Yeah, I know, the war in Afghanistan and the war in Iraq are such bummers. They drag on and on, we have no clear goals, and I can't imagine how to even define "win" in these situations. (Apparently, both McCain and Palin could, but combined they have the IQ of a rutabaga, so we'll ignore them.)
So, celebrate with me as I introduce to you a war we can win: the War on Christmas. Yeah!
Conservatives and fundamentalist whackjobs can't win a war with all the bombs in the Middle East, but atheists can win a war we aren't even waging. Go us! (It's the chainsaw gun, you just can't lose with a chainsaw gun.)
On November 21, 2005, Bill O'Reilly wrote an article about how the "War" on Christmas is part of "secular progressive agenda" that includes "legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will, gay marriage." Free narcotics for everyone! Death for all! Teh Gay!
This article, from Nov 23 of this year, states that Bill O'Reilly has "surrendered to the War on Christmas"! See, the same guy who apparently thinks that using the word "holiday" rather than "Christmas" will cause the end of Christianity has a "Holiday reading list"! Bill O'Reilly made Jesus cry!
Really, why aren't these people happy? They want so desperately to win a war, no matter how many people die or how worthless winning is in the situation. We gave them a win. Huzzah for the secular humanist atheist Satan-worshippers! (We're a little confused.)