This Is Not A Poe - Part IV

wingnut, republican, GOP, oklahoma, religion, homophobia, abstinence, insane,
(or: I Just Couldn't Stay Away)



The Oklahoma GOP Party Platform 2009 actually gets worse after the sections on religion and sodomy. (You know, for the longest time I couldn't for the life of me figure out what "sodomy" was, because any time I saw a definition of sodomy, my reaction was "isn't that just sex?" Which it is, of course.)



The OK! GOP just can't get away from praising evangelical christianity. (The GOP: You can take the tired, the poor, the Jews, the Hindus, the Muslims and the atheists. We don't want 'em!) This ridiculous "god's the bestest thing evah!" crap continues right through the section on education. Public education, mind you.



Preamble:



We acknowledge our dependence upon Almighty God again. and again. and again. and ask His blessings okay, we get it, you're really into god. upon our students and their parents, teachers, and nation. It is the right and responsibility of parents to direct their children’s upbringing and education whether public, private, charter, or home school, without interference, regulation no regulation on schooling. at all. think about that for a second. what they're saying is that if a parent or a religious school wants to teach children that the world is cube with a 96 hour day and that god wants us to enslave our black citizens, that's fine by the GOP. uh, yeah., or penalty from the government. The primary goal of public schools should be to teach proficiency in the basic subjects of phonics based reading, written and oral communication, mathematics, sciences, traditional history including our founding documents (none of that women's history or black history, good ole white manifest destiny history), the Godly heritage of our nation the witch burning or the slave owning?, and critical thinking skills BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Locally elected school boards should have the authority to determine and implement all public school curricula, I think this is an attempt to backdoor in intelligent design. policies, and procedures for their districts. We demand excellence and accountability from all tax-funded institutions of education in Oklahoma. The federal government has no constitutional role in education i guess bush disagreed; furthermore, we support the creation of a free market education system vouchers. We believe Oklahoma students are among the best and brightest and deserve a quality education isn't that sweet? not sure why it's part of the platform, but props to the Okies!



1. The traditional family unit, consisting of a (husband) man, (wife) woman and child(ren), first of all, this is like the fourth time this has come up in this document. we get it, you're not into the gays. secondly, i love that it isn't enough to define the desired relationship as "man and woman" because that might include sinful unmarried men and women, who are little better than gays. is the foundation of our social structure. The Oklahoma Department of Education and various Boards of Regents should uphold and teach this definition of traditional family, at all levels of public school and higher education. including college, apparently. asshats.



2. Funding of School-to-Work in any form should be eliminated. Individuals should have the right to choose their own education and career. We oppose any tracking system, which presumes to know what is best for the individual and economy or predetermine the occupationsof students. as best as I can tell, the GOP is against students that are not college material having actual marketable skills. school to work is a program that apprentices high school students in useful, well-paying fields like car repair, plumbing and carpentry. how dare schools prepare children for the rest of their lives with necessary, marketable skills. it's appalling.



4. Parents have a right to exempt their children from required school vaccinations for medical reasons, religious reasons, or other reasons of conscience. No child should be required to take a medication as a requirement for attending a public school. it's not like vaccines have any kind of purpose or anything.

5. Parents have a natural right to home school their children. We oppose any and all regulation of home schooling. we wouldn't want to make sure that children have certain knowledge prior to reaching adulthood, would we?

6. We affirm the right of students and teachers to the free exercise of religion as guaranteed by he First Amendment, including the right to wear and display religious symbols, voluntary vocal prayer, optional Bible and religious study, religious expression including holidays, and equal access to use of school facilities for these activities. i wonder if they'll feel the same way when muslim students start wearing their religious symbols and demanding the use of school facilities for q'ran studies?

7. The American flag should be displayed in the classroom. Students should start the day by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, including “one nation under God,” and be taught the history of and respect for our American flag. why do these asshats conflate christianity with patriotism?

10. The Ten Commandments should be posted in all public schools as a means of moral guidance along with our national motto “In God We Trust” and the Bill of Rights. the first four of the ten commandments:


I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2
“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
3
“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
4
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

first of all, how are any of those four "moral" guidelines? wtf does "remember the sabbath day" have to do with morals or with education? wtf does any of that have to do with learning your abc's? secondly, how are any of those four applicable in a public school, where nonchristian theists and atheists may be in attendance?

oh, right, they're not.

11. We oppose the deliberate misuse of standard English and the alteration of historical facts. a slam on "urban" speech and a refutation of what was stated earlier about the US being a "christian nation" founded on Judaic law. nice.

13. Public schools shall not prohibit the Judeo-Christian worldview upon which our country was founded. Public schools shall be prohibited from promoting other worldviews such as, but not limited to, secular Humanism, New Age philosophy, deep ecology, reincarnation, psychotherapy, channeling, transcendental meditation, altered states of consciousness or any occult practice.
wait, i thought we weren't altering historical facts. and, i love that anything other than the worldview of evangelical christianity (worldviews held by millions of US citizens) are strictly forbidden. Also, psychotherapy is a forbidden worldview? and what the fuck is "deep ecology"? What planet does the GOP live on?

17. We believe the public school system is for the benefit of U.S. citizens and for those who havethe legal right to be here. fucking illegals!

18. We oppose any government required community service as a condition of graduation. Obama wants high school students to help out their community! commusocialfacism! HITLEEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!

next up, the GOP supports the use of the bible as a history text. a history text. a fucking history text.

1. Basic school curricula should include reading, composition, literature, mathematics, science, history, and government. Reading shall include phonics instruction, and composition shall include grammar and spelling instruction. We encourage the teaching of art, music, foreign languages, sports/physical fitness, and the option of using the Bible as a history or literature text.

a history text. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. a history text.

2. American heritage should be taught in public schools and include representative government,limited government, the lives and beliefs of the founders, the influence of the Bible andreligion on our laws and principles, and the concept of free enterprise. Students should studydirectly from the primary founding documents, which teach the distribution of power amongthe three branches of federal government and between federal and state government. students shall be taught GOP talking points to the exclusion of all else. where else will we get more republicans?

4. We believe that the scientific evidence supporting Intelligent Design and biblical creation should be included in the Oklahoma public school curricula, and where any evolution theory is taught, that both should receive equal funding, class time, and material. Teachers should havethe freedom to cover creation science without fear of intimidation or reprimand. the GOP: we're not exactly certain what science is, but we're against it!

7. Any mandated sex education shall hold to the following guidelines:

a. Neither homosexual nor extramarital sexual activity shall be presented as safe,nor shall they be presented as morally or socially acceptable behaviors.

b. HIV shall be presented as incurable and fatal.

c. Abstinence or lifetime fidelity shall be presented as the only safe sexual practice.

I'm fairly certain my brain just exploded. abstinence training does not work. i certainly do not want my tax dollars to support homophobia. HIV infection can be prevented- with condoms. you know what, maybe i do support their stance on homeschooling- because if this is what is going on in Oklahoma schools, i certainly wouldn't send my children there.

9. We oppose the portrayal of homosexual or promiscuous behavior in a positive light in public schools. the GOP: we do NOT have to represent our gay citizens, too.

1. We support meaningful reform in the structure of our higher education system, including:
a. Evaluation of all programs and elimination or reform of substandard programs.
b. Control of grade inflation.
c. Accountability of administrators to include performance evaluation.
d. Reform of the faculty tenure system.
e. Budgeting tied to comprehensive planning process with increases in funding directly related to specific goals and objectives listing expected improvements.

translation: we'll get those liberal college professors yet!

Honestly, after wading through the muck of wingnuttery that is this party platform, I can't even imagine why the GOP has the support that it does. It's frightening that 1 out of 5 USians thinks this insanity is the way to go.

This Is Not A Poe- Part II

vagina, GOP, atheism, atheist, prochoice, prolife, abortion, republican, oklahoma,
Continuing our review of the Oklahoma GOP Party Platform of 2009, beginning with

Right-to-Life and Medical Ethics

Republicans do not support abortion.

They do NOT support abortion.

No abortions.

We believe in the sanctity and value of human life from conception through natural death. unless you need some sort of social(ist) service, like welfare or health care. then you can go fuck yourself. We oppose abortion (including the use of RU-486 or other abortion-inducing drugs), partial-birth abortion, infanticide who is proinfanticide?, euthanasia, mercy killings aka "euthanasia", embryonic stem-cell research, cloning who is procloning?, distribution of cloned parts ummmm . . . when did that start happening?, and the funding of such by the government. the US government does not fund any cloning research. We believe that human embryos created by Invitro-Fertilization (IVF) are fully human those 4 cells over there? exactly the same as you and me. and if not wanted by the genetic parents, should be preserved until adoption. We support a Constitutional Amendment protecting innocent human life. and banning abortion. we're really not into abortion.

We recognize that learning of an unexpected pregnancy is a life-changing moment. Therefore, we desire that a mother-to-be have sufficient time to explore all options regarding this new life. We recommend at least a 14-day waiting period for a womanconsidering an abortion and also strongly support and recommend that she be provided with:

This almost seems reasonable, doesn't it? except for one thing: abortion is generally not obtainable in the US after a certain period of time, generally 3-4 months into the pregnancy. What they're hoping for is that by forcing women to wait 2 weeks, they will go over the cutoff and not be able to obtain an abortion.

d. Evidence indicating that the unborn child can feel sensations of pain. even if the science doesn't bear that out. The GOP: We Don't Need Science- We've Got Belief!

e. Information regarding the psychological and medical risks associated with abortion, including the link between breast cancer and abortion. Even if the science doesn't prove that, either. The GOP: Lying for Jesus!

9. We believe in the teaching of abstinence as the only effective way of preventing pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. even if abstinence training is a miserable failure. The GOP: Put That Vagina Away!

11. We support legislation that prohibits using any unborn child for the purpose of harvesting and/or any service related to the donation or purchase or sale of organs and/or tissue. there are already laws about this. you can't buy or sell organs or tissues.

13. We oppose unethical scientific experimentation. so does everyone.

Healthcare

4. We oppose any mandate requiring school age girls to be vaccinated with Gardasil, a new vaccine against certain strains of human papilloma virus (HPV) that can cause cervical cancer. for the last time, put that vagina away!

5. We support privatization of the Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid programs. because everyone's 401k's are doing so well right now.

a. Personal responsibility and education about maintaining health. if you're sick, it's your fault.

b. Options that include Health Savings Accounts (HSA) and/or Medical SavingsAccounts (MSA) that can be voluntarily contributed to, by a citizen or an employer. These accounts should be made available to Medicare participants. because poor people have so much money they don't even need insurance. they can just pay out of pocket.

Elderly and Vulnerable

1. We support the origin and sanctity of life as an inalienable right from God alone really not that into atheists, and as being defined in the Constitution of the United States. This definition of life begins with conception where in the Constitution does the definition of life beginning at conception occur? at the time the Constitution was written, abortion was legal up until about the 5th month. and ends at natural death due to the failure of the body to survive its environment. are they confused as to why people die? congestive heart failure and cancer are not the "failure of the body to survive its environment". as far as i can tell, they're supporting execution by exposure. We support the protection of those who cannot defend themselves including the unborn, the disabled, and the elderly. wait, how old is McCain again?

2. To encourage family members to care for their loved ones, we support tax policies that help alleviate costs. TAX. CUTS. SOLVE. EVERY. PROBLEM.

next up: Religious Freedom!

I Swear This Is Not a Poe- Part I

republican, conservative, prolife, oklahoma, crazy,
This is the Oklahoma (OK!) GOP Platform for 2009. No matter how much of a Poe it looks like, it is real. Seriously. No, really, it is.

I won't review everything, because quite frankly there's only so much I can take for the team, but I will highlight the truly nuclear stupid.

Under Statement of Principles:

4. God is the Author and Creator of life and that all human life, both born and unborn, should be protected. So, no atheists, no abortions, no stem cell research and probably no IVF. This sounds like the statement of principles of a church, not a political group, but Christianity has been conflated with patriotism and politics for a long time, so it's hardly surprising.

5. In traditional marriage consisting of one man and one woman. not much on the equality, either. hardly surprising.

6. It is the private sector and free market principles that best stimulate economic development rather than government subsidies or programs. not liking the stimulus, either. we don't call them "the party of no" for nothing.

7. Taxes collected at all levels of government should be used only for legitimate government functions, and those functions carried out efficiently so that tax rates may be kept as low as possible. I'm pretty sure we can all agree with that one, on its face, but way to claim that position as Republican.

9. It is the right of every parent to act in his or her children’s best interest including choosing the form of education, whether public school, private school, or home school. stop telling my children gays are human, too!

Their "constitution" has its own section just for families, that reads like a statement from om nom NOM.

Preamble:

Traditional marriage, consisting of one man and one woman, is designed to provide for each family member’s physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, and social well-being. Both parents are needed to support and encourage happiness, health, and a good education for their children,creating the next generation of citizens who are constructive members of society. Multigenerational families foster mutual respect and cooperation while providing support for extended family members and forming enduring relationships. We believe God is the Author and Creator of human life and that each individual should be treated with dignity and compassion. We insist that any candidate receiving money and/or support from the Republican Party shall affirm and promote the Pro-Life concept.

Do I really need to mock that for you?

next they make an unintentional argument for removing the government from all marriages, making the government's involvement limited to civil unions for everyone, and marriage an extra thing the religious can choose to add. i doubt they intended to do this.

We affirm the state’s recognition that marriage between one man and one woman is a covenant relationship, instituted by God, does anyone remember god instituting marriage? because i don't. it's not in the bible. god does not marry adam and eve, and while the ten commandmants do forbid adultery, marriage itself isn't mentioned. and they're not interpreting the bible. uh huh. not to be entered into casually are they proposing some sort of test to see who's serious and who's casual? yikes., and is fundamental to our very existence and survival as a nation. um, yeah. okay. Therefore, we strongly support a U.S. Constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman. of course you do.

6. We believe that in order to encourage and protect family values, those promoting homosexuality or other aberrant lifestyles nice. homosexuality is found in nature all over the place, but it's aberrant. i suppose i should feel lucky they didn't use the word "sodomite"., should not be allowed to hold responsible positions over children which are not their own or over other vulnerable persons. wow. that could be interpreted to mean that gays, and people like me who support gay rights, would be barred not only from adoption and foster care, but from working at a day care, a school, a YMCA, a church, a nursing home, a hospital. that's nuclear crazy.

11. We believe marriage should not be entered into casually and should not be dissolved easily.Therefore, we call for states to repeal “no-fault” divorce statutes. back to the good ole days of airing your dirty laundry for all the world to see in order to get a divorce. this from the party of newt.

Wow. I haven't even gotten to Right-to-Life and Medical Ethics yet. This is definitely a multiple poster.

The First Amendment May Apply to You

first amendment, dawkins, richard, oklahoma, legislation, free speech, atheism, atheist, investigation
But it certainly doesn't apply to me.

I'm an atheist, you see. And as PZ Myers* pointed out, that makes Richard Dawkins, and me, criminals worthy of investigation by the Oklahoma legislature.


Sure enough, I just received confirmation today in a letter from the Open Records Office at the University of Oklahoma. The letter confirms that on the day of Dawkins' speech, Oklahoma State Representative Rebecca Hamilton requested substantial information relating to the speech from Vice President for Governmental Relations Danny Hilliard. Representative Hamilton's exhaustive request included demands for all e-mails and correspondence relating to the speech; a list of all money paid to Dawkins and the entities, public or private, responsible for this funding; and the total cost to the university, including, among other things, security fees, advertising, and even "faculty time spent promoting this event."

Rick Farmer, the director of committee staff for the Oklahoma House of Representatives, also wrote the University on March 12, requesting confirmation that Dawkins had indeed waived all compensation for the speech.

I wonder what the total cost of investigating a completely legal exercise of free speech will be?

You know what? Fuck it. If every homophobe in the country feels free to bother Vermont legislators on their vote, let's all hound the Oklahoma legislature about this aggregious waste of funds and antiAmerican suppression of free speech.

Oklahoma House of Representatives

Oklahoma Senate

Please, even if you hate Dawkins, even if you hate atheists, please let Oklahoma know that the First Amendment is for everyone, or someday, you may find that it isn't for anyone.

*I have such a crush on this man's brain.

Free Speech Is Only for Christians

persecution, atheism, atheist, atheophobia, richard, dawkins, darwin, evolution, oklahoma, university, thomsen, god, jesus, religion, christian, free speech
Apparently, that whole thing in the First Amendment about freedom of speech only applies if you're talking about Jesus.

Oklahoma Representative Todd Thomsen proposed a measure to force the University of Oklahoma to disinvite Richard Dawkins from speaking at the University at an event celebrating the 150th anniversary of Charles Darwin's theory of evolution.

Despite the sound and fury, Dawkins went ahead as scheduled on March 6, packing in an audience of several thousands. Case closed, right? Not so fast.

I have received indication from numerous sources that the Oklahoma legislature is pressing ahead with an investigation of the event, probably to divine if any state funds were used. Dawkins, for his part, adamantly denies accepting a single cent for the speech. He specifically waived his normal honorarium, because this would be a mainly student audience. Even if he had taken money, however, the University department that invited Dawkins would have been perfectly within its rights to pay him. If this investigation is indeed taking place, what the state legislature needs to understand is that in court cases dating back to the days of the House Committee on Un-American Activities, even investigating clearly protected speech on the basis of its viewpoint violates the First Amendment.

Think about it: If every time a student or faculty member invited, say, Rick Warren to speak on campus, they knew they would be subjected to a thorough and time-consuming investigation by state officials, you can all but guarantee that schools across the country would think twice before inviting Rick Warren. This would be a great way for state legislatures to chill speech they dislike without ever having to find the speaker guilty of a single thing.

Talk about your un-American activities.

So, free speech is fine if you're preaching Jesus or condemning gays, but dare to say that there may very well be no god, and you need to shut the fuck up.

I again invite Christians to explain to me how persecuted they are here in the US.