Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Let the Antichrist Games Continue!

Sometimes, I hear an idea so ridiculous, corrosive and dangerous, and think, "Wow, that guy's a fucktard. Surely no one would believe that." Then I find out that lots of people believe it, and I am amazed at the fucktardedness of my fellow USians.

This all has to do with anti-intellectualism in America. (Other countries must see this kind of thing and think, "Man, the US is just a whole bunch of fucktards." Which makes me wonder what "fucktard" is in other languages.) There is this bizarre belief, propounded mostly by fundamentalist, evangelical Christians that thinking-- about anything-- is bad.

The argument is circular, irrational and illogical and it goes something like this:

The bible is the perfect, inerrant word of God. We know it is the perfect, inerrant word of God because it says so right here, in the bible. Therefore, it must be read literally, every word exactly as it was written. (Not in the original Hebrew/Greek/Aramaic of course, but in the original English. *headdesk*) Any interpretation at all, even interpretation guided by historical and mythological knowledge is wrong. You could just interpret it any way you want. This would lead to madness and anarchy- and people actually turning the other cheek and judging not and feeding the hungry and you can see where that would lead.

For some reason, however, reading the bible literally isn't something just anyone can do. Only certain people can do this properly. So, rather than just pick up the bible and read it yourself, you must blindly accept certain other people's teachings on the bible as if God himself were using their vocal cords to speak.

Therefore, you can't think about anything. If you thought about, for instance, global warming or civil rights or torture, this might create a habit of thought which would naturally extend to the bible. You might actually even read the bible yourself, rather than simply listening to someone else tell you about what it is in the bible. People who do think for themselves, about anything, are dangerous and suspect. They are elites.

This is anti-intellectualism. It is thought cancer and it has overtaken millions in this country and it leads to things like Janet Porter and the Left Behind series and Rapture Ready.

The Antichrist and Mr. Obama

Note: the word "antichrist" is in the bible 4 times in 1 John and 2 John. It is not found in Revelation and occurs in the plural more than once. "Antichrist" the way most people think of it is a cultural meme, like vampires and werewolves. It has nothing to do with the bible. That's not stopping John Kelly, though.

Since the election I've been asked a number of times to comment on the likelihood that Mr. Obama could be the anti-Christ. If one person asked me to comment on the likelihood of anyone being the antichrist, I would brush that off as random craziness. If it happened more than once, I would have to seriously reevaluate my life. Let me begin by saying that having been elected President he's Mr. Obama now, not just Obama. Huh? He was Mr. Obama before, unless they passed some rule that only presidents receive the honorific "Mister". I think this might be some sort of weird, "yes, he's black but we can't call him boy" sort of thing. As for him being the anti-Christ I've discouraged that thought because I don't believe it's time for the anti-Christ to be revealed yet. Not because that sort of thinking is potentially dangerous or because calling Obama the antichrist is disrespectful at best, but because the timing's all off. But apart from that there's no Biblical reason I can find that would absolutely disqualify him. What? What biblical reason did you find that qualified him? Even accepting that certain passages are actually prophetic that clearly are not, there still isn't anything in there that points more to Obama than to, say, anyone in the world. Anyway, didn't he just say he wasn't going to call Obama the Antichrist? And based on the things we know about the anti-Christ please stop torturing-- I'm sorry, waterboarding-- the word "know" there's a fit in several important places. The anti-Christ will have to burst on the scene quickly and powerfully to accomplish so much in the little time he has, so maybe he'll need a head start. If that's the case, maybe Mr. Obama is on his way to becoming the anti-Christ. If anyone who "bursts on the scene quickly and powerfully" (is anyone else picturing porn here?) could become the antichrist, we've the potential for quite a few competing antichrists. Maybe we could have a sort of Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome contest to sort it all out. Let's find out. Yes, let's.

We know that the anti-Christ will be a descendant of the people who made up the Roman Empire in Biblical times (Daniel 9:26),

This is Daniel 9:26: And after threescore and two weeks shall Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: and the people of the prince that shall come shall destroy the city and the sanctuary; and the end thereof shall be with a flood, and unto the end of the war desolations are determined.

How does that prove that the antichrist will be the descendant of people who made up the Roman Empire 2000 years ago? What part of that sentence says anything like that?

and he'll arrive on the world scene as a peace maker (Daniel 8:25). He won't be part of the world's powerful elite at the beginning of his career (Daniel 7:8)

Daniel 7:8 I considered the horns, and, behold, there came up among them another little horn, before whom there were three of the first horns plucked up by the roots: and, behold, in this horn were eyes like the eyes of man, and a mouth speaking great things. Is this guy insane? How does this thing about horns and roots and eyes become part of the world's powerful elite? Do I not have the secret decoder ring?

but will rise up among them to eventually surpass them and become the leader of the entire world. (Rev. 13:7-8) doesn't mention the antichrist.

He will cause deceit to prosper, and he will consider himself superior. When they feel secure, he will destroy many and take his stand against the Prince of princes. Yet he will be destroyed, but not by human power. (Daniel 8:25)
Daniel 8:25 And through his policy also he shall cause craft to prosper in his hand; and he shall magnify himself in his heart, and by peace shall destroy many: he shall also stand up against the Prince of princes; but he shall be broken without hand Is this guy counting on the fact that true believers won't look this shit up?

This means that he'll base his success on a lie, misrepresenting himself and his intentions, but people will want to believe him so badly that they'll disregard his inconsistencies until it's too late to stop him. Initially he'll seem successful, but just when they're saying “Peace and safety”, destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains to a pregnant woman, and they won't escape (1 Thes. 5:3). this guy has obviously never been pregnant. Labor pains do not come on suddenly. First there is the general discomfort of the third trimester, then there's the immense vaginal pressure, then there's Braxton-Hicks contractions . . . it's just not sudden. Yes, that is exactly what this verse says, but I'm guessing the author of Thessolonians was never pregnant, either.

If my calculations are correct, he says this as if he is doing math rather than using the bible like a ouiji board. American Christians have just voted in our last presidential elections and won't be here to see if Mr. Obama turns out to be the anti-Christ or not. huh? Oh, that's right, Real True Christians(tm) will be raptured up to heaven (naked!) and the rest of us heathens will have to figure that one out. This is God-as-abusive-parent at its finest. "Yes, yes, I talked a good game out love and forgiveness, but now I will slaughter billions in order to get back at your for not believing in me. I've got serious self esteem issues." But someone with a lot more experience in accurately predicting the future can you really have experience at that sort of thing? basically, jack is calling this guy a prophet, and not just any prophet, a really experienced one. His resume must be a fun read! has some interesting insight into the next few years. His name is Gerald Celente, please review this website. Celente seems freakily accurate in his predictions, but that's because his predictions are the financial equivalent of "There will be war in the Middle East." Well, duh! There's always war in the Middle East. CEO of Trends Research Institute, and he's renowned the world over for his accuracy in predicting future world and economic events. He accurately predicted the 1987 Stock market crash so did a lot of people. these things are never entirely surprises, the Fall of the Soviet Union, heck, I predicted that the 1997 Asian currency collapse again, so did a lot of people, the sub-prime mortgage crisis again, I saw that one coming, and one year before the fact predicted what he said would become known as the Panic of 2008 nothing is currently known as the "Panic of 2008", saying that giants would tumble to their deaths like David and Goliath?, which is what we've just seen in the fall of several of our oldest and biggest financial firms, and with the big three auto makers teetering on the brink. The Big Three have been teetering on the brink forever. They don't make as good a product as say, Honda, they don't make it as efficiently and they are being crushed under employee health care obligations. It wouldn't take Nostradamus to see their problems.

Celente is now forecasting revolution in America, food riots and tax rebellions - all within four years, cautioning that putting food on the table will be a more pressing concern than buying Christmas gifts by 2012. Wow. That's scary. SCARY. Which is the point. People get really worked up about scary. There weren't food riots and tax rebellions during the Great Depression, which was way worse than the financial crisis now, so why will there be food riots and tax rebellions four years from now? What is a tax rebellion anyway? Will we be dressing up as Native Americans and dumping tea into Boston Harbor? That was a tax rebellion, and not nearly as dramatic as the phrase implies. (Though certainly funny.)

This is about Real True Christians(tm) getting a cosmic "I told you so" on the rest of us. We wouldn't listen. We wouldn't pray. We wouldn't let them rule our lives-- and we will pay. Nice people, those Real True Christians(tm), eh?

(By the way, please take note that this is another independent expert pointing to the year 2012 as one of cataclysmic significance in bringing about the End of the Age.) Celente is not an expert. Well, he's an expert con man, but he's not an expert prophet. And what the hell is the End of the Age? Who else has predicted 2012 as the end, by the way? The Mayans. That's right, nonChristian, heathen Mayans. Why is a Real True Christians(tm) using a heathen prophecy to make his point? (It's not really a prophecy per se. The Mayan calender ends on December 12, 2012. No real explanation why, it just does. So, I miss my 37th birthday by 1 day. Sucks to be me.)

As many of you know, I've said that all of the End Times prophecies including the 2nd Coming could be fulfilled as early as 2018. I base this on the Lord's promise that the generation being born at the time of the first End Times signs would still be alive when “all these things have happened” (Matt. 24:34)

Matt 24:34 Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled. Every generation of Christians, from the first, has used this passage as a sign that they will be raptured rather than dying. They've ALL BEEN WRONG.

Most scholars It's not nice of him to hook car batteries to the nipples of the word "scholar" like that. it's an innocent word. I'm not even sure why it's in Gitmo to begin with. view the re-birth of Israel in 1948 as the first of the end times signs. With an average lifespan being 70 years, according to Psalm 90:10, everything will have to come to pass by 2018. If the Rapture only just precedes the 70th Week of Daniel it could come 7 years earlier, in 2011, which is 2 ½ years from now, about half way through Mr. Obama's first term, assuming the election stands.

Let's examine life expectancies for people born in 1948 in the US.

According to Social Security's actuarial tables, while a woman born in 1948 in the US has an average life expectancy of 70.2 years, a man born in 1948 in the US only has a life expectancy of 64.8. Apparently, only women count in Jack's "calculations". The time is now if we're including men in this prophecy.

Time will tell, but either way we can look for some difficult days ahead for the Church. Because either way we are in the final phase of post Christian America and can expect the world around us to become more and more anti-Christian. And if the economy continues to self-destruct it will be just that much worse.

OK, these people can quit this shit now. There is no antiChristian sentiment in the US. Just because we don't let you turn our fine democracy into a theocracy doesn't mean we hate you, it just means we like things the way they are. It's working for you, and it's working for me.

American Real True Christians(tm) have such martyr envy. They have the romantical vision of dying for their faith (see: Christians in Communist Russia, China, the Middle East), which they seem to think would be great, and it probably does look great as opposed to slogging through an exhausting life narrowly defined by all the things you can't do.

But whether Mr. Obama turns out to be the anti-Christ or not is really irrelevant to the Church. Our job in the short time we have left is to get ready to move to our new home. That means breaking our ties with the old one. Anything that can't be put to kingdom use is excess baggage to us now. We should be sending whatever treasure we have up ahead. We should stop worrying about our career, our retirement fund, our lifestyle, and all those other worldly distractions and put all our resources to work for the benefit of our next life. After all it's the real one. And one way or the other, this one is already gone. Wow, that's a great message. (I didn't know you could forward money to heaven.) Hey, don't worry about tomorrow. There won't be one. (See: subprime crisis) Just sit around and pray and pray and pray. Notice, he doesn't say, feed the hungry or clothe the naked or comfort the sick. Actually, I can't even tell what he's saying, but it's interesting that he's warning about food riots at the beginning of the article and then telling people not to worry about saving money or food or anything.

Think about living your life as if it were a placeholder and nothing more. You spend all your time concentrating on this Rapture nonsense and no time at all enjoying the vast, rich, amazing world that you supposedly believe God gave you. "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord" means sing really awful contemporary Christian songs, instead of go out there and enjoy yourself, damnit! Seriously, why would God make the world so beautiful and varied if he didn't want us to enjoy ourselves? Oh, right, temptation. God's an asshole to these people.

Whether you believe in a pre-trib rapture or not you know my advice is sound. Nope, sorry, I don't believe in a pre-trib rapture and I know your advice is bad at best and ruining people's lives at worst. Good for you. After all I'm not just making this up. Yes, you are. Everything I 've been saying is straight from the Lord's own mouth. Mmm-hmmm. He's the one who said to quit storing up treasure on Earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. He's the one who said to store up treasure in Heaven instead. (Matt. 6:19-20) He also said give your money to the poor because it is easier for a camel (or possibly a rope, the translation is difficult because we don't have the original text and the aramaic words for camel and rope are almost identical) to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. He also said to turn the other cheek, do unto others as you would have others do unto you, judge not lest ye be judged, and a lot of other stuff Real True Christians(tm) ignore. And He's the one who said not to worry about our lives here but seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and he'll provide all our needs. I didn't eat dinner twice last week because there was no food in the house. I didn't have a nutritious meal appear on the table. Guess I'm not praying right. (Matt. 6:31-34) So whether you think we're leaving here soon or not, it's time to pay attention to what He's been telling us. No matter how much time you think we have, you can almost hear the footsteps of the Messiah. Try some thorazine if this is true for you.

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