Monday, June 14, 2010

Starting the Week Off with a Bang

[warning: I'm going to be discussing sex, genitals, masturbation, orgasms, et al. If that's not for you, might I recommend the Daily Squee?]

Every now and then, I hear a woman say, "I've never had an orgasm" or "I think I've had an orgasm", which is the same thing, because if you have had an orgasm, you'll know all about it.

This statement confuses me. I finally figured out why about five years ago when I asked, "You mean you've never had an orgasm with another person, right?" I asked this because it is a lot easier, as a woman, to figure out how to make yourself climax than it is to work that out with another person, at least until you learn to speak up about what works for you. At which point I discovered that, apparently, either most women don't masturbate, or would sooner set themselves on fire rather than admit it to another person. I think it's the former, because if you're fully ready to admit that you've had lots of sex that never really went anywhere for you, why would you be shy about masturbation?

Look, it's not hard for women to have orgasms, but it requires some pretty specific touch in some pretty specific spots, and everyone's a little different. Therefore, if you would like to have orgasms on a regular basis- or ever- and trust me, you do, you're going to have to (gasp!) touch your own body. Yes, that's right, it's your body, freakin' touch it. (Oh, and take a look at it, too. The sheer number of women who have never seen their own genitals is bizarre. Get out a mirror and take a good look.)

Religion, of course, has it's own special take on anything fun and naked:

I too have a 4 yr old . . . and he fondles himself all the time. Honestly I don't believe he knows he is doing anything wrong. It is not a consientious searching for release, but exploring. I persoanlly believe in little children it is not wrong per se. Crude and a habit to be broken yes (or it could lead into perversion) but at this age they have no clue about those feelings. For an adult/teenager the "m" is a conscientous thing of seeking release from something other thantheir wife. it is a perversion and that is why it is wrong. But in a child, they just do not have those desires. As to how to break it, right now, I am trying to keep him busy, and when I catch him at it reminding him it is ugly. I have heard of some parents putting pepper on the child's hands (but as that area is especially sensitive and pepper will burn the area I believe this to be abuusive) Once it has been made clear to the child that this is inappropriate, than I start spanking when I catch him at it.

Wow, there's so much wrong there, I don't know what to say. None of the people in these thread can even say "masturbation", the closest they get is "m". I'm pretty sure spanking at the first sign of genital touching is a good way to give someone a kink and a half. (There's nothing wrong with enjoying consensual spanking, but I'm guessing that's not what this woman had in mind.) Yes, pepper to the genitals is abusive. That probably qualifies as torture.

Here's what we did. First, we taught our children the medical names for all their parts. It was our way for showing respect for their bodies. Then, we discussed how marvelously they were made. We talked about the hand and how it moves. We made a life-sized poster of the digestive tract. We bought picture books that showed the anatomy of the eye and talked about how the brain took in information. Mixed in with all of this was a frank discussion on what private parts were and what purpose they served.

Then, we talked about how Satan likes to take what God has made and pervert it. We talked about addictions to things that God meant to be used for good -- drugs and foods. We talked about how the enemy wants us to miss the best God has for us by perverting natural use into an unnatural use. It is in this context that we talked to the boys about the "m" word. We pointed out how that this can become a lifelong habit that imprisons those who give themselves over to it. It didn't take many trips in public for our boys to spot grown men who unconsciously grab themselves. That was enough to convince them of the truth of our words.

"Unconsciously grab themselves"?! Where the fuck is she taking these children? I really hope she's describing "adjustments*", not parading her children around the red light district. Besides that, I'm pretty sure once you've described touching a penis in connection with Satan and perversion, you've ruined all hope of a healthy sex life for your child.

With boys it helps to put them in denim jeans or overalls - they just don't think about it, and the access is limited. Boxers rather than underwear also help. With the girls, fitted spandex or knit shorts over their panties at all times helps keep the matter "under wraps."

Also, in an unemotional, brief, and frank way, say, "No, it's wrong to handle yourself there other than just washing and wiping. If you do, you will be "corrected" for it. Do not disobey me."
This does not darken sexuality - just the misapplication of it. Follow her around, keep her with you, check on her continually, and correct for disobedience. Keep life moving and interested. Make sure boredom is not a factor. Kids are foolish sometimes and correction will help them overcome that foolishness before it becomes a sinful habit. But remember - it is not yet a sinful habit, just foolishness.
Also pray for protection and rebuke the Devil.

Sure, it doesn't darken sexuality at all to imply that your sexual organs have no sexual purpose, and then to follow someone around constantly to make sure they don't ever, ever, ever touch their genitals through 5 layers of clothing. That's not gonna leave a mark on anyone's psyche.

Seriously, can you just picture the fundy wedding night? Two people who, if we are to believe their parents, have never so much as briefly fondled themselves and certainly haven't even kissed another person fumbling around trying to figure out what goes where, and, having been taught that genitals are for urination only, probably don't want to touch anyone else's genitals? Yikes.

My little girl was good for exploring herself in the bath tub, but we had to explain to her that she can't do that. She needs to wipe herself when she goes potty, wash in the bath tub, but playing with herself can cause her "privates" to hurt. She can get an infection or scratch herself. My "Goose" responded well the the rationality that we need to take care of our body and doing that can hurt it.

That is so mean! "Yeah, honey, I'm sure that feels good, but YOU COULD GET AN INFECTION AND DIE! Hands off, now." Oooh, I bet her sex life is gonna be peachy someday.

*Not having an outie, I'll take guys' words for it that this is sometimes desperately necessary.


  1. Nice post.
    Yes sometimes things need a scratch. More often with men (or maybe just me?) we get a hard on, and then things need to be shifted around.

  2. I'll take your word for it. To be honest, sometimes women get what can only be described as a "frontal wedgie" and that needs to be taken care of asap, though sometimes just a well-timed stretch can take care of things short term.

  3. Fabu post, PF. Some of the other posts on that forum are just frightening. I just can't imagine planting such a minefield in your children's brains about not just sex but their own bodies. I wonder how many women are still inhibited about breast self-exams or men about scrotal and testicular self-exams, because they've been told it's wrong to touch themselve, either implicitly or explicitly. Because OMQF, they might feel pleasure when they touch themselves. Wow. It's a sad thing when you've taught your child that it's bad to touch or handle their own body instead of teaching them that it's merely a private thing and to be careful about what and how much they do.

    In my work as a guardian ad litem I have a number of cases with severely developmentally delayed or autistic youth. They're all girls and they all masturbate, one to the point of self-injury, and another who has an issue with masturbating in public. You would be amazed (well maybe you wouldn't be...) at how difficult it is for some of the professional's in these girls or young women's treatment teams to even say the word masturbate. I mean, I just don't get it. I feel like calling it 'The Activity Which Shall Not Be Named'. I still remember the one meeting in which the behaviorist and the group home staff were shocked that I thought it was fine that the public masturbator wanted to masturbate but that it was not acceptable for her to do it in public because it put her at risk of harm by others.

  4. lol, in my sicko pagan way, I can't help but substitute 'mother nature' for 'god', and replace 'satan' with 'christian', so I got this:

    "... we talked about how christians like to take what nature has made and pervert it. We talked about addictions to things that nature meant to be used for good -- drugs and foods. We talked about how the enemy wants us to miss the best nature has for us by perverting natural use into an unnatural use. ... "
    mmm, yeah.

  5. Wow, just wow. Those poor kids.

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  7. My church actually had us take a course in "self-abuse" avoidance techniques.

  8. Ummm . . . how on earth can you talk about touching yourself for any period of time without creating the desire to . . . that has got to be worse than the Gym Teacher Teaches Sex Ed Without Ever Referencing Sex or Genitals portion of the 7th grade.

  9. There's a great card on Post Secret this week that seems pertinent:

    Actually, the whole set is pretty good. (

    But yeah, I've had girlfriends who, when asked what they like, had no freakin' idea. Which is kind of fun in that you can find out together, but kind of sad at the same time because they've been missing out for quite some time.

  10. Oh, I just scrolled down and saw that you've already been to PostSecret for this week!

    The one from your post has apparent;y caused quite a stir (the internet rules sometimes).

  11. sheesh, i don't know if my parents kept my poor brother from masturbating, but that's one good thing about being a girl... my parents never thought i would have the "temptation" and left me alone. i didn't discover the healing power of self-pleasure until age 17 (and i was 18 when i had my first orgasm) but man, once i figured it out i never looked back!

  12. I know a lot of guys claim there's a need for adjustment. I've never encountered a situation where it was necessary.

  13. "I know a lot of guys claim there's a need for adjustment. I've never encountered a situation where it was necessary. "

    There are countless factors involved, most of them actually clothing based.

    I've found myself needing to adjust roughly once a week (and no, it's not because of a boner).

  14. Ha this is pretty funny b/c my brother was just telling me that his 4 yo is doing the same thing. The difference between conservatives and liberals is my brother just tells his son to go do it in his room. He doesn't spank him or tell him it is wrong just that it not appropriate to do in public.

  15. "For an adult/teenager the "m" is a conscientous thing of seeking release from something other thantheir wife."

    Because women either don't masturbate, are children, or are married lesbians.

    "If you do, you will be "corrected" for it. Do not disobey me."

    *facepalm* Because that doesn't sound kinky at all!


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