Monday, September 13, 2010

I'm a Princess!

Video game princesses no longer need your rescue efforts.

Not really, but apparently, Dannah Gresh can tell me how to become one.

Huh, that's weird. Her advice does not include either being born to royalty or marrying royalty. How odd. I wonder what definition of "princess" Gresh is usi-


A University of Chicago sex study said that 54 percent of men thought about sex daily—a number that caused humorist Dave Barry to conclude, "The other 46 percent of the men are lying." (Ha!) I've seen many studies about this and they vary some, but all agree with one thing. Guys think about sex a lot.

Ha! It's not guys who think about sex a lot, it's human beings who think about sex a lot. Yet you never see articles aimed at men telling them how to keep women from thinking sexy thoughts about them. (You'll have to stop existing, guys. It's the only way.)

The Royal Wardrobe

Belly rings. Miniskirts. Hip-huggers. The fashion world today screams sex for the poor guys out there who struggle to live a lifestyle of purity. Since clothes don't affect girls and women in the same way, we continue to wear the latest trends. If you are like me, it's a bit hard to get perspective on this since the fashion trends stare us down every single day. So let's grab some perspective by looking at another day and age.

Look, if you're going to complain about fashion trends, could you complain about modern fashion trends? Would it kill you to open an issue of Glamour or check out Go Fug Yourself?

Little Women was written when the fashion was to push a young woman's bust line up to her neckline. In the book, beautiful (and normally modest) Meg March went to Annie Moffat's "coming out" party. The other girls attending convinced her to let them dress her, complete with a corset and low-cut neckline.

Meg blushed at herself when she looked in the mirror and determined not to let the way she was dressed affect the person she was, but it did very much affect her. Into the evening, her neighbor Laurie found her dancing frivolously at every offer, flirting freely, and drinking. He confronted her much like a brother, sarcastically admitting he didn't like the way she was dressed.

Later, Laurie apologized for being so harsh with her, and Meg admitted the way she was dressed had made her behave badly, saying, "Take care my skirt doesn't trip you up; it's the plague of my life and I was a goose to wear it." Laurie encouraged her, "Pin it round your neck, and then it will be useful."

Seriously, Little Women is your evidence? Hear that sound? That's my forehead smashing my desk to bits. Little Women is proof of nothing. I'm perfectly capable of whipping out logic and reason while wearing 5" platform wedges and a sexy little Ralph Lauren number*. Happened this summer, in fact. (Walking in said shoes, not so much.)

On your dates and in your every day life, do you want to be merely decorative, a trait that will someday wear away?

No, I don't wish to be merely decorative, but I may as well enjoy the pretty while it lasts.

I do not want to tell you what I think you should and should not wear. But might I suggest a litmus test for you wardrobe? When you put an outfit on, ask yourself, "Do I feel sexy?" I'm not talking about feeling good or attractive. I am talking about feeling seductive. You know what I mean! If you don't know, then you are probably OK. But if you do know, then you probably have a few things in your wardrobe that need to go. If you feel seductive, you probably are, and that can be very dangerous on a date. It will change the way that you behave and the way your date expects you to behave. Be careful in choosing your royal wardrobe.

Let me tell you something, Dannah, sexy clothes are not dangerous on a date. Rapists are dangerous on a date. My clothes are irrelevant. For the record, if I can't answer the question "Do I feel sexy?" in the affirmative, I change until I can.

The Princess's Kingdom

So, you're dressed and ready to go. Where should you go? A princess should always stay within the confines of her own kingdom where she is safely guarded under the watchful eye of her public.

So, the answer to where you should go is nowhere. Nice.

I have a friend named Mark who, when he was dating, knew his weakness was to be consumed with his physical desire. Even in his early twenties, he wanted his dating relationship to be governed by some strict principles. So, when Hannah caught his eye, he asked her father for the right to "court" her. They spent "dates" sitting on the sofa in her parents' living room under watchful and loving eyes.

So . . . Mark is a rapist? That's what you've written there, Dannah. Mark can't control his physical impulses, his date is apparently powerless before him . . . this is not something we should be celebrating.

The second thing that girls who attend my retreats tell me is that nothing good ever happens in a horizontal position. Even if other friends are around and they're lounging on a beanbag together, they agree that lying down is a bad line to cross. Lying down is very symbolic of letting your guard down. Don't do it. Stay vertical!

Oh, my. I can't imagine what these peoples' sex lives are like.

The Conduct of the Princess

Now you've probably got an idea of whom you will be with, how you will dress, and where you will or won't go. Now, how will you act?

Wearing your heart on your sleeve and not being cautious with your actions is not a good idea. It sets you up for great hurt and, to be honest, guys are not nearly as likely to desperately yearn for you when you are so easily caught! Guys are competitive and have an insatiable need to get what they think they have to earn.

Isn't there a commandment about lying? I would think playing games with people would fall under the umbrella of lying. As for the whole business of "guys like to chase and once you're caught it's over", bullfuckingshit. Any man who is turned on purely by the chase isn't relationship material. If what you want is a relationship, go find another man. Seriously, stop playing games. It's a terrible way to treat people.

Write Your Story

Okay. Now it's time to work! I'd like you to do three things with your journal. Take your journal into your clothes closet or sit with it next to your dresser wardrobe. Look through your clothes and kick out what needs to go … now! Don't give that stuff to someone else. Trash it.

Don't donate your clothing to poor people! You wouldn't want them to feel sexy, either. Ignoring the whole recycling issue, I guess it didn't occur to this woman that a) what's sexy on you could very well be modest on someone else, and b) those immoral poor people might really need those clothes. Hey, kids, can you say "privilege"?

Now, tell God how good that feels. (Or if you didn't have to trash anything, praise Him for keeping you modest whether through your own decision or rules that your parents have.) While you're in there writing, jot down some thoughts on where you can go on a date where you live—places that allow you to stay public!

If you say it enough, it really will feel good. Really. Try it. Brainwash yourself.

Finally, talk to God about your heart. Write down the names of people you've given it to and ask God to reclaim it. Trust Him to write a love story beyond your wildest imagination. Determine to be governed by your value, not your heart.

I should not be valued for my heart? My heart has no value? What an odd thought. Oh, silly me, I'm female, only my long gone hymen has value.

*Discount shopping FTW!


  1. I have many fashion complaints, myself. Like, skinny jeans. What the hell is up with that shit? Also, jeggings. Anyone who wears those should be drug out in the street and shot. No questions asked, no quarter given.

    Yet you never see articles aimed at men telling them how to keep women from thinking sexy thoughts about them.

    That's because women don't like sex and have to be pestered in to "taking one for the team," so to speak. Duh, it's right there in the underlying assumptions of Western Culture. As they said in the documentary feature The Breakfast Club, you're either a slut or a prude. The difference between sluts and prudes is that prudes are the way girls and women should be, while sluts hate sex, too, but have lots of it anyway because they have issues.

  2. Jeggings may well be proof of Satan. And, I totally would have killed someone to own them in high school. I could not get my jeans tight enough back in the 80s.

  3. Women don't get worked up over a guy's clothes? OK, then I can still get work done while thinking about my man wearing a soft linen shirt tucked into button-fly 501s. Or about popping open those buttons.
    No. Sorry. She's still wrong.

  4. First, I am completely in agreement with you, in that you should dress however you want to. This lady is a waste of magazine space and wants to take us back to the 1940s, from what I can tell.

    But, you did make a few dismissive statements about rape and dating. And it's not just as cut and dried as it should be in a reasonable world.

    1 in 4 college women have either been raped or suffered attempted rape.
    • 84% of the women who are raped knew their assailants.
    • 57% of the rapes occurred on a date.
    • 33% of males surveyed said that they would commit rape if they could escape detection.
    • 25% of men surveyed believed that rape was acceptable if: the woman asks the man out; or the man pays for the date; or the woman goes back to the man's room after the date.

    So, at least accessorize with mace. Or a taser. Either one.

  5. Cynic;

    on the one hand, i can't help but agree - personally, i'd rather be beat to a pulp again than be raped - and yeah, those aren't mutually exclusive, but still.

    on the OTHER hand, the problem with this lady, and all the people like her, is very, very, very fucking simple:
    they continue to hold WOMEN responsible for the thoughts and actions of MEN.

    you know how you stop rape? you HOLD THE RAPIST RESPONSIBLE FOR RAPE. period. you NEVER fucking say "but SHE" [or, in the case of a male rape victim, "but HE"]. you DO NOT run around screaming [or lecturing or judging] "DON'T WEAR THAT GIRL OR YOU'LL GET RAPED!". you don't send women and girls to HOURS of "avoid rape" classes that consist of "don't ever wear anything any rapist might like - and don't worry, there's NOTHING that fits this bill, as some rapists like "slutty" clothes and some like "uber-modest" clothes - and don't wear anything easy to remove; don't go anywhere alone EVER no matter WHAT - don't go out after dark, PERIOD, unless in a group that includes those you can outrun - don't wear makeup, but don't NOT wear makeup, as both attract attention - don't drink, but don't NOT drink, as drinking can make you drunk and lead to rape but not drinking can make someone decide to roofie you leading to rape - don't dance, ever - don't say no if asked to dance, because if you say no he might rape you - don't go anywhere alone with a guy, but never ever say NO to going somewhere with a guy, because if you do [either] he might rape you..."

    it's idiotic. it's INSANE. it's the most fucked up and worst part of our culture [IMO, but i have good reason for it].

    hell, give women the same class - despite the fact that, of all rapes committed, it breaks down as follows:
    90% of rapes are Male raping Female
    9% of rapes are Male raping Male
    1% are Female raping anyone.

    send everyone to these classes, i don't care - but STOP blaming women for what MEN do and think!!!

  6. denelian: word. If men cannot restrain themselves from raping women they find attractive, no matter how they dress or undress, then such men have relinquished all claims they might have to participation in civilized society, and should be thrown in jail.

    cheers from sunny Vienna, zilch

  7. Zilch;

    you BETTER be taking pictures to share with the class!

    on-topic - it's always bothered me that men allow this view/idea that they have no self-restraint. i mean, they're constantly being told that they have less willpower than wild animals! if *I* were a man, i'd be so insulted and disusted by the implication that i'd fight it every second of every day...


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