Comfort Is Not for the Poor

"That clicking? It's just me taking a picture of my cleavage in the work bathroom."

I cried the other day. I don't cry often, but suddenly I was tired of being cold all the time, and not having as much fruit as I'd like (hardly any), and my breasts hurt. I'll spell this out for all the men who read here:

Proper breast support is a necessity.

Seriously, I knew as soon as I heard about bra burning that it never happened. (It really didn't.) I knew this because I walk around every morning before my shower without a bra on, and it's not comfortable. Walking around every day without a bra would be like walking around without shoes- on blacktop that's under direct sunlight on a 100F (38C) day. The bouncing, the chafing, the bouncing. Ow.

Anyway, I'd been passing off sore breasts as "this time of the month" or "huh, my lymph nodes must be swollen" and then I thought "I probably need a new bra." Walking around in a stretched out or too big bra allows for bouncing and chafing and underwires digging into odd places. (Walking around in a too small bra results in chafing, calluses, bruising and serious shoulder pain.) Fun facts about bras: cheap bras are crap and even nice bras don't last that long. Not a good combination for the poor.

You've seen it: women walking around either bouncing or with half their breasts spilling out of the side of their bras. They're not ignorant or being deliberately trashysexy*, they just can't afford a decent bra that fits. (Although as many as 80% of women aren't wearing the proper bra size, because other fun fact: even 5 lbs of weight gain/loss can result in a different bra size, and your period comes with about 5lbs of water weight gain. Wheee!)

So, off I go to Victoria's Secret (fuck the phone bill, my breasts are sore), and I requested a 32C with super pushup because cleavage has not been happening around these parts for a while, and I like me some cleavage. The woman looks at me and says, "C cups shouldn't have trouble getting cleavage, let me measure you."

Turns out, I'm a 30C now and Victoria's Secret doesn't carry "extended sizes" in store. She suggested ebay because "extended sizes" are super expensive. Because if you're poor, you have no business being comfortable. Fuck you for wanting breasts that aren't sore, bruised and/or callused.

Fortunately, I was able to get a "seconds" bra in a 30C for $10 with shipping. (The lace trim on the cup was sewn on wrong in one spot. Can't be sold as perfect, but wtf do I care?) It is so comfortable. I have noticed my breasts about as much as my belly button today, which is the goal on my end.

Unfortunately, I have one well fitting bra. I now need to keep money in paypal and stalk ebay for more bras. Yeah, that's easy when you're poor. Another note for men: We wear bras every day, you need a minimum of 5, and that's the low end. You're wearing one every day, right against your skin, and sweat pools in the cups of a bra like you wouldn't believe. Bras have to be hand washed and air dried, so you need to allow time for that. You need at least two skin coloured bras to wear under lighter or thinner fabrics**. You need a black bra to wear under black fabrics (lighter colours shine through). And damnit, I'd like a pretty floral, because why shouldn't I have something not exactly practical? Oh, right, POOR.

It's just one of the many, many, many ways in which poor people, especially poor women, get to suck it.

Next week: why I buy expensive tampons and the electric company should really take that into account.

*Nothing wrong with that, but millions of women have no choice.

**Never, fucking ever, wear a white bra under a white shirt if you can avoid it. You may as well wear a neon pink bra under a white shirt.