From a financial standpoint, Wedapalooza is particularly cruel to the poor in the family, as it requires hotel stays and three new outfits per person, not to mention the traveling, but that's not what I'm blogging about. What I'm blogging about is what I will endure as a chronically ill person: that special ability the able have wherein they are better qualified to discern my physical state, needs and limits than I am.
If you are disabled/chronically ill, you know exactly what I am talking about. The gluten allergic person who refuses food that will make them violently ill is accused of being rude to the cook. The pain patient who excuses themselves to lie down after a too-full day is being lazy or rude to their companions. The person with social anxiety who needs to separate from the crowd in order to stay calm is being ridiculous and needs to get over it.
I live in this body. I have for over 34 years. I am not new to this illness. I know what I need. I know what I need better than anyone else. I know my limits and I sure as hell know when I've gone past them. If I say that I need to rest, that has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you. I am not being rude, I am not being lazy, I am not being selfish. I am doing what I have to do to maintain my health.
I'm sick of being told that I am "no fun" or "ridiculous" or "jeez, it's always something with you!" Yeah? You think it's rough being related to me? Try actually being me. Try it for 5 minutes, I dare you.
Try to imagine, if you will, that you are on a car trip, as a passenger. You have to pee. You tell the driver that you need to pee, please pull over at the earliest opportunity. Imagine that the driver tells you that you are being ridiculous and rude and you need to get over it. That's what I feel like.
So, trust me, I know how I feel, I do know my limits, and you need to respect that.
I don’t really know what to say, other than to offer my sympathies and hopes that such incidents will be kept to the minimum, if they occur at all. Not being a chronically ill person, I wouldn’t know. I can just imagine how venomous I’d become if I saw this sort of thing happen around me, though.
ReplyDeleteNot to get all ITG or anything, though.
Oh PF, I know exactly what you mean. Be strong, and don't listen to those people. They are idiots. It's cruel, but by belittling what you are going through they are being just as cruel. I am sending you soft hugs.
ReplyDeleteLeigh
Like Joé, I will hope and send thoughts to the QF that these interactions will be kept at a bare minimum, if they occur at all.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that people could be so self-centered as to think that it's about them is just nauseating. I mean, for another thing, don't they consider before opening their big fat mouths that you would probably LOVE to be able to go all day?? All that would come out of my mouth would be, "Gee, you know, the thing is, I really prefer running the risk of very real physical damage to myself if I try to keep up with all of you. It's so much more exciting! And by the way, when you say such things to me, it doesn't make me angry that I'm ill. Nope, doesn't rub it in my face one bit. Not a bit."
Sometimes you just need to pee in the driver's face.
ReplyDeleteI take offense at your use of the suffix "-palooza" to describe something terrible. Don't you know that "-paloozas" can only be things of wonderment and awesomeness?
ReplyDeleteThe last wedding I attended (my cousins), was held in the backyard of her parents house, called for "casual-formal" dress and allowed us to sleep there.
ReplyDeleteNondenominational Minister, god wasn't mentioned once and the poem reading was of "Oh the places you'll go", by Dr Seuss.
Best. Wedding. Ever. Humanist weddings FTW.
And as someone who is "no fun," "rediculous" and of whom it always is something with (grammatical veracity of previous sentence unverified), I can say that I most certainly don't get that vibe from you, PF. If they try to accuse you of being boring, kick 'em in the nuts. If they don't have nuts, come up with a decent alternative.
I go with the Frost saying, "Good fences make good neighbors."
ReplyDeleteWhen I've had enough of whatever, wherever I take my ball and go home.
Or I drink heavily.
Good luck!
http://laughinginpurgatory.blogspot.com/2010/06/which-religion-is-worst.html
I guess that I'm lucky in that my disabilities are quite evident, and I STILL get the, "You mustn't let these things GET to you..." followed by the exploits od some "super crip" or another that climbed Mt. McKinley hopping all the way on his chin or something the like, so they basicly say, "put me out of your misery".
ReplyDeleteBest to you, pretty girl, do what you have to do but do it for yourself. As we used to say in my younger days, "Fuck'em if they can't take a joke".
is it just me, or is DM getting even LONGER spiels to C&P? sigh.
ReplyDeleteback on topic: i can say i understand. :(
i'm apparantly luckier in family than i knew - being that a good half of us have chronic pain.
i wish i could help. sigh. i send GoodThoughts through the ether. just remember - killing someone just convinces the *rest* that you ARE "able to do more". be lazy; it's easier and less painful. also, snark is not inappropiate if people are being rude and horrid. and good luck.
It's not you, DM is getting longer spiels.
ReplyDeleteAndy;
ReplyDeletesigh, that's what i was afraid of. and they don't even make sense! i wouldn't mind so much, if they MADE SENSE!!!
off to bang my head on the wall...
If one needed a good example of the lack of "Christian" love or charity exhibited by self described "real true Christians" one must look no further than DM. Not only are his/her rants incomprehensible and vicious, but his/her posting like this in response to an open expression of emotional pain such as we have here is about as opposite to the preachings of the Jesus he/she claims to follow as can be imagined.
ReplyDeleteHarvey, I couldn't concur more. The only thing that one can conclude is that DM is just truly mentally ill.
ReplyDeletePF, I send you a hug and hope that you've been able to pace yourself.
I have a severe food allergy. That's not the same as having a chronic illness, but there is a folksy folks reaction against food allergies as being "made up" or "politically correct" (whatever that means in a food allergy context?) and people get really weird about it, which is why I don't usually tell people. People are more willing to accept "I don't like fish" than "I'm allergic to fish."
ReplyDeleteOftentimes, conversations ends with "I'm sorry my health condition is so annoying for YOU to endure."
People are so self-centered.
I don't have a I am diabetic, which my mother-in-law knows. (She mentions it whenever she introduces me to any of her friends.) However, when we eat together, that doesn't stop her from insisting (repeatedly) that I have a slice of cake, or "just a small hot fudge sundae" (~~~"but it's my birthday/ a wedding/ their signature dessert"). I never eat it (when she's already ordered it, or dished it up at her house) and she's always insulted. After 5 years of this crap, I don't care.
ReplyDelete