You know I couldn't possibly pass up an article entitled "10 Traits Men Look for in a Girlfriend". That's like asking my dog to walk away from a steak just sitting there on the table, unattended. So, let's review the inevitable misogyny. (I wrote this before looking at the article. Don't worry, I'm not psychic, these things are always misogynistic.)
Apparently, they saw me coming. I can't copy and paste the text, so I'll have to just print it out and retype it. (How dedicated am I?)
1. She has a life of her own and it's pretty good to boot.
Okay, that's not bad. Maybe I'm wrong about this.
2. She never makes the first move.
Oh, dating articles, you never fail to disappoint.
This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren't programmed to think like that and are therefore better suited to the chase, Daily says.
So . . . I'm supposed to have a "pretty good" life without you and sit around waiting for you to call and you to decide when we go out. Okay then. Also, false dichotomy. There is a lot of room between "she always calls" and "he always calls". How about both parties call and both parties set up dates? Why should the man have all the power in this dynamic? Oh, right, because men are hunters and women are gatherers and evo psych blahblahblah.
Bullshit. I bet any guy trying to start a relationship with a woman who only ever calls back has to wonder how interested she is in being with him. Men are not from Mars, women are not from Venus. Call him. Initiate. If it doesn't work for him, go find a man who isn't stuck in a misogynistic mindset.
3. She is Sexy without being Trampy.
Oh. my. Odin. I am the keeper of the male sex drive and I must manage it with the finesse of a . . . I don't even know what. I must ensure my shirts are low, but not too low, my skirts are high, but not too high, my clothes are not too tight but not too loose, my makeup just sultry enough and not . . . You know, I have other things to do with my time. I dress like I dress. If you don't like it, too bad. I am not responsible for anyone else's sexuality, I barely have time to deal with my own.
This means something different at the beginning of the relationship than it does down the road. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch like placing her hand on his forearm or even the knee, but only briefly. When the relationship gets more serious, and presumably more intimate, sexual touch and public displays of affection are more appropriate. At this point, it's okay to play footsie under the table.
So, at first, I must pretend that I've never heard of sex, but touch, but only on the arm or the knee- briefly- and then I have to whore it up. *sigh* This is just exhausting.
4. She waits to have sex.
Yes, they invoke oxytocin. I guess because it sounds all sciency. See women? We're fucking stupid. We're at the mercy of our hormones. Orgasms cause the release of oxytocin and once that happens, you can't help but love the guy you fucked. And then he'll run away because guys hate commitment. Can't even stand it. You know, except for every guy who asks a woman to marry him. *sigh* Really, this is just exhausting to try to keep up with.
5 and 6 are obvious and stupid, so 7:
7. She never turns on the pressure.
Oh, right. Are you ready to get married and have a family? Don't even bring that up, he'll run away so fast, he'll leave a sonic boom in his wake. You must trick men into marriage. You cannot ever be honest about anything, ever.
Men have a distinct aversion to any sort of pressure.
Really? Like pressure at work, pressure at school, pressure at sporting events?
8. She does not take crap from anyone.
Really? Like always waiting for him to call, like never ever discussing the future to avoid stressing out her delicate flower? this is contradictory, Daily! You are asking me to take crap and then telling me to never take crap? Which is it?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
9. A good woman always chooses a good man.
This is a trait men want? That's not a trait, that's an axiom. An axiom that defines the goodness of a woman by the goodness of the men she chooses to date. Nice.
10. She knows that love is the biggest part of the dating equation.
Glad we cleared that up! Is there any way to write an article about dating that doesn't sink into the depths of misogyny?
*See, I changed one word, and now it's my title. Cleverness!