Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Major Lulz from the Sheltered - Chapter 5

I can't believe I missed Chapter 5 of Life's Choices when it went up. So today, I have the pleasure of reviewing Chapter 5 and tomorrow I will work on Chapter 6. (Previous Chapters)

When last we left our heroine, Leona, she was . . . um, pregnant. I forget. But it's hardly important, I'm sure we can figure this out.

actually, i had all this great snark written and then I got to Leona's adventures in Planned Parenthood. It's so utterly clueless and offensive, I erased the snark to concentrate on this.

Leona pushed the thought out of her mind and made her decision. She was going to the Planned Parenthood Clinic right now and get this whole thing over with. She would never have to tell her parents, and if Peter or Sarah asked her, she could just tell them that she had a miscarriage.
She grabbed her purse and dashed out to her car before she could change her mind. Why was she afraid that she would, though?
She arrived at the clinic ten minutes later and walked in.
“Can I help you?” the receptionist asked.
“I’m here for an appointment,” Leona said.
“Did you have it scheduled?” the woman asked, looking through her desk calendar.
“No,” Leona said. “I just now decided. Is it possible to done really quick?”
“Why don’t you have a seat in the lobby and I’ll see if we have a doctor free.” The woman waved to the lobby room and then disappeared through a door.
no. just no. you need an appointment to get an abortion. walk-ins are not welcome. first of all, they have to confirm that you actually are pregnant. this is so ridiculous, and it just gets worse.

Leona began to feel nervous. There were a few other girls in the lobby, but Leona suddenly felt alone and almost scared.
“This your first time?” a girl sitting near her asked.
“Yeah,” Leona mumbled.
“You seem kinda nervous,” the girl stated.
"I am,” Leona tried a wobbly grin. “A little.”
“Well, don’t be,” the girl said with a wave of her hand. “It’s nothing, really. Just try thinking of it as getting an overgrown toe nail removed. That’s pretty much what it’s like. I mean, it’s something not alive. Almost like a fungus.” The girl seemed to emphasis ‘it’ a lot.

Really? First of all, I think the "girl" means "ingrown" toenail, not "overgrown" toenail, because I remove overgrown toenails myself with nail clippers.

Secondly, this cavalier portrayal of abortion? Bullshit. Abortion is not a decision that is reached lightly. It is reached after much weighing of facts, consideration of alternatives and soul searching. It is beyond offensive to state (I was going to use "imply", but this is more than implication) that women who have abortions do so after less thought than they would expend on a new hair color or manicure.

Leona was shocked. All this time she had been calling ‘it’ a baby...but was it really just what the girl had said? Like an overgrown toe nail?
“Anyway, you’ll get used to it after a while,” the girl said.
“Get used to what?” Leona questioned, with puzzled look.
"Get used to coming here,” the girl laughed, almost freakishly. “This is my fifth time.”
"Your fifth time getting an abortion?” Leona was shocked.
“Well, yeah, what did you think I meant?” The girl laughed again.
By this time, the two other girls who were in the lobby were listening in on Leona’s and the other girls conversation. One of them piped in, “It’s my third time here, actually. And my friend here has been here once before.” She waved to the girl sitting next to her.
Leona felt herself sink deeper into her chair as her mind swirled with so many different thoughts. How could these girls talk of this procedure so lightly? Didn’t they ever think of what they were losing?

First of all, very few teenage girls get abortions anymore and very few people get multiple abortions. Planned Parenthood also offers birth control services, you see. Which you would know, Miss Raquel, if you bothered to use google instead of simply restating a prolife pamphlet.

A more realistic representation of who would be there for an abortion:

Eighteen percent of U.S. women obtaining abortions are teenagers; those aged 15-17 obtain 6% of all abortions, teens aged 18-19 obtain 11%, and teens under age 15 obtain 0.4%. Women in their twenties account for more than half of all abortions; women aged 20–24 obtain 33% of all abortions, and women aged 25-29 obtain 24%.

So, if there were 3 people besides Leona in that waiting room, it's unlikely any of them were "girls". Leona is 18 (we think), so everyone else in that room should have been 20 or older.

About 61% of abortions are obtained by women who have one or more children.

So, yes, Leona, if that waiting room were filled with the people who really do get abortions, they would know exactly what "they are losing", from personal experience, unlike you, you judgmental little twit.

Forty-two percent of women obtaining abortions have incomes below 100% of the federal poverty level ($10,830 for a single woman with no children). Twenty-seven percent of women obtaining abortions have incomes between 100-199% of the federal poverty level.*

That's why they're willing to "lose" it, Miss Raquel. These women already have at least one child and are making less than $10,830 a year. A year! That's not even poverty, that's one school lunch away from starvation. So why don't you stop writing "fictionals*" and do something to help these women if you're so concerned about the little babies?

So, even in a Planned Parenthood that does provide abortion services, of the women in the room, not all should be there for abortions (the rest would be there for yearly exams, etc.), and the one other woman there for an abortion should be in dire poverty, over 20 and have at least one child.

Fail, Miss Raquel, fail.

*She describes this dreadful little story as a "fictional". Yes, she nouned an adjective.


  1. "The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means."

  2. Tragedy: Everybody dies.

    Comedy: Everybody gets married.

    As true today as it was in Shakespeare's time.

    This story is apparently a comedy.

  3. Let me show you how ATHEISTS were partially responsible for 911


    You don’t even have SCIENCE on your side…

    You’re a perfect example of when PHILOSOPHY becomes an ENEMY OF LIFE...

    not quite samantha with her *supernatural spit*, eh?

    this isn't one of your little WORD GAMES...

    blasphemy is a DEATH SENTENCE

    you people actually BELIEVE the BS you preach!

    GOD 1 - atheists 0


    Repent and turn to God or be destroyed...


    my interpretation of the STATUE FIRE... it symbolizes the SPIRITUAL DEATH of atheism...,0,4295974.story


    we do like your music Lady Gaga, but...

    The B**BQUAKE - 911

    Let me show you the FATE OF TRAITORS...

    they are incapable of telling the difference between SCIENTIFIC *FACT* AND

    they also preach a *VALUE FREE SCIENCE* called *POSITIVISM* that ignores the
    inequalities of wealth and power in capitalist civilization...

    for a sample taste of PZ Myers' GARBAGE...



    what happens when you LOSE Pascal's Wager...

    the blood and bodies of the atheist movement...

    you mofos killed MICKEY MOUSE!!!!

    this has more TRUTH then what Dawkins, Randi, Harris, Myers, and Shermer
    combined have said in their entire lives...!v=5R2wE8Sduhs&playnext_from=TL&videos=hht1U_19anc&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_fresh%2Bdiv-1r-3-HM

    they tried to BULLDOZE the entire METAPHYSICAL DIMENSION...
    they LOST THE WAR......

    you have FORFEIT YOUR SOUL, shermer... you have become an object in the material world, as you WISHED...

    we're gonna smash that TV...

    They had become ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE AND OF GOD...

    you pushed too much and *CROSSED THE LINE*

    degenerates (PZ) or children (HEMANT) - ATHEISTS!

    do you have anything to say, you STUPID LITTLE F*CKER?

    how about I tell you, Mr. Shermer, EVERYTHING YOU THINK ABOUT THE WORLD is

    THE BOOBQUAKE - 911!


    the 9th and FINAL RING of Dante's Inferno is designed for little blaspheming traitors like you...

    but at least FREE AIR CONDITIONING is included!

  4. The Pest’s ravings wouldn’t be as annoying if they weren’t so long and tedious to scroll past. But anyway, back on topic …

    Yeah, I could see exactly what was coming from several miles away: The illustration of women seeking abortions as totally careless and casual about it, the ridiculous distortion of pro-choicers’ rhetoric (the “like a fungus” bit), and of course, the falsehoods and inaccuracies that are as if fundamentally required for such propaganda. (For isn’t that what Miss Raquel’s story feels like?)

    One question, though: What do you mean by “*She describes this dreadful little story as a "fictional". Yes, she nouned an adjective.”? ‘Fictional’ is a perfectly normal word, just like ‘fictitious’. The way I heard it, one uses ‘fictional’ to describe works of fiction (like novels and whatever), whereas ‘fictitious’ is rather used to qualify false statements.

  5. Joe: you missed the point: Miss Raquel’s story is fictional, but it is not A fictional. She could have described it as a fiction, but even that would still need the qualifier "work of" to make sense...

    And I think I've going to have to stop writing Superspy-Leona's story, 'cause I have no idea how to tie any of this into a plot. Everything about this chapter makes me think of the PP Clinic as the dark lair of a megalomaniacal genius, but I've got no way to work that into a story. Maybe he's actually a good megalomaniacal genius, like Q in the Bond stories? Or incorrigibly and pathologically evil, but contained by the good guys, with his genius-level insanity being funnelled towards more constructive...

    Oh man, now I want to write it, that would make an awesome story...

  6. @Quasar:

    Oooh, totally missed the ‘a’. Erm, ignore that last bit, then.

  7. Quasar, please do - don't think "Evil genius", think "Our Man Flint". This... is the lair of the noble genius.

  8. I just had a look at this girl's website. Did you see the quote that she has on there:

    'Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
    tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
    afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
    apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the
    top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
    They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave
    enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree

    That's very Christian of her, calling women 'rotten' if they dare to have sex. That attitude disgusts me.

  9. Chapter 5: too big for blogger comments again, so I'm gonna host it at scribd.

    Chapter 5

    First draft as always, so excuse the mistakes that I'm sure are there...

    PS: God I hate Peter Gunn... :D

  10. Thanks, Quasar. That brightened my day considerably. ::wanders off, still chuckling::

  11. Quasar - PUBLISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. You've been David Mabus'd.

    This chapter barely makes sense. No one acts naturally. I've been to a Planned Parenthood before.

    “Can I help you?” the receptionist asked.
    “I’m here for an appointment,” Leona said.
    “Did you have one scheduled...?” the woman asked, looking through her desk calendar.
    “No,” Leona said.
    Then you didn't have an appointment. Please look up the definition of appointment. You have to schedule one ahead of time. Showing up with no warning is a walk-in, the opposite of an appointment.

    “I just now decided. Is it possible to done really quick?”

    Get done what? Less than 5% of what PP does is abortion. Do you mean get a checkup? Get tested? Get birth control? All of those are more likely to happen than an abortion at PP. Only in the mind of a fundie do you show up at PP and say "it" and have it mean abortion.

    And no one talks in the waiting room. No one tells strangers about their abortions. That's ridiculous.

    What was conveniently left out of the story was the metal detector, security guard, and bulletproof glass that is necessary because of domestic anti-abortion terrorists.


Comments are for you guys, not for me. Say what you will. Don't feel compelled to stay on topic, I enjoy it when comments enter Tangentville or veer off into Non Sequitur Town. Just keep it polite, okay?

I am attempting to use blogger's new comment spam feature. If you don't immediately see your comment, it is being held in spam, I will get it out next time I check the filter. Unless you are Dennis Markuze, in which case you're never seeing your comment.

Creative Commons License
Forever in Hell by Personal Failure is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at