Monday, November 10, 2008

And then my head exploded

*Posts from the past*

It will take forever to get the blood out of the fabric walls of my cubicle.

Janet Porter is a Christian neoconservative who makes Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh look like civil rights activists. You've probably never heard of her. In fact, you may wonder why you should care at all. "Hey, she's just some right wing crazy person and Obama's president(elect) now, so who cares?" I'd say there is a great deal of wisdom in your words, except people listen to Janet Porter. Millions of people. And they vote. They own guns. They may live right next door to you. (How well do you know your neighbors?) Sort of puts a different slant on the "who cares about the crazy right wingers?" argument, doesn't it?Let's see Janet's portrait of an Obama Presidency, through a poorly produced fake news clip, starring -- Janet Porter!

It's January 22, 2009, for 911 News, 911 News? Could you be more obvious? That's as shameless as Guiliani's primary argument that hey, I gave a great speech after 9/11, so I'd be a good president. I'm Janet Porter. Two days after the inauguration of Barack Obama as president, the Middle Eastern reaction is the same. (VIDEO: TERRORISTS DANCING IN THE STREETS.) Are they wearing signs that say "Terrorist"? How do we know they're terrorists? Oh, right . . . sigh.

Obama campaign supporters from al-Qaida to Hamas to Hezbollah, to Islamic Jihad and the Muslim Brotherhood, continue to dance in the streets. al-Qaida, Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad and the Muslim Brotherhood are NOT Obama campaign supporters. Let's see some post election reactions from actual middle eastern Obama supporters.

"Obama has said he'd talk to Iran," exclaimed an excited auto spare parts dealer, Mehran Yaghoubi, 40. "He's a peace-loving type. With him, Iran and the U.S. could finally sit down at a table and negotiate." I work with a guy whose family deals in auto spare parts. They're not terrorists. Maybe it's only Iranian auto spare parts dealers who are terrorists? This guy seems happy at a chance for peace. When did peace become evil?

"Obama is a more relaxed type but there are remnants of the 'war on terror' talk in his speech too, so I'm not sure his foreign policy toward Iran will be that different," said 21-year old chemistry student Saman Kavousi. Is "relaxed" the new code word for evil? She seems normal to me. A little cynical, but hopeful that peace might have a chance to win out. No wait, chemistry is evil. EVIL!

The "Death to America Coalition" released a statement: "We have not celebrated like this since 9/11!" I wasted my time and looked. There is no "Death to America Coalition". Were they supposed to have formed between November 4, 2008 and January 22, 2009? Those Muslims are efficient if nothing else!

President Obama thanked campaign contributor William Ayers by appointing him as director of Homeland Security. Ayers, who bombed the Pentagon, and after 9/11 said he wished he could have done more, in a statement released today, said, "Now I can." First of all, Obama attended a couple of parties with the guy, who happens to be a college professor. They ran in the same circle in Chicago. Ayers was the worst terrorist in all of history. He blew up the same statue twice, and did $10,000 worth of damage to the Pentagon. He killed no one. He didn't even injure anyone. Calling Ayers a terrorist is an insult to terrorists everywhere. I ran in the same circle and attended parties with a guy who later raped someone. Does this mean I support rape? Besides, who makes a failed terrorist and a college professor Director of Homeland Security? May as well make my mom Director of Homeland Security. Come to think of it, she'd be better at it than Ayers.

President Obama's close friend, mentor and pastor of 20 years, Jeremiah Wright, accepted the appointment to oversee the president's Faith Based Initiative program with the condition he would quit calling for God to damn America in public. This is silly. I don't agree with everything Wright had to say, but what he wants is a better life for blacks in America. It's a laudable and necessary goal. He went about it in a way I don't agree with, but who am I to judge. Judge not, lest ye be . . . something.

Obama made good on his long-held campaign promise dating back to 1996, when he told the "Independent voters of Illinois" he would outlaw all handguns. Reiterating his words on the campaign trail, Obama told gun owners to "quit being bitter and clinging to the Second Amendment of the Constitution." Here's the funny thing about the Constitution. Any Amendment, and it would take an amendment to change the 2nd amendment, must be passed through Congress and then ratified by 3/4 of the states. The President cannot just change the Constitution whenever he wants, no matter what Cheney thinks. So unless Ms. Porter thinks 3/4 of the states would vote to abolish the 2nd Amendment, she doesn't have anything to worry about.

President Obama followed through on his campaign promise to sign the "Freedom of Choice Act" as his first act in office. (VIDEO FROM PLANNED PARENTHOOD SPEECH MAKING PROMISE.) This effectively wipes out every pro-life law from parental notice to every ban on partial-birth abortion in all 50 states. No, it doesn't. It would reaffirm Roe v. Wade, which is still the law of the land.

NICKIE NAEVE, 14 year old: "Now that Obama's president, I can get an abortion and mom or dad will never ever know!" I think the word we are looking for here is Naive. Where is this 14 year old getting hundreds of dollars for an abortion? She can't drive, so who's getting her there? (Most places in the country are hundreds of miles from an abortion provider.)

SANDY SLAUGHTER from KTAI (Kill Them All International) *wild laughter ensues that causes me to spit coffee on my monitor and everyone at work to look at me* I can't decide what's funnier here, the name of the prochoicer or the name of the organization. Slaughter actually is a last name. Kill Them All International is a Metallica Fan Group. Metallica is probably prochoice, but other than that, no connection.: "You just worked 36 years for nothing! When Obama won we won! Ha!" OK, I like this. "Neener, neener, neener, you bombed abortion clinics for nothing!"

The only thing left of the abortion agenda not yet accomplished is the forced abortion policy of China. Yeah, that's what we want: abortions for all. In fact, we are going to artificially inseminate everyone over the age of 18 who has never had an abortion and then force them to have one in order to achieve our goal of a 100% abortion rate. The Chinese abortion policy is obscene, but it's based in two things: limited resources, and the desire of China's ruling class not to be overrun by the peasants. We don't have those things here. We are also a democracy and we still own guns.

Obama said he misspoke when he referred to his health care plan as "socialized medicine," saying, "The term 'socialism' has been given a bad rap," and returned to the discussion of "government takeover of health care" and the fines for those who won't submit. There is no government takeover of healthcare. That has worked out well in Sweden, though. What is planned is that everyone who doesn't currently have insurance can buy into the same insurance Senators get. Doesn't sound like a bad plan to me. Then again, I've been without insurance, and it sucks. People without insurance are 50% more likely to die of traumatic injuries and cancer. What did Jesus say about the sick? I forget.

First lady Michelle Obama spent the day reading from her favorite books to elementary school children.
MICHELLE OBAMA READING TO CHILDREN: "Mr. Ayers knew America was a bad country so he and his lovely wife formed a club called 'The Weather Underground.' (To children) Can you say 'Weather Underground'?"
CHILDREN REPEAT: "Weather Underground."
MICHELLE: "They took action and stood up for what they believed (turning children's book page) in the Pentagon …"
CHILDREN: "Ka-Boom!"
JOHNNIE RAISES HIS HAND: "Mrs. Obama? Did Mr. Ayers ever say he was sorry for blowing up the Pentagon?"
MICHELLE: "No, but nobody really cares about that. Let's move to our next book, "Heather and Her Two Mommies aren't Proud of their Imperialist Country.'"
Wow, now we have children's books written and published between November 4, 2008 and January 22, 2009. Publishers are efficient, too! Really, I want those books. They sound awesome! Way better than "Goodnight Moon".

As Senator John McCain predicted, the Russian aggression has moved to the Ukraine. Russian tanks rolled in and soldiers began to burn homes, schools and hospitals this morning. President Obama's immediate reaction was, once again, "We're not sure who's at fault, but this administration stands firm on the principle that we should all get along."
After he had time to talk to his 300
foreign affairs advisers, President Obama's official statement was: "Present!"This is silly, but telling of the fundamentalist neoconservative viewpoint. Peace is bad, and getting opinions and advice from knowledgable people is bad, too. If you can't make any decision and every decision within 3 seconds without blinking, you're not qualified to be President. Worked out well for Bush.

As was predicted, successful small businesses and job-providing corporations are closing their doors and moving overseas to escape the enormous tax hikes the Obama administration has imposed in an effort to use them to redistribute or "spread" the wealth. Yeah, 3% on the small number of small businesses that NET more than 250k would just cause anarchy. Not including, of course, the tax credit for health care, the tax credit for ADDING jobs. Why learn the facts when you can just vomit up talking points?

Another victim of this administration's class warfare is Joe the Plumber ** SPOILER ALERT ** Joe the Plumber is named Samuel, he's not a licensed plumber and is not in a position to buy a company making 250k, but what the hell, go on, who was made famous during the final presidential debate, who is moving from his beloved Holland, Ohio, to Holland. He said they're socialists too, but at least they're honest about it. "If I can't win, I'm leaving and taking my toys with me!"

President Obama responded, "That's OK, I'll get him with the global tax I tried to pass in the Senate." *more coffee spewing* The senate could pass all the global taxes they want, it wouldn't be worth the paper it was written on. "All right now, Russia, where's your tax." "It's in the mail. You'll get it, don't worry." Russia collectively snickers.

Leader of the "Nation of Islam," Louis Farrakhan who, during the campaign, referred to Barack Obama as the "Messiah" and received an award from President Obama's church, today received another honor from the president, who asked him to be the keynote speaker at the Presidential Prayer Breakfast. Attendees were reportedly told to face east. Too silly to respond to. Is Obama a disciple of the radical CHRISTIAN Reverand Wright, or is he Muslim? Can't be both.

Farrakhan called for the loud siren * see description of the Muslim call to prayer below*signaling the Muslim call to prayer heard in Muslim Countries (and in Michigan and in every state of the union. They're everwhere!) to be sounded in the capital five times a day. Not surprisingly, President Obama repeated the words he said in a February 27, 2007, interview with the New York Times that this call to allegiance to Allah as the "one true god" was "one of the prettiest sounds on earth."

This is a description of the Muslim call to prayer. "The muezzin, a man appointed to call to prayer, climbs the mineret of the mosque, and he calls in all directions, "Hasten to prayer." Many mosques no longer require the muezzin to climb the mineret. Instead, a loud speaker carries the message." No siren at all. It is a recording of a man singing, in Arabic, "Hasten to prayer". I think it's very pretty and exotic. And, no Muslim anywhere would expect a nonMuslim to respond to the call to prayer. That's for Muslims.

As promised, President Obama also overturned the Defense of Marriage Act, which was signed by President Bill Clinton. He didn't promise this at all. He promised to give homosexuals the right to a civil union allowing for deathbed visits and inheritance. Now we'll all have to be gay to marry! Heterosexual marriages will be banned! The apocolypse is nigh! This is sure to spread homosexual marriage not just in Massachusetts, California and Connecticut, but to states like Pennsylvania, Florida and Colorado. President Obama, as he said during the campaign, opposes any efforts to protect marriage by state amendment. He also made good on his campaign promise to use the bully pulpit of the White House to place vulnerable orphan children in the homes of homosexual activists who demanded it during their Gay Pride Parade. A vote for Obama is a vote for gay terrorists to burst into your home in the middle of the night, force you to have an abortion and turn your kids gay with a single look. They're efficient, too!

Conservative talk radio just became a thing of the past with President Obama answering the Democrat Congress' call for a gag rule on Rush Limbaugh, conservative and Christian talk radio. Actually, just gagging Rush Limbaugh would make me happy. With the so-called Fairness Doctrine heading to his desk, Obama vowed to use the FCC to further tighten what used to be referred to as the freedom of speech. Wouldn't it still be referred to as "freedom of speech"? Even if we didn't have it anymore, we wouldn't call it something else. We don't have slavery in this country anymore, but we still refer to it as slavery.

*dramatic static ending*

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