Friday, April 8, 2011

Privilege Displays in 140 Characters or Less

Even David Bowie is at a loss to describe your fail.

The world had better hope I don't take it over right after reading stuff like this, because that's not going to end well for anyone.

@RealKidPoker: I'd be the WORST at Price is Right! Brought 20k to buy a monitor, it was $350. @MandaLeatherman can vouch for how clueless I am with prices

Wow. It must be awesome to have so much money laying around that you bring $20,000- cash, apparently- to buy a fucking monitor. Here, let me show you my superpower: Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix is $0.44/box at Walmart, $0.48/box at Redners and $0.50/box at Redners. I didn't look up those prices, I just know that. I know, to the penny, what everything costs at every store in the area because I have to. Fucking douchebag.

@babesmcphee: OMG i was saying how i couldn't afford the gas to fly daddy's jet to the riviera this summer, and this barista totally rolled her eyes at me.

That better be a joke, or I'm going to have pin a prize on the barrista for not jumping over the counter and pummeling this woman. If it's not a joke, what do you want to bet she tipped her a nickel?

@tonywright: I wish I had a USB port in my head. Then I could download and transfer knowledge to others so they could actually converse with me.

Pretentious, party of this guy.

@brettschulte: I gave my cleaning lady a raise today, even though she didn't ask, as my own little contribution to fighting the recession.

On the one hand, can you pay the person who has access to your toothbrush and your toilet enough? Probably not. On the other, "cleaning ladies" are generally poor, because why else would you clean someone else's toilet, so this guy is doing exactly what the government can't figure out: putting money into the hands of people who need to spend it. So, it's a wash on how I feel about this.

@joshuabaer: fan belt light came on in the 911 so now I'm driving the Cayenne Turbo S - the backup, backup car. Trying not to think about the Tesla...

So . . . your penis is -1" long?

@denisejoyce: How do you write thank-yous for off-registry wedding gifts? "Thank you for adding something else to my to-do list" doesn't seem polite.

Well, now I know what to do to both appear polite and be obnoxious at the same time the next time someone invites me to some 3 day wedding extravaganza. Someone who makes 100x what I do, has owned their own home for 5 years and yet had 3 different wedding registries. I'm a little bitter.

@SonaliT: Watching a LOT of fashion mistakes go past whilst waiting for the bus. This is why I don't use public transport.

I'm so sorry my lack of fabulous wealth does not please you, can you ever forgive me?

@ozskier: Great, now any douchebag with 199 can say they have a MacBook Pro. Not backing this.

Find another status symbol, asshole.

@labur: All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.

We're so sorry. You just tell us what day that is this year and we'll all stay home.

@ughman: A woman ordered a breakfast sandwich with sausage and bacon, while I had a whole-grain blueberry muffin. Am I justified in feeling superior?

No, no you are not.

@suzannegolden9: We WALKED to the grocery store this morning. We are ADORABLE. And green.

Oh, I'm ADORABLE and green? I thought I was just poor. Silly me.

@seanochoa: Is it strange to think that I was called by God to point my co-workers to the Hope and Love of Jesus Christ in this uncertain time?

Yes, yes it is.

@jc: Ladies, if you tell me your favorite restaurant is a franchise, we're probably not going to get along.

Yeah, well, I figured we probably weren't getting along anyway. Note: On my budget, Olive Garden is awesomely fancy.

@ezrabutler: Omg. They tried to give me a cappuccino in a paper cup. I could die.

Is there some other way to get a cappuccino? I has confusion.

@davidrankin: When I visit people's houses for the first time, I examine their bookshelves when they go to the bathroom. I'm rarely impressed.

You know what that reminds me of? The episode of MTV Cribs wherein Moby said the same thing about other celebrities' homes and claimed not to own a mirror. Moby shaves his head, but he doesn't own a mirror? This was followed by Moby showing off at least $1,000,000 worth of recording/music gear. Mmm-hmm.

And for the ultimate in twitter etiquette:

@labeet: Keep forgetting to say hello to all new followers. If I'm not following back it's because I found your stream uninspiring - at best.

Reminding us all that "unfollow" is as easy to click as "follow".


  1. I... gah... whuh?

    Okay, I don't normally think that wanting to slap complete strangers is a healthy impulse. In this case, I might make an exception.

  2. I didn't realize that people that arrogant existed outside of sitcoms.

  3. When I tweet it's usually atheist/comedy related. I don't think my thoughts on the condition of my belly button are worthy to share.

  4. I don't do twitter. I do facebook, but I don't think everybody wants to know what I had for lunch or that I just got done in the ladies' room. It makes me ill to know that about others. What I want to know is how someone who is that clueless has $20,000 just lying around anyway? Ignorant people don't usually have money. At least not for very long.

    I'm not jealous that he has it, just always thought a fool and his money were soon parted. You can't fix stupid.

  5. Now I'm tempted to start tweeting things like "Belly Button: still there".

  6. $350 sounds like a lot for a monitor, let alone $20k. $350 can get you a not-completely-crappy used laptop, monitor included. The computer I'm typing this on cost either $400 or $450, can't remember which. (Not that anyone who carries around $20,000 would stoop to a six-year-old second-or-third-hand laptop.)

    >So . . . your penis is -1" long?<

    I thought negative penises caused the unfortunate owners to suffer death-by-vaguely-phallic-black-hole.

  7. $350 sounds like a lot for a monitor, let alone $20k.

    Yeah. I just paid $200 for a 24" Viewsonic full HD LCD monitor. I'm pretty sure that moving up two sizes would still have not taken me to $350.

    So . . . your penis is -1" long?

    And he wants us all to know...


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