Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I Think Someone's Calling for a Crusade

Haven't you noticed recently how feminine traditional Christian churches in the U.S. have become? I mean, what with all the male-only preachers and the antibirth control teachings and the women should be seen and not heard . . . Oh, right, that's not exactly prolady, is it?

Apparently, if you're not actively engaging in a Crusade, you're being feminine. And that's bad.

"This church system offers little to stir the masculine heart, so men find it dull and irrelevant," he states, adding that men who do go to church seem passive and bored.

"Passive and bored" would be a good description of every church experience I ever had, except for that one time in the Church of the Holy Garage, and I can only describe that as O.o

At the same time, he maintains, the very definition of a good Christian has become feminized. Christians, he says, are supposed to be gentle, sensitive and nurturing, focused on home, family and hospitality. The godly are supposed to be calm, gentle, polite and sociable.

Well, it's clearly ridiculous to expect men to be focused on home and family or be polite and sociable. That's insane! You know how men are, they're like rabid wolves on meth!

Bumps, scrapes and bruises are not just associated with boyhood but are necessary in order to raise men equipped to exercise spiritual leadership in their homes [says] Randy Stinson, dean of the School of Church Ministries at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Why? Why would bumps, scrapes and bruises be necessary to exercise spiritual authority over your wife and children? Should I just call 911 right now?

Stinson said churches should focus on "ministry by men, not ministry to men."

"Men solve problems. They fix stuff. They get stuff done," he said. "When we give men such weak assignments -- we put them on the bereavement committee and the flower committee and the grounds committee and the fellowships committees -- give men a God-sized task that they know requires a man."

Men. They fix stuff. And get it done. Women don't do that. We're fucking useless. We need to give men a God-sized task . . . how the fuck does that make sense? Women can handle flowers, men can take over the work of God? Srsly?

Really, the only reading of this that makes sense is a Crusade. I can't think of any other suitably "manly" sort of thing for men to do.


  1. Wasn't there some "manly men" Christian bonding thing a few years back? I can't remember much about it because I didn't know anyone who participated, but I think it had something to do with the problems "manly men" faced in contemporary society.

    Anybody remember it?

  2. I remember something of the kind, Jen, but I can't dig up the links. I think the NY Times had a piece on something like this while I've been living in my current apartment (so, sometime since 2005). I remember sitting on my couch reading it, going, "... Really? Straight Protestant men who fulfill many of the traditional aspects of 'masculine' have it tough in America? Really?"

  3. I am a man and I solve problems by calling the electrician, plumber, or carpenter. I have seen my wife try to do the same and she just doesn't have the same mad skills as I do with the phone.

  4. Ow. Ow! Aargh! Gerrof. The stupid, it's mildy stingy.

    "Give men a god-sized task" So he supports cloning dinosaurs and unleashing them on tropical islands?

    Oh, but that would require a hot female scientist for the heros to save once the dino's went mad, and everyone knows that females can't be scientists. Their brain overheats, causing their head to explode.

    He must have some other manly task of godly manliness in mind.

  5. hey, DM - just a thought, here, but see, the whole POINT of using proper grammer is so that confusion like this doesn't happen.

    i mean, you state: "science cannot explain NOTHING!"
    and... double negative, so it REALLY says "science CAN explain EVERYTHING"

    just so you know.


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