immeasurable pain upon their loved ones. Your anger never did any such thing. Please, stop cheapening the experiences of those who suffered at a murderer's hands.

And for sake of whatever you find holy, stop putting yourselves in the same class as pedophiles. That's just disturbing.

And the Nobel Prize for Fail Goes to . . .

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This guy! Somehow, I ended up on a website devoted to fundamentalist Christian polygamy (not FLDS, evangelical. I think. Anyway, I didn't see anything about Smith having many wives.) where I happened upon a screed on patriarchal gender roles being based in genetics. I don't have any great understanding of genetics, but you don't have to in order to see the fail here.

Adam was made for GOD's own pleasure.

and now I'm thinking of yhwh as some sort of ethereal pervert.

I would not pervert the scripture but I implore the reader to consider that Eve was taken out of Adam and that in the beginning, the Adam contained the genetic material for both the Adam and the Eve. Adam was certainly a different sort of creature at that time, having within his body, the material for both the male and for the female that was necessary to initiate procreation: (Y, X, X, X).

Um, men always have . . . well, let me put it this way, a) men make both X and Y sperm. So every man can produce both male and female children, but not (b) without an egg to combine with and a woman to incubate the resulting fetus. interestingly, while men cannot reproduce without women, women can theoretically reproduce without men, Parthenogenesis, though I don't know that that's ever been proven to have happened in humans.

Now GOD saw fit from the beginning to separate the flesh from the flesh to make ADAM (Y, X) and EVE (X, X). Notice then that concerning the flesh, The Man has a measure of that substance in his being that GENETICALLY is rendered FEMALE. In this respect it can be said that a Man most certaily has a "female side" or quality about him.

I think what he's saying here is that men, because the sex chromosome set contains both an X and a Y, it is half female, which means that our erudite fundy has never seen what the rest of our chromosomes look like. Look at the picture above: all the chromosomes, except for the Y, are in the shape, more or less, of an X. Therefore, men have 23 female chromosomes and one male chromosome? that seems to be what he's saying. it's ridiculous, but it's what he's saying.

This is further verified by the fact that men have nipples. Do men suckle their young?

See, men and women are 99.7% the same. (depending upon how you're measuring things.) that's going to account for a lot of similar structures, including nipples. and, men can lactate. Male lactation generally doesn't happen on its own, but yes, men can suckle their young. or breastfeed.

Eve, on the other hand, has a double measure of the FEMALE chromosome, the X.

actually, as proven above, she has 1/23 more female than men, if my female you mean X, which I think you do. So, even using crazy fundy's logic, women are only 4% more female than men.

She does not have a "male" side. She is completely unable to "get in touch with her male side" except she joins to a man. Potentially, men have a better chance of knowing what it means to be FEMALE than a woman is capable of knowing what it means to be MALE.

okay, in the sense that it's hard for me to imagine what being a man must feel like in our misogynistic, patriarchal rape culture, men are not a different species. most of being a man is like most of being women, because we're all being human. he seems to think i'd have an easier time relating to an aboriginal woman in Brazil, living as her ancestors have for thousands of years, then relating to an American male of my socioeconomic group. That's total bullshit.

Now this scientific truth is continually being swept under the rug by EVOLUTIONISTS and SECULAR HUMANISTS because it totally dispells the religion of their perverse theories and casts down all the idols and icons of their IDEOLOGY.

yes, you caught us. it's the agenda. the perverse idols of the [insert minority group here] agenda. it's not, you know, science. or reality.

How dare a man say he understands what it means to be FEMALE!!!

dude, I am female and I'm not that pissed off about it. for the most part, men do know what it's like to be female because they are human and we are, too. now, if you want to know some of the finer details of being female in a particular culture, you'll need to talk to some females of that culture, but we're not some alien life form.

But the record remains written in the cell of every human being. A man definately has the capacity to understand a measure of this human condition, whereas the woman has no capacity in her flesh for understanding what it means to be male.

Oh, I see, the human condition is the male condition which women cannot understand. because we're not human.

This was GOD's own grande design.

grande? as in large?

Many scientists as a result have turned to CREATIONISM for answers because of these findings.

really? name them. Ken Hamm is not a scientist and neither is Ben Stein.

They are scoffed at and mocked by their peers but the record and the account found in the DNA of all animals continues to support these findings.

No, it doesn't.

But Mr. Fundy is all about the understanding, you see.

Wherefore, as MEN, we must be forgiving of WOMEN in their inability to understand us. They do NOT have a "male" side. GOD has given us men a measure of ability and some capacity to understand women, but it does not work the other way.

we're stupid like that. like dogs, only less furry.

Fortunately, both genders have a measure of "common ground".

99.7% common ground. It's a lot of common ground.

That said, a man will never understand what in means to be fully female in the flesh. He can only imagine. He cannot know. Men can appreciate beauty, flowers, butterflies, pretty things without being effiminate. That is also why men can appreciate women; but how can a woman appreciate that which makes him a man except she join with him in the flesh?

so, men can enjoy pretty things, but women can't understand . . . stuff?

That spirit has managed to corrupt and to pervert the flesh. Today, even our genetics are breaking down. In Man's knowledge of biology and zoology he has scrambled to preserve his DNA but it is a losing battle. Fortunately, GOD has shortened the days that would have led to Man's complete demise; but already we see in nature the result of this genetic breakdown not only in humans, but in all living things that have breath. The old 'carbon copies' are wearing out... The code is not replicating properly anymore... There are blanks and gaps in the genome... Mutations are also becoming increasingly common and genetic anamolies are on the increase. The corruption of our genetics began in the garden and as a result all creation is compromised.

None of that is happening. our DNA is not breaking down, nor is the DNA of anything else breaking down. it's like he watched the X-Men movie and confused it with the Bible and science. only, you know, without Hugh Jackman in tight, black pleather. totally missed the point of the movie, dude.

Prelude to a WTF

I could frame the following as "ZOMG! Whacky people believing the whackiness- hahahaha!", but it actually makes me sad.

Do you remember how satan "asked" God about attacking Job? God allowed it, each and every time. I think something very similar has happened to me and I'm trying to stop or "counter" what he has been allowed to do now. How do I do that?

My mom went home last monday. During the days of the visitation and funeral last week, my dh and one of my girls got into it, I and my other 2 got drug into some of it, and it continues. It didn't make sense that it was even happening until this morning. My dh is a christian, my dd was one (I thought-she's 14 so its hard to tell anything) and my ex is NOT one and is a vehicle that satan has used and continues to use to get to me through my children. I am deadly serious about this. And based upon alot of factors, especially the timing, I think he and his demon buddies are behind all this. And yes, God allowed it. I dont "think" he possesses my dh or dd ( I dont think he can because I do think they are christians, but if they are off track which they are, I think he can stir stuff up in them (so to speak). I'm almost convinced my ex is possessed. If not, he might as well be at this point.

My question to anyone who has really studied or dealt w/ this stuff, is what is the best way to stop it? I do praise the Lord, have dug my feet in many years ago to not give up on Him, etc. I hope I'm making sense. I know you can tell the devil to flee and he will, but how do I get him off of the ones I love. If I try to point this out to either dh or dd, they will just think I'm nuts. God gave me eyes to see what is happeneing and trust me, NOW I can see it for what it is and I plan on doing all I can to stop this attack if I can do anything. I know its actually God. I know how to stop a direct hit, but not through people I love, who are supposed to love me, and are allowing themselves to be used by the enemy and not even know it.

I know to claim the victory, I know to praise Him, I know about the armor.. I'm just not sure because of the vehicles (people) he is using to get to me now.

Please help.

A recap: a death has occurred in this family. As a result, people are acting badly. This is a totally normal response to grief, anger being, in fact, the second stage of grief. Look, if you've ever had a family member die, you know that some people react as if their purpose on earth was to be an avatar of sympathy and kindness, while others let loose with every nasty thought and cruel behavior possible. Neither response is incorrect, per se, though the former is easier to deal with than the latter.

I'll never forget standing in the hallway of the hospital with my mother-in-law, not 10 minutes after her father died and his brother walks up and asks her if he can have the deceased's pots and pan set. Seriously. That's how people act.

The problem with the above interpretation of events- the devil is making them do it- is that it prevents any real understanding of human motivation and the people involved. The poster is now rendered incapable of really dealing with these behaviors, with the grief of the people involved, or with her own grief and reactions.

That's a real shame, because an exorcism is not going to help this.

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Jesus to Return by 2050

So, ever wondered how many of your friends and neighbors fully expect Jesus to come riding out of the clouds on a white horse in the near future? As it turns out, about 40%, depending upon your definition of "near".

Although many Americans (41 percent) believe the Second Coming will happen soon, slightly more people (46 percent) say Jesus will definitely or probably not return.

The prediction is divided along religious lines with 58 percent of white evangelical Protestants saying it will definitely or probably happen in the next 40 years. By contrast, only 27 percent of white mainline Protestants, about a third (32 percent) of Catholics and a fifth (20 percent) of religiously unaffiliated say Jesus Christ will return to Earth in this period.

I'm not surprised that nearly 60% of white, evangelical Protestants fully expect Jesus to return somewhat soon, but it's definitely a tribute to how deeply they affect American culture that 20% of the religiously unaffiliated agree.

What's really interesting, though hardly surprising, is how these statistics break down along educational lines.

Only 19 percent of those who graduated from college expect Jesus to return by 2050, while 35 percent of those with some college experience and 59 percent of Americans with no college experience expect the Second Coming in the next few decades.

I can certainly see why fundamentalist groups are entirely opposed to public school and college for their children- it seems to make one less likely to swallow bizarre beliefs whole.

You Can Have That Car In Any Colour You Want

As long as it's black. (I am somewhat misquoting Henry Ford.)

That was the first thing that came to mind when I read this defense of the traditional role of women at Ladies Against Feminism. The title of the post is "A Dream Deferred", which is really odd because the rest of that Langston Hughes quote is "is a dream denied", which would seem to contradict the entirety of the post, but who am I to expect consistency and logic from misogynistic fundys?

Every gift, passion, or longing we feel on our lives should be subject to the precepts of our Lord. From walking on the moon -to beating Thomas Edison’s patent record -to writing the screenplay for an Academy Award winning film -to becoming a wife and mother.

I’m convinced that every gift we have been given can be used to further the Kingdom through God-ordained means -I am further convinced that Christian young people (young women in particular) have believed the lie that we have been fed that tells us that the only way to realize our ambitions is to cast aside the sacred calling of our home -and, finally, I am convinced that, too often, we have used our dreams as an excuse to forsake the calling that we have been given by Christ -for so many of us, that calling will be towards our home.

Every gift can be used to further the Kingdom of God- unless you're a woman, in which case you don't have gifts so much as you have a uterus, start using it. If a dream deferred is a dream denied, then what is a dream that has been squashed, stamped out and discarded? Actually, Mr. Hughes has an answer for that one, too.

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

or

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

I'd say something else about dreams that come only in one colour, the same for you and me and all with two X's and no lucky Y, but c'mon, Langston Hughes. Can't beat that.

Cry Poe! and Loose the Skeptics of . . . Um . . .

So, anyway, I wish what I am about to present to you is the work of a Poe. Unfortunately, the woman who wrote this is utterly sincere, and that makes me sad.

Stay at Home Daughter Graduation

If you are unfamiliar with the SAHD movement, quite simply, it is a fundy movement to make sure that their daughters never, ever see, much less take advantage of, the opportunities the evil feminists have given them. The girls are homeschooled, heavily sheltered in every way, and then, when they reach legal adulthood, they remain at home, heavily sheltered in every way. They never get a job or go to college or date. They never watch an unapproved TV show, see an unapproved movie or talk to anyone outside their restricted little world. They never hear another opinion besides their parents' and the pastor's, and then they are married to someone they barely know and inflict this upon the next generation of girls.

At the time of my high school graduation in 2006, one of the first reasons I chose not to pursue college was that my interests had always been in real estate and I did not need a degree since I had already completed real estate school and received the credentials I needed to work as a real estate broker.

Ultimately though, the primary reason was that my greatest desire was to be a wife committed to furthering my husband's vision and a mother devoted to raising and teaching my children. It was obvious that the best training for this lifelong occupation could be obtained among my family in my own home and not among my peers in an institution. Although I did not consciously choose to avoid college specifically for this reason, it seems it could have been a great diversion if I had invested four years primarily in the pursuit of academics and autonomy.

Of course she has no vision of her own to further, and knowledge and independence would simply get in the way of slavish devotion to a man she's never met. Notice that she doesn't state she wanted to further one specific man's vision, just any man's vision. That's sad. It means that to her, any man's goals are more important than her own. Every man in the world is more qualified to tell her what to do with her life than she is.

She lists the many advantages of staying home, which mostly include cooking, cleaning and caring for her younger siblings, and then we get this bit of heartbreaking honesty:

Furthermore, the independent spirit that would have likely grown in me had I been living hours away from my family has been kept in check since I have lived under my father's authority. I trust that this will make the transfer of authority from my father to my husband an easier task than if I had been accustomed to exclusively running my own life.

Well, yes, having once been free, it would hard to be a slave again. I agree. That an argument for freedom, however, not against it.

I Totally Told You So

note: I am going to deal with the Boobquake Troll (I didn't even participate in the BQ. I have no idea what his issue is), but I feel I need a new picture of my breasts. It's like a special occasion- for my breasts! Probably tomorrow.

On to the actual post:

Nothing says "I care about your immortal soul" quite like a poorly written, mean-spirited, I-told-you-so poem, right? Um, no. Look, nobody likes to hear "I told you so". Nobody. Nothing will make you that person I used to talk to, but now I can only regard with seething revulsion quite as quickly as "I told you so". Unless you're a fundy, apparently, in which case "Nyah, nyah, nyah!" is a valid form of evangelism.

"Salvation Contingency Plan"

If you find yourself left behind,
when you see me go.
Understand, and do take heed,
for I did tell you so!

What if I don't see you go? Do you still tell me so?

You should have listened, you were warned!
All the facts laid right on out,
but you did laugh and you did scoff
and all the time, you did doubt.....

Well, I'm sure I occasionally ate and slept. I probably also stopped doubting long enough to watch Lost and go to work. I dunno. I'm guessing no more than 5% of my time is really devoted to doubting, and that's including the 1% for scoffing. Heck, I Can Has Cheezburger is at least 7% by itself!

Now, you want to ask all things
And I'll tell you as best I can,
this is truly your last chance....
Your Salvation Contingency Plan!!!

All the things? All the things what? This is rising to the level of Engrish.

Turn to God right straight away
Do not dare hesitate.
Confess your sins, that he is Lord,
And do it before it's too late!

The Lord is not a 24/7 provider.

Get a Bible, study and pray.
Do not trust the news or TV....
They will lie and tell you things,
Warning: You could be deceived...

These things again! What things?! Will they also tell me stuff?

Remember what I shared with you?
"In the Twinkling of an eye"...
That song I played all time... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoWKA...eature=related
"I see him coming in the sky"...!

I lost a perfectly good keyboard to the line "I see him coming in the sky" because I am secretly a 12-year-old boy.

He called our names, each one of us.
Christians from all over the world.........
We are in Heaven with Jesus now,
that is the truth they won't tell...

So, you're dead?

No, we're not dead!

In Heaven with Jesus- dead.

No, we're raptured not dead!

But, what did my mother tell me about Grandpa and pets? In Heaven with Jesus.

This is totally different!

How?!

I told you so, that's why!

Go to this website: http://www.raptureready.com
Print all that you can,
The Internet won't last for long....
"Left Behind-- what do I do"?
Read that and you can't go wrong.

Find a Church, hidden away....
But remember, don't trust any man.
I know-- it will be very hard;
Your Salvation Contingency Plan!!!

Wait, I have to find a hidden church, but I can't trust anyone? Is this the fundy equivalent of imagining the sound of one hand clapping?

DO NOT take any marks,
no tattoos, chips or scans...
You'll not be able to buy or sell,
so store all the food that you can.

The food that I can't buy. Um, okay. Oh, and $5 that the Mark of the Beast is a tribal tramp stamp. That evokes barbed wire. And references Kid Rock.

The Antichrist, much you will hear....
He is not God, you should know.
I don't care what they say he does.
I am telling you what is so!

And I'm using exclamation points! That's! How! You! Know! It's! True!

You will be asked, who is your Lord?
Your answer will cost you your life,
But do not fret, for you will be saved,
and return with Jesus in flight.....

This death will be entirely different from the Rapture. Totally different. You know, since I'm going to end up dead and in Heaven anyway, why shouldn't I just say the sinner's prayer and then kill myself right after the Rapture? Doesn't that seem a teensy bit more efficient?

There is so much more in between....
but you'll have to learn as you go.
The Lord will give you wisdom and peace,
but you'll be in a world you don't know.

I could tell you all about this, but the point of this poem isn't useful information, it's "neener, neener, neener!"

I really wish you were with me now,
Thus, I've done all that I can.......
Now the only way to survive;
Your Salvation Contingency Plan!

The End

Coco
4/30/10

That's how you know there isn't a god. If there were, ending writing with "The End" would have been addressed in at least in the top 3 of the Ten Commandments.

How Not to Win Friends and Influence People

You probably shouldn't ask me how to win friends and influence people. I'm generally the least normal person in the room, I'm socially awkward and I am perfectly happy alone. I can tell you this, however, I'm much better socially than a message board full of fundys.

I have a real problem being around people that are not saved. That is so wrong of me. I should have all this love for everyone regardless of their beliefs. But instead I get disgusted and somewhat angered at their blindness. I know they can't help it, that the Holy Spirit has to work through them and if they don't have the Holy Spirit then no matter what I say isn't going to make one bit of sense.

That's like saying I know children can't help being children, but I just want to smack their little faces for being all silly and ignorant. Like children!

Every person in my family has told me that they donot want to hear me talk about Jesus in their presence. Why should I want to be around them and put on a happy face when my whole self is being quenched? I have anger toward them as they stop me from from talking about the most important person in my life, which is Jesus Christ my Savior. It is like telling them to not talk about their families, that I don't believe in them.

I am divorced, I am a senior and I live alone. When I am among people, I want to talk Jesus. I don't have a good time being with people making small talk. It bores me. I feel like it is wasted time to talk about worldly things when they should be listening to the GOOD NEWS and yet they are so close minded about it.

Your whole self is Jesus? You have no interest in the weather, gardening, decorating, books, music, TV, dogs, cats, cars, sports, nothing? That is sad. Look, I get it. I'd rather talk video games or Girl Genius or the Eagles or cool scientific news, but when I'm in a group of people that don't care about those things, I don't. My side of the family doesn't care about sports, comics or video games. So I talk about things they are interested in. If all else fails, the weather works just fine. That's how society works. I don't start jabbering at my 70 years Catholic mother about atheism, she doesn't push me to go to church, we get along fine.

I feel like it is wasted time to talk about worldly things when they should be listening to the GOOD NEWS and yet they are so close minded about it. Well, now, who's close-minded about what? They may we close-minded about Jesus, but you're equally close-minded about anything they're interested in, honey. Pots, glass houses and something.

Now, a bitter old woman's diatribe about her horrible family isn't all that surprising, but the responses make me fear what some people's Thanksgivings are like.

People's words, actions and behaviour today is beyond belief and to a Believer it can be like being contaminated with their sin when we are around them.

It is what they are doing and saying that obviously disturbs you and it does me as well. Course language, disregard for decency, some people's morals are so far from God's it is pure evil. How much can we bear to listen to and watch when we are being made Holy and more and more like Jesus. Makes you think how hard was it for Jesus to be in the midst of us after coming down from heaven.

Yes, I'm not just an atheist, I'm a disease. A virulent disease. Which may or may not involve boils, but does involve indecency and coarse language- and PURE EVIL! DUM DUM DUM!!!!!!1!!! I originally hoped fundys could learn to tolerate the rest of us, now I'm hoping they could just stop with the name calling.

No you are not nuts, just come here and talk to us, we'll talk Jesus with you!!! I feel the exact same way. As a matter of fact I pray daily for the Lord to give me a genuine love for others as He loves them because it can be so hard sometimes. Hubs and I were at a Gospel Concert at ORU lastnight and it was mostly older people our age and everyone was "Amening" and "Praising the Lord" and I told Hubs, "I just love being around other Christians, it feels like being at home!" He agreed. I got to meet Guy Penrod, and Gold City was fabulous, it was a good night!

Yes, my dear, the way people act at a concert is an excellent indication of how they act in their daily lives. I saw this one woman at a MLWTTKK concert wearing nothing but a leather mini skirt and 4 pieces of electrical tape. The electrical tape was placed over her nipples in 2 Xs. I could be wrong, but I bet she didn't go to work the next day dressed like that.

Oh, HugsForJesus, I'm in the same boat! I'm 63, divorced and live alone. I don't talk on the phone much and rarely "socialize." When I get around people, it just bores the socks offa me to engage in worldly, mundane chit-chat. I can't help it, it's just so phenomenally BORING, when you could be using the time to talk about Jesus!!! The more "worldly" the talk, the more impatient I find myself feeling! Plus, it is just plain SAD and depressing to be around people who are lost.

But, even so, we HAVE to be IN this world, even if we're not OF it. And we have to cope the best we can. I think anyone who truly devotes themselves to the Lord suffers with this problem, to one degree or another.

Boring? You want boring? I spent the better part of the afternoon yesterday typing a 13 page legal description. That is boring. Though probably more interesting than any conversation anyone's had with you recently.