Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Women Can't Learn, but We'll Take Your Money Anyway

I have the Maxwell's blog in my reader. They're . . . odd. They're a roving band of fundamentalist musicians. The men dress normally, in khakis and golf shirts and the women wear these hideous jumpers and long sleeved, high necked shirts. It is tragic. They do things like travel through Idaho into Canada in the beginning of April*, and then get all surprised when they run into every different description of trouble with the weather and their old tour bus, delightfully named Uriah- including sinking into the pavement in a small town in Canada.

Recently, one of the Maxwell boys has launched a new venture, It didn't come up in my reader capitalized like that, so I read it as iTronramp** and thought, "Is there nothing Apple can't do?" (Imagine my disappointment.) What exactly ITonRamp is, I couldn't tell you.

I guess it has something to do with this:

Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.

Proverbs 4:26


Well, how about this:

IT (computer-related) work has been a great blessing to our sons, giving them vocations that have allowed them the means to purchase their homes debt free. We are excited that ITonRamp will give other young people these same opportunities without having to leave home for their education.

Steve and Teri Maxwell

Well, I guessed it was IT work, computer-related doncha know, but "without having to leave home" is very fundilicious. See, lots of secular training programs like to advertise "from the comfort of your own home!", so perhaps this strikes you as normal. No, no, no, This is a dog whistle and a half. This means "without having to go to a college and meet people with different beliefs and become a gay atheist prostitute muslim!"

So, they teach you computer stuff. Lots of people do that. What makes this specia- wow, look at that!

What makes ITonRamp unique? Instead of using just "instructors," we employ mentors. A mentor is someone with a verified skill-set in the area they are teaching. In addition, they have lives founded on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Instructors? Fuck your instructors! Ivy League white tower socialfasciislamoatheists, they are! And elite, they are elite! We have mentors. Mentors are just like instructors without any kind of certification and they love Jesus! Jeeeesus!

Because that's what's important when I want to learn computer stuff.

Actually, it's very important as demonstrated by the faq:

  • To teach computer skills, foundational and beyond
  • To equip for immediate income generation
  • To develop life skills
  • To prepare for service
  • To accomplish this in a Christ-centered learning environment without having to ingest humanistic, ungodly information in pursuit of a career or diploma.
  • Humanistic ungodly facts, yo! Don't ingest them!
  • And how will they prevent this ingestion of humanistic ungodly comestibles?
By furnishing carefully chosen curriculum that is consistent with Christian ideals and is conducive to learning. If that means tearing pages out of a textbook or writing new curriculum, we have and will do it.

This is an IT course, mind you. It's been a while since I took any computer courses, but I don't recall, well, anything that would require removal by a fundy. Are del tags an abomination before the lord? Honestly, purely in the field of IT, can anyone think of anything that would be offensive enough to a fundy that they would have to remove it from a textbook entirely?

What about the wimmenz? Can they learn computer stuff? Well, sorta.

Young women will also find ITonRamp courses useful. It can be a struggle to productively stay busy as young women wait on the Lord for a marriage partner. It is not our goal to provide a career as such for young women, but to help them be productive with their time as the Lord Jesus directs. IT work can give excellent opportunities to earn significant self-employed income in a safe, non-corporate environment and have skills that will facilitate a future marriage, especially if the future husband is self-employed.

Only in the sense that it might help you get married, honey. We wouldn't want you out there in the dangerous corporate world wearing pants or something.

How much does this cost? $200 for the Home Track course for the wimmenz and $1,000 for the A+ Track.

And for that you get . . . mentors. and ripped up books. and mentors. but wait!

Whoa, so some guy is going to be spending time on the phone with my twenty-one-year-old daughter “mentoring” her? I don't like the sound of that!

At this point we anticipate the mentors to be men. To enable propriety and no possibility of defrauding, direct phone conversations will be from a person of the same gender. Therefore, if there are ladies in a track, the phone call to them will be via a female mentor assistant. The mentor assistant will not have the technical experience that the mentor has, but she will provide the one-on-one personal encouragement that the mentor would have provided.

So, if you're a guy, you get a phone call from someone who actually (he says anyway) has the knowledge to help you. If you are a woman, you'll get a phone call from a woman who has no idea about computery stuff, but she is encouraging. Because why ask for knowledge when you can get "Jesus loves you!"? Is there some reason the mentor assistant can't ask an actual mentor the question and then relay the answer to the woman in question?

The question itself is, of course, amazing. So, my adult daughter will be ON THE PHONE with being "mentored"? Men can't even control themselves on the phone now? She can't hang up the phone if gets fresh? She can't enjoy him being fresh?

le sigh.

*For Idaho and Canada, April is still solidly winter.

**I finally saw the new Tron and loved it. LUH. I know it was panned, but the visual spectacle was outstanding, and what else are you expecting from Tron?


  1. Humanistic ungodly facts, yo! Don't ingest them

    Is there a place to get your stomach pumped for that?

    I didn't realize mentors over the phone were such a threat - the pervs! Maybe if they let them look at a girl or two they might have better self control. Or maybe it's the "wimmenz" that are the problem. Such seductresses. Oh and I'm assuming all these mentors will be married since it's bad for them to mentor young twenty-one year old girls who are still under the that's not right, care...still not it, err...guidance...nah, try complete domination of their parents....mmmm nah, fathers. If the point is to hook these young girls up with a marriage partn....errr master what better way to do it?

  2. And, once again, Fundy culture catches up with where the rest of us were a decade ago: "Hey! There's good money to be made in IT work!"

    I'm really curious about how you do Christian IT, too. I mean, do you pray over the memory cards before you slot them into the motherboard? Do you omit references to Charles Babbage or the entire field of Artificial Intelligence?

  3. Religion + Technology = Robots programmed with Bronze Age morality.

    Wait, I see the premise for a story there.

  4. I mean, do you pray over the memory cards before you slot them into the motherboard?

    Hey, it works in Warhammer 40k.

  5. Hey, it works in Warhammer 40k.

    ComStar in BattleTech, too. Then they re-discovered Star League-era technology, had to fight the Clans, and decided that the whole pseudo-religious angle was dumb as fuck.

    So Word of Blake split off and went all fanatic and engaged in a genocidal Holy War that pretty much fucked the Inner Sphere's shit up.

  6. Godammit. This is totally OT, but thanks to your Roissy post yesterday and Ed Brayton's Vox Day post today, I think I'm going to have to write about "The Game."

    Specifically, I'm going to have to write about The Game and how it's juvenile bullshit marketed towards guys who couldn't get girls in high school and have never gotten over it...

  7. Their sons purchased their houses debt-free? Based on my wages, and assuming they started work right out of school, this means they were in their late 20's before they left home.


    They have mentors? My god. Somebody alert the president. If we don't stop them now they'll have teachers come June!


    It's always a bad idea to ingest humanistic, ungodly information. It'll give you indigestion and go straight to your hips.


    Ripping pages out? They're teaching an IT course and using hard-copy textbooks? It's an IT course. IT. Information Technology. Y'know, computers? The internet? Google? Screens? All that stuff that is rapidly replacing hardcopy textbooks?


    "Honestly, purely in the field of IT, can anyone think of anything that would be offensive enough to a fundy that they would have to remove it from a textbook entirely?"

    Genetic Algorithms.

    Also, I've been building an evolution-simulator/game for quite some time. Does that count?


    My goodness? Phone mentoring == sex? That makes me a) not a virgin and b) bisexual. Well, that's pretty cool... oh wait. It also means that I've been raped by a large number of telemarketers and technical support persons. Well crap.

  8. If that means tearing pages out of a textbook or writing new curriculum, we have and will do it.

    "We have do it."

    English. Maybe not something you should learn through a "mentor."

  9. Forever in Hell has been showing up in my Google Reader recommends for the last couple of weeks and I've been really appreciating your posts.

    Something that just jumped out at me when reading this post is that ITonRamp is an anagram of "Print Mao", which is clear evidence that this organization has Communist leanings. Someone exhume Joe McCarthy...

  10. I hope that they manage to produce some brilliant computer programmers who will go on to make extremely gory survival horror video games or maybe work for BioWare and program some gay and lesbian romance scenes.

    .....because irony is a good thing sometimes.

  11. It can be a struggle to productively stay busy as young women wait on the Lord for a marriage partner.

    What a dreary life! To have your best hope to be some man's wife.

    I also find it funny that they said "marriage partner." Because somehow, I doubt they consider another woman to be a proper "marriage partner."

    Looking over the scope of their tracks, I have to say that their IT training looks like it leaves a lot to be desired. No server configuration? No script writing? No corporate-level switch (I'm talking the big ones that take some serious know-how to program, not the home versions that can be used right out of the box if you really want to)? Because IT at a corporate level involves more than fixing PC's and setting up simple home/office networks.

    Heck I'm no IT guy (while there's a lot of overlap in skill sets, software engineering and IT really are two different things), and I could teach most of what these guys are teaching. That's not a good thing, in my book.

  12. "... while there's a lot of overlap in skill sets, software engineering and IT really are two different things..."

    Very true. For the record, if you (non-specific "you") get to decide whether you're going to be a programmer or an IT guy, go for the former. At least if you're programming you only have to fix computer problems you created yourself.


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